Feel like giving up ;(

[classybutwild]

I really don't know what to do anymore, i've had my horse 3 years, it just seems its one thing after another, he hasn't been ridden in over a year due to my back problems and then my surgery, i love him so much but i don't think he is now the horse for me.
He's always been spooky and i dread the thought of bringing him back to work, he was so much better before my back problems., i know its because he hasn't been out and about, ridden and to top it off he lost his companion (made things so much worse). I've got him a companion and he is better in his field now more relaxed. He just seems to be a naturally nervy horse, spooks at silly things in his field, can't even take a photo of him with flash he goes bananas. I brought him after a 7 year break from horses and now i don't know weather i want to do this anymore, i can't enjoy him with this silly behavior.

I just don't feel confident bringing him back to work as im afraid i will do my back in as he can go from plod to sharp when he spooks he is however 100% on roads, but scares himself on fields and woodland, i know its genuine as he will physically shake, he's not a naughty horse, i've never come off him.

I don't know weather its because i've lost my confidence, over horsed myself, im toying with the idea of selling him, giving up or swap for something more suitable, i just want a happy hacker now, the poor boy is only 10 and has so much potential, i've tried looking for a rider to no avail, i haven't got the money really to pay someone to do it. Pointless post really just needed to write how i felt

 

[horsesatemymoney]

Why don't you try some lessons first to see how you go and if you feel more confident ?

 

[Theocat]

Agree with having lessons, and perhaps start by asking your instructor to ride at the start of each session so you can gain confidence from seeing him go sensibly.

But if you're really not happy, don't feel bad about it if you decide he isn't the horse for you - it's supposed to be fun There is absolutely nothing wrong in selling him on to a more suitable home if you aren't right for each other, and sometimes the confidence just isn't there to let you work through problems with a particular horse.

 

[thatsmygirl]

Agree
have lessons and also what's he fed? Mag ox may help

 

[classybutwild]

He's on alibi hay reel through the day and a haynet at night stabled, 2 feeds a day, happyhoof, sugar beet (only the last month), garlic and mag 97%. x

 

[canteron]

Hi Classybutwild a lot of us have been in the same situation and taken different decisions either to give up or as in my case to battle on through - with many ups and downs.

Having done the spooky horse/complete loss of confidence thing, there are many threads on here which could give inspiration. One of the most major things that helped me build a bond and trust with my horse was Clicker Training. To be honest it isn't different to conventional training BUT it really makes the horse focus on you (very good) and if you do it well it teaches you how horses learn. It teaches you how to positively praise the good things the horse does, rather than always being negative.

I am only recommending it as there is so much positive training you can do on the ground which would help your horse to be more confident so would help it find a better home if you decide to sell. There are also many things which you can then translate into riding, which if you decide to give it another go will give you lots of things to do which doesn't necessarily involve challenging yourself too much physically to begin with.

Things that might be worth training to begin with are standing for long periods exactly where you ask (nice when riding if you trust your horse to stand quietly whatever if happening). Head lowering - very calming either on the ground, and of course on the horse it is great if you can do that. Head flexions - great for getting your horses attention and then of course the basis of lateral work. Touching rather than running away from new objects (makes the horse less spooky as it views new things with curiousity rather than fear).

There are many great clicker trainers, references out there. Personally, I love the following videos because it kinda spoon feeds you and deals with many of the potential problems (horse getting over focused on the food etc) as they have been there before!

www.hannahdawsonequine.co.uk

(PS My horse has been off for a while with an abscess and I am amazed how much I have been able to teach without leaving the stable. Just grab 5 mins whenever!)

 

[ConnieLove]

No-one can really tell you whether selling or keeping him is the right answer. By all means go and have some lessons, try everything you can and can afford to do.

But don't feel bad if it does come to calling it a day, sometimes its the more courageous thing to do. It is all about enjoying yourself and your horses company and if your not it's one hell of a expensive chore to keep 'just because'.

