Fed up with horses!

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littlen

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Argh I just need a rant and some advice as I am sick of my horse and yard politics at the moment
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So my boy is turned out with 3 others. They are all in at night. Ever since winter started he has become a nightmare. He will not be seperated from them, and they wont be seperated from him. I cannot get my horse in from the field without him throwing a massive tantrum, and the 3 others going mad (one even tries to jump the fence!)

He will not stand to be groomed or anything and I have not been able to ride since the end of september as he refuses to go alone anymore and I cant tack him up without him trying to run off and spinning about. However, if the other 3 are in he will stand like a lamb and have anything done with him
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He will sweat up, shout, poo every 5 seconds, nap, pull back and snap leadropes etc etc.
He used to go out fine in summer but will not now, nothing much has changed except the group has reduced in numbers from 7 to 4. I am not confident enough to ride him through it and I am scared of him in the stables when he behaves like this as he has knocked me flying a number of times.

This creates another problem in that I cant get one in without the others, so every night I am forced to being all 4 in because if i dont i cant get my boy in, and im scared the others will hurt themselves. This wouldnt be a problem but its getting very dangerous as they fight at the gate about whos coming in first and I have nearly being kicked a number of times. Also i can only lead one at a time and the one who is in the field last always ends up skidding allover in the mud and trying to barge through the electric fences.
The other livieres cant come up as early as me, and its down to me and one other livery to do all 4 morning and night as the one livery works long hours and one livery refuses to touch the 3 that dont belong to her as she is scared
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This 'scared' livery happens to own the most nightmare horse imaginable, it leaps out of the field, bites,kicks, barges and will not stand still for a second to change rugs etc yet she expects me to handle it and she wont help with mine (and yes I have been bitten,kicked and barged past by it and its a 17hh cob!) Said livery does not pull her weight and I told her about the situation and her reply was "well dont do mine then, leave it" but i cant leave it out because it will stress itself out and hurt itself and I cant get mine out of the field without this horse trying to barge through the gate, so I have to take it out first out of the way. If i dare to take my horse out without the others it usually ends up in them all kicking eachother, barging at the gate and galloping about and then my horse going so crazy i just have to put him back.

Now i am getting very fed up of not being able to handle my own horse without a tantrum and I am also fed up of being forced to look after an extra 3 I dont own because of the 4 of them being so bonded together. What on earth can I do about this? I have tried everything to try and make my horse more confident on his own but nothing has worked and I am fed up and at a loss at the moment
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I just want to be able to groom and ride my horse without him throwing a tantrum because he is away from his friends!

Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this?
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Is there any way of seperating your boy from them fully? Change fields and move his stable from them?
It sounds to me like the other liveries are taking the royal piss. I would be speaking to your YO.
 
In a word, yes, I have. I left. I had enough after 2 full winters effectively looking after someone else's horses as they came up when and if they felt like it, I couldn't move mine to another field - I split the field at my expense, her's charged through it and wrecked it all, and the YO wouldn't do anything. It ended up me feeding the others to keep them quietish so I could handle mine, and on some occassions having to let mine out the field to walk to the stables themselves, because catching them and putting headcollars on them had left me with alot of war wounds from the other horses - I had enough after the 2nd winter, and now couldnt be happier!
 
Horses are expensive animals in both time and money and also the emotional input we give them. You don't sound like you are getting much back at the moment. Your horse is frightening you and that is not good.

I suggest you think seriously about moving your horse somewhere else where you can deal with just your horse, and where there are professional staff on hand to help you through any difficult times and they can help you rebuild your confidence. Even if this costs more money, it will be worth it in the long run.
 
The problem is my horse mainly i think! He is a very nervous boy and gets attatched to anything he is with. I have had this problem with him before and it was solved by moving him but now winter has started it is happening again.
He could go into another herd which he was in before and was not as clingy, but in this group he was bullied and ended up with some nasty bite and kick wounds and I couldnt risk the injuries (also this 2nd herd is as bad as the ours for gate barging etc) He was clingy at our previous yard as well but was bullied and pushed out of the group so wasnt as badly behaved as he is now when in as he had a break from them. Now hes been accepted at last as a herd member he just wont leave them.


