Feeling down/Choosing the wrong horse.

If you're going to keep Mollie I'd try to think of ways to make the best if the situation. What do you like doing with her? Grooming, riding in lessons, chatting to the other liveries while you muck out? I would try to do more of what you like and less of what you don't.

Is she suitable for a sharer? Then they could ride her so you don't have to and you could use the money to get a share on another horse for yourself (on the same yard maybe). It could even be an arrangement where the sharer hacks out with you, if you're both riding horses on the same yard.
 
From an outsider who isn't emotionally involved it is crazy that you and your daughter are essentially suffering for this horse, you sound like you have done right by her and tried, maybe try cutting her off all foods etc like people have suggested but then call it a day. Either find a companion loan home for her where you can check her frequently or find cheaper retirement livery. If these options aren't possible then pts, she has no concept of the future and at 19 she has had a fairly good innings. And chances are if the accident is causing her to headhsake etc then there is an underlying problem and being pts could actually be a relief for her.
 
You can find perfect homes for companions who are easy and sensible. I have a pony who has been out on loan for coming up to 10 years to this family who wanted a pony they could turn out with other horses who was sensible and sweet. We advertised him and he had this perfect home literally a week later...
 
I am speaking as someone who has several old ponies all have been my children's ponies and have earned their keep over time, and I have memories of the times we had.
You sound a sweet person but this horse which you bought for one thing is of no use to you. You may want to care for it but all horses care about is food and need company preferably equine. You are locked in to something that you do not really want and in time will resent it so what ever way you do it, let it go and do not feel guilty.
 
It is a hard situation you are in but let me share my recent story with you.
I had my last horse, Chico, for 3 years, I bought him unbacked and had him professionally broken in, we were getting on okay but he was very spooky, was terrible in traffic, had health issues and refused point blank to load.
He was a super loving horse to deal with but i couldnt hack with others (in case he upset their horse) only on my own and was always very tense and he was scared of anything large than a Mini! I also couldnt go anywhere fun with him, not even to the park, or fun rides, because he simply wouldnt load, not even after 2 professional visits. He was lazy to ride in the school too so it was frustrating getting him going and he was always super spooky at things.
Despite how much I loved him to pieces I finally decided to put him up for sale. 2 weeks later he was on his way to the most amazing loving long term home I could have wished for.

I went out, found my current horse Kasper, brought him home the next week and I simply havent looked back. In 2 months we have been showing, dressage, XC, fun rides, hacking, park rides, showjumping - more than I did with Chico in 3 years!

I am back to enjoying owning a horse again, i cant explain how much having the right horse makes a difference. I'm happier, more confident, my general mood has lifted and I am so so so glad I made the decision to sell.

Yes Mollie has had a bad past but there are hundreds of people out there who would give her just as good, if not maybe better, home than you, where she can fullfil her potential with a more confident rider. And just becasue she's gone doesnt mean you cant keep in touch, Chico's new owner is also a new friend for me and I know we will be in touch for years to come.

Just give it some thought, it's an expensive past time if you simply arent enjoying it. The decision is heartbreaking but once it's done and you've moved on you will wonder why you didnt do it sooner.
 
I'm not the sentimental kind, so it's almost impossible for me to empathise with you; but why on earth are you doing this to yourself? It sounds worse than the most dysfunctional marriage ever, and with a much easier outcome. If the horse doesn't suit, then sell on/loan/PTS and go get the horse you need. You are not doing anyone (including the horse, who is blissfully ignorant) any favours and are simply punishing yourself for no reason whatsoever. Just because you "promised" a home for life doesn't mean you have to deny yourself and your daughter the pleasure of riding; believe me the horse won't be grateful for, or even aware of, your sacrifice.
 
if it helps! my mare is now 28, I had her almost 13 yrs old and she was a nutter for the first 7ish years, after than I retired her then ended up moving to a new yard, in a quiet village, only 3 horses on the yard, her my other mare and a friends mare, and I can say ive never seen her so happy! I started riding her again and for the first time in 8years I actually enjoyed riding her! and for 3 years so was the horse that I dreamed of her always being! I've moved towns now and have moved the horses again but to another small yard, with just my 3 now! and she's still happy, im not riding at the moment because im too heavy for her at the mo but she has happily plodded out with my little cousins, she'd have never done this in the past!

so there is hope there for you! fingers x'd

good luck x
 
Thanks for all your comments everyone, even those who think I'm crazy. :wink3:

She doesn't cost much to keep and has rarely needed the vet. If she was suffering or was going to run up huge vet's bills I'd pts. As long as she's well and content, I will let things be. I do ride her, but it has become more of a chore than a pleasure. I will persevere though, things may change. :)

I very strongly feel that passing on an older horse, especially one with issues, is risky and irresponsible unless you're really sure of the person taking them on. I wouldn't rule out rehoming but I'm not going to be advertising or looking for anyone.

