Feel very threatened by one of my liveries boyfriends, what is the best thing to do

R2R

R2R

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One of my liveries, who I also considered a friend, is leaving the yard. In the long and short of it, her OH has always been a bit odd but we had a bit of a confrontation as he keeps intimidating the kids on my yard - really mean stuff, and trying to cause trouble with snidey comments.

She is lovely, very sweet if a bit mad, but he is a bully and tries to intimidate me - it hasnt worked until now.

He waited until all the other grown ups were gone on Sunday and then started on the kids again, so I had 2 teenagers, one who is the least hysterical teenager ever, call me in tears.

I gave hm the benefit of the doubt so just text my livery asking that if he has an issue to please go through me, not to the kids directly. To cut a long story short I got a very agressive phonecall yesterday asking what the kids "effing problem" was, to which I stayed quite plesant... and then another saying they were leaving yesterday lunchtime. I asked my livery to stay, but she was adiment - and then he got on the phone threatening me and saying I owed them livery money (it is a months notice, they are going on Saturday - technically they owe ME till the 12th)

I had the usual "dont you know who I am" and "you better watch it" comments which I have largly ignored however I do now feel pretty shaken by the whole situation. They are going on Saturday but I am worried what will happen if I bump into him before then, and also afterwards?

I am also really sad becasue I dont actually think she wants to move?
 
I'm really sorry for your situation but I really don't know what to suggest! I will bump your post for you and hopefully someone else will be more helpful. :(
 
I would let them go, but say to your friend that she knows your number and ring if she needs you.

You need him OUT, he sounds dangerous, but that way you also let her know that you're thinking of her.

xxxx
 
If its shaken you that much I would be in contact with the local police. Make a written statement as to the date of the various conversations and the specific threats and intimations of recriminations.

At least if the idiot does do something the police will be aware of the situation if you need to call on them.
 
ditto above - horrid man - i owuld threaten him with police if he causes any more trouble - as to his partner, from my experience not much you can do or say, she will only ignore you and side with him until she realises herself what hes like, just let her know you are always there if she wants a chat or anything. - hugs xxx
 
Any threatening behaviour, ie if he threatens you physically or your premises, report to the Police. He sounds like a real jerk, and if she is okay with you it may be that she is also fearful of him - sounds like a control freak.
 
Phone the Police, keep a written log of all such incidents and any texts etc-don't delete your calls received log. If he sends any texts or there's any FB nonsense, 2 counts or more=harassment and he can be prosecuted.

It may be enough to tell him or the GF that you have spoken to the Police and that you have 'taken advice'-might concern him enough to shut up. It sounds like you're well rid of him, sad that his GF will be going.

If they aren't giving a month's notice, will you cut your losses or mention Small Claims Court?
 
ditto the above! think its a good job they are going, if you get any more trouble just say if he dear threaten you again hel have the police knocking on his door! i hate men that are sooo small they feel the need to pick on women because they cant handle men their own size. if i were in your situation i would be sh*ting him up abit with some very subtle comments. but thats just what i would do because i hate men like that!
 
cinammontoast I am going to cut my losses, I cant be bothered with the hassle to be honest - all of my liveries are delighted so dont want it to drag on for a second longer than it should.

Hilariously, for a yard so bad etc (his words) I filled the 2 boxes within 2 hours yesterday, and actually had to let someone down over the third as between me and my best mate we promised the same box to 2 people. So thats good, and I think speaks volumes about my yard and the people on it - so for that I am both proud and happy :D
 
I've had threats in the past, (due to my job - nothing to do with me personally!!), and I always notify the Police if I believe they are irrationally targeting me personally rather than the company.

It sounds silly, but people can not threaten other people, and if you do actually feel worried and if he has suggested or insinuated to you that he intends to do anything to you or your property, then you must notify the Police! He will be so shocked when he gets a call from them he'll hopefully never dare set foot on your premises again.
 
What a charming man. Your friend can choose whether to continue to date him or not. I am glad for you and the rest of your liveries' sakes that that are going sooner rather than later.

Stay safe.
 
Thank you all so much. I think I am going to ring my local neighbourhood watch PC lady, who I am on really good terms with, and tell her whats gone on. I have asked him not to come onto the yard again – and said people will help her on Saturday to move, and arranged it (then kicked myself for being so blinking nice and not just telling her to get on with it)

I just hope he doesn’t come back. He is obviously out to prove his masculinity or something and I have a gut feeling he will try something in order to prove it. Thankfully all of the padlocks are combi-locks so I will make sure they are changed on Saturday.
 
Let him go- you dont really know whats going on between your friend and boyfriend good riddance to bad trouble you dont need people like that
 
If he has been threatening and insinuating that he will cause trouble, you may have a 'duty of care' to the under 16 year olds on your yard. Therefore involve the police and tell them that there are children who may possibly feel threatened.

As other posters have said he is probably 'all mouth and no trousers' to quote an old espression of my father's so everything will probably be fine. Just give the police a head's up so that if anything happens they are forewarned.
 
