Feeling a bit disheartened

Normsrp

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Bit of a pointless post, but just really wanted to get this out... feeling particularly disheartened after a schooling session today. I've noticed that schooling my boy will go one of two ways: I come out of the arena feeling completely disheartened and frustrated or feeling on top of the world and so proud of how well he went. Unfortunately today was the former, meaning he rushes almost constantly in every gait and fights me by flinging his head in the air when I try to slow him down (although he does comply if I use my voice). Meanwhile I bump about on his back in canter, get more heavy-handed the more frustrated I get, my posture and seat falls apart and I pretty much just make everything worse. A lot of the time when I school him I just can't seem to get him to relax. If I do lots of walk and trot transitions he becomes agitated in walk and marches along, jogging every few strides and trying to trot. Today I decided to try to slow down his canter by doing more trot-canter-trot transitions but only succeeded in speeding up his trot and throwing everything off balance. I don't hold anything against him because I know its all my fault and I just wish I was good enough to bring out his best (because he is a lovely horse and I feel so lucky to have him, despite how awful I'm making him sound :D). For better or for worse (or just for worse) I spend a fair amount of time on social media when I'm at home and it seems like everyone else my age who rides has it all together -- competing every other weekend, riding beautifully and with horses always on the bit (the bane of my existence -- we spend more time on the horizontal than on the vertical). My horse at the moment (loaned) is my first horse coming off of riding school horses/ponies, so of course I know I won't compare to people who have had horses since the age of 5. I suppose just don't take this post too seriously, I'll probably be back on top of the world after my next lesson with an instructor (which always go 100x better than my sessions alone), but even so I can't help feeling like I'll never be able to achieve what I want to. I'd love to take him showing or try a dressage test but I honestly think we'd be an embarrassment to ourselves -- I really can't get him on the bit to save my life, and then there's the head throwing and rushing around and my poor seat...
 
Comparing yourself to others will just add to your sense of disheartenment. People only put on social media a glorified version of reality. You don’t know what went on behind the scenes to achieve that one photo that makes it onto Instagram.

If canter is problematic, go back to walk and trot Work. Horses who are unbalanced and not completely forward, free and in self carriage struggle to maintain balance in cante. Make sure your paces are truly established in walk and trot.

Talk honestly with your instructor about what you are experiencing and what you want to be doing differently. Get him or her to set you some achievable exercises to work on between lessons.

Ride the horse you find yourself with on the day: heavy and tanky, some up:down transitions and big:small circles; lacking impulsion, pop some trotting poles out; switching off and not listening, put some obstacles in and ride round them to get his attention. Your schooling session should never just be a standard ‘walk, trot, circles, canter, lateral work, cool down’, but tailored to the frame of mind and needs of that particular horse on that particular day.

Don’t be too hard on yourself or your horse. You’ve got loads to learn, just enjoy the process.
 
Oh we've all been there at some point. Try not to worry, you are doing your best. Maybe have a chat with your instructor and describe your bad sessions to them and ask for advice on how to deal with it and exercises to do when it does happen

Flicker is correct that the people posting their lovely pics will also have lots of bad ones that will never see the light of day.

You say in your post that you are trying to do transitions between paces - this can actually rev some of them up, if you ask on here for exercises to liven up a lazy horse then transitions is often a good answer. Transitions are of course something that all horses benefit from but at the moment I would do less transitions between paces but more within the pace so changing between a very slow and steady trot and then a more active trot and back again, this will teach your horse to listen and wait. So you could do a slower trot through the corners and short sides and then a more active trot along the long sides and vice versa or you could do an active trot on a circle and pick two points on the circle to slow the trot right down for a few strides and then on again.

If he is really speedy in that particular session then just work on the rhythm in each pace, have an internal metronome that as soon as the pace quickens you can slow your rise and bring him back to the speed that you set
 
Goodness, we all have days like that (*whispers* even the pros :p). When I find myself riding like a turd I have a stop for a couple of minutes, have a bit of a talk to myself and then spend the rest of the session in walk doing lateral work, concentrating purely on my position. And I finish only when I have regained my feel (and fully switched off my overactive brain).