2 years ago I brought a retrained ex racer, he as beautiful and well schooled, with the idea to finally affiliate for dressage. He had bags of potential and we clicked instantly. I brought him home (a much busier livery yard than what he was on) and the first 6 months went well, we progressed together but his behavior started to change. He was always spooky but it became more and more difficult to keep his head in the game. I'm not one for loosing my confidence easily but as the weeks went by it kinda chipped away at me. I couldn't even hack him anymore and it was just escalating. My OH is into horses and seems to have a good way with them especially nervy ones, he would groom him for me as it got to a point where he would freak out and just throw himself on the ground, I knew it was because he felt fear from me. I tried everything I could think of and could afford, new saddles, back checks and regular physio, different instructors, all the calmers you could think of, feed changes, turn out change, work level changes, bringing in professionals of different fields even a natural horse man. I even got the vets in to do a once over vetting and blood checks to test he wasn't a rigg. The whole yard got involved with ideas, and I can honestly say I tried everything I could, but I was miserable. Here I had a beautiful horse with bags of potential but for whatever reason, his mind had been blown. It was heartbreaking. The last straw was when the farrier was shoeing him and a small child walked by, he spooked and did his usual of putting himself on the floor, kicking his back legs out almost getting this kid who was pretty traumatized. He was becoming a liability especially on a yard as busy as mine. I had had enough and with much tears I sold him on.

He's with a man and his wife now, who have there own little yard and he's used as a whipper in for hunting whilst his wife does dressage time to time. He's a different horse I'm told and they love him. I was lucky to find owners like that for him and I'm happy he's living out his potential but it was a heartbreaking decision.

Sorry for sharing this, I know it's lengthy, but I remember at the time I felt like such a failure and there seemed to be no-one around I could relate to. I was made to feel like a bad person for selling him on, like it wasn't the done thing. 'You made your bed to sleep in it' type of thing. I guess what I'm saying is I really hope you find a way with your boy, but don't feel bad if it turns the other way.

I know have my connie and my youngster in the making. We've started BE80 and pretty much out every weekend hunting or competing having the time of our lives. He's had me off plenty of times but I stick with him and am never even close to feeling how I did with Will.

Cue the hate mail!

 

[Cortez]

No hate mail from me! It's a horse; not a husband FGS, sell him (horse, not husband) and get something that suits your job better.

 

[ConnieLove]

Lmao sorry cortez, I'm just used to it now! My 'medieval' methods of using a whip and spurs whilst riding don't float too many peoples boat out in the real world.
I forget that a lot when I come on here!

 

[posie_honey]

No hate mail from me! It's a horse; not a husband FGS, sell him (horse, not husband) and get something that suits your job better.

^^^that
horse should be our time of enjoyment - rather than a time to be worried, frightened and frustrated - tbh you are probably winding each other up - he really doesnt sound the right horse for you now

 

[canteron]

Lmao sorry cortez, I'm just used to it now! My 'medieval' methods of using a whip and spurs whilst riding don't float too many peoples boat out in the real world.
I forget that a lot when I come on here!

Whips and Spurs have their place, trust me and aren't mutually exclusive. But I am not so sure that whipping and spurring this particular horse at this particular moment would be a good way forward.

For what its worth, I resisted Clicker for years, but I have two trainers, one who hunts crazily and does Grand Prix dressage, the other a top show person who has won Major Working Hunter classes. It occurred to me eventually that I would like a little bit of their success and it was a little bit arrogant not to look at their methods.

 

[ConnieLove]

Whips and Spurs have their place, trust me and aren't mutually exclusive. But I am not so sure that whipping and spurring this particular horse at this particular moment would be a good way forward.

Nooo I wasn't imply that it would be! Sorry if that was read the wrong way!

 

[Goldenstar]

OP only you can decide this , remember we do this for fun, one person may not enjoy a horse but it can be the next persons horse of a lifetime ,if you decide to part with him take time and part with him with care to the right person, there's apsolutly no shame or harm or wrong in that circunmtances change yours have.
In the meantime see if you can ride a quiet bombproof 'first ' horse type who is not to wide to gently give your back a chance to strengthen up.
Good luck .

 

[Shantara]

I'm another who thinks if you don't like the horse, sell him.

