Fed up of being patronised!!

galacasinoking

galacasinoking

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I consider myself to be fairly experienced (14 years experience) I have had a couple of jobs on horse yards, including a race yard and dressage yard. I also own 3 of my own horses. The thing that annoys me, is the way I always feel like Im being patronised by people, its as if they think im completely incapable. For example, I went to see a lady about a job at a private yard looking after 5 horses but I could not go back as she drove me insane! I understand everyone has their own way of doing things (as do I) but this woman tried to tell me how to muck out and how to lead the horses out (at the excact 'angle'!) I wasnt allowed to pick their feet out untill I had been there more times! I would of been happy for her to say " I deep litter them, have you done this before? " I would answer yes and away we go. Also, today I got a lecture from someone else on how to clean tack (even though Ive cleaned tack for 14 years!) People everywhere just seem to talk down to me & treat me like Im a complete beginner. Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?
 
Suspect thats someone who just wants things done 'their' way and to be honest if it was me employing someone to look after my horses (I wouldn't for the reason I am about to give) I would hang over their shoulder making sure it was done to my satisfaction - for I am a control freak! In these situations, I recomend employing the 'smile and nod' approach, smile nod, look like you are agreeing then pootle on as before :D
 
No, but I would probably expect a bit of it if I were going for a horsey job. Many people are extremely fussy about how their horses are cared for and it may take them a while to feel relaxed and trust you with their horses. I own and run a livery yard and some owners can be very 'uptight' when they first arrive. It can come over as they think I am totally incompetent of doing even the simplest of tasks or making an informed decision on something such as which rug to use. But I am used to this and don't mind. After all, they are entrusting me with their most prized possession. After a few weeks they usually begin to relax and before I know it may only turn up a couple of times a week if they are busy.
 
I can see where you are coming from :) Maybe she was just being a bit cautious?

As you say, I think everyone has their own way of doing things and perhaps come across as patronising or somewhat less than tactful when they are really just saying how they do things.

Many people think of their horses as their babies and don't think anyone can look after them as well as they do, in reality they know that isn't so, but still it is often a case of 'my way or no way' :) Sometimes their way does work for their horses, sometimes yours does. All roads lead to Rome and all that;):)

When I am looking after other peoples' horses I just ask how they want things done and whether I would do it like that myself or not I do what they want...then I may change things gradually;)
 
im not saying i know everything, but people dictate about how to do just basic things. or they say it in a way that you feel treated like a beginner, rather than them saying "this is how i like it done" 14 years isnt a huge amount of time, no, but long enough for me to know how to clean tack and pick out feet out!
 
how old are you, perhaps you are lucky enough to look young enough that people think you still need guidance;) unlike me who they would look at and think i've been round the block a few times and must know it by now;)
 
I employ grooms and it's my way or no way here ,I expect to be able to take an experienced groom though how and why I want it like that.
Tack cleaning can be done several ways here it's done how I like it they are my saddles my bridles and I'm paying I sorry if it sounds harsh but that's how it is.
I don't think it's patronising and I discuss things with grooms who have been here a while when I trust them but until then you toe the line I set if you don't like it tough.
 
I think alot of people think that if you work with horses you must be thick.
Lots of people with horses are not proffessionals and they angst about their animals more than they would their children and it hard to give over control to someone else.
I come over as too relaxed, so people think I know less than I do, they spend all their time telling me how much they know and what the've ridden. I just smile and listen an think,'hot air'.
I think you taking it the wrong way.As long as they pay you hourly, let them 'teach' you to muck out, lead etc. More fool them. Ask them if you get more when your trained!
 
i think ive maybe worded this abit wrong lol
im not saying i know everything at all and i definitley want to learn more
i just dont want people to talk down to me, instead, just be polite and say "this is my way of doing things" which is fair enough if theyre paying you.
some people say things as if theyre way is the right and only way to do things
 
Ibblebibble said:
how old are you, perhaps you are lucky enough to look young enough that people think you still need guidance;) unlike me who they would look at and think i've been round the block a few times and must know it by now;)
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im 23 and look young but i tell people my age before going for interviews
its not just from employers though, just people in general
 
You are probably doing a lot of things in a slipslod or abnormal manner if everyone is constantly tellling you how to do things!
 
