Feeling down. Sorry.

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LauraWheeler

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I'm feeling very low tonight. Tomorrow it will be one month since i lost Lucy. I think about her everyday and miss her so much. I can talk about her sometimes now but always end up in tears. I tried talking to someone the otherday and started welling up and they told me to stop torturing myself and move on. It felt like they where telling me to forget about her so it wouldn't upset me everytime i think of her. But this is the same person who said i should have put Lucy down when she was diagnosed and then said i was crule for keeping her going and doing that sponsourd ride on her.
My life just seems to be falling in around me at the mo and i need Lucy more than ever. I wish she was still here but she's not and i find that very hard. I know i couldn't ask her to stay. I still havn't collected her things from the vets i keep putting it off and i hate the fact that i have to send the trophy that we won at one of are last ever shows back soon. I wish I could keep it forever. I know it's only a trophy but i was so proud of Lucy when we won it and i think she was proud of herself to.
I made this little video and wanted to share it with you all. It has lots of unseen photos like our very first show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdQjL2J-5QA

Hope you liked it.
Thanks for looking.

RIP Lucy. My beautiful angel, the brightest star in heaven.
 
Oh Laura!

It's not surprising, I'm afraid - grief gets you in the gut like this. Doesn't make it feel any better though, knowing it's normal, does it?

You need to talk about her and only YOU will know when you are ready to move on: and it won't be a conscious decision. It will just... happen. And, until that time, you need people to just listen.

And that muzzle that nudges you to sleep at the end of a crappy day is still Lucy's and always will be. xx
 
Thats a beautiful video darling. I can not imagine what you are going through - but you have to be strong, at the end of the day its definitely what Lucy would want you to do.

She is looking down on you, happy and healthy...

Keep being brave, everyday it will hurt a little less... and dont worry about getting her stuff from the vets, that hurdle can be tackled as and when you feel up to it... xx
 
Agree with Blinky01 would think that if you asked they would let you keep the trophy, you may have to send them a substitute but at least you get to keep the one that you and Lucy won.
 
Biggest hugs to you. Took me months to get over losing Marcus so can empathise completely :(

Can you perhaps ask the organisers if you could donate a new trophy in place of the old one as a Lucy memorial trophy?
 
i do feel for you Laura- couldn't you ask to keep the trophy under the circumstances and offer to replace it with a different one? they say time is a healer but that is of no help at this present time, just remember that we are all feeling for you, but theres nothing else i can say to help.
 
Just watched your video and got lump in my throat. It looks like you had some wonderful times together and those are the times you need to remember. You have some fantastic memories of her. You will never forget her, but time will make it easier - not next month, or even the one after, but eventually it will get better. x
 
That's a lovely video Laura, you just have to see how her sweet little ears are pricked forward every time you are riding her to know that she loved her life with you and you made all the right decisions for her. I know these are sad times but you have to remember the happiness you two had together, and so what if it makes you cry sometimes - that's what makes you human and such a good 'mum'. :)
I also think you should ask if it would be possible for you to keep the trophy.
You have lots of friends on here to support you so don't apologise for feeling down, we all know how we can get attached to our ponies and it is worse than losing a limb to lose them

Big hugs x
 
You're bound to have lots of ups and downs, Laura, and must miss Lucy dreadfully. Grief is a painful but necessary process and you will get through this horrid time. You have so many wonderful memories of Lucy to treasure and it is lovely that you can share them.
Would you be able to get someone to collect the things from the vet for you? Don't worry, as I am sure the vets will be happy to wait until you're ready.
 
I know how you feel hon. Anything would set me off into tears when I lost my boy for about 4 months. Think it was only when I bought my puppy that I started to get around the corner.

It does get better. But let it all out.
 
The video was lovely and a great tribute to Lucy. It may be best to get a replica of the trophy, as many trophies are memorials to people or animals and having been donated, could not be given away. We gave a memorial trophy for a class which our horse would have been eligable for, may be an idea to do the same for Lucy.
 
oh sweetie, i'm so sorry you are feeling sad.

You really did the right thing for Lucy. The whole of her life, not just at the end.

the next few months are going to be hard - two steps forward and one step back. That's not to say that you will (or should) forget about her, but the pain will eventually fade and will only leave behind the happy memories.

That video is lovely :) Lucy was so lucky to have you to love her
xxx
 
there's nothing to appologise for! its totally understandable.

I think the person who's telling you to move on is probably jealous as they know they'd never have had the guts to stand by and support Lucy through her illness (good times and bad). Put it to one side and let yourself grieve as you need to.

hugs heading your way!
 
Thankyou everyone. I've just had such a tough eve. One minuet i seem to be coping fine and the next i just want to give Lucy a great big hug. Which is stupid because i know thats not possable.
The trophy is a memoreal to two people and has been given out at the show since the 80s so i don't think they will let me keep it :( and i would also feel bad for asking. I've got loads of pics of it and it has Lucys name on it which will be there forever. I'll have to look into getting a trophy in her memory if i can afford it as that sounds like a lovely way to honour Lucys memory but i don't know what to do it for. It would be nice to do it for someone who probably wouldn't normaly get a trophy as that was me and Lucy (If that makes any sence).
 
Thankyou thelwell_girl and horsecrazy25.

Lucy did loads of tricks she was so cleaver and lurnt them so quickly. I always used to say we where going to run away and join the circus. I'm just sad i didn't get them all on film :(
 
*hugs*
You make such beautiful videos in her memory and I think the trophy idea is a fantastic one :)
Time will heal the pain, and you must remember this doesn't mean you are forgetting her - you will never forget your girl - but it just makes it easier to deal with day to day. The grief becomes easier to bear and you'll start to smile at the good things you did, rather than cry at your loss. Just for now, it's good to do that and let it all out.

K x
 
Trophy - In memory of Lucy, the best rescue pony ?? (Just an idea)

Sorry your feeling sad, it will get easier, just give it time.
Lots of hugs.

I know its not the same, but maybe Herbie can take more hugs? Iam sure he will understand, ponies always seem to.
 
Thankyou KellysHeroes. I hope the videos show what an amazing pony she realy was. She was so special truly a 1 in 8 million pony. Making them helps me think about the good times. I can remember egsactly when every photo was taken and can tell each story behind the picture.
 
Thankyou Ruthnmeg Good idea for the trophy although not shore how you could prove your horse was a rescue. (I know people who would lie in order to get a trophy :eek:) and i would want to be shore it went to a truly deserving pony/horse. If you get what i mean.
Herbie does seem to be trying his best but he's just not Lucy. God thats an awful thing to say i know :( He is getting better with his cuddles but i still wouldn't trust him 100% not to turn around and kick you once he'd had enough.
 
I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. Without sounding cold, you will feel better in time. You won't ever forget her or stop missing her, but the feeling won't pack the same punch over time. Don't worry about having a good cry, you've got to let it out. When I miss someone (have lost my hb) I just try and concentrate on them being happy where they are and I just need to get used to missing them. If I break it down like that then sometimes it helps and makes it feel more do-able. Just don't beat yourself up about how you are feeling. Everyone grieves differently. You gave her a wonderful life so try and remember how good you were to her, and that she will be happy now too. I love your videos, but haven't watched this one yet as I know I'll just be in floods! Perhaps for the trophy you could do it for most improved duo (the winners would have to go to the show two years in a row which could be a prob with recording it) - no winning needed, but lots of work can really pay off in a year even if you are still nowhere near a rosette! Or perhaps you could think up a class that would give those who don't quite fit into others a go. Not sure what that could be though, maybe a handy pony/family pony type obstical course (could be in-hand or ridden) then a brief showing element to it aswell - concentrating on effort in preparation and on the day rather than flashy turnout and an automon of a horse!!
Hugs xx
 
Oh laura, I was thinking about you yesterday and wanted to ask how you were, but then didn't want to bring it up, just in case. I am so sorry you are having to go thru this, grief is such a b****, and there just seems to be no end in sight at times. But it's such early days, and I promise you that it will get better. The video is lovely, and making things like this will help you to come to terms with the fact that little Lucy has gone from earth, but never from your heart.

The trophy idea is fab. Sending you huge (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) and do keep talking, as I know we want to help you every step of the way. I often wonder if you're ok.

much love, sm xx
 
glosgirl i'm sorry for your loss. Thankyou for your message. I like the idea of not having to win the class to get the trophy. I'll have to get my thinking cap on to come up with an idea. I especaialy want to encourage young children who can't afford a nice posh pony but love going out with there best friend and having fun. Just like Lucy and i did.

shysmum thankyou. It's nice to know i can always come on here and get such lovely support when my so called friends tell me to just get over it. :( It doesn't seem to be getting any easyer i still can't have photos out of her i only look at them sometimes. I feel guilty not having them out all the time like i used to but it hurts to look at them all the time. I just wish she was still here but then i feel guilty as i know i couldn't have asked her to stay.
 
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