Horse-wise, with rushers I never do a transition in a straight line, always on a circle -both upward and downward. I try to build up in walk and trot to transitioning either up or down as I start a 10m circle in a corner and aim to be comfortably able to do a circuit of the school with one transition circle in each corner before I do anything with the canter. By transitioning on circles you are getting the circle to do some of the work of getting the horse through and balanced for you.
 
Don't get disheartened, riding well on the flat is hard, much harder than popping round a course of jumps IMO. I've got a rushy tense horse, when he's tense he's tight in the back, I find it impossible to sit nicely to his canter and his trot is impossible to sit to. When I first got him, his walk was choppy and he never stretched. TBH it's taken a long time to get his walk relaxed and to be able to stretch and then pick him up without him jogging. Have you got a good trainer? I 've worked solidly with mine to find ways of getting him to relax his neck/poll and to let go in his back but it has taken a long time to get him to work like this consistently and it's still his "go to" if he finds something difficult or exciting. However, in the process, my riding has improved beyond measure so it's been worth the journey in so many ways. I find lots of transitions get him in front of the leg but can make him tense and anticipating, large walk pirouettes walk well at getting him soft and working from behind, walk to canter trans give me a better quality canter and canter improves the trot so I try to canter early on in the session. He finds lateral work easy so it's great for straightening him, he finds collection more difficult so a few strides forward and back on a circle in all the paces are good for us. Ithink you need to work out what works for your horse and as Flicker has said, ride the horse you have under you and don't judge yourself by what others are doing, I know most people I know couldn't ride one side of my horse but they have loads of pics on fb doing well in all sorts of disciplines!
 
We all go through it! How is he to walk around on a loose rein in walk? When my horse is on a bit of a go go mood I try to bring him back down by getting him to work looser as all the holding back can be what winds him up more.
 
Mabey get out of the arena and do a little basic schooling while hacking. Just a few transitions. I think hacking out will relax both you and the horse. Horse is probably picking up on your frustration/ anxiety to get it done right.

I hate the feeling of asking for canter and the horse falls on his forehand and gets flatter and faster. I used to anticipate it. That resulted in it happening more. If I left it and went back to it another day, I'd be fine.

The secret is to relax. Before you ask horse to do an exercise make sure that you believe you can do it before you ask. Remember to half halt and get impulsion before you ask for anything. That always helps.

Also learn to laugh at your situation. Once I thought my canter transition problem through, I realised I had cantered lots of times, so it was just my thoughts affecting my body. Making it tense and not doing what I thought it was doing. Once I recognised that, I shrugged it off and it happened less and less.

When you get frustrated just leave it. Do something else or if it's very bad, pat the horse, get off and give the horse a groom.

Also nobody's going to post about the things they can't do on social media.
 
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In regard to riding on the bit, I've had great advice on this forum. After trying various tricks, fiddling etc, I followed advice to focus on holding myself correctly. Making *my* position as good as I can. Shockingly after doing this, the horse willingly reached out for the contact himself. I didn't put him on the bit, he took the bit.

Anyway, don't focus about on the bit for the moment. The other stuff you mentioned is more important. You have to learn one thing at a time.
 
I have to agree that schooling out hacking, doing a bit of obedience work somewhere different can be more effective than drilling the horse and yourself in the same place. If you are disheartened perhaps the horse is. When we anticipate bad things we tense up, and if the horse knows you even a little it will be anticipating it.
The ground is really hard at the moment but work can be done out on hacks in walk and trot establishing rhythm, obedience to seat and leg aids, and never discount singing so you do not hold your breath.
I think as we get older we tend to forget the simple enjoyment of riding of when we were young. As a human to we do everything right all the time, do we all sit straight on a chair and never slump and then beat ourselves up?
If something is not going 'right', sometimes its best to leave it instead of keep doing 'wrong' and work on something that is less stressful and come back to it another day in another situation or let is come out of another piece of work.
 
We all go through this, usually multiple times a week! It's easy to look good when you have an easy horse! Not so when you have a difficult one.

I often get off and think 'Well that must have looked awful!' then I see a video and think 'Oh, that didn't look so bad after all'. It usually feels a lot worse than it looks.
 
In regard to riding on the bit, I've had great advice on this forum. After trying various tricks, fiddling etc, I followed advice to focus on holding myself correctly. Making *my* position as good as I can. Shockingly after doing this, the horse willingly reached out for the contact himself. I didn't put him on the bit, he took the bit.