SusieT - slightly unnecessary.

There is plenty of snobbery around horses, people assume they know everything and nobody knows anything. I agree with smile and nod approach :) Some people can be very fickly but I agree, there is a way of talking to people, and being patronising is not the way to get staff who want to work for you! Not everyone is like that :) Just try to be a bit more flexible and once they realise you are competent you will settle down I'm sure x
 
Haven't read the other replies but this is why I don't work with horses!
People drive me crazy. I also got fed up of being told how to take off a TO rug and how to muck out. (got told off once for mucking out too well!!). I also got fed up of feeding overweight lami ponies Alfa a oil and haylage and skinny horses one section of hay.

My friend manages a large and very flash full livery yard. I don't know how she does it, she has so many women always moaning about something or other. There's something wrong with the immaculate school surface or the horse shouldn't be wearing that fleece it should be wearing another fleece, does she know to always put conditioner in the tail before brushing it. This usually while the owner stands watching her brush their own horse! She just smiles and nods! Admits to me she sees their mouth open but doesn't listen ;).

I couldn't do it, I take it all too personally.
 
claudiacox14 said:
SusieT - slightly unnecessary.

There is plenty of snobbery around horses, people assume they know everything and nobody knows anything. I agree with smile and nod approach :) Some people can be very fickly but I agree, there is a way of talking to people, and being patronising is not the way to get staff who want to work for you! Not everyone is like that :) Just try to be a bit more flexible and once they realise you are competent you will settle down I'm sure x
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thanks claudiacox, you hit the nail right on the head, couldnt quite seem to word it correctly! would just almost like people to respect other people abit more. specialy if they are looking to employ. nothing wrong with respect and decency
 
There are ways of communicating how you want things done and frankly 'tact' and 'excellent communication skills' are things sadly possessed by very few.

Business owners and managers have imo a duty to learn to communicate in a level way to their staff without being patronising. The sad thing is many don't give a hoot - they are indifferent to your past and skills and just want to steam roller 'their way' onto you regardless and treat you like a twit.

If David Attenborough has staff I bet he treats them with respect! Don't take it personally - many horsey folks are up themselves and the higher up the tree they are the more they behave like monkeys :D
 
firewell said:
Haven't read the other replies but this is why I don't work with horses!
People drive me crazy. I also got fed up of being told how to take off a TO rug and how to muck out. (got told off once for mucking out too well!!). I also got fed up of feeding overweight lami ponies Alfa a oil and haylage and skinny horses one section of hay.

My friend manages a large and very flash full livery yard. I don't know how she does it, she has so many women always moaning about something or other. There's something wrong with the immaculate school surface or the horse shouldn't be wearing that fleece it should be wearing another fleece, does she know to always put conditioner in the tail before brushing it. This usually while the owner stands watching her brush their own horse! She just smiles and nods! Admits to me she sees their mouth open but doesn't listen ;).

I couldn't do it, I take it all too personally.
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lol you sound like me
i dont mind people liking things done their way but just want to be spoken to nicely, not like im a 5year old
 
When I have a new groom I tend to hold back on saying much (except for important things like feeding amounts). I prefer to quietly keep an eye on them as I'm pootling about doing my jobs. If I see them doing anything worrying or non cost-effective then I'll mention it to them otherwise I let them get on with it even if it isn't really my way of doing things.

It takes me just a few minutes to see whether someone really does know what they are doing and whether they have the horse skills they claim to have. People who do know their job, even if they perform tasks in a totally different way to me are easy to spot! And those who don't are even easier.
 
TBH, 23 really isn't that old - my friend is 30 and works with horses, and still has to employ the smile and nod approach with her boss.

It also can be someway you come across, even down to what you wear to what people expect/think of you - I'm not saying its right, I'm just saying thats how it is. I'm 30, and still feel imcompetent doing stuff with other people's horses, as I am aware I am not doing things how they would do them. I don't work with horses now, but have in the past (for a short time!).

