Feel like my horse isnt my own

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Pawpads

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Hi guys, Im a long term lurker - read the forums for a while but never registered until today. I started reading these forums when I was looking to buy my first horse, who I now have:) As I have taken lots of useful information from here I wanted to run something past you all so see if its me or my YO who is the problem:o Please dont tear me to bits, I just want some advice.

I bought my mare 6 months ago, my first horse, but I have ridden for years and work part time on a large livery yard which is where I bought her. We are on a small DIY yard as my employer doesnt do DIY and I cant afford their rates as Im a student also. I like my YO, shes a lovely woman in her 40's who has a horse of her own on the yard. We have a nice outdoor, a small indoor and 6 stables. There is nice hacking nearby and only 2 other liveries who own 2 horses each.

Like I said, I like my YO.....and heres the but.....I cant take my horse anywhere, to shows or anything, as my YO wont let my friend who liveries on an even smaller yard, come and collect us in her lorry due to her concern for strangles infection. I dont know if this is normal of a yard - the place I work at has no problems with people coming and going with trailers and travelling with other horses. I have nowhere to store hay or shavings and must buy both from her. Im not allowed to have anyone on the yard to do things like plaiting or clipping as YO provides this service and insists we pay her to do it - my friend usually does it for me for free so this is extra cost for me. She organises the farrier - I just have to leave the money and she wont have it any other way - all horses must use the same farrier and vet and she must be present whenever they visit to treat any of the horses. If she doesnt agree with an individual professionals approach, she doesnt allow them on the yard. My saddle fitter had a slight disagreement with where he had parked his car when he came to fit my girlies saddle and now she wont allow my saddle fitter to come back to the yard - and she had suggested I use her saddle fitter in future. I like my guy - hes good and he does all the horses at my workplace and hes very thorough.

Its just all these little things but I honestly feel that my horse is not mine at the moment - like I'm just her rider. She is now making suggestions on feed changes for my mare - I know Im a first time owner but I know what Im doing - I have worked with horses since I was at school but honestly Im starting to feel a little stupid.

Am I being silly - its an ideal little yard on paper, and I keep thinking maybe I should persevere? Or should I start looking for another yard as someone suggested to me this morning.:o
 
She sounds like a fruit loop. Find another yard.
Sharing transport to shows is the norm.....if your horse was going to catch anything it could come from literally anywahere.
And no bu**er would tell me what farrier I had to use...or saddler....or vet.....
Control freak. Move!
 
You are clearly not happy (I most certainly wouldnt be!!!!) So you really need to look for a new yard. I personally think she is a control freak and her behaviour is not normal and is not acceptable. That said, its her yard and she Can do what she likes but you certainly dont have to stay!
 
joeanne said:
She sounds like a fruit loop. Find another yard.
Sharing transport to shows is the norm.....if your horse was going to catch anything it could come from literally anywahere.
And no bu**er would tell me what farrier I had to use...or saddler....or vet.....
Control freak. Move!
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What she said!
 
mental case!

find a new yard!

I looked at a yard once and the woman said my old farrier wasn't allowed to shoe on her yard, so straight away I knew that wasnt the place for me, as nice as it was! I will never have someone tell me what to do with my horses! suggestion are welcome but being told what to do is another matter!
 
I agree with all the other posters. She's sounds a sandwich short of a picnic....

This is your first horse and should be so exciting - part of that excitement is learning all about the new feeds and choosing which is best, getting friends to help you clip/plait etc and going out and about enjoying yourself. I would def be looking for another more "relaxed" yard!
 
While I smell a control freak who will continue with her mission creep and take over the horse's and your life (I love to overdramatise hehe) I'd probably suck it up if it's reasonable cost for now and if you can't find a nice alternative for an affordable price, but be planning to move to the yard where you work sooner rather than later. In the meantime, could you hack down the road and load up away from the yard, or hack to the yard where you work and load there? After all, horses could catch diseases anywhere, and presumably she doesn't have a ban on going to shows etc?
 