This should be written in bold and made into a sticky!

Any horse, no matter its level of training, responds to the way the rider sits/behaves/holds him/herself. The rider must allow the horse to work correctly, rather than trying to force it to do so.
 
How often do you have lessons with your instructor?
You are describing a situation that we all find ourselves in at some point, even those of us who have been riding for 30 plus years.

The first things I’d say is to definitely ride what’s underneath you that day.
You may have in your mind that you want to do a particular type of session, but you might get on board and feel like you are riding a very onward bound tank and then you have to be realistic about whether you planned session is going to work when the horse is in that frame of mind. Don’t be afraid to go right back to basics on those days. If all you can achieve is walk and a bit of trot, keeping balanced and in a rhythm, then that’s fine. There is always tomorrow. Better to have a short and productive session, with you both coming away having achieved something, no matter how small you might think it is, than coming away feeling disheartened and like you’ve had to have a battle. Because that’s no fun for any one.

If you’ve got yourself into a real rut and have had a run of sessions that you feel disheartened about, take a weeks break and go hacking. You can still do a lot of schooling out hacking, so it’s not wasted time.

Lastly, forget about where the horses head and think more about getting him straight. Straightness isn’t just that the neck is in a straight line out in front of you, but about the shoulders being in front of the hips and their body being an equal length on both sides. They should have equal load on both shoulders and should not fall in or out. Ignore the horses head and neck and learn to turn it from the withers. Honestly, once you get a horse truly straight, everything else starts to fall into place.
It was a lightbulb moment for me in my early twenties and that’s when I truly learnt how to school horses well.
 
Half the photos/videos I see of people with their horses "on the bit" are overbent or on the forehand anyway; or it's being achieved artificially by fiddling with the reins and the horse isn't working correctly - something I have been guilty of myself in the past and am reschooling myself with! So don't beat yourself up.

We all have god and bad days - we all have days where we don't feel like working too, or are bored of going round and round in circles. I agree with those saying get out hacking, have a break from the school, or change it up with some fun exercises with poles etc. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable remember :)
 
Wow, I didn't expect so many kind responses! Thanks for all the advice, there's definitely a lot for me to think about. Lots of you have mentioned riding the horse that I find myself with on the day... I have to say I haven't really thought of it that way before. Although I try not to go into a ride feeling overly ambitious, I suppose that I'm still guilty of having a set expectation as to what we 'should' be able to achieve and it becomes a case of success or failure depending on whether he's up to it that day or not.
I agree that it would benefit us on those days where he's unfocused and rushing to spend a lot more time in walk and focus on position, straightness etc. rather than me feeling like I have to get a steady canter out of him when I don't even have a relaxed trot.

I also like the idea of doing transitions within the paces rather than between them, because that's something I could even experiment with in walk on a fairly loose rein (which is when he's usually the most receptive), and if I find that I can maintain a rhythm in trot I'll have a go at speeding it up and slowing it down as well. I rarely find myself asking him for a faster trot -- very rare that it is necessary -- so that might be interesting, and I'll make sure to do it on a circle as someone suggested, so he doesn't shoot off with me down the long side with his nose in the air :D

I'm feeling quite optimistic about our next ride now, I think I'll even take notes from this thread to read through and think about before I ride, haha :p
 
We all go through this, usually multiple times a week! It's easy to look good when you have an easy horse! Not so when you have a difficult one.

I often get off and think 'Well that must have looked awful!' then I see a video and think 'Oh, that didn't look so bad after all'. It usually feels a lot worse than it looks.

I have to agree with this to be honest. I can't describe how hectic it feels when everything ends up in a rush, or how all over the place I feel when I fall out of rhythm with his canter, and then I mention it to someone watching and they say "It doesn't look that bad," or I watch a video and his trot doesn't look quite as wild as it felt, so that gives me some peace of mind.
 
I really understand how you feel OP, I often feel similar with my mare. However she is 5 and a slow learner so i feel I need to give her the benefit of doubt.
I try to concentrate on achieving one thing at a time with her. When I look back on last year she has come on so much. I also second what another poster has said about recording yourself, I recorded myself the other day and watching back she looked so much better than she felt.
 