Plus, you haven't been working for 14 years - unless you were employed from being 9? I've been around horses for 25 years - still do things wrong, and am well aware I do things my way, which is not necessarily THE way (eg I throw rugs onto my horses, they don't care - BHS has all sorts of fancy folding techniques, which imho, unless a horse which has not been rugged before, are just a big waste of time ;) )
 
galacasinoking said:
im 23 and look young but i tell people my age before going for interviews
its not just from employers though, just people in general
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ahhh there you go, to those of us over 35 anyone under 25 is still young;) don't worry i had it when i was 26 and was a deputy manager of a large pet shop, people assumed i couldn't possibly deal with their complaints or queries because i was too young:rolleyes:
As you get older you'll know what i mean, i look at a few of our local police and wonder if their mums know their out late lol, we don't mean to patronise it's just that as you get older every young person looks about 15 even if they're 20+
 
galacasinoking said:
lol you sound like me
i dont mind people liking things done their way but just want to be spoken to nicely, not like im a 5year old
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Sadly I think you are going to have to pick a different career!

Horse people are nuts and horses are their babies and no one can look after their babies as well as they can. I'm sure somewhere there are some lovely owners, but most of them are going to be like the ones you have encountered.

Maybe at the start of a new relationship you ask how they like things done?
 
Stencilface said:
TBH, 23 really isn't that old - my friend is 30 and works with horses, and still has to employ the smile and nod approach with her boss.

It also can be someway you come across, even down to what you wear to what people expect/think of you - I'm not saying its right, I'm just saying thats how it is. I'm 30, and still feel imcompetent doing stuff with other people's horses, as I am aware I am not doing things how they would do them. I don't work with horses now, but have in the past (for a short time!).

Plus, you haven't been working for 14 years - unless you were employed from being 9? I've been around horses for 25 years - still do things wrong, and am well aware I do things my way, which is not necessarily THE way (eg I throw rugs onto my horses, they don't care - BHS has all sorts of fancy folding techniques, which imho, unless a horse which has not been rugged before, are just a big waste of time ;) )
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No I didnt say Ive been working with them 14years, but have 14 years of experience with horses. I also do things wrong, yes and my way is different to other peoples. As my other posts say, Im kinda just getting at the way people talk to you, rather than how they want their horses done
 
At 23 you are still at the start of your career and likely to be told how to do things also in other work environments - and like others have pointed out, people are extra fussy about their horses. Think of it as a service/entertainment industry.

Part of the job is to keep your employer happy, not just to do the task but to do it their way.
If you come across as "resisting" the instructions they give in any way it won't help.

My advice would be to be super attentive, do everything their way, and give it time. If you confidently do the job exactly as instructed they are likely to trust your judgment more & let you work more independently after a while?

It may take a while to earn the respect of others and establish yourself as a capable person, but once you put the effort/patience it will pay out later.
 
I may be a bit off topic by now, but I know how rubbish it makes you feel all too well! At my job (I've been there for two years) they are training us all to ensure the horses get the same care at every farm they go to - which is fair enough and I think its a good idea.
What I don't agree with is telling people who have years of experiance with horses what certain brushes are called and where the hoof is located. DUH! All these years I thought the hooves were the two dark circles that they see out of....
 
I'm completely with you... I've been around horses (own, loans, working at riding schools for fun) for 20+ years while another of my friends has looked after her one horse for around about the same time. Recently I ended up helping her out and got told how to muck out, pick out feet and put a rug on. Now, I know everyone has their own way of doing things, and I would like to think I am not incompetent -- certainly no one else has suggested this is the case -- so if I'm being asked for my help it would be polite to let me get on and do so.

Bahh!
 
I hope I always speak nicely when I explain what I want and always say why I like it that way as I think that helps if someone is told why I do it the way I do. I don't age has any bearing on it One of the most difficult people I came across to get round go my way was of mature years it drove me mad no matter how often I said no we do it like this here I would turn my back and .... It drove me mad its my yard and my way but we got there in the end.
I just like it my way does that make me bad to work for ?
 
timefort said:
I'm completely with you... I've been around horses (own, loans, working at riding schools for fun) for 20+ years while another of my friends has looked after her one horse for around about the same time. Recently I ended up helping her out and got told how to muck out, pick out feet and put a rug on. Now, I know everyone has their own way of doing things, and I would like to think I am not incompetent -- certainly no one else has suggested this is the case -- so if I'm being asked for my help it would be polite to let me get on and do so.

Bahh!
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Yes I totally agree you are helping your friend not working for her.
 
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