I love the yard im on at the moment and dont want to move if i can help it as YO is lovel, its very cheap and I get on with liveries most of the time and it has fantastic facilities. I know he would do the same even if i moved him he would just get attatched to the next lot and the problem would start again. I guess I need a way to fix this problem from the root of it and not just move it to the next yard if that makes sense.

I cant move him to a field alone, partly because there isnt one and partly because he wouldnt stay in it! Couldnt seperate them with fencing as 17hh cob just runs through it anyway.

The other liveries do help out abit, but if i mention the bad behavour they tell me to leave theirs out, when i cant because there are yard rules about leaving a horse out alone and I cant get mine out without theirs being in anway as its too dangerous to open gates etc with huge horses trying to run past me! My lad seems happy enough though out with them and will stable fine next to them, its when he is seperated the problems start!
 
I think you are going to have to move, as nice as it is there you are never going to enjoy your boy while he is behaving like that!

And you can't even ride him? what a nightmare for you. If they can't give you another paddock for your horse and one other then I say move to a yard that will - good luck!
 
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The other liveries do help out abit, but if i mention the bad behavour they tell me to leave theirs out, when i cant because there are yard rules about leaving a horse out alone and I cant get mine out without theirs being in anway as its too dangerous to open gates etc with huge horses trying to run past me! My lad seems happy enough though out with them and will stable fine next to them, its when he is seperated the problems start!

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But your not leaving one horse out alone, you're leaving 3 out together if you just take yours...

I can't stand other people's badly behaved horses - all horses in my horse's field know they behave for me regardless of what their owners put up with. The other liveries have told you to leave their horses, so leave them. They WILL settle down eventually if they don't expect to come in with you - what you are doing is confirming in their heads that when you appear all 4 of them go in to their stables. I'm not saying that they will settle down quickly, but eventually they will. As an interim measure, would chucking some hay in for the ones left be an option when you bring in?

If the fencing isn't adequate to contain them - speak to the YO - that is their responsibility, not yours (unless you've got an untypical livery agreement). Look to putting in a double gateway so that you won't have a loose horse if it barges through the inner gate at you.

Be firm, with your own and with the others. Decide where the boundaries are and stick to them - this does not mean loosing your temper or allowing yourself to feel scared on the outside (on the inside is different), create an air of authority about yourself that will get you respect - imagine a scary teacher or boss that you've had that you wouldn't have dreamed of playing up for, and pretend to be that person if you need to.
 
Sounds that you have a difficult problem on your hands. When you said you haven't ridden since September, do you mean the problem has gotten progressive worse or were you able to ride with someone else then and got around the problem that way?

To me it sounds that seperation anxiety of your horse is a large apart of the problem, so changing the set up or yard might only work temporaly because he might become attached to another horse, and then you won't be any further.

If this is the case, it might be worthwhile to find an instructor or behaviourist and try and work on his separation issue so in the long run you will be able to take him away from his friends.
 
I was able to ride with someone else in summer and he was fine in company. Now its winter nobody will ride and as a result I dont ride. In summer on the odd occasion I would go alone and he would be okay but over the past few months the problem has got worse to the point I am scared to even try going alone especially as all of our hacks involve road work to an extent and i wont put myself on a bouncing nappy horse on the road in bad/dark weather where its harder to see us even with hi-viz. He will hack in company fine though.

With regards to bringing in Bethie if i could leave the 3 out i would. At the moment i bring mine and 1 other in for his owner as a companion for my horse as mine wont stable alone but with his friend next door he settles fine. I have tried bringing him in by himself but he weaves and causes a fuss which upsets YO and other liveries. He also has attempted to bang down the door and has cast himself running around stupid in his stable, the only way to settle him is to have a horse next door he can see.

This way I get a companion for him while he is in and his owner helps me out by turning out on a morning a few days a week and bringing in when i work shifts, she also shares a round bale of hay with me as a thanks. This worked great until the 17hh cob started causing a fuss when left out in a pair, as she is very bonded to my gelding and wanted to come in when mine did.
The owner of the horse left out with her decided she didnt want hers left out with this mare as he is old and tiny and was also becoming stressed due to the mare running around everywhere and now hers comes in early which leaves one alone. If that makes any sense!!

The problem lies with him being very attatched to a horse, if that horse is moved he attatches to the next horse etc so the problem never goes away it just moves to a different horse.
 
