Feeling bitter and twisted!

[Marigold4]

When I go to dressage competitions, I often see teenage riders on perfect, expensive horses stepping down from gleaming lorries, riding beautifully with their instructors supervising the warm up, a crowd of helpers (not so much these days) to whip off the boots just before the test and a quick last polish, proud parents videoing the test.

Where did I go wrong?? I thought I was privileged when was their age because I actually HAD a pony - she was practically feral though. No lessons, no transport, mucked out others all Saturday morning and various holiday jobs to help pay for her keep. Saved for weeks to buy a rug. Cycled to the stables. Still struggle to afford horses, the odd lesson and to find time round work to do it all.

Where did I go wrong?? I want parents like these! And I want them now!

 

[ihatework]

I was like you (but didn’t actually own a pony, just begged & borrowed) and do you know what, I would not have changed much. Half these rich dressage kids barely know anything about proper horse management.

 

[Tally05]

You weren't born into a very wealthy family like them I guess! I bet you had more fun hurtling around on your feral pony though!

 

[Flicker]

I feel a bit sorry for them because I don’t think that many of them get to enjoy their horses as horses. When I was a teenager, I had an OTTB who cost the equivalent of £500, had windgalls, splints, spavin and a broken wind from racing. He was my best friend and we had loads of adventures together. He was sensible at shows, perfect on the ground, super gentle.

I also think a lot of those parents are quite pushy. I overheard one of our local vets at a show, berating his wife because their two young daughters had clearly been ‘mucking about’ and not schooling, and the (expensive) ponies were not making the cut. They had arrived in their shiny lorry, with the best of everything. I felt sorry for these little girls and thought what a joyless task horse ownership had become for them.

 

[Marigold4]

Yes, we did have fun - a group of kids on our ponies, largely unsupervised, riding all over the place on our own. A lot of falling off was done!

But if the goal of riding is to get more proficient at it and win competitions ( and I say IF), I'd have been better off trotting circles on a better pony under the watchful eye of an instructor.

 

[Winters100]

Easy to solve, instead of looking at people who have more than you look at those who have less, then you will see how lucky you are. Your parents could afford for you to have a pony! Wonderful! Thousands of kids would love to be in that position. And you are very fortunate to still be able to keep up your hobby. There are always people with more than us, and also with less - its just life. Chin up!

 

[Marigold4]

I feel a bit sorry for them because I don’t think that many of them get to enjoy their horses as horses. When I was a teenager, I had an OTTB who cost the equivalent of £500, had windgalls, splints, spavin and a broken wind from racing. He was my best friend and we had loads of adventures together. He was sensible at shows, perfect on the ground, super gentle.

I also think a lot of those parents are quite pushy. I overheard one of our local vets at a show, berating his wife because their two young daughters had clearly been ‘mucking about’ and not schooling, and the (expensive) ponies were not making the cut. They had arrived in their shiny lorry, with the best of everything. I felt sorry for these little girls and thought what a joyless task horse ownership had become for them.

I agree, they don't look particularly joyful, but then who does at a competition. Not me. They are very good riders though!

 

[Marigold4]

Easy to solve, instead of looking at people who have more than you look at those who have less, then you will see how lucky you are. Your parents could afford for you to have a pony! Wonderful! Thousands of kids would love to be in that position. And you are very fortunate to still be able to keep up your hobby. There are always people with more than us, and also with less - its just life. Chin up!

All very true. I just wish I had that wonderful balance and correctness that comes from riding under expert supervision from an early age on a well-schooled horse.

I'm feeling bitter and twisted about the fact that I'm just never going to ride like this.

At my last dressage competition, one of them congratulated me on "giving it a go".

 

[!CobsCan!]

I agree, they don't look particularly joyful, but then who does at a competition. Not me. They are very good riders though!

Not always. I know some of those sort of people. One decided since she was such a great rider she would get a relatively green (6 year old) connie to train. Couldn't teach him anything. I bought said pony off her.Cracking little pony . Sold to a pony club home who still have a great time on him. Sorry for the essay lol

 

[meleeka]

I feel a bit sorry for them and would much rather have had my youth, galloping around the countryside and hours spent sitting in the corner of my pony’s stable just to be with her. I always knew how lucky I was and the sacrifices my parents made to give me my dream, and later when I had to pay for her with all my own meagre wages. I guess nobody is going to teach those rich kids the benefit of proper hard work or to be grateful for what you do have.

 

[Mule]

I've also noticed the pushy parents thing a lot with this type of set up. A lot of these kids give up horses because the pressure they are put under takes the enjoyment out of it. I've heard kids being berated by their parents at shows (in an array of disciplines). One time, a child's pony refused a few times in the warm up and his father told him to get the pony over the jump or else he'd sell it

 

[ycbm]

But if the goal of riding is to get more proficient at it and win competitions ( and I say IF), I'd have been better off trotting circles on a better pony under the watchful eye of an instructor.

Is that the goal? It's not my goal. My goal is first and foremost to enjoy my horses.

The anticipation and then the joy of buying my first at 23 was worth not having rich parents with huge expectations of a return on their investment.

