Feeling blue

Smurf's Gran said:
Then sharing a horse / going to a riding school would seem much more sensible, and would also meet her needs for own hobbies. Owning a horse is a massive commitment for time as well as money it is not the same as going to the football once a week. As for the DLA going into the family pot, the OP has already suggested using this to pay for the livery.
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I already said that not owning a horse would be the better option at the moment. :/

ETA I think you may be missing the point. The OP needs help, not being told what to spend or not spend her money on.
 
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kateandluelue said:
But what if OP prehaps is on DLA for depression, and by OP getting a hobby her mood improves and she is able to come off the DLA and her quality of life be far better? Is that not a better scenario? I do understand we have an issue in this country with the deficit however this realistically is not going to change and like nikicb says, shes been assessed and entitled to this.
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Appreciate what you are saying, and I understand that spending time doing something you love can make a difference, but buying a horse when you have a toddler and a baby, and you have needs so high that you are being given monies to meet your care needs (which for high rate are day and night).
In my role (as a Social Worker) I see real poverty every day, and I also see benefits being cut for people who are already desperate. It does not help public perceptions of the welfare state when someone on higher rate DLA is talking about funding a horse with it. In my role if I was not aware of things being very different for most, it would seem to add to the current Government's views that the benefits bill can be cut.
If the OP was going to ride twice per week (riding school /share etc) and used some of the DLA to look after children, help her with the house and shopping, drive her there etc. I could see that this would be a help.
Assuming that OP buys a horse and then feels better - and then comes off DLA how will the horse be paid for.
 
I think we will have to agree to disagree Smurf's Gran, i do see the points you are saying but also in my role- Health Visitor, i see both sides too.
 
I know this thread was never originally meant to be about DLA, but I know that a lot of people abuse the benefits they get; spending it on much worse things than horses (drugs, for example) so I personally think she should spend it on a horse.
If this money isn't "for" a hobby, then maybe it's the governemt's fault that she's still able to spend the money on horses. Maybe the government/police/tax office should do their jobs better and check to make sure people are spending their benefit money on things it "should" be spent on.
IMO if a horse makes a disabled/depressed person feel better and feel that they have a purpose/release in life, then it should be spent on a horse.
 
Assuming that OP buys a horse and then feels better - and then comes off DLA how will the horse be paid for.[/QUOTE]

I assume she'd get a job?
 
Ponycarrots said:
I know this thread was never originally meant to be about DLA, but I know that a lot of people abuse the benefits they get; spending it on much worse things than horses (drugs, for example) so I personally think she should spend it on a horse.
If this money isn't "for" a hobby, then maybe it's the governemt's fault that she's still able to spend the money on horses. Maybe the government/police/tax office should do their jobs better and check to make sure people are spending their benefit money on things it "should" be spent on.
IMO if a horse makes a disabled/depressed person feel better and feel that they have a purpose/release in life, then it should be spent on a horse.
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My point exactly. Hope OP is ok she hasnt commented :(
 
Well I think if the Conservatives get in again we will see some big changes to benefits and the latest leak was that they will be starting with DLA. When this happens I doubt that Horses and benefits will fit in the same sentence. I think they will be checking more and more rigorously.
 
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We clearly don't know the whole story here OP, but I wanted to let you know you have lots of support and good wishes. I think the fundamental issue here is your depression, and the most important thing is for you to get help and work out what is causing that. It might be an abusive husband, it might be having two young children, or it might be whatever is causing the need for DLA. Or something else entirely. Only you can work that out and if you need help I would urge you to seek it. It is not weakness to ask for help when you need it. Once you are happier and stronger you will be in a better position to work out what to do next. Being in contact with horses is brilliant therapy, but you don't need to own your own to get the benefits. I suspect that owning or not owning a horse is not the main issue here. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you. Good luck!
 
AS some one who works full time has 2 x horses and 2 x dogs I have next to no spare time or funds. im also sure there are plenty of other people just like me? would a share not be a compromise? may be the husband would come round to half a horse as it were? and you get the horse fix you need?
 
Smurf's Gran said:
Well I think if the Conservatives get in again we will see some big changes to benefits and the latest leak was that they will be starting with DLA. When this happens I doubt that Horses and benefits will fit in the same sentence. I think they will be checking more and more rigorously.
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DLA Has already gone for new claimants its pip now and the rules are very different .
 