I agree with Beth206, you have to look out how far you have come. I can be very negative about my riding and I have a mare who sounds quite similar to your horse. I spend a lot of time in walk doing lateral work and circles to start. When she is relaxed, we trot but my focus is on getting her to slow down a bit and relax at the moment (some days more successfully than others). I'llhonest, I don't canter unless I am with my instructor because I know the quality can be variable at the moment.
 
I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, but would like to add my support.

We all have those days, sometimes more than others. Do take time & look at how far you've come, it really does do your esteem a world of good.
 
Like Dave's Mam says I can't say anything the wonderful forum users haven't already said other than to offer support and say you are 100% not alone in feeling the way you have been. I think very similarly and have a "but he did it last time so it should be easy" mentality and am constantly reminding myself to take a deep breath and deal with what's in front of me on the day.

You'll get there, with time, consistency and patience it'll come, be kind to yourself x
 
I think very similarly and have a "but he did it last time so it should be easy" mentality and am constantly reminding myself to take a deep breath and deal with what's in front of me on the day.

I understand this so much. I think one of the most demoralising rides I've had on him was a day or so after what is easily one of the best rides I've ever had. His trot was so relaxed and rhythmic, he was carrying his head perfectly for longer than he ever had done or ever has since, and his walk to trot transitions were a dream, didn't move his head an inch and felt so balanced and comfortable. The next time I rode a day or two later I was thinking we finally had it together and was so excited for a similar experience, but it had all just fallen apart. I didn't even ride for the full hour I'd planned, because I was so disappointed and frustrated that I knew nothing productive was going to happen and I didn't want to accidentally take any of the frustration out on him. Embarrassingly, I left the arena in tears only to find when untacking that there was someone else on the yard, who asked if I was OK and had probably heard crying drifting over from the arena.......
 
Some great advice here.

I just wanted to echo what everyone else was saying about the bit - an outline is often drummed into us as the most important thing to achieve and something you should be able to magically just conjure up. Instead its kind of the end result of a long process where everything comes together. So instead of focusing on achieving an outline, instead work on improving your position so it is effective and clear, with him forward and coming up in your hand, engaging his hind. Helping him in this manner will help him soften and eventually lead to an outline as he releases it is actually a comfortable position.

I know exactly what you mean with your instructor - is it possible s/he could visit you more regularly? I've just started lessons with a new instructor and we took things right back to basics - I can't believe how far my horse has come since we started and I'm so glad I invested the time and money to get us back onto the right track. She leaves me with exercises and explains everything so clearly so I understand what I'm doing and why I need to do it. Before I'd hear terms and never quite understand or think them through, so maybe a new instructor with a different perspective or upping the lessons for now would be really beneficial.

To finish with, we've all been there - keep trying, you're better than you think! :)
 
I think I have a great instructor at the moment as well, since despite my internal concerns about it, he's never once mentioned my horses head carriage or whether he's 'on the bit', instead we focus on creating bend, responsiveness to aids etc. and technically I would be able to have a lesson every week as he lives at the livery yard where my horse is kept (family owns the yard) but it's a bit of a money issue.. I'm not an adult, so most of the horse costs fall onto my parents and I don't want to overload them with lessons.

I'd been paying for them myself up until recently, but having lost my weekend job I know lessons are going to be sparser now. Though really I know I'm just very lucky to have parents who will cover my part of the livery for me, as not having lessons would be nothing compared to not having a horse.


-- Sorry, this is going to be really unrelated to the thread so far (although disheartening, so I guess technically related) but feel free to completely ignore it. --

About the weekend job, I've been feeling so down about it recently..... Got let go out of nowhere, just as summer was beginning and I was hoping to get more days -- proudly managed to get myself a job at a riding school and loved it, it never felt like 9 hours. Always put in my best effort, horses were never tacked up late to a lesson and I would help the other girls on the yard wherever needed, once spent an entire day going back and forth between the fields and yard filling water buckets (my entire body ached the rest of the evening and the next day) and cut into my lunch break making sure the instructor's horse had water in his field, at one point I was off school for two weeks with a really awful sickness that meant I literally couldn't leave the house, even to see my boy, and on my first day back to work had to lead a pony on a half hour hack (illness causes fatigue for at least a month after clearing up so probably shouldn't have agreed to this at all) and genuinely thought I would collapse at one point...... only to be let go a few weeks later for being too shy.... They'd never mentioned this problem to me before so I had no opportunity to improve myself, but now I'm left wondering how I'm going to get any other job if I'm not outgoing enough to tack up horses.
 