Tonight I've been poo picking in the evening sunshine. Mollie watched my car coming up the drive and called to me from her field. She followed me round as I worked, touching me with her nose. She might be a rubbish horse, but she's still my girl and I'll do right by her.
 
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chameleon said:
How big is Mollie? If she is over 16hh it might be worth looking at the Equine Blood Bank - if you search on here you will find a number of threads about it, the horses seem to have a good quality of life....just thought I would mention it in case is was a possible option for you.
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She's 14.2. I seem to remember there's an age limit too. But thankyou for the suggestion. :)
 
Have you considered somewhere like the bluecross where they offer a direct rehome option? They have lists of people looking for loans - ridden or companions and can find a new home where the horse moves directly to the new home from your home so no long stay at the charity. You never know they may also have something suitable for you?

Of course they still monitor the loan for life so no worry of her future.
 
Just a thought.. Do you have a local horse forum? Is there anyone advertising for a rider wanted. There are often people wanting someone to ride and care for older semi retired horses who just want a reliable person who will turn up when they say, and give some help in return.
Finally if you don't really enjoy riding her is there anything on the ground e.g natural horsemanship or horse agility?
 
As you want to keep her, how about finding a really good instructor with experience/success in building up confidence (which is a skill in itself IMO) and both you and your daughter have some lessons?
 
I do have someone else who rides her. A lovely teenage girl who was helping with one or two liveries on the yard has been riding Mollie for about a year now. She had quite a few lessons on her at first and since then pops up to ride Mollie once a week term time, several times a week when she's not at school or away.

She copes better than I do, being young and bendy and more confident. She fell off a few times at first when Moll did some of her more spectacular shies but doesn't seem bothered by that. It gives Moll more exercise, and means I have help when I'm stuck at work and need someone else to muck out etc, but it doesn't really help much with my own issues about riding Moll.
 
Faracat said:
As you want to keep her, how about finding a really good instructor with experience/success in building up confidence (which is a skill in itself IMO) and both you and your daughter have some lessons?
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That is something I'm looking into and have been recommended someone.
 
Have you by any chance tried a Micklem Bridle?

FionaM12 said:
Over two years ago, I got my beloved Mollie horse. :) I had huge problems with her, which I came here for advice about and will always be grateful for the lovely support I got.

I had returned to riding after a nearly 35 year health-enforced gap and had a few lessons, then rode out on a local farmer's horse twice a week. I used to take a four year old 15.2 hh mare and hack out alone for a couple of hours, round the countryside, town and park, happy and confident.

Then I decided that, lovely as that was, I needed my own horse again. :redface3: So more than three decades after I last owned a horse, I set about looking for a quiet, sensible but fun large pony/small horse for a creaky lady in my 50s and my very novice daughter.

Some of you may remember that I ended up with the nervous, quirky, head-shaking but beautiful Mollie. I decided to persevere with her for at least a year. Both myself and my daughter had lessons on her, I found a way of managing her head-shaking, and I investigated her past.

I found out that she'd had a very sad life, including a catastrophic road accident and poll damage, which is almost definitely the cause of her head-shaking and some of her other problems.

At this point, I vowed I'd never allow her to suffer again. Unless I was 100% sure of her fate, she'd stay with me until the end. She's 19. I feel that I promised her that, and I'll keep that promise.

The sad thing is, she's still the wrong horse. :( I really don't enjoy riding much now. I still find her nerve-racking to ride, and I remember wistfully the days when I used to hack out happily on the farmer's big mare. My daughter seems to have given up, and tbh I think she's a little afraid of Mollie. :(

Mollie is happy, and I love her very much. I also love being a horse-owner again and find great satisfaction in seeing her contented and healthy. But I also fantasize about hacking out round the countryside and not feeling on edge the whole time.

If I had my time again I'd do it differently. I know the mistakes I made in choosing Moll and I'd not make them again. But at my age (57) it's not likely I'll get the chance to do it again. I can't afford a second horse or to pay for rides like I used to, I only just afford Moll's keep.

