Feeling a bit hopeless

[FestiveFuzz]

So after 4 years of waiting for this day to come I finally have a new horse to call my own. I've ridden since I was a child but had a nasty fall off a friends horse (it properly bolted with me and nothing I did could stop it so i bailed and fractured my collarbone) before I stopped riding and it seems to have really dented my confidence, as has the growing realisation that I no longer bounce as well as I used to!

With all this in mind I spent ages looking for a confidence giving/suitable for novices type in the hope that I can conquer my nerves once and for all. My new boy ticked all these boxes and having ridden him a handful of times at his old yard I agreed to take him on a 6 month trial with the intention of buying him at the end of the trial.

He moved to our yard this week and I've been a bag of nerves ever since and the idea of riding him is making me really anxious.

He's taken the move more or less in his stride and I feel more than capable of handling him on the ground, but I just worry that he's too much for me (although there's absolutely nothing to suggest this is the case so far!).

My OH thinks I'm being really silly but I just worry that everyone will think I'm a terrible rider when I do finally get brave enough to take him for a potter and worry I'm going to get more and more stressed the longer I wait.

I really don't know what's happened to me. A few years ago I was the kind of girl who'd ride anything but these days I just feel so utterly useless and worry I'm going to ruin my boy

I've booked a lesson with a RWYM (ride with your mind) instructor who sounds perfect for us but that's not until the 19th and I really feel I should ride him before then. I've also asked the YO if there's someone I can ride out with one night next week as well as ordering Kelly Marks book Perfect Manners as I figure the more groundwork I do with him the better the bond we'll have.

I know my boy will get his confidence from me so I need to man up a bit but I just can't shake that tight chested, anxious feeling.

I'm not really sure what I'm hoping for with this post, just wanted to get it all off my chest really. I've waited so long to have another horse and can't believe I'm feeling so down now I have one.

 

[castella]

If I was in your shoes I would have ridden him the first day he arrived at your yard so as not to let it become a big issue and build up in your mind, but thats for another time now, I would get on asap before you become even more anxious now, feel the fear and do it anyway !!!!

Good luck and have a supportive friend on hand who will be firm with you to get on, Im sure you will be fine and really enjoy it once you are on board !

 

[blitznbobs]

go there now and get on ... the longer you leave it the harder it gets. even if you just walk one 20m circle go and do it or this will become an issue. if u need someone to lead you so be it... but u need to get on now.

 

[kinnygirl1]

Hi. Really understand where you are with this. I had a fall back in feb off my normally saintly 5 year old and although I wasn't badly hurt it really shook my confidence. I would say take it as slowly as you are comfy with but try and do a little bit of something every day. I had a friend lead me round the school on a couple of occasions and sometimes would get off just after a successful 5 minute walk around the school. Having an understanding instructor also really helped. Good luck. You can get through this and start enjoying your boy. X

 

[pippixox]

have you got a friend at the yard or who can come to the yard to be with you when you first get on? don't worry, a lot of people have had a time when they loose their nerve, 7 years ago i had a few nasty falls on my boy and became a nervous wreck, but i had lessons and my dad would come up with me, took a few months, but in more recent years I've had some tricky times with horses but haven't lost my confidence again.
it's great if you have someone with you, especially if there is someone with a calm horse to keep you company and keep you calm! don't worry about being judged, there will always be people who you worry are looking down on you, but they probably aren't, and there will be many more people who completely understand what you are going through.
it is going to be brilliant, just get back on board and remember to breath!

 

[ludlow]

The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. Take a friend or OH and if you have access to a school, do a couple of circles, a little trot if you feel up to it. Set yourself a goal but don't go beyond it. Might be something as simple as tack up, jump on, do a lap of the field. If you're feeling nervous when riding, sing to yourself out loud...it sounds really daft but it will take your mind of it and make sure you breathe properly too. Spend time with him in his stable or field too to get used to his mannerisms, quirks and movements. Even take a collapsible camping chair in and a good book and enjoy the sunshine with him! Good luck, be strong and you'll be absolutely fine.

 

[_GG_]

GG2B....if you want me to come and help you, I know just the trick and can come and spend some time with you on Tuesday.

Yes, the longer you leave it the harder it will become BUT...forcing yourself into something won't help either.

There is a way that I have found has people laughing their socks off and riding confidently within minutes, but it isn't a method I am prepared to tell you as a/ it is better shown and b/ doing anything you are not 100% knowledgeable about when you are lacking confidence is not something I would ever advise.

That said, I's not that far for me, I am down that way ish Tuesday anyway, so if you want some help to get you on board, giggling, bonding and enjoying your new boy then PM me and we'll sort something out and no...I don't take payment. Also, yes...I am fully insured.