I think I have a great instructor at the moment as well, since despite my internal concerns about it, he's never once mentioned my horses head carriage or whether he's 'on the bit', instead we focus on creating bend, responsiveness to aids etc. and technically I would be able to have a lesson every week as he lives at the livery yard where my horse is kept (family owns the yard) but it's a bit of a money issue.. I'm not an adult, so most of the horse costs fall onto my parents and I don't want to overload them with lessons.

I'd been paying for them myself up until recently, but having lost my weekend job I know lessons are going to be sparser now. Though really I know I'm just very lucky to have parents who will cover my part of the livery for me, as not having lessons would be nothing compared to not having a horse.


-- Sorry, this is going to be really unrelated to the thread so far (although disheartening, so I guess technically related) but feel free to completely ignore it. --

About the weekend job, I've been feeling so down about it recently..... Got let go out of nowhere, just as summer was beginning and I was hoping to get more days -- proudly managed to get myself a job at a riding school and loved it, it never felt like 9 hours. Always put in my best effort, horses were never tacked up late to a lesson and I would help the other girls on the yard wherever needed, once spent an entire day going back and forth between the fields and yard filling water buckets (my entire body ached the rest of the evening and the next day) and cut into my lunch break making sure the instructor's horse had water in his field, at one point I was off school for two weeks with a really awful sickness that meant I literally couldn't leave the house, even to see my boy, and on my first day back to work had to lead a pony on a half hour hack (illness causes fatigue for at least a month after clearing up so probably shouldn't have agreed to this at all) and genuinely thought I would collapse at one point...... only to be let go a few weeks later for being too shy.... They'd never mentioned this problem to me before so I had no opportunity to improve myself, but now I'm left wondering how I'm going to get any other job if I'm not outgoing enough to tack up horses.

Gosh, that's quite awful. Did your employer know you were under the weather? & what age are you? Shyness is explained in both circumstances. New situation & feeling very poorly.
 
Gosh, that's quite awful. Did your employer know you were under the weather? & what age are you? Shyness is explained in both circumstances. New situation & feeling very poorly.

They did know, but I think it wasn't to do with the illness as much as just my personality. I'm 17, (but this was only my second proper job) so I think they just hired me expecting me to be more confident with customers, but at the same time I didn't really do a lot of interacting with customers so much as yard work etc, and when I did talk to customers I was always very polite and friendly so I wonder if that was the reason at all, and if instead it was just that they didn't personally get along with me like they did the other girls on the yard. If that's the reason I don't hold it against them, it's just been a bit of a blow to my confidence and a really disappointing experience -- I tend to be very nervous about new things and I had finally felt like I'd settled into the job.

I appreciate that you read my rant, the whole situation's been getting me down recently but it does make me a feel a bit better to get it out like this.
 
I have no idea how old you are, people live with their parents now well into their 30's sometimes if they do not kill each other, but you sound youngish. All I can say is don't worry, I think all of us at one time or another have spent time crying into our horses necks or bottoms. A good furry bum makes and excellent pillow, and being upset about things that really in the grand scheme of things are relatively trivial, ( which seem huge at the time) is normal. I can remember crying for what seemed like hours over nothing even into my 20's. Can not remember what I was crying about, and I spent 15mins crying over an old movie today.
I think most people are shy, and dislike new situations, but most just eventually learn that there is nothing to be gained by saying nothing. Unfortunately in this life, them that shout loudest get the most.
By the sounds of it you feel a bit overwhelmed and I really think you need to pat your self on the back for all the positive things you do. You look after your horse and you got a job, well done. The fact that they let you continue working and then let you go is unfair, a good employer supports their staff.
I would try and find a job away from horses, this probably not what you want to hear. Depending on your age working for one of the food chains or supermarkets pays well and they do staff training which will help you in the long run, to get 'people skills'.
When I was young I was very shy, now if you met me you would say I was outgoing, I talk far too much and always manage to say the wrong thing. Unfortunately for me I am now a lot older, but I worry less.
 
