Fed up of being patronised!!

I agree with goldenstar, its the person who pays your wages who dictates how, when, why and where, not the other way around
They may have specific routines for horses who are a bit quirky, they might like things done a specific way thats different to yours, and as your employer theyre perfectly entitled to tell you how to do it their way. :D:D
 
I found this with a lot of jobs, for the first time I have moved to a yard where the yard manager doesnt do this and its great! Shes too nice though, one of the other grooms has some sort of superiority complex and feels the need to tell everyone how to do everything all the time (including the yard manager). No matter how many times we put her in her place very bluntly she just does it again!! But we can cope when our boss treats us like normal human beings with a brain.
 
See, I'm going to have to get someone in to hack my horse once a week to help with his rehab and I can see she's going to think I'm a PITA! :o

But, my horse (like any!) has certain ways of doing things, putting his bridle on and off for one. He's very beach donkey esque, but every so often can explode and throw some v undonkeylike moves :rolleyes: I imagine it will take me a hour of telling her how/what to do etc, and all she will have to do is bring him in from his tiny rehab paddock, throw on tack - hack for 20mins in walk, and put him back in :D
 
Snowysadude said:
I found this with a lot of jobs, for the first time I have moved to a yard where the yard manager doesnt do this and its great! Shes too nice though, one of the other grooms has some sort of superiority complex and feels the need to tell everyone how to do everything all the time (including the yard manager). No matter how many times we put her in her place very bluntly she just does it again!! But we can cope when our boss treats us like normal human beings with a brain.
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Its not about treating people as if they have not got a brain it's about getting what I want on the yard. It's my responsiblity that everything is just right that we can work quickly because everyone puts things in exactly the right place that everyone knows exactly how everyone else has done something.
Its so not about treating people as if they have no brains it's about system routine, consistent standards no one taking short cuts that others have to sort out afterwards.
 
I have kept/agisted my horses at 1 or 2 places and they were very particular about how they wanted things done. I did it and said nothing but sometimes people can be a bit OTT.

As an employer we are very particular about the way people tackle a task and we want our system or procedure followed because we know it works, it is effecient and less prone to errors. Some people can deal with being asked to do something a specific way (and the job being given back to them to do again or fix, if needed) and some people cannot cope with doing it any way other than their way.

I have to find that generally younger people are more adaptable and flexible (unless they cannot be bothered at all), than older people (older people being any one over 30).

I agree with Goldenstar comments also
 
its not you its us horse owners we all like things done our own way i have been around horses since i was born (50 years) my best freind who has had a yard with me did my horse for me the other day and i moaned at the way she did my bed we did laugh about it but i think we get set in our ways i do a elderly ladies horse for in the mornings and i still dont him correctly according to her i only take him out to the school to stretch his legs i think you just have to let it go over your head lifes to short
 
marydoll said:
I agree with goldenstar, its the person who pays your wages who dictates how, when, why and where, not the other way around
They may have specific routines for horses who are a bit quirky, they might like things done a specific way thats different to yours, and as your employer theyre perfectly entitled to tell you how to do it their way. :D:D
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:) This.
 
Goldenstar said:
I employ grooms and it's my way or no way here ,I expect to be able to take an experienced groom though how and why I want it like that.
Tack cleaning can be done several ways here it's done how I like it they are my saddles my bridles and I'm paying I sorry if it sounds harsh but that's how it is.
I don't think it's patronising and I discuss things with grooms who have been here a while when I trust them but until then you toe the line I set if you don't like it tough.
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I agree with this. Personally I'd rather tell someone everything over the first few days than risk any problems..

I also cringe at the "fourteen years of experience" statement at the age of 23. Most young people that say that are a tad full of themselves and include things like helping at the local riding school etc rather than actually working in proper jobs.. (generalising here, not attacking you personally, but you didn't mention any qualifications.) I look back to myself working with horses at that age, and even with my AI I needed telling things. I never counted my horse owning as experience - only working on yards.. There is always so much more to learn and every yard can teach you something.

Every new job involves a period of settling in/being observed. You have to just get on with it. I do agree that an employer should be polite and try to put you at ease, but she needs to know you're safe and the horses. Imagine if she didn't and something happened..
 