Scheherezade said:
I became pregnant in 2011 and my husband said I'd have to sell my horse, and give up work. Which I did, so I am now horseless and a stay at home mum. Various friends have offered their horses to ride but it never seems to work out, and what I want to do is compete. Yesterday my husband said that his goal is to work his way to a position earning 60-70K, and I won't say what he's on now but it's double the average wage nationally roughly. He said even then he wouldn't let me have a horse, and if I go back into work he'll just make me pay for the mortgage and bills if I try to get a horse. But not if I don't. So it's just that he's anti me having a horse than he needs the money.However I get high rate DLA, so I think even then I could make it work, but he's determined that I will not have a horse again and partake in anything that isn't 'family time'. However he goes to watch Manchester Utd at Old Traffod by himself, whilst I'm stuck with the kids at his mums house.

I'm so fed up of not having an escape, of my life being tied to a 3 year old and a 6 month old. 2 months ago I reached crisis point and was admitted to a mother and baby unit. Unsurprisingly, when friends offered their horses to ride again, I got better quickly, but one is lame, the other unreliable, and ones only available term time .

Does this sound a bit unfair to anyone? I get £90pw DLA, and then if I got a part time job that would be wages on top. I made paying rent and livery work before, so surely I can do it again?
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The part in bold type defines what happens if the OP gets a job. I feel rather ill reading it :(

It's perfectly fine to be in full time employment whilst on DLA, never mind part time. However if you are on the High Rate and receive only £90 per week OP, then you are possibly not being paid the correct amount of DLA. WA and/or CAB can help you with this, as can your local Benefit's Office. They can also help you to find a route back into work, or to claim other Benefits such as ESA, Child Benefit, and Housing Benefit should you ever need them.
 
blitznbobs said:
DLA Has already gone for new claimants its pip now and the rules are very different .
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You're right, and its not good. If the Conservatives get in again I dread to think what will happen to vulnerable people in poverty (I'm not terribly sure that some other parties would be that different either) Judging by some comments on here there are some good principles in encouraging and supporting peoples rights, but there is no way that benefits and horses are going to be compatible, there will be some shocks to come.
 
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Arizahn said:
The part in bold type defines what happens if the OP gets a job. I feel rather ill reading it :(

It's perfectly fine to be in full time employment whilst on DLA, never mind part time. However if you are on the High Rate and receive only £90 per week OP, then you are possibly not being paid the correct amount of DLA. WA and/or CAB can help you with this, as can your local Benefit's Office. They can also help you to find a route back into work, or to claim other Benefits such as ESA, Child Benefit, and Housing Benefit should you ever need them.
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Higher rate Care is £81 per week ( and this is for someone who needs care and supervision day and night, or is terminally ill) it is for very high needs indeed.
 
Oh wow, I can't believe this thread has turned into a discussion on benefits - the op sounds like a very unhappy woman, how is the benefits she receives even relevant.

FWIW I don't think the not being able to have a horse thing is that tragic - people generally have to make personal sacrifices to have children. But expecting you not to work or do anything outside of child rearing? That's unforgivable. This man doesn't sound like he's trying his best to provide for his family, he sounds like he's trapping his wife. At the very least she certainly feels trapped.

Lots of women give up working to stay at home with kids, and if that's the terms of your relationship then fine, but if one party has forced it on another then that's incredibly sad.
 
Smurf's Gran said:
We are living in a country with a massive deficit, and the benefits bill keeps rising. I pay a great whack of tax also (as does my husband) . I want this to go to people who need it to live, for children who are homeless and living in poverty, to help families who are using food banks, and those who feel they have no stake in our society as there are no jobs and training for them. I see Local Authorities cutting back care for older people, many of whom are isolated and living in homes they cannot afford to heat. When all these needs are met, then I can feel better about someone using their higher rate DLA to fund a hobby that may make they feel better and happier. Happiness is important but when there are others around you in a poor state then fairness and some sort of equality is important This is the UK (which is in a bit of a state actually) we are not so loaded as a country that this type of luxury can be afforded by the tax payer.
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I have been reading this post but not commenting due to some very flippant and ignorant comments by some.
However I'd like to say thank you, Smurfs Gran. Your post brought a tear to my eye. I am someone who's daughter is seriously disabled and everything is such a fight, just to enable her to live an almost substandard life. She receives higher dla, and is totally immobile, has many health issues, is in and out of hospital and the actual cost of living for a disabled person such as her is so much higher, people don't even realise this. This is the life of someone who qualifies and seriously disabled and on higher dla. Not someone who wants a horse.
I firmly believe dla should be means tested, also, more rigorous checks into qualifying for it.

Op, my heart goes out to you. Maybe have lessons, help out out a rising school and have a share eventually?
Buying your own may prove too much with 2 children and disabilities. I hope you have support from family and friends.
 
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