Feel like giving it all up.

rara007

rara007

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Having just been informed by my parents I shouldn't ride our ponies any more because its doing them more harm than good because my riding is almost as pathetic as my attempts to do some jumping I am really feeling like I should give up. I don't know how I could survive without Pip, but if I shouldn't ride him I am about the same standard driving and Pip needs the riding to be controlable driven. Any enjoyment that I got from the boys my parents seem to be trying to strip away. Its too dangerous to hack or do any natural fences, I'll ruin the pony galloping or playing games, Im too pathetic at jumping to do that even a home and now Im not even good enough to compete driving as my results are 'pitiful'. If I give up god knows what will happen to dads ponies as they won't have any one to look after them. I can't give up- horses are my life and I want to prove my parents wrong but how? I am more than greatful for my occasional driving lesson and getting to go to training is an unbelievable priveledge, but they haven't let me have a riding lesson atleast since 2004. What could I do with Pip, a pony with potential like his can't just be kept for grooming and chatting to. He would go insane. But I couldn't part with him, he would need a very special rider or driver who got on with him as he is so quirky but special.
I am meant to be away team training next week and have managed to nab a lift there but to do that I need to borrow one of dads ponies as I need to share some one elses carriage and Pip is too tall and also too big to got in the lorry with the persons pony and stuff. Wgat do I do ring them up and say I can't come because I'm not allowed to compete any more and I can't get there. Sorry if you actually need to use me as reserve.
Please help I don't know what to do
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Sorry for any typos, I am doing this from my phone.
 
Well I am so sorry you feel so down. Sometimes it is a good idea to get an "outside opinion" and it is always hard to hear criticism. If you truely love your ponies then i think it is worth the hard work and tears sometimes. It might be an idea to get a few lessons and then your confidence will grow and grow as it seems to me that that is truely what you are lacking. i am having lessons still and i am 45. The more time i spend with my horses the more i am hungry to learn. Every day i learn something new and that is a wonderful thing. Cheer up and look forward, you have the future ahead and the wonderful things you will learn daily will make it all worthwhile. xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
I have driving lessons, but as all the trainers are miles away they can only be fairly infrequent. My parents won't let me have riding lessons. Wekk they say I can, but I can't use there ponies (understandably) or their ménage, and I can't hack anywhere and I have to pay for it. I can't really have a job as most weekends I am grooming for Dad and they say I shouldn't have one as when I need money gor sensible things I get it, but lessons are apparently not sensible, because I'm never going to be any good.

I seem to be digging myself I cycle of self destruct but I can't see away around it
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Wont't your parents let you have riding lessons if that is really where your heart is with horses? Do they drive the horses themselves? Why if you gave up would there be no one to look after your dads ponies? Can't your dad? I'm confussed?
 
Dear Rara_2008,
Your post sounds so sad.... I am sorry that you feel so down. It seems like you have had a tough time with your parents... I would suggest that you take the lead and go and speak to them about all the concerns you have. You will surprise them with your obvious maturity. As a parent myself, I know that I can over react to situations and sometimes I will go and sort things out with my children, but when they come to me and ask to talk things over etc etc... I know how serious they are about a situation and we generally end up talking things through... and I really respect them for approaching me. It would be good to suggest having some riding lessons... and these can be expensive.. so maybe offer to do some jobs, or take them as presents ? it maybe that your parents will help you out a bit if they know how dedicated you are.
Don't be angry with your parents... just try and see things from their side as well... that way your own point of view will mean much more.
Above all... don't give up! Never give up on something you feel so passionate about. It is worth fighting for.
I wish you well.
Bubblegum X
 
Shame you're so far away, from what I've seen from your pics I would gladly let you ride any of mine
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I'm sorry you're in such a hole and sorry I can't offer any useful advice apart from trying to get someon else to talk to talk to parents, maybe an instructor?
 
My phone has unlimited Internet :-). My computer only works in the kitchen as that is where the wireless is and I would rather not go downstairs at the moment. To be honest I don't really know wether I would rather ride or drive but I am keen to ride at the moment as I know drive g during uni will be out but people do manage to keep up riding. Long term I realise that I have more potential driving
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. Dad drives the ponies ( except Pip who is mine) as does mum abit but I look after them in the week as Dad works away from home alot.

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This all seems incredibly harsh, do you mind me asking how old you are?
Maybe they didn't mean it quite like that.
Have you an aunt or big sis or something that could maybe explain to them how upset you are by this and maybe try to help resolve things.
 
Thanks- That is really useful advicevand I will certainly try it. I'm not too sure how well they will actually listen as they tend to just shout at me that its a waist of time and to stop being so silly. I'm pretty sure they don't realise just how much it means to me.

Thanks
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Hi, I have taught carriage driving for 20 years. IMHO you won't make much of a driver, unless you are a rider! I have only ever known one decent team driver who could not ride... that is 1 in over 30 years. Now you can tell your parents that a Carriage Driving instructor has told you that you NEED riding lessons TO MAKE YOU A BETTER DRIVER
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Get your parents carriage driving buddies on your side, bet they will all say the same as me.
 
Hi Rara

I was just wondering whether your parents, in their wisdom, are just trying to push you? In 'their day' they probably never had lessons, they just got on with it, so may feel it's an unnecessary expense?

If Pip is yours, surely you can do pretty much what you want with him?

Why won't your parents let you use their school for riding?

Your parents sound a little mis-guided, sorry if that sounds rude, it's not meant to, but aren't you on the Reserve British Junior Driving Team? - If my child was in the same position I'd be encouraging them all the way.

Phillipa Howe who's very successful in Pony driving Trials along with her mother Sara, rides her ponies and competes them in RC and PC competitions including SJ and Eventing as do most people I've spoken to who drive.