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I work with horses and with one of my jobs I play thick. I do as she says whether I agree with it or not and act asif I don't know much about horses. Makes her feel special. Do get abit annoyed at another yard where I am trusted to look after eventers and the girl who comes to ride interfers as that's not how it's done on her yard. Drives me insane. On my livery yard I would say that I am the most experienced but I don't like to give out advice unless I'm asked as I don't like sticking my nose in. Apart from I did have something to say to a 12 yr old girl whose pony had apparently reared up and came trotting into the yard on it's own. She dragged it into the stable and started slapping it. I explained that there was no point slapping the pony after the situation as it will learn nothing from it
 
In my one and only horse job in the 'interview' she asked me if I could 'stud up' (said in yorkshire accent) I was thinking, well, I am stood up!! :D

She gave me the job even after that (must have been desperate!) and was a travelling groom looking after her 4/5 horses for weeks at a time - steep learning curve, not once did a week go smoothly! (that can be partly attributed to the fact that things tend to go walkabout at BS :rolleyes: ) I didn't earn much, but I drank a lot (although less than my boss) ;)
 
I only have people look after my horses when I'm away, and the woman who does them I trust implicitley BUT she doesn't always do things the way I do them. All the essentials are totally bang on, and that's the important thing, but when it comes to mucking out, grooming, cleaning tack, bla, bla bla, she does have her own ways and I just get on with that. If I'm totally honest, when I return I nearly always have a "tidy up", but the fact is that she makes sure my horses are well cared for in all the important ways. In my opinion, if the beds aren't exactly as I like them - it's not going to kill them is it??
 
I worked at a yard for several years and I didn't have this problem from my employers, more from some newer members of staff who were employed after me. I think that because I was so much younger they assumed I didn't have a clue :)
There is always more to learn and everyone does things differently. I did work experience on two yards other than the one I worked on and the changes in routine and care were huge between them all, I felt like I had to start at the beginning each time because I was so used to the way of doing things where I worked!
 
I dont work with horses, personally I wouldn't have the job given. The horses would be OK but horsey people would be dreadful to work for. I know I would.

I do however manage about 65 staff. We employ mainly fully qualified teachers, not young and inexperienced on the whole. However with new staff we have to train them in our ways and systems, they get tours, a week of induction training, shadowing other staff and a whole list of other mandatory courses before they are allowed on their own in front of a class. I also make them read and sign for enough staff information notices to keep them busy for a month.

A waste of time and money you might be thinking. If we miss any of this and anything goes wrong it backfires on us. The first thing we are always asked in disciplinary hearings if whether the person involved had adequate training and if not we are almost automatically in the wrong. I imaging the same applies to civil action for damages in the case of accidents, although luckily this has not happened to us yet.

Therefore, because of the above, I dont blame these people at all. They are getting the job done the way they want it and covering their backs at the same time. I think you might be looking for the wrong job.
 
showqa said:
I only have people look after my horses when I'm away, and the woman who does them I trust implicitley BUT she doesn't always do things the way I do them. All the essentials are totally bang on, and that's the important thing, but when it comes to mucking out, grooming, cleaning tack, bla, bla bla, she does have her own ways and I just get on with that. If I'm totally honest, when I return I nearly always have a "tidy up", but the fact is that she makes sure my horses are well cared for in all the important ways. In my opinion, if the beds aren't exactly as I like them - it's not going to kill them is it??
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that's just not the same situation as grooms working on a yard all the time.
I need to get things done the right way or I could spend the end of everyday doing what you do when you come home it's just not efficient .
 
I'm afraid with such a blinkered attitude as yours I wouldn't have employed you regardless of whether you wanted that job.
The fact is if you work for someone you have to do things their way, believe me on the top eventing yards for instance you have to do things their way 100% of the time . It's usually because they have tried other methods and found them wanting, not because they think they are better than you.
The thing to do with your own horses is do stuff as you like, smile sweetly when advice is given but say you will consider the method suggested and leave it at that.
If you work for someone it's ok to ask why they prefer something done that way, but if they explain they want it their way, you just get on with it!
At the top of the grooming profession it takes ages to prove to employers you are capable, once you do that, they leave you to it. With 14 years experience and just two yards to be honest you aren't that experienced , so perhaps have a bit more of an open mind?
 
Well no, I suppose it isn't the same Goldenstar but I do think that people can be pedantic over things that in all honesty are not critical. There are those who "get off" on trying to impose their superior knowledge. But sure, I do see that there is a difference between holiday cover and daily yard management.
 
I think you need to consider matters from your employer's point of view. One of the things an employer will want to assess in a potential employee is their ability to take instructions so perhaps they are asking you to do things in a particular manner to see how you react? Everyone also has their own way of doing their horses and no matter what your experience no one is employing you to redesign their yard's routine, but more to fit in with how it works already. To be honest as an employer I would be put off a bit by the 14 years experience in a 23 year old. I think you should indicate how many years you have experience of working as a paid groom and then perhaps add that you have looked after your own horses since an early age.
 
