Feeling guilty

[bex1984]

Do you find yourself feeling guilty where your horse is concerned?

At the moment I feel really, really guilty that I haven't taken Murphy out for a hack in well over a month, because I am too scared to go alone, and don't know anyone I could go with

I feel so bad for Murphy about not hacking often enough

I also feel guilty when I ask him to come in to an outline, because I'm probably doing it all wrong

And I generally feel guilty that he has to endure my terrible riding, and that I can't afford more regular lessons.

Is it just me that feels like this?

 

[Damnation]

I feel guilty because overnight it was -2 and my thoroughbred was in a no neck medium weight (Should have been in a heavyweight full neck, with a fleece. Someone report me

). And I don't hack her enough really, but she naps so I can't really go on my own and nobody will hack with me!

 

[GinaB]

Ahh huni *big hugs* Im sure Murphy is happy and healthy and that's all that matters. Pity you weren't over here as I often hack out alone.

 

[_OC_]

Feel the same....not ridden my cob all winter( Due to lots of reasons....but,I won't beat myself up about it! ) So he has had a lazy holiday.......will becoming to an end soon,little does he know!

Don't be so hard on yourself,and don't worry so much.......just as an idea could you not move to be able to hack with others...maybe!

Could do a shared lesson....just an idea!

 

[jumpthemoon]

And so you should Bex - you are a truly terrible owner.....NOT!!!

When I've got some money I'll come and pick you up so you can escort Canto out on a nice long hack

Personally I think Murphy is a very lucky pony to have an owner who cares so much about him

I know how you feel though - I feel really annoyed with myself that it's taking me so long to get out competing - I feel like I'm letting him down (not that he cares!). Also feel a bit pathetic for not being brave enough to hack alone yet - we'll get there, but it's taking ages

Nice ticker btw....

 

[ladyt25]

Why are you scared to hack alone?

 

[bex1984]

[ QUOTE ]
Feel the same....not ridden my cob all winter( Due to lots of reasons....but,I won't beat myself up about it! ) So he has had a lazy holiday.......will becoming to an end soon,little does he know!

Don't be so hard on yourself,and don't worry so much.......just as an idea could you not move to be able to hack with others...maybe!

Could do a shared lesson....just an idea!

[/ QUOTE ]

Definitely don't beat yourself up about that - bet he's enjoyed having a lazy holiday.

I moved yards a few months ago, and don't feel like I know anyone well enough really to ask them to hack out with me, because I get so nervous out hacking, I don't cope well if other horses spook, or get too close to Murphy because I then panic they're going to kick him

i was going to put a note on the board asking if anyone wanted to come for a hack, but am worried it'll all go horribly wrong. I know that sounds really stupid

 

[bex1984]

[ QUOTE ]
Why are you scared to hack alone?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't really know...I just worry that if something happened I'd be on my own and i might not cope - I get really nervous out with others too, and need someone there to remind me to breathe!!

 

[bex1984]

Izzi - am dialling the phone number for the ILH right now

GinaB - I so hope Murphy's happy, but I just get worried that he's bored, or miserable...he does seem happy most of the time, but I still feel bad

jumpthemoon - you are doing brilliantly getting him out hacking, and you'll be out competing soon.

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

You sound so like me its untrue!
Out hacking I hyperventilate by the time we're out of the gate at the end of the drive. If a car comes i worry, if the horse gets too close to Hovis i worry.
BUT i have told people this, no one laughed at me and some of the kind ladies on the yard take me out with them sometimes. Seriously just explain how you are and people will understand.
As for feeling guilty - like Murphy cares about those things! He has a mum thats loves him and thats worth more than anything.

 

[Damnation]

Get someone to walk with you? Thats my plan of action to get Poutu out hacking and un nappy

Little does my mum know it yet.. >:]

 

[bex1984]

Hovis_and_SidsMum, perhaps you're right and I should just explain it to people, and see if anyone will put up with me out hacking. I am aware that I'm probably a nightmare to hack out with, although Murphy is perfectly behaved. I just struggle a bit with talking to people about it at the yard, because in the horse world I always feel like the novicey numpty who doesn't know anything.