As Goldenstar said - just because you don't like him, doesn't mean no one else will! I only know of one or two other people who like riding Ned, but I absolutely adore him, he means the world to me! However, I can't stand to ride Toby, I felt like a complete and utter beginner on him, I just couldn't do it! But he's one of the most popular horses there!

I'd say, give him one more chance and if you still don't like him after lessons, then perhaps try and find a new one?
Good luck, wishing you the best with whatever you choose!

 

[evj]

I keep on debating this with my boy, I love him to bits but he's a git hacking alone and it's started getting too me. I've decided to write off going out alone this winter and give him till June next year and see if we can sort out his problems. He was great during the summer so.I know he can do it. Just the getting there is not great for shakeup confidence

 

[Springy]

I broke my back ad a half years ago off my trusted horse walking in the school. I have had to sell him and although he hasnt put a foot wrong since I just couldnt bring myself to get on him again.

I have now downsized from the 17.2hh tb to a nice chunky 15.3hh cob, I have nothing to prove andI am alot more confident with my choice now.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[SueD]

Even if you give up on this horse, it's not the end of the world....

I was well into my 40's when I could finally afford to buy my first pony.
I bought a lovely 4 year old gelding that I tried whilst at auction.

The long and short of it is that, whilst I'd been through equine college, had BHS exams including teaching experience, I had been out of regular riding for a long time and had bought something totally unsuitable. I'd also suffered some horrid falls in the interim.

I had to accept that I'd got carried away by the romance of it all but once I'd made the decision to let go I knew I'd done the right thing.

I did sell the pony on to a lovely home but haven't sat on anything since.
That will change. I'm going to go to a local riding school and find a lovely plodder that I can learn to relax on and remember why I loved it all in the first place.

Good luck with whatever you decide and remember - there's no shame in it.

 

[Antw23uk]

Dont beat yourself up about this. You can love him and let him go to a more suitable home. You have nothing to prove and certainly nothing to worry about. Finding a good partnership with a large animal with a brain is tough work and this horse isnt for you BUT he will be for someone and YOU will find a horse more suitable so chin up, take this time to think positive, be proactive and stop giving yourself a hard time.

Good luck xxx

 

[Antw23uk]

I'm another who thinks if you don't like the horse, sell him.

As Goldenstar said - just because you don't like him, doesn't mean no one else will! I only know of one or two other people who like riding Ned, but I absolutely adore him, he means the world to me! However, I can't stand to ride Toby, I felt like a complete and utter beginner on him, I just couldn't do it! But he's one of the most popular horses there!

I'd say, give him one more chance and if you still don't like him after lessons, then perhaps try and find a new one?
Good luck, wishing you the best with whatever you choose!

Your not allowed to comment ... you are still on too much of a high for being given Ned for Xmas *hugs*

 

[goatbabies]

Can you loan him out to someone with more experience to get to grips with him and calm him down? Then when you have your confidence back you can try again, if things haven't improved by then, then I think your best bet would be to sell him. Horses are supposed to be a fun hobby, not a dreaded chore!

Good luck

 

[burtondog]

I was in a similar situation about 5 years ago. I persevered with a horse that was too much for me for 3 years. During that time I lost alot of confidence and stop enjoying riding. I finally decided to sell him and bought something more suitable. It was amazing how quickly my confidence came back. My new horse gave me back my joy of riding, I'm so glad I didn't give up altogether.

Try having a lesson on a different horse. That'll help you decide if it's the horse or hobby you don't like anymore.

Don't be afraid to sell your horse on if it doesn't suit you especially after this amount of time, it's not like you haven't tried to get on with him.

 

[classybutwild]

Thank you everyone who's replied, i've been beating myself up about this the last 6 months, and i truly have to make the division to sell him as my confidence is non existence now.
I'll find the right home for him have some lessons then try again, its sad really as given the long break i had without a horse to getting one again, i realized i wasn't as up to scratch with my riding as i thought, the advert is now live so i've made the first step. x

 

[Gloi]

Life's too short to waste it on a horse you are afraid of. Find him a new home and buy yourself something that will get your confidence back.