JFTD said:
I think you mean you're fed up with being patronised - "fed up of" is terribly bad grammar, dear :)
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Ouch! Now that's patronizing, dear. :D:D

I've often felt patronized by people, especially men, and not just around horses! :o I don't know why, but men always think I can't do much for myself. Like when my ex-husband said, "Where are you going with that drill?!" and suggested he should do whatever it was I was going to do. So I told him I was going to fix the curtain rail he had fitted upside down! :D

I certainly wouldn't reject the job because you felt patronized, I'd give it a chance. You may find you get on fine once you and your employer have earned each other's respect.

You probably don't feel as though you are, but to most of us, you're very young. You may also be be extremely capable, and it's understandable that you feel rather cross at the implication that you're not. I'd advise you try to ignore it, don't let it get to you and most people will recognize your capabilities and back off.

*(Is my grammar okay, JFTD?) ;)*
 
Honestly, I would rather someone was very specific about what they like done with their horse and the way they like it done rather than me just assuming and getting it wrong. I've learnt so much just from doing simple things many different ways and I feel like this could help me in the future (or right now!) make an informed decision on the way I would like things done if someone asks. This is what really confused me when I was younger and would muck out for several different people in exchange for rides. I quickly learnt that everyone likes things done differently but often not one way is better than another way, it's just different depending on the individual's situation.

Sorry if this has already been covered, probably has, but I haven't read all the replies.
 
FionaM12 said:
Ouch! Now that's patronizing, dear. :D:D

Like when my ex-husband said, "Where are you going with that drill?!" and suggested he should do whatever it was I was going to do. So I told him I was going to fix the curtain rail he had fitted upside down! :D

;)*
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I had one of these too, I had a huge divorce party, one of the best days of my life LOL
 
As has been said several times in various posts here - horse owners can be a mite particular about how things should be done ;)

If I had a member of yard staff who questioned the way things were done, I was happy to explain why and then expect 'our way' was the way things were done. I'm always (even now! ;) ) open to suggestions, but usually after consideration the tested methods work best.
If someone would not carry out tasks as asked, I'd ensure that they were never put on anything - after all, if they cannot do as asked on the ground, then I'd never trust them on top of a horse.

Henryhorn has hit nail on the head - "The fact is if you work for someone you have to do things their way, believe me on the top eventing yards for instance you have to do things their way 100% of the time . It's usually because they have tried other methods and found them wanting, not because they think they are better than you"
 
I do think the OP is just as upset by being patronized in her everyday life, by her friends etc, as by the job situation.

In our employment we have to put up with all sorts of things which are irritating (unless we're very lucky), that's life. But you don't expect to be patronized by your friends and peers! That is annoying, it's often happened to me too.

Actually, come to think of it, it happens to me less now. Perhaps I've just become old and scary. :D:D
 
OP i strongly suspect it's your age.

I'm 24, and when I meet new horsey people who are older than me they usually assume I am a complete numpty, when half the time I know an awful lot more than they do (I've been blessed with an amazing horsewoman for a mother,and pretty much grew up on horseback :)) I am also very confident (in case u hadn't noticed ;), so anything is usually pretty much water off a ducks back :D

I tend to find keep stumm, smile, do things their way without protest, and when they realise that you aren't a complete idiot THEN subtly suggest an alternative way of doing things, whilst always still expecting the answer to be no.

You can do things your own way with your own horses!

plus, as someone else said, on event and serious competition yards etc it's more than likely they have already tried anything you might suggest, and the method has been found wanting- we are still young after all!! There's always something else to learn :)
 
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FionaM12 said:
. But you don't expect to be patronized by your friends and peers!
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Of course no one should expect that from friends and peers. But hang on a minute ... if they are ALL patronising the person?? :confused:

I quietly admit I have actually had a tiny market-share of thick grooms :o Maybe the employer of the OP has had her share too hence her attitude to OP. Or ...?
 
I have to say that experience counts for a lot. Most the time when you explain that you want something done a certain way, you do not have time to explain all the whys. if you did have the time, you could have done the job yourself in that time. Whenever a staff member does their own thing, it is the employer that ends up paying the price for it.

The best reference I ever wrote was for a staff member that did what I asked without complaint no matter what. She had to move interstate and got a job immediately. She rang to thank me for her reference and the verbal reference I also gave, it was a pleasure to write the reference.

I have since found (and still have) another employee with similar traits - they are few and far between. He has only been with us a few months but has already earnt himself a 17% pay rise and a nice Christmas bonus.
 
the ladys yard you wouldnt go back to have you thought about how many people she has had working for her and things have gone wrong . to make her that way once you were there and she starts to trust you she may be brill to work for . but a girl at our yard works with horses shes 18 yeah young and a lot to learn but she,d walk off and leave the stable door unlocked and put your horse out with a head collar on then look round the yard for the head collar put out and neck cover not secure on rug these are the things that shes done with her own so would you employ her so you can see were some people come from
 
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