Facing the hardest day of my life tomorrow.

H

Hunb88

Member
Joined
1 July 2019
Messages
27
Visit site
Hi All,

So i am fairly new and this is my first post, sadly a sad one.

I bought my lovely mare 8 years ago as a green 12 year old, we had 2 years of fun and then the health issues started, with arthritis in hocks, hind fetlocks, collateral cartilage fracture and check ligament injury all in one year. These were treated and managed. a year later, she was diagnosed with SI disease, which was treated and managed along with another minor check ligament injury in her other leg (she felt too good after the steroid injections). Then she was diagnosed with chronic bilateral hind limb PSD, which we treated and managed without insurance, shockwave and surgery. Last year, she was diagnosed with low ringbone, which was treated wit steroids and we had a year of fun. Showing, fun rides, trips to the beach (we only hacked, i retired her from schooling). Sadly, in May this year she wasn't right and we re-medicated her hocks and coffin joints. Something in my gut from the get go told me that they wouldn't work, and sadly i was right. She has been shod with pads on her fronts in the summer for years, and even on danillon, riding, she wasn't right and so they end of may i made the decision to retire her. I always knew that the day i retired her, would be the day that i have to make the hardest decision of my life. She would not cope with another winter, and her joints would seize up.

I went on my first holiday in 8 years and came back with a clear head. My plan was to give her the summer, but I can tell she wasn't happy being retired, she was uncomfortable and not the cheeky mare that i know and love. I made the heartbreaking decision to have her PTS, and that day has been booked for tomorrow. I am dreading it, not seeing her everyday, her whinny whenever she sees me. I have recently purchased a lovely 3 year old, which was not planned, but i have been looking for a youngster for ages, and this girl ticked all the boxes and will hopefully give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

How do you deal with it? How do you cope? She is such a big part of my life, we have done so much together and learnt so much, but i have to do the selfless thing and end her pain. She has been through so much these last 6 years, i don't want her to be in a position where she can't get up. She has been on danillon for the last month to keep her comfortable, but to me keeping her for the summer seems cruel for a horse who hates the hard ground, hates the heat and suffers with sweetitch and with the flies.

Thanks
 
I am so sorry and yes it is incredibly hard but unfortunately I think you have been very unlucky having such a young horse with so much going on, at the end of the day you have done all you could for her and given her a great caring life.

All I can say is you will feel crap for a while but it does get easier, you never forget them I still think if the 2 I have had pts I still could get upset often but I think that's a natural feeling.
I think having another horse really helps as you have something to focus on and take up your time so don't feel so empty.

You just have to be kind to yourself for a bit and remember you did all you could but then sometimes it's just not enough, my thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

Have you got some support or help for tomorrow?
 
You have done, what I believe, the hardest part by making the decision to have her pts, obviously tomorrow is not going to be easy but try not to get stressed, give her some treats and remember the reason you are doing it, for her sake, she will know nothing about it and you will have all the good memories left.
Take care of yourself, enjoy your new horse and move on knowing you did the best thing for her xx
 
Thank you, it is hard. We have had 8 wonderful years together, and most people tell me she wouldn't have made it to 20 without me.

I feel like my 3 year old filly has come into my life when i will need her the most, and my other mare, (Honey) has taught me a lot over the years. She doesn't owe me anything.

I have a friend with me tomorrow, and the vet coming is my vet who has treated her the last 6 years.

Thank you.
 
I am so very sorry to hear this.

However many times you have to do it, it never gets any easier :(

This time last year, I was looking over the gate at my two oldies and knowing that I wouldn't be doing it again in another year's time; I made the decision to have them PTS together, on the same day.

It wasn't easy, but it was the ONLY kind thing to do. Both had considerable mobility difficulties, and because they were pair bonded it wouldn't have been kind to have left one without the other. They were both ready to go, and we did it here at home on a lovely crisp autumn morning with the vet they've always had, it was very peaceful.

But - 9 months later - I still miss the silly old fools like crazy, and still miss their wise old heads looking over the gate..........

Remember, you are doing the kindest thing you ever can do for your beloved horse. No, it won't be easy, it will tear you apart, but you are giving her the greatest gift that anyone could ever give a trusted friend, that of a peaceful passing.

Yes you will miss her, like crazy you will, but her energy will still be around for you and your youngster, you can be sure of that.

So very sorry.......... :(
 
I sympathize completely. You are doing the very best thing - and by golly it sounds like you (and the horse) have been through the mill. I think you have done the hardest part by booking it - although sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to wake up one morning, make the decision and have it done the same day, simply to avoid the dread.