Congratulations on your first horse! I would not be able to tolerate any of the things you have mentioned and would be looking for a different yard. To be so restricted in everything you can and cant do with your own horse is awful - the Yard Owner sounds a bit of a control freak and I can understand why you feel the horse is not your own - but it is! It all sounds a bit odd to be honest and Im sure you will enjoy your horse more if you can make your own decisions and get out and about with your friends. The way things are at the moment it sounds as though you might as well just go to a riding school - she will probably be telling you when/how and where to ride next!
 
You also happen to live in one of the BEST places to yard seek.
Chobham is a great place, as is places like Pirbright/Normandy/Worplesdon.
Look in Rokers or on the board at Buttons.
Bet there are far nicer places out there that don't come with resident nutnut YO :D
 
Phew - and I was beginning to think it was me - thanks all :)

There are a few yards within driving distance of me - I will start making some calls and going to see some other yard - the appeal of this one was the indoor school but I can certainly live without that luxury for the sake of being happy and enjoying my girly. :)
 
As the others have said - it would best to move. Horse owning is an expensive hobby so you need to enjoy it and it sounds as though you are getting more and more unhappy with this woman the longer you stay there.
 
joeanne said:
You also happen to live in one of the BEST places to yard seek.
Chobham is a great place, as is places like Pirbright/Normandy/Worplesdon.
Look in Rokers or on the board at Buttons.
Bet there are far nicer places out there that don't come with resident nutnut YO :D
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Oh yes absolutely agree - lots of horsey places around these parts so Im sure I will find something suitable. Thanks for the suggestions:)
 
Agree with everyone else,MOVE to a small nice yard or get a field. Im lucky as I rent a field and man never tries to tell me what to do. :)
Hope you find a place soon.Last thing you need is some control freak trying to rule your life.
 
I am not on a livery yard, we have own our land and stables (thank god as hear so many nightmare stories about livery yards). However, we do not have any sort of arena, outdoor or indoor and have managed perfectly well for over 20 odd years. Sure, it would be lovely to have and arena sometimes but we do have some local to us we can hire for use if needs be.

The only thing I would be ok with at your current yard is the farrier but (that's assuming he's a good farrier). The rest of it though I would not put up with and the YO is out of order. Do the other 2 liveries abide by the same rules? Seems utterly ridculous. Also does the YO take her own horse out to any shows etc? Does she realise if so that she's as likely as you are to bring back such things as strangles?

Life's too short to not enjoy what you do so yes, move!
 
Write her a letter explaining how you feel and that you would find it difficult to tell her this face to face but would like to hear her thoughts on it ... failing that tell her to do one and and find another yard :p
 
I never cease to be amazed at the 'logic'. You can't travel to a show with your friend in case there is strangles on her yard? When you get to the show won't you be in close proximity with horses from lots of yards you know nothing about?

I would have to ask he why the risk is greater travelling with a known person than competing with all and sundry.

Do tell us what her answer is!
 
Heucherella said:
The best yards are not those with the best facilities, or the best hacking, they are the ones with the best staff...Attitude is everything. Move!
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sadly this is true.

Welcome to the forum, congratulations on your mare... We need pictures :D:D And start to have a peek around for another less regimented yard. It is lovely to have a YO who would willingly clip, handle, hold for farrier, plait etc, but not one who insists upon it in place of your choice. I certainly wouldn't want that. Again bedding and hay wise, I personally would prefer onsite provisions, it cuts the hassle, but then I also see that only being allowed to use that would really tick me off :(

Good luck and keep us posted :D
 
ladyt25 said:
I am not on a livery yard, we have own our land and stables (thank god as hear so many nightmare stories about livery yards). However, we do not have any sort of arena, outdoor or indoor and have managed perfectly well for over 20 odd years. Sure, it would be lovely to have and arena sometimes but we do have some local to us we can hire for use if needs be.

The only thing I would be ok with at your current yard is the farrier but (that's assuming he's a good farrier). The rest of it though I would not put up with and the YO is out of order. Do the other 2 liveries abide by the same rules? Seems utterly ridculous. Also does the YO take her own horse out to any shows etc? Does she realise if so that she's as likely as you are to bring back such things as strangles?