 

[hobo]

I hope your post is a bit tongue in cheek. We are all born different and it is up to us to make the most of what we were given. But yes sometimes I am sure many of us think if only but the grass is not always greener.

 

[MrsMozart]

I get what you mean OP, but whilst you might not have their polished finish, you have years of true horsemanship. You can spot an injury, know your horse's digestive system (probably better than your own), and you have that certain sense of contentment when you look at what you've achieved by your own graft.

I'm not saying the rich ones don't work for it. Of course they have to put the hours and work in, but most of them are riders and not horse people. Plus, the pressure that some of those 'rich girls' to win is ridiculous. It's not fun. It's an extension of a parent's psyche (think I've got the right word there).

 

[J&S]

HaHa! Reminds me when I used to go to a big and popular show jumping venue on a Sunday morning with my ponies. I would have hacked the 6 miles or so to get there, would stand out in the weather, wind or rain, waiting for the jump off in classes of 40 or so. "Little Johnny", shall we call him, would chuck the reins of his pony to his mother who would suggest he hopped into the lorry to watch TV while he was waiting!! Little Johnny generally was able to scoot around the arena in 17 secs when I thought I was really moving in 23 secs or so!! However, 40 odd years later I am still riding and he has probably forgotten his early pony days in favor of ribs or jet skis!!

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

OP, wait till you get a bit ancient, you won't give a stuff then! You'll just enjoy being able to even get on! ?

 

[Winters100]

All very true. I just wish I had that wonderful balance and correctness that comes from riding under expert supervision from an early age on a well-schooled horse.

I'm feeling bitter and twisted about the fact that I'm just never going to ride like this.

At my last dressage competition, one of them congratulated me on "giving it a go".

Well you did give it a go - so well done! Those riders probably also look up and wish they were at a higher level. Or maybe they look at kids tearing around and wish that they could do that! We have one girl at our yard who has a super pony, rides with an instructor almost every day, is in the Junior National Team, but she is SO bored with it and begs me to let her ride one of mine and join some fast training at every opportunity. I'd say that you are doing just fine, so enjoy your lovely horse and have fun

 

[Errin Paddywack]

I remember going on a course in the old days when the BEC was at Stoneleigh. Instructor was Major Mortimer. There were only three of us, me on a home bred just broken mare and my sister on her very novice mare. The other lass was on her brother's semi retired eventer. She had grown up with horses but couldn't safely trot without stirrups. Apparently she had never ridden bareback. My sister and I were amazed, we had probably ridden nearly as much without as with. We didn't grow up with ponies of our own, begged rides wherever we could but we wouldn't have swapped with that girl.

 

[Bernster]

OP, wait till you get a bit ancient, you won't give a stuff then! You'll just enjoy being able to even get on! ?

Yep, OP your post may be tongue in cheek but, being serious, it’s not a healthy emotion. I try to focus on me, my journey, and the positives in my life. You don’t know what these people’s lives are like, often things aren’t as perfect as they seem, but envy ain’t the way to go.

 

[Gloi]

OP, wait till you get a bit ancient, you won't give a stuff then! You'll just enjoy being able to even get on! ?

too right and that's from a 3 step mounting block....and as for getting off again - that takes serious planning!

 

[Marigold4]

I hope your post is a bit tongue in cheek. We are all born different and it is up to us to make the most of what we were given. But yes sometimes I am sure many of us think if only but the grass is not always greener.

It is indeed meant to be a little tongue in cheek but also a little despairing that undoing bad habits learned as a child and being clueless as a child is always going make it more difficult than learning well to start with. I mean, who knew there was such a thing as "an outline"!!!

 

[scats]

We didn’t have lots of money when I was younger, but I was fortunate that my parents were very supportive. I saved up to buy myself a £400 trailer (little wooden thing, no windows) and my Dad towed it with his old motorhome.
We would arrive at shows and park next to huge lorries with lovely ponies being unloaded and mums fussing around kids. Kids didn’t do anything for the ponies, they just waited til it was groomed and tacked up and then on they got.
We must have looked like the Clampetts! And as brilliant as my Dad was, he wasn’t horsey, so aside from hold the pony when needed, everything else was left to me. My pony was in her early twenties and had external melanomas all over the show... but she was an ex-Wembley pony and would absolutely wipe the floor with every other pony and win everything.
At the end of the day, we would happily load our lumpy pony into our old wooden trailer and drive off the showground, while the people with the posh horses and posh lorries struggled with lunge lines to get their ponies loaded.

Happy days!

 

[Marigold4]

OP, wait till you get a bit ancient, you won't give a stuff then! You'll just enjoy being able to even get on! ?

I AM pretty ancient! And realising that I have probably got as far as we can get. We do alright, get high 60s and sometimes 70s for Prelim and Novice but I know I just don't ride as well as these instructed teens. When I outgrew my pony, she went to a loan home and I tried skiing until I got back into riding in my 40s. It's the same with those little b*****ds on the ski slopes - they had instruction when they were young and so ski perfectly. I worked in a shoe shop in Saturdays to pay for my skiing which may make me moraaly superior, I suppose, but I was never going to ski as well as them because I started too late. Not obvs skiing now as have a horse before anyone thinks I'm a millionnaire!