I have to confess he does sound like a pretty hard case. I mean, threatening people on the phone and intimidating teenage girls, he MUST be a 'gangsta'.

Speak to the Police, I'm pretty sure he has already committed a couple of offences with his phone threats, and I'm not sure what the Police will make of him intimidating young girls!

I bet he's got a tiny 'winky' and an inferiority complex as big as you like. :D
 
Ditto all the good advice above. What a big man picking on young kids.

With regards to your friend - I think just let her know you will be her friend when she needs you - it is up to her to deal with her relationships.
 
NeilM said:
Speak to the Police, I'm pretty sure he has already committed a couple of offences with his phone threats, and I'm not sure what the Police will make of him intimidating young girls
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For sure-2 counts or more=harassment/offence in the Telecommunications Act. Just keep your calls received log.
 
I'll keep everything but for the time being I will just lie low and pretend I don't care...i think he thrives on the reaction, small minded little man.
 
People who ring and threaten rarely do it. Just scare tactics. Let your neighbourhood watch friend know just incase but tbh he would be stupid to threaten and then do it, would be a premeditated attack. Good for you banning him from your yard, let this be known to your friend aswell and ask who to call specifically if he does turn up and don't hesitate to call. Keep your mobile with you just incase. Nasty bully of a man who picks on children and women, your yard will have such a better atmosphere when hes gone!!!
 
I think the advice to have a quiet word with someone from the police is the best policy: TBH this guy sounds like a right weirdo/pervy and if something happens either now or in the future and you've done nothing, then you're gonna feel awful aren't you.

I run a DIY yard and had a "friend" riding my cob a few years ago who had a multitude of men around her, and one of them hung around the yard a lot when she was out riding; he was one of these men who thinks he's gods gift to women and he made it quite obviuos that he didn't think loyalty to his "girlfriend" was important and was basically up for it anytime anywhere. Luckily she moved away and the boyfriends dissipated, but had I had any underage girls here with their ponies there could have been quite a difficult situation.

I don't envy anyone with this sort of problem to deal witih, and I think you're acting very wisely. It might even be that he's already known to the police and they are watching him.

Take usual precautions: always have your mobile with you, tell someone where you are, lock doors/windows etc, etc. Very likely now he and your friend have gone, its the last you'll hear from him: this sort of man is usually all wind and P*ss.
 
Gluttonforpunishment said:
If its shaken you that much I would be in contact with the local police. Make a written statement as to the date of the various conversations and the specific threats and intimations of recriminations.

At least if the idiot does do something the police will be aware of the situation if you need to call on them.
Click to expand...

cinammontoast said:
Phone the Police, keep a written log of all such incidents and any texts etc-don't delete your calls received log. If he sends any texts or there's any FB nonsense, 2 counts or more=harassment and he can be prosecuted.

It may be enough to tell him or the GF that you have spoken to the Police and that you have 'taken advice'-might concern him enough to shut up. It sounds like you're well rid of him, sad that his GF will be going.

If they aren't giving a month's notice, will you cut your losses or mention Small Claims Court?
Click to expand...

Naturally said:
What a charming man. Your friend can choose whether to continue to date him or not. I am glad for you and the rest of your liveries' sakes that that are going sooner rather than later.

Stay safe.
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cinammontoast said:
For sure-2 counts or more=harassment/offence in the Telecommunications Act. Just keep your calls received log.
Click to expand...

MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
I think the advice to have a quiet word with someone from the police is the best policy: TBH this guy sounds like a right weirdo/pervy and if something happens either now or in the future and you've done nothing, then you're gonna feel awful aren't you.

I run a DIY yard and had a "friend" riding my cob a few years ago who had a multitude of men around her, and one of them hung around the yard a lot when she was out riding; he was one of these men who thinks he's gods gift to women and he made it quite obviuos that he didn't think loyalty to his "girlfriend" was important and was basically up for it anytime anywhere. Luckily she moved away and the boyfriends dissipated, but had I had any underage girls here with their ponies there could have been quite a difficult situation.

I don't envy anyone with this sort of problem to deal witih, and I think you're acting very wisely. It might even be that he's already known to the police and they are watching him.

Take usual precautions: always have your mobile with you, tell someone where you are, lock doors/windows etc, etc. Very likely now he and your friend have gone, its the last you'll hear from him: this sort of man is usually all wind and P*ss.
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^^Ditto!
 
I think that if you tell the Police that he has an unhealthy interest in young girls at your yard, he will quickly find himself in a white paper suit at a police station being interviewed under caution...
 
i agree that i would notify the police explaining your concerns! but i would have also got a burly chap around and have helped them pack and move by now! and changed the locks. no one needs a bad apple on the yard!
 
Broken_Arrow said:
I think that if you tell the Police that he has an unhealthy interest in young girls at your yard, he will quickly find himself in a white paper suit at a police station being interviewed under caution...
Click to expand...

Sorry, I think thats suggesting that he's a paedophile, thats quite an allegation!!! And I dont believe thats what the OP is saying.
 
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