Now take a deep breath and enjoy just having a horse until you are ready to jump on. :smile3:

 

[oldie48]

There's no rush, plenty of people let a new horse settle before riding it and you have many happy years ahead of you with this horse.Take it slow but set yourself achievable goals and have someone with you in the early stages. a good friend on the ground helps a lot with confidence and I wouldn't ride out without someone on a nice steady horse who will help to boost your confidence by not putting you under pressure. Let the "canter on every blade of grass" brigade do their own thing until you feel really happy in the saddle. The first time you ride in the school, just walk and halt, walk and halt. Change direction, do circles, before you know what's happened you'll be itching to have a trot and then a canter. Good luck, you have taken time to find the right horse and I'm sure everything will be well and in a year's time you'll be wondering what was bothering you. Lots of people have confidence issues, me included!

 

[vieshot]

Go to the yard with a few bevvies, get some Dutch courage. In all seriousness, you will wonder what all the fuss was about once your onboard so just bite the bullet and get on.

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Ey-up chick!
Try not to feel too disheartened as it is just nerves and you can conquer them easily! Just go down as soon as you can, build yourself up and say to yourself 'I am fine, I will do it' and get yourself on there. And i'm sure as soon as you're in the saddle you'll settle down and relax

xx

 

[Goldenstar]

Most people who ride feel nervous at some point.
Don't over think this while its sensible and normal to feel cautious because of fear of injury it's not so sensible to feel nervous about what others think.
I would go to the yard tack up the horse lead him round the school a few times the say to say the YO or someone you know ,would you hold him while I get on and stay while I have a walk round.
Do not fall into the trap of thinking everyone is judging you and that everyone is mega confident and its only you that's felt like this , set your self small achievable goals .
Good luck and enjoy your horse

 

[JenJ]

As others have suggested, just get on, even if you just walk once around the school (or yard if no school). Then tomorrow or the next day, walk a little bit further. It's all about the baby steps.

You mentioned on another thread about going through Dorking. Is your yard anywhere near Leatherhead?

 

[Tobiano]

oh bless you GG2B! I can really relate. Lots of good advice on here, but my own personal preference would be to get an instructor over, and have a lesson the first time you ride your horse. And the second, and the third, and any number after that if it is what you need. My second bit of advice is to completely ignore what anyone else may or may not think of you. Just think about yourself, and your horse. I also agree that ground work is really helpful in building a bond between you. When I rode my new horse for the first time I took him for a walk around the school (both directions) without tack, then with tack, then I got on for about 10 minutes. Not sure if it was to settle his nerves or mine, but it worked. Good luck to you both. You will be fine, let yourself enjoy owning him. x

 

[AmyMay]

What a wonderful offer from GG. I'd definately take her up on it.

 

[ozpoz]

I would too - it is lovely when the forum works like this. Well done GG.

 

[Cortez]

Lunge it a few times? Good for "getting to know you stuff" and takes the edge off. Have somebody else (perhaps more experienced/confident) ride it first, then you get on after you've seen horse behave. Lots of strategies you can employ until you know you can trust each other, and don't be afraid to ask for some help. Enjoy your new horsie, and remember; it takes a year at least to really get to know a horse.

 

[FestiveFuzz]

Thank you so much for all your kind replies and particularly _GG_ who I'll be meeting up with on Tuesday, this forum truly can be an amazing place sometimes.

In hindsight I really wish I'd hopped on him on Thursday and gone for a wander but I convinced myself it made more sense to wait until I had more time and wasn't just rushing to the yard after work and to be honest I still think it was the right thing to do.

After my OP I popped down to the yard to see him and just spent loads of time grooming him (I even discovered he likes having behind his ears scratched) and then went for a wander in-hand around the XC course. We had a few scares as there were some tents in one of the fields that were flapping in the breeze, and some of the bigger jumps were clearly intent on eating him, but I made sure he went up to all the scary things and gave them a good sniff (and a bit of a nibble) and praised him every time he walked past the scary stuff. By the end of our walk I really felt he was listening to me and had I not been wearing shorts and dubarrys I'd have hopped on there and then for a walk around the school.

Tomorrow my OH is going to come down with me and make sure I ride. I've already told him to accept no excuses and be really tough on me as I know once I'm in the saddle I'll be fine. So fingers crossed I'll be able to post a slightly less hopeless update tomorrow

 

[showpony]

OP meet your used to be double!!!!!!!! I gave up for 12 yrs after fracturing my neck & then decided to buy a 4yo last year & still struggle with nerves...

Ok so hard as it sounds you just need to get up & ride him ( even on the lunge ) - the longer you leave it the harder it is going to get....