 

[jenbleep]

aww Becks don't feel guilty - I know what you mean when you say that though - whenever Frankie and I had out little 'disagreements' I would go home feeling awful - but then I look at him the next day and nothing has changed, he is still the same, happy to be fed and that's about it

Are there any group lessons or clinics going on in the area? Or at your yard?

I know how you feel about the hacking alone thing - think of me, I am the same! I don't know if I am the same with another horse, because I have only ridden the same one out for a year

but I get scared too - remember all my posts????

To be honest I would have thought by now you would have had someone offer to hack out with you

wheres you yards 'welcome wagon' ???

Blimey people don't know how to be welcoming do they

((hugs))

 

[bex1984]

[ QUOTE ]
Get someone to walk with you? Thats my plan of action to get Poutu out hacking and un nappy

Little does my mum know it yet.. >:]

[/ QUOTE ]

Unfortunately my OH is not keen on walking along with us - I've tried pestering him but he refuses

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

I AM a NERVOUS novice numpty which is far far worse! Seriously the girls that take me out compete on tracks of 1.10m and do blood hounding and all sorts. I thought they'd laugh at me for being so scared just out hacking. But they're lovely to me. We all have something we're scared of and other people are scared of things we're not. It doesn't mean you're any less of a good horse owner - in fact it means you're better than some because you admit you have an issue. The trick is to not let it beat you and not care what other people think(in fact you could almost say thats arrogant because maybe they spend no time thinking about you at all!).

 

[bex1984]

Jen, I know you were scared of hacking, but you did get out and do it! I am just too rigid with fear to even give it a go.

People at the yard are very friendly, and did offer to hack out when I first arrived - I should have taken them up on it at the time really, but I guess I just worry because I don't know what there horses are like out hacking. i did go out with a few people, who were really lovely, but one has moved her horse for a month or two, and the other person's horse is lame

It's my fault...I should stop being such a wimp!

 

[Pidge]

yes me! brought home to me on Sunday afternoon as when I got annoyed with Pidge schooling he lifted his head up in the air before I could tell him off (that consists of me just wafting the reins on his neck) so he knows what's coming and I felt awful

However he is very well looked after and doesn't want for anything. And I know he's happy as he gets excited if he knows he's going out to play - poos for England

He also seeks me out and plays with my hair, pockets, back etc if I'm mucking out his box and I feel like we have a good bond

Murphy loves you for what you are "his mum who loves him" and your riding certainly isn't terrible by any stretch of the imagination! You always try to do the best for Murphy so don't beat yourself up about the lack of hacking. It will all come together and I'm sure there must be someone on your yard who wouldn't mind going out with you?

 

[jenbleep]

well i remember when the school was full of people, so I had no choice but to hack out! as soon as i left the yard, my whole posture changed - i was tense, a big wimp etc etc but as soon as i turned back into the yard i felt a huge sigh of relief. I was literally out there for 20 minutes!

What I suggest you do is school for half an hour, and then just walk down the road for 10 minutes and build it up. When F moved that was all i did for about 2 weeks - he is still jumpy and scared (but thats his next riders problem

) and at first i did feel like an idiot but i wanted both of us to be happy at the end of the day, and i couldn't care less what people thought

I say go for it and ask someone to hack out - if they asked you in the first place they must be nice

no one asked me when F moved

 

[bex1984]

[ QUOTE ]
I AM a NERVOUS novice numpty which is far far worse! Seriously the girls that take me out compete on tracks of 1.10m and do blood hounding and all sorts. I thought they'd laugh at me for being so scared just out hacking. But they're lovely to me. We all have something we're scared of and other people are scared of things we're not. It doesn't mean you're any less of a good horse owner - in fact it means you're better than some because you admit you have an issue. The trick is to not let it beat you and not care what other people think(in fact you could almost say thats arrogant because maybe they spend no time thinking about you at all!).

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not so much worried about what they'll think of me - more worried that I'll cause chaos by being so scared...I do try not to squeal out loud though!

 

[bex1984]

awww it sounds like you and Pidge have a lovely bond.