I'm not seeking advice, I don't expect anyone to solve the problem for me. I'm just feeling a little sad that after all those years when I couldn't go near horses, I had a chance again yet don't enjoy riding. :(

Just getting it off my chest really....
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Just want to say how much I admire you for sticking to your principles and not selling her on.

Yes it's a shame you don't enjoy riding her, but you have been given some things to try ( no haylage, no mag etc), and hopefully an instructor can help you more.

But if you are enjoying looking after her, well, she is one lucky horse! Good luck :)

Oh, btw, have you tried a calcium calmer?
http://www.nupafeed.co.uk/calcium-horse-calmers/4575011595
 
If she was mine and I could not rehome which sounds doubtful I would PTS, I don't see horses as pets like dogs and cats as they are far to expensive, I see them as a sport or hobby and I would not sacrifice riding for a field ornament
Sounds like you tried your best and that someone just offloaded there problem horse on you as they did not want to deal with her issues and because getting old.

I would then purchase the horse you have always dreamed of before you miss the boat. Hope things work out for you.
 
FionaM12 said:
Thanks for all your comments everyone, even those who think I'm crazy. :wink3:

She doesn't cost much to keep and has rarely needed the vet. If she was suffering or was going to run up huge vet's bills I'd pts. As long as she's well and content, I will let things be. I do ride her, but it has become more of a chore than a pleasure. I will persevere though, things may change. :)

I very strongly feel that passing on an older horse, especially one with issues, is risky and irresponsible unless you're really sure of the person taking them on. I wouldn't rule out rehoming but I'm not going to be advertising or looking for anyone.

Tonight I've been poo picking in the evening sunshine. Mollie watched my car coming up the drive and called to me from her field. She followed me round as I worked, touching me with her nose. She might be a rubbish horse, but she's still my girl and I'll do right by her.
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I don't think you're crazy at all. Mollie sounds like a smashing mare.
 
I am in a fairly similar situation I long to hack out alone feeling safe and have spent the last few weeks riding my mare along the same track and back on our own getting her used to it and trying to be confident we were doing ok then the last couple of times she wouldnt relax and looked at things and felt spooky. I think its her seasons and am getting some raspberry leaves and agnus castus to see if it helps her .Like you I love my girl well I adore her am also late fifties and perhaps havnt chosen the best riding partner but shes mine for life . Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with her .
 
oh gosh FionaM12 I really feel for you... there is some good advice on here especially about management. I too am over 50 and you really cant afford to take the chances you once did! I think the poster who suggested looking on facebook sites was so that YOU could maybe ride someone else's quieter horse, if people are looking for that. It is such a shame not to be able to enjoy your riding - I can understand that you don't feel right having Mollie PTS so you can afford another horse but have you thought whether there are any options where you could have another say on loan? Eg moving to cheaper keep arrangements. Even, dare I say it, using some savings or borrowing some money if you know you can pay it back - at 57 you wont be able to ride for ever and 5 years now riding something that you really enjoy is something you may not have the option to do in another 10 years' time. Sorry that sounds gloomy - I am in a similar boat but with a few more years in hand and a SLIGHTLY less scary horse! Good luck x x
 
Just want to say, well done for sticking with your own values.. There is nothing wrong with loving a horse and keeping it as ornament! I have two from the Blue cross as I missed our old ponies after they came to the point where they could not go on.

Would it be possible for you to offer a home to a rescue pony or horse to rîde and afford two. If you want to ride it is sad not to enjoy it whilst you have the health to do so

Do hope you can find a solution that you are happy with.
 
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FionaM12 said:
The sad thing is, she's still the wrong horse. :( I really don't enjoy riding much now. I still find her nerve-racking to ride, and I remember wistfully the days when I used to hack out happily on the farmer's big mare. My daughter seems to have given up, and tbh I think she's a little afraid of Mollie. :(....
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Riding is supposed to be enjoyable for both the rider and horse. You don't enjoy riding her that much and my question would be does she enjoy being ridden? Would she prefer to stay in the field?

Could you consider being a sharer to another horse? Maybe there's someone local to you who needs help exercising a horse? At least that way you could have a horse to ride at no/minimal extra cost and still enjoy just owning Mollie. At 19 and with a history of injuries it might be time to call it a day on her ridden career?
 
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