I agree with tangotime, my last mare had seperation anxiety badly, and it got to the stage where i couldnt handle her on her own.
i sought professional advice from reiki healer and natural horsemanship instructor and they worked miracles. its all about teaching them to become independant and realsing they can live without the herd, cause after all they are herd animals.
i am not saying it happened overnight, but in a couple of months we got there.
your right in saying it wont matter if you change yards, thats what i did and she just got attached to whoever she was out with and if she was out alone she would do everything to come in, be it going through or jumping fencing.
you need to find someone to help you with your horses problems, dont worry about the others in the field if they have a problem as once you start solving the problem with your horse, your horse will be fine, and then leave the liveries to realise their horses have a seperation problem also.
good luck with this, and if you find someone to help you, take the help for your horses sake.
keep us posted.
 
Thanks goneshowjumping. I know he does need help but didnt know if there were some things I could do myself to help him, as I do enjoy working with him and I would like to try somethings myself but didnt really know what!

I have tried things like bringing in for 10mins and putting back out but that didnt make any difference at all. I have also tried distracting him with treats and haynets but that didnt work. Then i tried thigns like making it nice when he comes in by doing nice things, grooming etc but that didnt work. You get the idea lol!!

I wouldnt know where to look for someone to help me really but if anyone has some ideas or ideas where to look for someone to help me i would be grateful ( i have looked at NH instructor but there isnt one in my area and I would want to pay someones travel all the way up here from yorkshire, as that is the closest i could find!)
 
at our old yard the yard owner was being paid to get the other liveries in - she would ask my husband - who was 60 at the time - what time he was coming up as she would get the others in when he got ours in.. She would then open and shut the gate while he got 9 in!.. Never again. I will do small favours - ie. if one is out with ours then get it in as the favour which is returned when one of ours is at a show and the other is out.

If liveries have nightmare horses, then I wouldn't handle them. I refused to handle one at the begining of this year as it was being unpredictable. Im not scared, but if I take an injury and am off work I dont get paid and who would do our horses then??

You need to stop letting people walk on you, and then you can concentrate on your own horse. If the other 3 are out together in the field don't worry. The owners will soon have a shock when they have to go and get their problem horses in themselves.
 
How about hanging a mirror in his stable? Might chill him out a bit if he has something to look at, even if it is himself! His situation may have been made worse by the fact that he's gone from being bullied and excluded in one herd to suddenly being accepted and needed in his new herd. Could the YO not bring in the big mare for the other livery if she's getting to the yard late? Also you say him creating a fuss is upsetting the YO, well it's their responsibility to help you come up with a solution. Do they offer individual turnout? How about sectioning the field so they can all see each other but cant get physically too close?
 
Thanks i will certainly look into a stable mirror, lets hope he dosent get attatched to his own reflection ha!


Unfortunatley yard is completley DIY and YO wont touch the horses unless its an emergency (its a working farm and he is a farmer not a horsey person)

No individual turnout available and i wouldnt want to turn him out alone anyway as i dont think it would be fair to him really! We have tried sectioning the field but mare does not respect fencing and runs through it despite it being electric, also one is a shetland and can walk under it!
 
would you say this mare is the one making things worse for your already anxious boy? If so, would it be possible to take her out and put her in with some others? Leaving your boy in with the other two? Maybe he is more attached to her than the others and so by removing her from the equation he will still get company but maybe not quite the intense relationship he has with her, especially if she is a dominant mare and ruling the roost

Good luck though, I know seperation anxiety can be a pain in the @rse!
 
Sorry you're having such a miserable time, I know how frustrated you must feel.

Ditto the stable mirror...I know a few people this has worked miracles for.

Where abouts are you? I would maybe suggest getting an understanding instructor or RA (have you heard of Sarah Weston?!) to go out to the field with you and give you some advice...or is there any chance you could take a friend out with you as an extra pair of hands to hold back the worst culprit while you remove your horse?
 
Thinking about it - I expect it is the mare that is causing the problem, my boy can go out with the one mare we have here but if I put any of the other geldings in with them all hell breaks loose and they all get really clingy to everyone else, it becomes a nightmare.

And if I take my boy away from her you would think the end of the world had come!

See if you can get the mare moved in with the others as a trial?
 
I would move yards. I had a similar problem with my lad at my old yard where he got very attached to another horse that was bad to catch. This meant that i couldn't catch my lad unless he was last one in. Have now moved yards and he great to catch x
 
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