Couple of things to add from me.

Firstly, your old employer sounds awful. Letting anyone go for an issue that had never been discussed is a horrible thing to do, let alone to a 17 year old.
Having said that there is nothing you can do about it unfortunatley (unless you were in the job for more than 2 years which I doubt). Dwelling on it will only make you upset and not change anything. Look forwards and find a new job. The catering and hospitality industry has a shortage of workers right now so why not look at that? When I was your age I worked at Pizza Hut and had the time of my life making lifelong friends.

Going back to the riding side and what you said about dressage - why not start working towards an intro dressage test? At intro level you pick up most marks for accuracy of circles and movements and the rythmn of the paces.

Obvioulsly there is a cost to competing - arranging transport, entries, having the right gear etc so maybe practise while you find a job. Local riding club entries are fairly inexpensive and maybe see if you can share transport and borrow a jacket if you dont have one.

Good luck!
 
Gosh, that's quite awful. Did your employer know you were under the weather? & what age are you? Shyness is explained in both circumstances. New situation & feeling very poorly.

I'm sorry about your job. That was a horrible thing to do :( You sound like a very conscientious and hard worker. 99.9% of employers value this over anything else.

Also, tons of people are shy. Apparently some of the most successful people throughout history have been.

As for being too shy to work with horses- the quieter people are, the more inclined they are to listen, that's far more important when dealing with animals.

Anyway the more you get to know people the more you relax. I know cause I used to be really shy. I don't know why but I'm not shy anymore. It can be something that changes, mabey as a person becomes more confident in themselves. Anyway there's nothing wrong with your personality. It sounds like most employers would count themselves lucky to have you.
 
-- Sorry, this is going to be really unrelated to the thread so far (although disheartening, so I guess technically related) but feel free to completely ignore it. --

About the weekend job, I've been feeling so down about it recently..... Got let go out of nowhere, just as summer was beginning and I was hoping to get more days -- proudly managed to get myself a job at a riding school and loved it, it never felt like 9 hours. Always put in my best effort, horses were never tacked up late to a lesson and I would help the other girls on the yard wherever needed, once spent an entire day going back and forth between the fields and yard filling water buckets (my entire body ached the rest of the evening and the next day) and cut into my lunch break making sure the instructor's horse had water in his field, at one point I was off school for two weeks with a really awful sickness that meant I literally couldn't leave the house, even to see my boy, and on my first day back to work had to lead a pony on a half hour hack (illness causes fatigue for at least a month after clearing up so probably shouldn't have agreed to this at all) and genuinely thought I would collapse at one point...... only to be let go a few weeks later for being too shy.... They'd never mentioned this problem to me before so I had no opportunity to improve myself, but now I'm left wondering how I'm going to get any other job if I'm not outgoing enough to tack up horses.

Not irrelevant at all! More often than not things we think we can compartmentalise creep through into other areas of life and make things we'd normally cope with seem a million times worse. I second advice about looking outside the horse world for a job, much as that might not be what you want to do it might be best in terms of building your confidence and helping to build your CV long-term. If you ever need advice non-horse related have a look at the Club House on this forum, and feel free to drop me a message for venting (not so good at the advice though :P ) :)

If you need job advice, or moral support on a non-horse related front have a look at the Club House thread,
 
ive not long got over a frustrating month! I was getting myself and my horse into such a pickle, we were one huge ball of tension. Id ask for trot and we would bomb off in canter around the school. I felt like i was sitting on a bomb anything i asked got a huge, tense, manic response. I then thought to myself i cant do this... i had a few days off, i went and rode a mechanical horse to help me with my position and remind me that i'm not a passenger and to mean what i say.... ie if he rushes off in trot, slow my rising and damn well mean it, not just bounce along with him until he would spook and chuck me off.

It helped me loads, my tension made him tense. My tense nervous position naturally falls into me telling him to go fast despite wanting him to slow down. He was so confused as was i. But it really was like a switch over night, the next time i rode him i was singing all sorts of rubbish to him, kept relax in my head and boom he is now willing and tries his heart out for me :D

When i ride now, i almost try and forget about my horse and focus on me. i find it all starts to fall into place when i forget he is there :P

Good luck!
 
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