I hope Murphy knows how loved he is - I guess part of me feels I'm getting so much from him, I want him to be as happy as possible and look forward to us having fun together.

 

[Demolition_Derby]

There is a woman at my yard who has panic attacks when she rides. I offered to take her out and she explained to me all her issues and fears so I knew what to do/not to do (get too close to her horse, too far ahead etc etc). All we did was walk around around a 15min block, no trotting etc and she was so pleased with herself, it was so nice to see

. My horse actually quite enjoyed just going for a quiet plod so you may be surprised, other people at your yard may want to just take their horse out to 'stretch their legs'. She comes out with me once a week now and even suggested that we trot a few weeks ago. I just said 'yep, up the hill' and made no big deal about it.

I think its worth talking to the other people at your yard, I'm sure you will be surprised how welcoming they are

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

People will understand.
I posted a while back about hacking my baby boy out in those awful winds. I nearly cried all the way round, I was tense, i rode like a twit, i didn't steer, Hovis bumped into her horse several times, i didn't breathe and let out muffled squeaks everytime the other persons horse came anywhere near. But because I told her how bad I am she calmly took control and we chose a route avoiding the traffic - that way if i caused a pile up or anything happened we were away from the road.

 

[bex1984]

Jen - you're right, I should go out for a walk after going in the school, once Murphy has burnt off some energy! I was thinking about doing that this week, but there's now loads of roadworks right outside the yard so that has put me off.

And perhaps I do need to pluck up the courage to ask someone to come out with me.

The good thing is that apparently they open up some off road tracks and fields around the farm in summer, and I'm much braver about off road hacking. Just have to hope the weather improves soon

 

[Pidge]

But Bex you do have fun with Murphy judging by the photos you post on here

 

[bex1984]

Demolition_Derby - you sound so lovely!

Hovis_and_SidsMum - I remember your post about that hack, you did really well, I would have been hysterical! Murphy is so good out hacking bless him...I have come to the conclusion that I am a spooky hack and very bad in traffic.

 

[bex1984]

[ QUOTE ]
But Bex you do have fun with Murphy judging by the photos you post on here

[/ QUOTE ]

I know, we do have a lot of fun...


...I suppose it's just that I know he enjoys hacking so I feel like he is missing out because of my pathetic fears.

 

[HBII]

I do feel guilty at times, my mare is more than capable however I do get nervous [read here cant even manage a dressage test LMAO].

So am I going to beat myself up over it? NO way h'ose, I am going to work at it slowly.

You say you dont want to hack out, maybe if you identify what exactly you are concerned about you can work towards it.

Even if you ride him in the school for 30 mins, then cool him off up and then back down the lane, you have then hacked out. Do things in small sections that way it becomes more achievable. After 30 mins in the school he should be tired and therefore not present any risk for a wander up the lane and back. By doing this you can be happy that you hacked out. Then increase the distance you go.

I got nervous about hacking out and kept doing the same route [comfort zone], I got bored in the end and I am now back cantering across fields. By slowly building it up, you should be more confident.

Hope that helps, probably waffled!

Hb

 

[Storminateacup]

What's the worse thing Murphy will do if you take him out alone or in company?

If you address that and can deal with the worst case scenario,
then you will get the confidence to take him out.
You're going to have to work on his confidence in you, to be the boss, then it won't matter what other peoples horses do.
Even if they galloped off or are spooked.

Having said that its a good idea to get to know what other peoples horses on the yard are like when they hack out.
No point in tempting fate, But I am sure most will be considerate if you explain your fears.
Alternatively make friends with an old person on elderly cob ( theres bound to be one!!) and practice hacking out with her.

 

[jenbleep]

I haven't had a canter outside for a loooooooooong time

Right, I MUST do it this summer

 

[HBII]

[ QUOTE ]
I haven't had a canter outside for a loooooooooong time

Right, I MUST do it this summer

[/ QUOTE ]

Just work towards it slowly. I am lucky and have woods to go riding in where there are plenty of uphill tracks which are perfect for short canters. Do you canter happily in the school?

Hb