Falling out of love with horses

travellingpony

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I have two horses a foal and my child’s pony. It’s been a horrific winter and so expensive with endless dramas. My mare is long term lame and has cost a fortune and we are nowhere and the insurance has pulled out. My child is being a monster and does zero with the pony lately without a row. The foal has just had the snots and cost me another £300. As for my gelding he has had a back issue now sorted to the tune of £200 this week too.
I just don’t want to ride him right now and I seriously resent the money they are costing. I am struggling to remember a time when I enjoyed them and doing them at the weekend with child in tow is hell.
I have always had horses and wouldn’t have ever imagined life without but right now just don’t want them.
Has anyone been through this and then changed their mind? Doing something drastic like selling them all there would be no going back on obviously and the mare in unsaleable anyway.
We have no facilities I wonder if that contributes to it or an excuse? The thought of winter right now horrified me we are having to front hundreds for bedding and hay and I’m not feeling happy in myself about any of it.
 

SpringArising

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Having gone through a few years of being at places with no facilities I could never go back to that now - I'd rather not have horses. Not being able to properly ride in the summer cause it's too hard, then not riding in the winter cause the ground has gone to mush/there are no lights - eurgh.

Would you consider putting your lame mare to sleep and selling the child's pony? How old is your daughter?

I love the yard I'm at because it makes life SO much easier - multiple floodlit arenas, an indoor, I can stick my boy on full livery on a moment's notice if needs be, great staff, good hacking etc. Makes the world of difference.
 

travellingpony

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I think the mare might have to go anyway she’s been turned away 18 months now and no improvement.

I’ve just lost my motivation totally just not bothered. It’s working out if it’s a phase or not I guess. I’m forking out about £800 a month and work so hard for it that it’s grating.
 

windand rain

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Yes sold all mine when I lost both foals one at a week old the other was stillborn I simply didnt want to look at a horse. Sadly for OH i was miserable without them and he bought me two foals about 6 months later
 

Polos Mum

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I think many people go through this and this winter was OFF the scale for many many people.

If you can cut numbers a little (PTS injured mare, sell childs pony) could you put the foal on youngster livery and then just have your gelding on a nice livery yard for a while - the cost might work out about the same - running my own place I have no idea how yards offer what they do for the prices they do ! Then if you don't want to go for 3-4 days he will be well looked after and you get a break.
After a couple of months of going twice a week you'll likely get your mojo back.
 

Surbie

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Can you cut down on the horses as suggested above and put the horse you can ride somewhere with good facilities? I would hate not riding, even if it's not always the longest time aboard! Assisted DIY is a godsend if you don't want to go to part livery.

If your child genuinely doesn't want to ride, I'd be clear that that means the pony has to go to a new home. And give them a deadline to pull their socks up if they want to keep the pony.
 

travellingpony

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She goes through fads she’s only 5 but I’m loathe to rid the pony as they are like gold dust. I guess if I’m not too bothered it’s probably not helping. I need to make a decision on the mare. The foal is potentially very valuable not sure what the market is for yearlings?
Lots to think about it’s nice others understand.
Winter was horrifically expensive and went on forever so no that hasn’t really made me anymore keen at all.
 

poiuytrewq

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Op, I feel a little the same. My retired arthritic horse is sound and seemingly happy retired, I love him to bits in a “pet” way so wouldn’t be able to do it unless it was right for him but it’s not, so no option of pts. He needs company so has a sweet little pony friend, also retired and the pair of them are quite high maintenance not just retired to a field.
Daughter has totally lost interest in her horse, but for one day over winter where she managed to give him a leg so he’s been on box rest ever since.
Then there’s my riding horse, the only one I could realistically get gone, but the one I want to keep, and his companion. So 5 and little enthusiasm at times!
 

travellingpony

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I’m so glad it’s not just me! I am most fond of the broken mare which is insane! There is thousands sat there and costing thousands to it totally defies logic all of it. It’s like a millstone round my neck in time and money but they are still all here
 

MotherOfChickens

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I had quite a long break from horses between working with them and getting my own so its still fresh in my mind what its like being without them. That was a time in my life whereby I just couldnt have had the time or the money for them though. A few years ago I went down to two, I then rehomed the one totally unsuitable for me and got another suitable one and kind of got my mojo back. I have no facilities and am sole carer and once in a while that gets me down/worries me somewhat-they are both breeds that are low maintenance so dont require that much in time/money if I dont have it (and that was a conscious decision). I also no longer fret if I am not riding-I ride when I can/want to-if I viewed them as unridable money munchers I would start begrudging them too I expect.