 

[Marigold4]

We didn’t have lots of money when I was younger, but I was fortunate that my parents were very supportive. I saved up to buy myself a £400 trailer (little wooden thing, no windows) and my Dad towed it with his old motorhome.
We would arrive at shows and park next to huge lorries with lovely ponies being unloaded and mums fussing around kids. Kids didn’t do anything for the ponies, they just waited til it was groomed and tacked up and then on they got.
We must have looked like the Clampetts! And as brilliant as my Dad was, he wasn’t horsey, so aside from hold the pony when needed, everything else was left to me. My pony was in her early twenties and had external melanomas all over the show... but she was an ex-Wembley pony and would absolutely wipe the floor with every other pony and win everything.
At the end of the day, we would happily load our lumpy pony into our old wooden trailer and drive off the showground, while the people with the posh horses and posh lorries struggled with lunge lines to get their ponies loaded.

Happy days!

Well done you! How satisfying. The posh pony brigade must have been furious.

 

[southerncomfort]

Some of my most treasured memories from my childhood are hanging over a field gate feeding apples to the ponies that lived there (sorry but we all did it!), and spending the summer hanging out at the local stables doing work for rides. The best bit was riding the horses bareback about a mile away to their grazing land. Their would be two of us on each horse giggling all the way. ?

I never had any ambition to do anything other than hack the local trails and bridleways, with the odd sneaky gallop. For me, competing was something that the rich PC kids did and was completely out of reach of us inner city kids.

Funnily enough I'm now back in the same position of desperately wishing I had my own pony! ?

 

[Marigold4]

Is that the goal? It's not my goal. My goal is first and foremost to enjoy my horses.

The anticipation and then the joy of buying my first at 23 was worth not having rich parents with huge expectations of a return on their investment.

Well I did say IF that's the goal. Most of the time the goal is having happy healthy barefoot horses who like me. But then I go to a competition and suddenly it's all about doing well. I think perhaps I should stop competing, but then I feel I need some goals and would be a bit lost without them.

 

[Marigold4]

Some of my most treasured memories from my childhood are hanging over a field gate feeding apples to the ponies that lived there (sorry but we all did it!), and spending the summer hanging out at the local stables doing work for rides. The best bit was riding the horses bareback about a mile away to their grazing land. Their would be two of us on each horse giggling all the way. ?

I never had any ambition to do anything other than hack the local trails and bridleways, with the odd sneaky gallop. For me, competing was something that the rich PC kids did and was completely out of reach of us inner city kids.

Funnily enough I'm now back in the same position of desperately wishing I had my own pony! ?

No I never went to comps either unless they were on the door step. Loved Chase me Charlie when we got to do it. Do people still do gymkhanas? Had a lot of fun last summer when a bunch of kids asked me to join in their bucket elimination competition. We won - my horse neatly jumped two buckets. Perhaps we need more FUN competitions where there is laughing going on!

 

[Micky]

The downside to having helpers is you have all the nagging to go with it! And half of them can’t ride for toffee, overbent ponies to name one fault..my daughter was very happy meeting up with her pals at show she and on the yard, with just me and her father to help at shows, ratting around the fields with her friends having fun on ponies and if they won at shows, it was a bonus..unless you’re a 3 star eventer, I don’t think you need a mountain of helpers!

 

[HufflyPuffly]

It is a funny one, I bizarrely seem to have kinda been both sides of this now.

Was just a riding school kid until I got my first horse at 16 and omg it was just the dream! Initially cadging lifts, then begging mum to hire a trailer where I could, until mum got so fed up of ferrying me about I got a share in our horse box for my 21st. Then rocking up to shows in our weeny little box, slightly lumpy pony, on my own against all the massive posh boxes with pop out sides, grooms and sponsors decals everywhere. I do remember our first trip to Cheshire show coming second in the ridden PBA and another competitor kicking off about why she should have been placed higher , mummy was very sympathetic to her, the judge less so .

Now a fair few years older and lots more hard won experience in a range of disciplines I've had a few people be a little green eyed monster at how 'easy' it is for me and my horses, with the horsebox and with my mum who rides and obviously must help me loads etc.

The truth is mum loves hacking her horse and is a fantastic sounding board and support, but would rather gouge her own eyes out than come out competing with me acting the supportive/pushy mum role . It's all been paid for by myself and I've had to push myself to be better and find the right instructors who can get me there. The horses have been difficult and I have way more disastrous days than good ones lol, but I still get 'oh I wish my mum had a PSG horse I could ride' erm I might have been the one to train her to that mum thinks it's hilarious that anyone would think it's her who's done all the schooling!

So never forget whilst we're looking up at those who seem to have it gifted to them on a plate, there will always be those who are thinking the same about you!

 

[Regandal]

It’s never too late to learn how to ride better. My riding has changed after I found a classical instructor, and she’s not expensive. Forget others, enjoy your horse!