Life's too short to not enjoy what you do so yes, move!
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Yes she goes to shows herself as do the two other liveries who share a trailer as they are related. YO only does showing whilst I do SJ and XC so cant go anywhere with her - she has offered to take me showing which holds no interest for me. The other 2 seem to find the arrangement quite agreeable - they dont mind her dictating who their farrier is or who the vet is and one of them even said it was great cause it was like being on full livery but doing your own mucking out so it suits them - as I had just bought my girlie, I used her vet and farrier for convenience more than anything and they are perfectly suited to the job.

I have spoken to 2 yards and am going to see one this afternoon, its the same distance from home just in the opposite direction - has an outdoor, 25 acres for 6 horses and access to lovely hacking. They have a livery leaving in 4 weeks - fingers crossed. Its pure DIY but they will turn out in the mornings for me and provide assistance if required when on holiday or for emergencies. Hope to go see the other place tomorrow :)
 
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Thank you also for your lovely welcomes and congratulations on my girly - her name is Snoops and shes a 16hh grey IDxTB and shes 6yrs - no pics on my PC yet but will certainly get some to pop us soon. I do love her to bits, shes proving to be such a good horse for a first time owner despite her young age and shes teaching me so much. She is a delight to own :D
 
We have a livery yard and we would never stop someone from using the saddler, farrier, vet they wanted. Sometimes it is easier if everyone has the same...but it isn't vital.

Sounds to me like strangles is an excuse - how can she go showing and not worry about the same thing?

It sounds though like you are quite happy to move, so I think that just about answers your question. Best of luck finding a new yard :)
 
Thanks Miskettie - I think I knew in my gut I wanted to move, but theres always that nagging wonder if you are doing the right thing. Just needed some encouragement to make the move I think....and I certainly got that :D
 
Quietly look for another yard, if you stay it could get a lot worse, because quite frankly it isn't going to suddenly get better.. Don't get into any confrontations or slanging matches, just try arranging something where you can move immediately. Ok, it will take some getting used to somewhere else but this situation is not good AT ALL..You will have a weight lifted off your shoulders, for the sake of your sanity, consider what people have posted here. It can get BETTER somewhere else, but it can get WORSE where you are.
Keep us updated, I am very interested in what you will do and wish you luck, take care xx
 
Queenbee said:
sadly this is true.

Welcome to the forum, congratulations on your mare... We need pictures :D:D And start to have a peek around for another less regimented yard. It is lovely to have a YO who would willingly clip, handle, hold for farrier, plait etc, but not one who insists upon it in place of your choice. I certainly wouldn't want that. Again bedding and hay wise, I personally would prefer onsite provisions, it cuts the hassle, but then I also see that only being allowed to use that would really tick me off :(

Good luck and keep us posted :D
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I think I would have had a major tantrum by now! :eek: YOs and YMs have a difficult job and one which I would never undertake. It requires interpersonal skills and tact and diplomacy, to levels far beyond me! However, although your YO is doing her best, as she sees it, for the horses in her care, you sound perfectly competent to look after your own animal. My advice is to look at all the other yards round you and review your options. Good luck, and keep us posted - and also, pics please of new horse!
 
I feel so sorry for you, she sounds like she has you over a barrel and is taking you for every penny. Move yards, no point in having a horse if you cannot enjoy it because of other people.
On another note ' Does the UK now have to have holding numbers for equine premises?
 
joeanne said:
She sounds like a fruit loop. Find another yard.
Sharing transport to shows is the norm.....if your horse was going to catch anything it could come from literally anywahere.
And no bu**er would tell me what farrier I had to use...or saddler....or vet.....
Control freak. Move!
Click to expand...

This.

I admire your patience, I would have been out of there at the first sign of being bossed about.
 
Thank you all :) Im so glad I registered today and posted about this - you have all been such a fabulous help and have reassured me that Im not being unreasonable of silly - this arrangement with my current YO is clearly not normal. I only have my employment as an example of how a yard is run but its all full livery so it not something I can use to compare. I think I took one look at the place and only considered the facilities and have not asked enough questions about how the place was ran. Rookie mistake I will not make a second time.
 
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