So either you get rid or change your mindset by deciding what you actually want out of one? ie just one in livery/assisted livery-or something low maintenance-or a share/rides on others.
 

poiuytrewq

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I do think routine is helpful, if I get into a good routine I find I enjoy them more. I find I feel guilty about not doing them all properly everyday (partly due to facilities)
I also tell myself it’s not forever, and one day I’ll be missing one of them like mad and regret not making the most of things now.
My dream is one horse at a livery yard!!
 

Surbie

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Could you get a sharer for the pony and/or the horse you can ride? It might help with both the costs and keeping them ticking over while your mojo comes back. I'd imagine there are lots of parents whose kids would jump at the chance of sharing if it's a good 'un - you didn't say how old your daughter was and I totally get that 5 might be a little young to be giving 'ride it or it goes' ultimatums! :)
 

Clodagh

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PTS the mare, loan the pony out, find somewhere nice for the gelding and foal.
I PTS my old boy last autumn and have just had my frst coming up a year with no horses - absolute bliss - I am healthier, less broke, I have time to do things I actually like doing and my whole life has changed. I would never own one again and if I ever do get the urge to get on one (it hasn't happened yet) there are planty I could ride.

I do think you need a new hobby though, don't just give up horses and be sad. I took up dogs instead.
 

Apercrumbie

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How old is the foal? Could you find a herd of youngsters for him/her and turn away for a few months?

If the pony is like gold dust then you will definitely be able to find someone to loan - I'd ask the local pony club if they know of any families looking.

That then leaves you with two - much more manageable. You may have a decision to make on the mare and I won't advise you on that.
 

Nudibranch

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TP I think you're near me. I have a neighbour looking for a child's pony...first ridden type, although I'm not sure if she would want to loan or buy. I can ask if you like? Pm me if it's any use.
 

mytwofriends

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I fell out of love with horses due to burn out. Two out 24/7 with zero facilities, aging parents, working with horses, foul weather, turning 50 - all those factors combined to make me resent keeping horses. I loved my two, don’t get me wrong, but it was an uphill battle.

So when I lost them within 9 months of each other, it was like fate. I’d still have my old boy back in a heartbeat (sweetest horse I’ve ever owned over the 40ish years I’d had them), but I certainly don’t miss the work.
 

pippixox

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Completely understand the feeling. I have 3- 1 retired, my first horse who is easy but ultimate takes some time and money plus every once in a while likes to have an emergency vet for an accident to keep me on my toes. But happy. Then my rideable mare aged 15. I have a toddler and pregnant now and was actually considering loaning her this year, but she is quirky with new people (great with me- hack her at 7 months pregnant and feel safe) but she has developed sweet itch for the first time so suddenly high maintenance. Then new forest pony who is a green 7. Great for toddler to sit on, have no time for anything else. But has been diagnosed with liver damage and started to escape through electric fencing nearly giving himself laminitis.

I love all 3 of them- plus they would frankly all be very hard to rehome anyway- but some days I have literally cried in frustration and I am so broke. Pony insured for now for liver but that will be only 18 months treatment. Already £1300 bill.

However, horses are part of me and I managed 6 months once before without any and went insane. But I do sometimes wish I could just have 1. I had 4 when I had my toddler and sold the only easy straight forward one after a hard winter with 4 and new baby! (We were not that bonded though)

Basically I feel miserable with and without them!!!!
 

Pinkvboots

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I would cut the numbers back by selling and have the old one pts then look for a yard with good facilities to keep the other one, having a decent school and other liveries around you can make all the difference I am sure you will start to enjoy it again.
 

conkers

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I am currently bordering on the brink of falling out of love with horses following a bad year when the livery yard I was on stopped looking after my horses properly. This was down to a new groom who seemed to target my 2 for bad treatment. The yard owner wouldn't do anything about it so, after 5 years on a yard I loved I suddenly found that I had to move my horses. Then found that there were no suitable yards within a reasonable distance. I am currently travelling 1 hour to my 'new' yard. And whilst the yard is fantastic and do look after my horse, I am getting sick of travelling.

