Falling to pieces at comps !

[jenni:)]

Hi, wondering if anyone has any wise words because I’m feeling at a bit of a loss.
Have ridden all my life, used to event at 100/novice as a teen, but was never really ready for novice and probably pushed myself too far, too soon.
Bought two horses of my own to produce/sell, the first one I had no facilities and did try to get him out eventing but with no success - under prepared, without a school or lorry or your own is so difficult to get them jumping and xc schooling enough to get them going I think, that’s my excuse anyway. Always fell off! Now got another pony, who is a little small for me really but we’ve had a fun year together and she was making me smile! I feel like I’ve sort of lost motivation now, as I don’t have anything to aim for and if I was to aim for something I’m not sure what it’d be? Half of me is inclined to sell her at the end of the year after taking her out to some local small jumping and dressage shows, as she isn’t hugely scopey but would make a nice rc sort. But, I absolutely go to pieces at the thought of someone watching me ride, let alone competing. I’m not even sure I could ride well at a clinic now, have been for a couple of jumping lessons with people I know and ridden so awfully, the whole idea has put me off doing anything again. Then I think, what’s the point of selling her if I’m never going to do anything anyway? I’d like something that can jump bigger and help me progress but I’m never going to get there if always so nervous? And now it’s in my head, is only getting worse! When I come home, I am so exhausted from all the pent up emotion, I’m incapable of anything useful for the rest of the day, so I think why am I doing this? But, I’m also a person that needs a goal to enjoy something. So feeling really unmotivated!
Thanks for reading, apologies for lengthy ramble !!

 

[j1ffy]

Firstly, you're not alone in these anxieties! Plenty of people are nervous of being watched and put a lot of pressure on to be 'perfect' in situations where you should be learning. A good mindset coach might work wonders for you, there are a lot of them around these days and I know a lot of people who've found them really helpful. If personal coaching isn't for you it's worth investing in a book or two (I'm sure others will be along to recommend some).

But most of all, always remember that people are usually far too wrapped up in what they're doing to notice what you're doing. If you've gone somewhere for a lesson you're there to learn and improve and, in the unlikely scenario that anyone is actually watching you, they'll appreciate the work you're putting in to improve.

Your pony sounds lovely - enjoy her!

 

[Jellymoon]

I went through this after having kids, and then moving horses home which was supposed to make things easier, but actually, in hindsight, I could have done with an arena and some help from a livery yard! It’s really hard doing stuff alone without facilities, so I feel your pain.

I found a good riding club and that has really helped, and in my experience, riding clubs usually try to use non-judgy encouraging trainers who are good with adults, and you get such a mix of abilities…I should imagine if you’ve evented to a decent level in the past, you would be one of the more experienced ones! There’s something really encouraging about being in a group too, and seeing other people having issues, so you feel you are not alone.

Also, you get to use an arena and have someone do jumps for you usually for less than you would have to pay to hire it and pay for an instructor!

 

[humblepie]

The riding club definitely a very good idea but have a look around and see what you can find to aim for by way of end of year championships - you may well be surprised what you can find unaffiliated often with really nice prizes and generally a good atmosphere. That would hopefully give you something to aim at without feeling huge pressure. Have a summer of finding things to enjoy.

 

[jenni:)]

Thanks so much for the replies, you’ve all definitely made me feel much more hopeful! I’ll have a better look at riding clubs round me - the 2 that are my go-to ones to think of are probably not offering what I want, but thinking about it I know there are many others - not really sure why I haven’t considered getting more involved with those ones before now. Thankyou !!

 

[canteron]

How about this …. Find someone else to compete your horse. I think you would be so ‘jealous’ when you see someone else doing it you would want your ride back.
And if you don’t, at least your horse will get the experience of being out and competing.