I'm sure the horses enjoy the change. From the piccie the other day of you riding the little Welsh B, you look a fine rider to me. And I'm sure your pony Pip thinks so too.

Do you think your parents would listen if you sat them down and told them your feelings?
 
Rara, I know how you feel. I ride EVERY day and my instructor/boss/YO demoralises me on a regular basis making me feel like I can't ride for cr*p (he could well be right!). I'm sure he doesn't mean to, because he really isn't a bad person, but it's exhausting and awful to be knocked down like that. You don't seem to be having much fun with the ponies which is what it should be about, especially at your age. Are the ponies yours or your dads? Is Pip yours? Could you have a pony of your own to ride/jump/do what you like with? At some point you have to sit down with your parents and explain what YOU want to do, otherwise all the fun will be sucked out of it for you.
 
I am lost for words, Rara, because I have always (as you know) been really impressed with you, with Pip, and with the way you handle the ponies, and ride them too. I just cannot understand why your parents would not want you to ride them, or say that you weren't any good at driving.
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I feel that they must have a good reason for saying this, even though I have no idea what it could be. I think the only thing that you can do is ask them if you can discuss your future with the horses with them, and see if you can each understand the others' point of view. I really cannot make a judgement because I have absolutely no idea what is going on.

I can obviously see how hurt and upset and worried you are, though, and send hugs and my hopes that it will all be resolved. xxx
 
Rara - I'm another one who's been impressed with you and your abilities.

Adding to some of what else has been said - re: getting someone else to speak to your parents. Do you speak to the selectors at all and if so do they know how hard it is for you? Can they help you to organise someone to speak to your parents? One point that someone who would speak to them for you could (should?) make is that as the driving trainers are so far away it would be far more cost effective for you to have lessons on the "home" ponies in your menage. Also that working the ponies, ridden, under supervision of an instructor will improve the ponies as well, in a way that can't be done either from the ground or driven, whilst making sure that they are kept safe.

I do feel very sorry for you.
 
A thought I just had - I'm assuming you don't do Pony Club? If you don't then it might be worth looking out your nearest couple of branches and speaking to the Secretary or DC's of each. What you (IMHO) need to know is do they do driving (highly unlikely but gives you a way of saying what you do - and to what level), what they could offer to someone of your age - I'm not certain how old you are, and you need to explain that your riding is not at a level to match your driving and you want to catch up, tell them what the pony is and what he can do and, possibly most important for you, find out where training / rallies are held and whether they have a helpful family who would be able to pick you up on the way to them.

I think that you are around 15 - 17? Many Pony Clubs find it difficult to keep older members - your sort of age - so may be very pleased to have an enthusiastic person on board plus it might give you an introduction to people who can take you out and about to PC stuff with Pip without needing to get your parents involved.

Best of luck


My only other thought - I'm serious - when you go to uni, if you are near me then I have a cracking little driving pony (so Claire Bourne says) as well as riding horses and you'd be more than welcome to come and keep your hand in on them.
 
If Pip's yours, tell your dad you want to ride and will not be spending your weekends grooming for him anymore because you are going to get a job to pay for your riding lessons. I agree with Yorkshire Lass, riding helps driving - and to do a decent driven dressage you need to understand the principles of ridden dressage.
 
I think you've done a smashing job with Pip and also your dad's ponies, surely they can see from the results you've had and peoples comments on here that you shouldn't have to give up riding?
If they are worried about how safe you and the ponies are or that you are doing them harm ask for lessons (have them as birthday and Christmas presents if needs be) and get your instructor to speak to them.
As others have said joining a local RC/PC wouldn't mean you would be able to attend clinics etc
If Pip is yours then he is the only one you are responsible for caring for and I really don't think they could stop you riding him, however they could withdraw the use of their facilities.

I fell so sorry for you and am hoping this can all be sorted out. (Sending loads of hugs your way)
 
I am pretty sure its not as harsh as I am making out : crazy:. I have competed at 3 events this season, and been to a few lots of training so I have got alot. After all to have the ponies and facilities is amazing.But now apparently I'm not good enough.
I don't have any big sis's, or aunts and uncles.
Im old enough that I should be more independent and mature, but until I can drive I am a little stuck as we live in the middle of nowhere.
 
I dont really understand why they wont let you hack or ride pip if he is your pony?! Are you near main roads or something?

I think you need to sit down with them and say that you want to have fun with Pip and although you take the driving seriously, you would also like to try these other things like jumping or meeting up with other people for a hack and enjoying your time with him.

May i ask how old you are?
 
This is so sad. Yes you are very lucky to have the horses and facilities etc, but you don't deserve all this. People have really stuck up for you on here regarding your capabilities etc. so keep your chin up and just do what you can to enjoy pip and, save whatever money you can to pay for the odd lesson. As for being independant and mature, it sounds that you are not terribly old and we all still need a bit of support sometimes, regardless of age.
Hopefully this will get resolved soon and you can get on with what you enjoy doing best.
 
Thanks guys so much for your support. As you can tell by my other thread now probably wouldn't be a good time to bring it up with my parents- as even I can see that perhaps going for a gallop or some SJ or annoying them by joining a PC would not be worth risking ATM.

I am going to save this thread as I have no doubt this problem will reoccur, although today I was blackmailed into promising no more stupid talk about riding.
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I know someone who in Essex (north) who may need help with his horses (freisans) and would probably give you lessons in return especially during the week - he is more of a commercial driver than comps (ie he does weddings / funerals / has been a coachman all his life) but he taught me the basics and gave me heaps of confidence. PM me if you want....
 
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