So I have decided to sell my 2nd horse and wait and see if I can pull any enthusiasm back by just having 1.

The trouble is, I know that if I give up I won't have a clue to do with myself.


The worst of it is that I have waited a long time to be financially sound - mortgage all paid off, no loans - and I had dreamt of this moment for years, imagining everything that I could do when I had the money. I am so sickened by it all that I just want to walk away. Life sucks.
 

travellingpony

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This is it the lame one was my dream Horse talk about horror story she’s only 5 it’s so sad. I think just a run of serious bad luck and huge bills has just soured it all.
They are out for summer but it’s still a big job clearing all the **** daily feeds etc. Farrier Friday is another £150. I work 70 hours a week you have to wonder sometimes why you do it.
I am just happy not to be alone I thought I might get more negative comments. As I have got older I’m less enamoured with riding but have always enjoyed the looking after so this is rather foreign territory. I had a lot more horses and sold them but still feel frustrated.
The youngster could be really special and I am very fond of him but can’t see myself riding him now or where the future is. He cost a lot of money so I guess it’s whether I can recoup that too.
Sad times really.
 

Theocat

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Well, the youngster is costing you a lot of money per month to keep - so selling immediately at a loss is no different to selling in six months for a price equivalent to what you'd get today plus six months of care, shoes, vet bills...

I feel for you. I am on the verge of feeling that I want to give up as well.
 

travellingpony

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I’ve woken up today a bit clearer I’m going to sell the foal that’s valuable and should potentially be fairly straight forwards. The mare I love enough to have as a pet I think il give her the last 12 months as see what happens as she’s so young.
I think with a few grand back and let poo that might help.
Just hate selling horses but hopefully he’s nice and flashy enough to go quite easily it would be £150 a month less too even in summer in winter he’s so expensive with feed.
 

Pinkvboots

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I’ve woken up today a bit clearer I’m going to sell the foal that’s valuable and should potentially be fairly straight forwards. The mare I love enough to have as a pet I think il give her the last 12 months as see what happens as she’s so young.
I think with a few grand back and let poo that might help.
Just hate selling horses but hopefully he’s nice and flashy enough to go quite easily it would be £150 a month less too even in summer in winter he’s so expensive with feed.

Sounds like a good plan :) the 5 year old that's lame what sort of lameness is it? Is it something that could potentially right itself with time.
 

Pearlsasinger

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I’ve woken up today a bit clearer I’m going to sell the foal that’s valuable and should potentially be fairly straight forwards. The mare I love enough to have as a pet I think il give her the last 12 months as see what happens as she’s so young.
I think with a few grand back and let poo that might help.
Just hate selling horses but hopefully he’s nice and flashy enough to go quite easily it would be £150 a month less too even in summer in winter he’s so expensive with feed.

What on earth do you feed him on that costs £150 per month?
 

travellingpony

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Not a clue if she will we are thousands in but she’s a very expensive horse to give up on and I’m very fond of her. If she’s not right next year il have to PTS.
 

Pearlsasinger

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Livery plus feed and hay he’s a warmblood

Ah right! I thought that they were kept at home, as you have no facilities. Would it help to move to somewhere with more facilities?

We have gone down from 4 to 2 this winter - and while I would never have chosen to lose the oldies - the silver lining is certainly that there is an awful lot less work involved in keeping 2. Ours are at home, so livery isn't a consideration but it is nice to have have the hay costs cut in half too.
 

travellingpony

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Ah right! I thought that they were kept at home, as you have no facilities. Would it help to move to somewhere with more facilities?



We have gone down from 4 to 2 this winter - and while I would never have chosen to lose the oldies - the silver lining is certainly that there is an awful lot less work involved in keeping 2. Ours are at home, so livery isn't a consideration but it is nice to have have the hay costs cut in half too.


They are at home but I still pay by the horse as the yard is rented so it does make a difference. Home is very convenient with young kids and yards round here are crap. It’s a hard choice. More money would mean I could atleast take the sound one out and do things.

I have three months to winter thoughts I’m hoping one less could be quite quick then il decide on the mare. It’s 20 months turned away by September.
 

Pearlsasinger

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If you have sole use of the yard, could you negotiate a price for the yard, rather than per horse? I would expect that to be a more economic way of doing it.
 
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