I am in a similar boat, but with a much younger horse - very young. I have made the decision but can't bring myself to make the appointment. I too said I'd give him the summer.

Huge hugs.
 
Sounds like the right decision. I did similar, in that I bought a youngster a little while before. He's been a great therapy and I'm so glad I did it that way. From the moment I had H pts I felt relieved and have never once doubted that I did the right thing. My friend cried after more than I did, but I think I was torturing myself before and therefore felt better, after.
 
Fanatical said:
I sympathize completely. You are doing the very best thing - and by golly it sounds like you (and the horse) have been through the mill. I think you have done the hardest part by booking it - although sometimes I wonder if its just easier to wake up one morning, make the decision and have it done the same day, simply to avoid the dread.

I am in a similar boat, but with a much younger horse - very young. I have made the decision but can't bring myself to make the appointment. I too said I'd give him the summer.

Huge hugs.
Click to expand...

I think i coped better by booking it, letting it absorb and sink in and having that time with her really. Also i had to plan because of work and annual leave, which is tricky with the job that i do. I know my vet will find it hard, but there is nothing else either of us can do.

I am sorry to hear about your younger horse, i know someone who recently had to have their 10 year old PTS. It just isn't fair at all. My mare is such a character, she is a typical mare, but that is her and she makes sure everyone knows she is the biggest diva. We achieved more than i ever thought possible, even winning 2 years running at a county show (2017 and 2018) and ending up reserve champion, despite her health issues.

Thanks Fransurrey, a friend of mine persuaded me to go and see her, and i am glad she did. Already, she has made me smile more than i have done the last few months. Someone commented the other day, how nice it was to see me smile. My youngster is very different to my older mare, and that is what i wanted.
 
i lost my pony 6 weeks ago after 20 years, sometimes i would jump out of bed in anticipation just to see her, she just thrilled me with her beauty and character and superb movement, and affectionate nature, everyone fell in love with her, but she had reached the end, and i must say after long weeks of deciding what to do and when, my lovely vet consulted and did the deed so kindly and swiftly, she knew nothing, and i no longer have to worry myself daft about the pros and cons.

yes its more than sad, but it is what it is, part of life, and in the end we go through it with them for them
 
It is very sad and it is never an easy decision, whatever the circumstances but it is the best one for your mare. As you say, she owes you nothing but you, as a responsible owner know that you owe her a peaceful, timely end.
Take what she has taught you and use it to give your youngster the best life possible, so that you can enjoy many good years with her too.
 
Thinking of you tomorrow. Hopefully you can be comforted by knowing you have done the absolute best for her and by your lovely new youngster. X
 
I am sorry you are going through this. I gave my old boy the summer last year and PTS in Sept. My advice to get through it would be:

1. Pay all your bills in advance. Tell them you do not want invoices etc posted to your house, inevitably they turn up the week after and upset you further.
2. Decide whether you are going to be there until the end or say your goodbyes and have a friend be there. I chose to stay until he was sedated but couldn't face seeing him fall to the floor. Everyone makes their own choice and no one will judge you for yours. My yard owner was a saint, unfortunately it was the second one in the same week at the yard.
3. Have someone to drive you home.
4. Take a few days off work, I couldn't face seeing anyone and ended up calling in sick but everyone is different
5. Expect to cry a lot and don't feel bad about it, they're our pride and joy and not "just a horse"
6. Don't feel rushed to go back up the yard, I had to as I had another horse and in some ways it helped me get over the fear of going back up there, it could be the same for you
7. Don't feel the need to sort through their stuff. I still have his bridle hanging up!
8. Keep some of their mane and tail in case you want a keepsake made

Good luck, it won't be easy, saying goodbye never is. You are doing the right thing so don't feel any guilt. She will go with the sun on her back and full of treat.
 
marmalade88 said:
I am sorry you are going through this. I gave my old boy the summer last year and PTS in Sept. My advice to get through it would be:

1. Pay all your bills in advance. Tell them you do not want invoices etc posted to your house, inevitably they turn up the week after and upset you further.
2. Decide whether you are going to be there until the end or say your goodbyes and have a friend be there. I chose to stay until he was sedated but couldn't face seeing him fall to the floor. Everyone makes their own choice and no one will judge you for yours. My yard owner was a saint, unfortunately it was the second one in the same week at the yard.
3. Have someone to drive you home.
4. Take a few days off work, I couldn't face seeing anyone and ended up calling in sick but everyone is different
5. Expect to cry a lot and don't feel bad about it, they're our pride and joy and not "just a horse"
6. Don't feel rushed to go back up the yard, I had to as I had another horse and in some ways it helped me get over the fear of going back up there, it could be the same for you
7. Don't feel the need to sort through their stuff. I still have his bridle hanging up!
8. Keep some of their mane and tail in case you want a keepsake made

Good luck, it won't be easy, saying goodbye never is. You are doing the right thing so don't feel any guilt. She will go with the sun on her back and full of treat.
Click to expand...