Get someone to ride with you & chat!! Its amazing how much the body relaxes when you aren't totally thinking about what " Could Happen" ... Also extremely important you get a Quality instructor who can work with you - suggestion would be why not get instructor to ride horse for first 20 mins & then you hop on? Typically humans are very " Visual" & once you see the horse isnt going to do anything with someone else it should give you some reassurance.

Harsh as it sounds you bought the horse to ride & not faff about with on the ground otherwise you would have got a " Field ornament" Kick on & I look forward to your elated post tomoro post riding

 

[cheeryplatypus]

I had a very good friend who walked with us for miles when I got my first horse. I hardly knew her at the time but she came out for a hack on foot and was there to chat or offer support to me and my horse. Would your OH walk out with you or come on bike? The other thing to remember is you can get off whenever you want. Sometimes I would ride out and walk back depending on how I felt. Knowing you can get off somehow gives you a bit more control over how you are feeling. Best wishes.

 

[_GG_]

By the way....this thread is useless without pics

 

[FestiveFuzz]

OP meet your used to be double!!!!!!!! I gave up for 12 yrs after fracturing my neck & then decided to buy a 4yo last year & still struggle with nerves...

Ok so hard as it sounds you just need to get up & ride him ( even on the lunge ) - the longer you leave it the harder it is going to get....

Get someone to ride with you & chat!! Its amazing how much the body relaxes when you aren't totally thinking about what " Could Happen" ... Also extremely important you get a Quality instructor who can work with you - suggestion would be why not get instructor to ride horse for first 20 mins & then you hop on? Typically humans are very " Visual" & once you see the horse isnt going to do anything with someone else it should give you some reassurance.

Harsh as it sounds you bought the horse to ride & not faff about with on the ground otherwise you would have got a " Field ornament" Kick on & I look forward to your elated post tomoro post riding

I hope you don't mind me asking but how did you overcome your nerves enough to ride again?

It's so frustrating as I really do want to ride him but I just keep worrying he's going to be too much for me which is stupid as he's had first time riders on him before and was perfectly fine on the occasions I rode him at the old yard.

I'm hoping to have someone to hack out with on Monday night and have told myself all I need to do tomorrow is one lap of the school (yup, I really am that wussy right now!), anything more will just be a bonus!

 

[FestiveFuzz]

I had a very good friend who walked with us for miles when I got my first horse. I hardly knew her at the time but she came out for a hack on foot and was there to chat or offer support to me and my horse. Would your OH walk out with you or come on bike? The other thing to remember is you can get off whenever you want. Sometimes I would ride out and walk back depending on how I felt. Knowing you can get off somehow gives you a bit more control over how you are feeling. Best wishes.

My OH is great and has happily walked and cycled with me in the past, but I feel our first hack should be with another horse so H can get his confidence from the other horse if he needs to.

 

[FestiveFuzz]

By the way....this thread is useless without pics

Haha I really should take a few new snaps, in fact I might get OH to take some ridden pics tomorrow...if I can find my brave pants! For now there's a few snaps here - http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?626974-Meet-Harry!

 

[Rose Folly]

Give yourself a good dose of Bach Flower Rescue Remedy (you, not the horse) saddle up and ride it!!! Talking/thinking about it is just compounding the fears. Meet them head on, having taken a liberal dose of the above. In the final analysis Kelly Marks, RWYM, the Pope, aren't going to help you. Bite the bullet. I've been there, so I know.

 

[FestiveFuzz]

Give yourself a good dose of Bach Flower Rescue Remedy (you, not the horse) saddle up and ride it!!! Talking/thinking about it is just compounding the fears. Meet them head on, having taken a liberal dose of the above. In the final analysis Kelly Marks, RWYM, the Pope, aren't going to help you. Bite the bullet. I've been there, so I know.

Darn it, I was just about to check the Pope's availability for tomorrow

You're completely right. We're in the process of trying wines for our wedding and I told OH earlier that I might have a glass before I rode but he wasn't impressed. I have some rescue remedy pastilles in the car though so will make sure I have one tomorrow before I hop on.

 

[_GG_]

He's gorgeous

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I'm in exactly your shoes, OP! Even more so currently. I'd love you to do a log or diary, whatever, on here (with pics!!) to show us how you get on. :smile3:

 

[FestiveFuzz]

He's gorgeous

I know! That's the most frustrating part. He's literally my dream horse, which I think is where my fear of ruining him comes from.

 

[doriangrey]

@_GG_ .. you really are the best kind of person

 

[_GG_]

I know! That's the most frustrating part. He's literally my dream horse, which I think is where my fear of ruining him comes from.

We'll get rid of that, don't you worry. :wink3: