Feeling guilty about wanting to sell my horse, just had enough now

R

rafty

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 March 2012
Messages
152
Visit site
Hi, I wanted to get some advice from other people who have been in the same position as me, or can just offer some words to help me.

I brought my first horse 3 years ago. I originally wanted a pony but when I saw this horse he seemed perfect. He is a wonderful boy, with great manners and really has a heart of gold. So why do I want to sell?

Well, I am a novice rider and he was 5 when I brought him. He has been a struggle for me to ride as he can be very strong and wilful and testing at times. I am happy to do dressage on him and hack him out occasionally on our own together. Hacking was really what I wanted to do, but after he took off with me once I lost my nerve. I still go out with him, but he does seem to forget I am there at times and its hard to get his attention back. Jumping is just a joke, he is way to high and level for me and I am endlessly hurting myself by falling off.

I love him dearly and if he was a little bugger on the ground would have no second thoughts about selling him. But he is the horse that even nervous yard helpers are not scared off, he is the horse that all the girls love at the yard.

However, I just wish he was smaller, and easier for me to ride. I really want something I can just enjoy, and not always have such a struggle with. I would like to enjoy going for a hack or popping over a couple of logs. I would also like something my children could share with me.

I am so stuck as to what is the best thng to do. What if I sell and regret it, or end up with a naughty pony. Wish these decisions could be easier or even made for me sometimes.

Thanks for anyone who made it through that, and who can help in anyway.
 
You have to do what is right for you.....

I had a similar situation but last year finally got my head round it and now have a fab little horse that I can hack out on and do all the fun things I wanted to do with my other one but was too scared to do! I can honestly say I have never looked back :)
 
I think you should consider selling, having been in your position. I have a horse that doesnt do what I want and has seriously dented my confidence. However he is also a lovely horse on the ground and I cant bear to part with him. I am coming to the end of wanting to ride so keep him just to play with. If you want something to ride there will be a horse out there for you. Have you spoken to any good instructors?
 
If you're not happy, then he's probably not happy either. One of the hardest things to do is to part with a horse (well, any animal. Or person.) that you love BUT if you look at it that's in his - and your - best interests then perhaps that makes it easier to bear?

Personally I think it takes a big, courageous person to a) admit there's a problem and b) tackle it - especially in circumstances such as yours but if you genuinely believe he's not the horse for you then you will probably both be happier if you part company.

Im sure you will do your utmost to find him a good home, that's all anyone can ask of you.

As for ending up with a naughty pony... a possibility yes, but equally you might find your perfect partner both out of and IN the saddle.

Don't forget, there's no rush. You can sell him tomorrow just as easily as today. Good luck with your decision.
 
If you sold him (to a good home) - would you sleep at night?

^ This is how I judge what is right or wrong for me to do.


Lots of people will post what they would do in your situation and their reasons will be valid and sensible (mostly ;) ).

I say read all their replies but still listen to your heart. :)

Good luck - horses are never totally straight forward.

PS. I still have my 'not suitable for comptitions' mare and I don't regret keeping her.
 
Please remember we keep and ride horses for pleasure.

It costs the same amount, financially, to keep an unsuitable horse as it does a suitable horse. It costs substantially more, in emotional terms, to keep an unsuitable horse which is giving you no pleasure and by the sound of your post, is frightening you.

I advise you to get some professional help with putting the horse on the market and selling it. Afterwards, get professional help again and source a suitable horse that you can enjoy and stay safe on.

The fact that you find your horse difficult doesn't mean somebody else will and the horse can easily go on be successful with someone else. I know its difficult for you and I have experienced the same thing, but I can assure you when you sell him and find a horse you can treasure you will realise it was the right decision.
 
I feel your pain! I am in the same situation - I have a horse who is PERFECT in most areas but not the horse for the things I would like to do. He was the perfect first horse but I have outgrown him and his abilities. He is also the one everyone loves at the yard and such a gentle soul. I feel that no one else will understand his little quirks and insecurities and feel as if I am letting him down by selling him on!

He has also been rather dangerous when trying to jump independently and I have had quite a few falls in the past!!

I am NOT in a position to have 2 horses on full livery so I have to do whats right for me and what I want to get out of my riding.

To make things worse, the poor boy sustained an injury when I made the decision to sell a while ago. We have done some serious bonding whilst he has been on the mend so it is going to be very tough when he is ready for sale!

Good luck - I am sure you will find someone who will look after him as well as you have! I sure hope I do!!
 
Last edited:
I think we have all been in this situation at some time, it sounds like this is just to much horse for you at the moment, I can really sympathize with your predicament. Many years ago as a very novice rider I bought my first horse who was a total love on the ground but ended up frightening the watsit out of me in the saddle, I loved her so much I couldn't sell her but I did invest a lot of money in good trainers and real expert help to up my game so I could do her justice, I was lucky enough to be able to afford the time and money to do this, had I not been I would have definitely sold her because my lack of experience was not fair to what turned out to be a great horse. You also don't want to have your own confidence shattered it is after all is said and done supposed to be fun. Good luck I am sure your heart will tell you whats right for you and your horse in the end.
 
he sounds like a lovely horse, but from what you have said he isn't right for you. You have given it a good shot and persevered for a long time, but it is too expensive a hobby to keep a horse you don't enjoy riding if that is what you want to do. Don't feel guilty, take your time and when you are ready find him a lovely home and get a pony you and your kids can enjoy. Please don't be too hard on yourself, you weren't to know he wouldn't be quite right. Good luck!
 
oh im glad you posted this i was just about to post about the same thing! i have had my horse almost two years and whilst he is lovely on the ground and i enjoy grooming him and just pottering around with him, he is just not the horse for me ridden wise as he has also took off with me several times (due to him being young and me not being a confident enough rider to take charge of situation) so i am also in position of do i sell or keep at it? i have had lessons and whilst they have helped and we have had sucesses, but i still keep coming back to having trouble with my confidence so i think i will probly sell, just plucking up the courage to as i know it will be very hard! it is hard when you love them but i know he would be having much more fun with someone else who would do lots of things i just dont have the nerve to do on a school master let alone a 5yr old cob! (anyone after one of these let me know! lol)
my friend went through a similar experience and has just sold hers and found the most lovely and suited horse for her and her confidence stage right now, she said although she missed her old horse it is such a relief to just be able to rleax and enjoy herself riding again
 
I have always said life is too short for a horse that you cant just get on and ride! and also too expensive, find him a nice home and get something that you can do all you want on, you want to wake up in the morning and if its nice day you can say i am going for a ride, on my own or with others, you have to feel happy on board your horse. I can take mine out in wind/rain, with others, on his own, in the school, show, sponsored ride, this is an expensive hobby and you need to get the most out of it.
 
vanessa roberts said:
I have always said life is too short for a horse that you cant just get on and ride! and also too expensive, find him a nice home and get something that you can do all you want on, you want to wake up in the morning and if its nice day you can say i am going for a ride, on my own or with others, you have to feel happy on board your horse. I can take mine out in wind/rain, with others, on his own, in the school, show, sponsored ride, this is an expensive hobby and you need to get the most out of it.
Click to expand...

Totally correct. We owners work hard to keep and enjoy our horses. Think about it this way - most of us do a 40 hour week to pay for an hour on our horse at the weekend. That horse needs to be the right one for us to enjoy in safety.
 
Don't feel guilty, he's just not the horse for you, it doesn't make him a bad horse or you a bad owner. Find him a nice home with someone who can enjoy him and then look for one you can enjoy.

A nervous novice friend has recently sold her 17hh shire cross and found an adorable, genuine cob. I've never seen her so happy, she is riding every day and having fun, she does not regret selling her big lad who went to a super home.
 
The fact that you are considering selling speaks for itself. He's a lovely horse, you're a lovely person but you have different needs. He needs a more confident and experienced rider and you would like an experienced, confidence giver.

I would get help to sell him and stick to your original plan of buying a smaller, family horse.

Good luck!
 
Owning a horse is meant to be enjoyable. You're meant to be able to relax and have fun. It's a costly hobby if you don't enjoy it.


If he doesn't suit you, sell him.

He won't care, so long as he has a nice home and is fed/ watered/ cared for, he won't feel an emotional attachment to you, so let go of the feelings of guilt.


Go buy something you can enjoy 100%.
 
Thanks for all of your replies. They have really helped me to see I am not the only one who feels like this and lots of other words of wisdom.

I think I am going to look for a pony before selling and then if I find one that is perfect will sell my horse on. Luckily I am in a position to do that although not sure my husband will be best pleased!!.
 
About 20 years ago I had a CBX mare who had a mind of her own, I enjoyed riding her and rode her all over and accepted that it was going to be a long haul. Then we moved house and my husband woked away more and I had 2 small children.
One day out on a hack I was riding down the High Street she did one of her manoevers and headed towards someone minding his own buisness on the footpath who managed to avoid her.
When I got home I cryed because all I could think about was what if it had been a child or a women with a buggy who wern't fast enough. It was all right for me but what aboout otheres. So I looked for a nice pony that my children could ride and I could hack out, which I found and sold her.
Now yes I was sad, and she was a lovely mare on the ground but in the long run it was the best for our family and walkers in our area.
The pony is now in her 20's and did PC,dressage, showing with both my daughters perhaps if my circumstances had have been different I could have worked around her but my children would have never had the lovely pony we still have.
Sometimes you just have to do the best for you and your horse would probablely find someone who would find him less testing.
 
I feel your pain as i bought a 4 year old tb when i was 14 years old against lots of sensible advice not to! They it seems turned out to be right and after 7 years i gave in admitted that he wasnt right for me and moved him on. I have since heard that he has been sold on a couple of times but is doing very well now. So alls well that ends well.

I think from your post you know what the right decision is, but you are a little worried about saying it out loud. Sounds like it would be best all round to sell him and get something to enjoy :)
 
How you feel now is exactly how I felt a month ago, the horse I brought was too much for me and used to take off down the road for no reason. Like you I just wanted to hack do pleasure rides. I sold him back to the dealer and now I have my cob, my confidence was really knocked but now I'm out hacking for hours on my own, and even pop a few logs. And now I'm loving riding again instead of dreading it. Your horse will find a good home and you can have another one that you can start to enjoy.
 
I was in exactly the same position as you, lovely boy who I adored, but at the end of the day he frightened me, 3/4 TB who had a few 'yeehaa' moments and I couldn't stop him, resulting in a few falls and shattered confidence. Nothing nasty, just sheer youthful exuberance and me clinging on in fright instead of being calm & firm with him and strongly eminding him of his manners ! I got to the stage where I dreaded riding, so I made the hard decision to sell him.

Luckily at the time my husband had been having lessons and we were considering a second horse for him, so he has now taken him on. While i didn't end up selling him, I never rode him again after making the decision. And if my husband had not taken him on, as hard as it would have been, I would have sold him.

As many others have said, we have horses to enjoy them and if deep down you are not enjoying it, and you know he's not the one for you, there's no shame in admitting this and selling him. You will both end up happier.

I ended up getting a 11 yr old schoolmaster, a perfect gentleman and I love it. I feel safe and am just loving riding again, which I hadn't for almost a year.
 
If you are not enjoying your horse it would probably be best to sell it but you might find it hard to find the happy hacker (& one for the children) perhaps go for a more experienced horse next time. Lots of people buy younger horses thinking they can train them(some do) but if it was a first horse I would advise for one been there seen it done it. Hard to find.

And make sure you take someone who really knows what you are looking for too.

Selling is very hard but if you ensure the horse goes to a caring home and inspect it before it goes as well etc. Most buyers I have come across are genuine but you will know if they are not.

Good luck though
 
You might be able to swap or find a share person who can get him going properly, it sounds as though he is just to big for his boots. really you needed something older who has "been sorted out".
i am not convinced that the horse is too big, some smaller ponies can be pretty sharp.
 
honetpot said:
About 20 years ago I had a CBX mare who had a mind of her own, I enjoyed riding her and rode her all over and accepted that it was going to be a long haul. Then we moved house and my husband woked away more and I had 2 small children.
One day out on a hack I was riding down the High Street she did one of her manoevers and headed towards someone minding his own buisness on the footpath who managed to avoid her.
When I got home I cryed because all I could think about was what if it had been a child or a women with a buggy who wern't fast enough. It was all right for me but what aboout otheres. So I looked for a nice pony that my children could ride and I could hack out, which I found and sold her.
Now yes I was sad, and she was a lovely mare on the ground but in the long run it was the best for our family and walkers in our area.
The pony is now in her 20's and did PC,dressage, showing with both my daughters perhaps if my circumstances had have been different I could have worked around her but my children would have never had the lovely pony we still have.
Sometimes you just have to do the best for you and your horse would probablely find someone who would find him less testing.
Click to expand...

This sounds so familiar to me in some ways. I do worry what will happen when I ride my horse, he does spook and shy etc. along with the rest of things he does. My husband also works away alot and I have two young children. Sometimes when I take them on bike rides I think how nice it would be if we had a pony I could ride and they could ride their bikes alongside and then take it turns to ride the pony. We have so much off road hacking and bike riding areas that it would just be perfect. Its just not something I can ever dream of with my horse. Its such a shame I love him so much and it hurts to let him down.
 
Miss L Toe said:
You might be able to swap or find a share person who can get him going properly, it sounds as though he is just to big for his boots. really you needed something older who has "been sorted out".
i am not convinced that the horse is too big, some smaller ponies can be pretty sharp.
Click to expand...

I have someone who rides him as well, and she gets on amazingly with him and can do all the things I can't. She is a more experienced rider than me. It doesn't help my feelings though, as I look on thinking I wish that could be me but I know it never will be that person as I am not that confident.

I am much more confident on a pony, it doesn't worry me when they spook. Its all in the head!!! But my children definately can't ride the horse I have now.
 
If you sold him to an experienced home he'd be able to work at the level someone else needs whereas right now, both of you are being wasted. You should sell him or loan him, if you're not happy then your heart won't be in it 100%. IMO the fairest thing to both of you would be to sell or loan, if you can.
Another thing. You buy a horse so you bought him. You bring a horse so you brought him. Couldn't help myself :/
Good luck to both of you
 
Gosh, such a lot of angst, and sooo many people who buy horses that are too much for them: where is all the good advice/common sense that would help people to perhaps WAIT until they are capable of riding well enough to own their own horse. Or indeed where are the dealers who can produce horses that really are suitable for novice riders? And the riding schools/instructors that are doing a proper job of teaching. I wonder.
 
Cortez said:
Gosh, such a lot of angst, and sooo many people who buy horses that are too much for them: where is all the good advice/common sense that would help people to perhaps WAIT until they are capable of riding well enough to own their own horse. Or indeed where are the dealers who can produce horses that really are suitable for novice riders? And the riding schools/instructors that are doing a proper job of teaching. I wonder.
Click to expand...

Sorry is this supposed to help? I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean it to sound so patronising.

I am sure my instructor would say I was capable of riding my horse. But I want something I can enjoy hacking out with my children, more than it being hard work.
 
It's not a case of not being able to ride, It's when a horse turns out not to be suitable for what you want to do. You only have a short time to try before you buy, it's only when you get them home you find they are not suitable. In my case I was not prepared to put me the horse or others in danger.
 
A couple of things have sprung to mind whilst reading this post and the other replies.

I. I'd be careful about buying something the kids could ride too, I did this and in 3 years my daughter has ridden about 6 times, and I've had to cycle with her on bumpy bridlepaths in the hot sun.

2. It sounds like you may be better with an older horse. I am not the best rider in the world, more love for it than skill (!) my horse was 13 when I bought him and he'd been there and done it, which really helped my confidence. A 5 year old is still learning.

3. Never feel guilty, if he can't offer what you need from your riding, he may be perfect for someone else whilst you could move on to something that is suitable for you.

4. Are you mad wanting a pony????? They are great fun, but there's not much neck there if they spook!! I'd recommend a 15h cob - but then I would because that's what I've got and he is wonderful. :)

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top