Thank you, i have decided at the moment i want to be there with her and have taken tomorrow and friday off work (i work from home, but i know i won't be able to deal with anyone contacting me).

I am hoping that having to go back soon after, will help in some way. She had a nice bath yesterday, which i know she enjoys and has been getting lots of apples and carrots.

The other yard owners are aware, so i am hoping they will give us space, especially as it is the school holidays. It isn't something children should see if the don't have to.
 
Much respect to you for doing the kindest thing possible. So many owners leave retired horses far longer than they should because in truth they can’t bear the thought of parting with them, even though it would be the best thing for the horse. A peaceful and dignified death is far kinder than a miserable and painful life. Our horses give us so much in life and we should never forget that we owe it to them to do the right thing at the right time and not put our own feelings first.

I was 19 when I had my first one pts and he still brings a tear to my eye 20 plus years later when I think of him. It helps to accept that being upset is a perfectly normal part of saying goodbye to someone (animal or human) that has been a huge part of your life for a long time. You will always miss her, but so lovely that you have your new mare to focus on as you will need that over the coming weeks.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow 😊
 
so sorry you are going through this but it is part of compassionate horse ownership, you are doing the best thing for her and she will not know beforehand. i did all my crying before the day and didnt cry immediately afterwards, i think i was a bit stunned that i had actually gone ahead with it but knew it was the best for my mare. hope all goes well and i would suggest to go away from the yard before the body is loaded, you dont want your last me memory to be that one ....hugs xxx
 
Fransurrey said:
Sounds like the right decision. I did similar, in that I bought a youngster a little while before. He's been a great therapy and I'm so glad I did it that way. From the moment I had H pts I felt relieved and have never once doubted that I did the right thing. My friend cried after more than I did, but I think I was torturing myself before and therefore felt better, after.
Click to expand...


I too did this, I knew my big lad was going in the direction where I needed to make the call so I bought my mare beforehand. She certainly took my mind off things and has helped the healing process after.

I think that making the call to the vets/huntsman is the worst, I literally feels like you are killing your best friend, the deed itself is terribly upsetting but in a different way and then after there is a sense of relief.

OP, be kind to yourself it sounds like you have done everything for your horse and this final act of kindness is the sign of love.
 
Thank you everyone.

To be honest, i was worried what people would think getting another one, i only picked her up Sunday, and saw her the week before. I wasn't really looking, and was going to wait a few months, but i think it was just meant to be. I didn't want to get something that is backed already, I wanted something as a project, and she is a project. I am glad my friend persuaded me to go and see her.

It was a sense of relief when i retired her, i just felt so much pressure keeping her going because of her joints, always worrying if she wasn't quite right. I said the day she stopped spooking, is the day i retire her and i did just that. When she didn't spook at a pigeon, especially when her friend did, i knew she wasn't happy and i listened to her.


I am always constantly looking for something to be wrong, in fact she isn't even field sound, although she has been better on danillon, i don't see the point in keeping her on painkillers for my benefit. She doesn't canter around the field or have a buck and snort like she used to. Sometimes the kindest thing to do, is the hardest. To know she is at peace, i think will help me.
 
It's hard decision that never gets any easier. Had my beautiful, amazing mare PTS 2 weeks ago. I miss her very much. I know that she knew how much I loved her and that she could feel safe in the years we had together. Being with them at the end is a comfort really. It's the last thing I can do.
How do you deal with it ? Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. There's no other way.
 
different responsses for different horses the old livery is 28 he still gallops up for his dinner and tries to knock it out of my hand so he will continue. The old girl is 23 and meanders about as she has a very laid back attitude but I know she is happy hacking around and jumping etc so she is fine too when either change their attitude I will think seriously of their future. You are doing the best thing you could for her so although you will feel sad and guilty you shouldnt really as she will be free of pain.
 
splashgirl45 said:
so sorry you are going through this but it is part of compassionate horse ownership, you are doing the best thing for her and she will not know beforehand. i did all my crying before the day and didnt cry immediately afterwards, i think i was a bit stunned that i had actually gone ahead with it but knew it was the best for my mare. hope all goes well and i would suggest to go away from the yard before the body is loaded, you dont want your last me memory to be that one ....hugs xxx
Click to expand...

this is the brave part going through with it

my pony stood there looking happy eating an apple, almost smiled at the vet she liked, one little pin prick, no bad reaction or fear, she sank to the ground, i walked away and he did his job, nothing to be scared of, that was a great comfort to me after.

agree with the above, leave before the body goes, go and have a cup of tea and sit down for a while.away from the yard

thiughts with you all the way xx
 
I truly feel for you, when i had my old girl pts, she had been with me 20 years, my total pride and joy and i was devastated beyond belief, i don't think i have ever truly felt grief like it, the night before i remember staying up all night in pieces by the morning i was exhausted, i said goodbye and was inconsolable for a long time.
But life does go on and every week and month that passes it becomes a little easier to live with. Its been 7 years since that happened and i could honestly cry now typing this but i have 2 other horses that are wonderful, they will never be her and i will probably never stop comparing them in some ways but they keep you going x
I do agree with the others - leave before the body goes, that is very hard to watch.
 
So many of us have been down this road, too, so you have all our support for tomorrow. The hardest and loneliest part in making the decision is done and you should be proud of how you are caring for her. For me, I always want my voice to be the last voice they hear and my face to be the last face they see as they go - but we are all different and you must do what is right for you and not follow others' agendas. All your wisdom and experience is now ready to pass on to your youngster so, yes, I think you have done exactly the right thing in taking on another. I am sure your girl will be watching - and laughing!!
 
Thinking of you tommorow,

I’m in a very similar position with a young horse who has had endless health issues. 2 years ago I gave up as the vet said not much more they could do and insurance had been maxed out. I turned him away at my mothers and he thrived, only just field sound but generally quite happy. Unfortunately this winter he deteriorated, my mother has sold the house/field and I’ve decided to give him the summer and then pts.

He will be PTS come september
 
Thinking of you for tomorrow. You've been through a hell of a lot with her.

I'm looking at my 18 year old h/w cob today and wondering if he's less footsore than he was yesterday. His hocks are poor but he seems to be coping on danilon. I'm in a dilemma but my vet, who I absolutely trust, says he's fine to carry on. I don't want to 'Give him the summer'-hard ground, flies, heat, but I'm loathe to jump to pts before he's ready. Last time I pts, it was an obvious decision, this one has got me really undecided.
 
Thanks everyone. I’ve been a mess today. I would have to choose the hottest day of the year as well! She is going to have a nice morning, maybe another bath which she loves and some nice grass before the vet comes.

I do wish they could just talk sometimes, I will always have a sense of guilt. The other day, 2 horses got loose and were running about right past her, she had a small trot and then gave up. That isn’t like her at all, so even on painkillers she is still in pain. Problem is with her issues in the front, she will start having problems with her back end again.

She really is going to take a big peace of my heart with her tomorrow.
 
I was where you are last November. I’ll tell you the plain truth of how I felt.

I felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest when Kia died. I was numb immediately afterwards, then the reality hit and I broke down. I was a mess for months, I ended up off work due to him passing and a few other unfortunate things that happened around that time.

I still break down, I miss him, all of him, and I still can’t take his tail out of my drawer to get keepsakes made. Be prepared for it to hit you when you least expect it.

Also though there is a small measure of relief, I felt it slowly, he was old, had cushings and I struggled to keep weight on him and him medicated. He was still rideable and loved work (mostly hacking lol) but the months before I PTS he slowed considerably then I got the wee man and he had a recurring abscess. He was telling me it was time. He fully approved of my next soul horse and despite being harsh on him to begin with he gave us his blessing.

I’m in tears writing this as it is hard to think about still. He went peacefully and was gone before he hit the ground, vet was amazing and thorough and fallen stock guy was sensitive, polite, efficient and discreet. It couldn’t have gone any better really for such a sad situation.

Have your support ready, you will need it.
 
We lost a friend of 15 years this year. It was her time, she was miserable and the last thing we could do for her was end it all. She went with no fight, almost a sigh of relief. Strangely, it was worse beforehand than afterwards. Afterwards we could get out the photos and remember her as she had once been, cheeky and full of mischief. I hope tomorrow goes ok for you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top