Feeling guilty

HBII - I think I am worried about Murphy getting hurt, be that by a car driver, or another horse kicking him or some other accident. I tend to find reasons why I can't ride in a certain place, usually because there's a blind bend or something like that, and a car might hit us. Maybe i do need to find a route I feel safe on, there's a housing estate round the corner where I feel a little safer..

KatenJack - Murphy is very good, the more nervous I get he sort of takes over and marches on solidly as if to say "what are you worried about? we're fine" I do need to find someone with a very steady horse that we can just plod along behind so I'm not worrying about what other horses are doing.

Jen - you need to go to some gallops!!
grin.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
Jen - you're right, I should go out for a walk after going in the school, once Murphy has burnt off some energy! I was thinking about doing that this week, but there's now loads of roadworks right outside the yard so that has put me off.

[/ QUOTE ]

Go borrow some cones, work him in the school around them, then at leats youll feel confident about getting him 'past' them outside. Sing, hum, tell him he is a good boy - itll will keep you breathing and your body relaxed.

If in doubt get a neck strap, that way you have got a handle - I cant ride without my breastplate as that is my handle!

Hbx
 
Yeah can canter in the school fine, and have jumped Frankie........it's just that when out hacking he can be a bit
crazy.gif
crazy.gif
excitable and spooky, and i have an image in my head that we will be cantering then he will just spook and dump me
frown.gif
Plus the hacking where he used to live was pretty much all roadwork, so we only ever did slow hacks.

but it's not like I've never fallen off before, i used to gallop all over the place!

I'm not riding him now though
frown.gif
frown.gif
So that issue was unresolved

Sorry Becks for nicking your post
blush.gif
smile.gif
 
I shall never forgive you for stealing my post Jen
wink.gif
tongue.gif

I can imagine letting Frankie loose for a canter in an open space might be a little crazy, given what you've said about him
wink.gif


HBII - a neckstrap is a good idea! I don't think he'd be bothered by the cones etc, it's more that there's temporary traffic lights, and one way traffic and it might all be a bit confusing for me!

*whispers* I am good at finding excuses for not hacking
blush.gif
 
Sounds like if you are worried about nasty bends and things like that you should try to find a way to do approach them. It help if you are a driver.
For example we have a very nasty blind bend that I have to negotiate on Jack. Cars come belting along that stretch of the road. I wait until I can see nothing coming for a long way back then make a contolled dash for it to get round the other side and into the verge just past it. Jack knows the plan now. We also pick a good time to do that particular hack, not the school run time etc.
And of course loads of reflective gear and a stick to move jack over really fast if necessary.
Its great that Murphy takes the lead, my Jack takes his confidence from me, but having said that he is very trusting too so doesn't change his mind.
Certainly I would not hack out with people who 's horses kick or are bad mannered.
That's no help when you feel worried. Best of luck, and what a lovely horse!
 
you should not worry - I am used to hacking alone and like it and things still go wrong - just always have your mobile on you and the yard number and breath - is there a little route you can do for about half an hour in walk only and see how that goes.

I have not fallen off out hacking for 5 years until saturday !! not even my horse and it ran away - some lady caught him by a train station !!! god know where he was trying to go, the trains only come once an hour !!!!!

I will be back to walk hacks on my lad for a week or so to get my confidence up again !!!
 
Bex1984...sort yourself out! You and him look great together and really happy so do not worry! He could not ask for a better mum and you have a wonderful handsome hairy pony too! I am sure he does not mind what he does or where he goes so long as you look after him.
wink.gif


Hacking out is hard nowadays and you will not be on your own as there are loads of us in the same boat...is there anyone that could walk beside you if not ride?
 
Your pics look like you often have fun.
I think as every one has said you just need to ask around the yard and be honest. Although I have never been on your side I have been asked a lot. At my old yard with my mare I became the yard go to girl for all quiet hacking. Pretty amazing as she was a psycho if I let her go! I would sometimes go on 3 quiet hacks a day so there weren't too many people on one. I would hold up traffic to cross roads or even once had to lead each of the other 4 across a motorway bridge one by one. I was never bothered and always asked whether they wanted harsh get on with it comments or a calming influence if they had trouble!
 
gentle_warrior - that must have been pretty scary! were you OK?

Pottamus - that's me told!!!
wink.gif
My OH is not keen on walking with us and don't really have anyone else who could come out for a walk.

KatenJack - thank you, and you make a good point in that I am too quick to use something as an excuse not to go for a hack but actually I should think about how I can deal with these things.
 
Bex, have a think about doing the BHS riding and road safety course. It'll help you deal with traffic, and give you a lot more confidence riding on the roads
laugh.gif
 
awww Muddy Grey, how lovely of you to look after people. I shall try to pluck up the courage to ask around the yard.

The people I went with last time were lovely and very understanding but they are not around/out of action at the moment.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Bex, have a think about doing the BHS riding and road safety course. It'll help you deal with traffic, and give you a lot more confidence riding on the roads
laugh.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

oooo that's an interesting idea...although, would I fail it if I burst into tears half way round?!
blush.gif
 
No, you'd get extra points for being brave!

It's years since I did the course so might have changed, but most of the exam is done on a road simulation in a field somewhere, and there's only a tiny bit of road riding which for me was done on a quiet road. I don't even remember seeing a car when I did it.

It will just teach you the correct signals to use when going past hazards and at junctions etc.

BHS website is down at the moment, otherwise I'd have found you a link
crazy.gif
 
I am a saddo, but I loved doing my BHS RRS
grin.gif


I did it on my favorite horse at the time, Mystic, and the whole riding school did it together so it was more fun then anything
laugh.gif
Although Mystic did spook quite badly at someones washing on their line LOL

I did it ages ago now, I don't think it's still valid
frown.gif
 
Bex i think you just need to try not think about all the bad thinsg that could (and more than likely won't) happen. I have hacked out all my life - sometimes for hours on end on ponies before the days of mobile phones (used to take my 10p and hoof pick with me though! hee hee). Have you had some bad experience hacking to make you like this?

I imagine (and this is just from looking at your pics) that your horse is a lot less bothered about 'what's out there' than you are (he just looks that "what on earth are you woryying aboutmum?" type). I have got more wary about hacking these days although not on my own horse - i trust him and vice versa. However, not so sure about my sisters as he has a tendency to nap cos he's a big baby and scared going out alone. I HAD to take him out on saturday tho and was dreading having an argument with him but my remedy was get him up the track from the field and then trot all the way up the big hill - this takes us far enough away from the field (and his friends), he was then impeccably behaved all the rest of the way and I thought "hmm, I won that one!".

If you and your horse trust each other normally then it should be no different out on a hack. Sure, do try get someone to go out with you if you can, maybe go on the same ride a few times and then, once you know that is a 'safe' route go it alone. You'll feel so much better for it and wonder what on earth you were worrying about!
 
I did have some bad experiences out hacking with my previous horse - it basically totally destroyed my confidence and although Murphy has fixed most of my confidence issues, hacking is the one thing I still really struggle with. It is really the roads/drivers that bother me I think, and the thought of something bad happening to Murphy.

I am focusing too much on the "what ifs" and have got worse lately because I haven't been out hacking for a while, and I am now getting myself in a tizz about the fact that I haven't done it in a while and the fact that I think it's a bit unfair on Murphy, so now I'm putting pressure on myself and making it into more of a big deal, which makes me more apprehensive about doing it, so I'm not doing it...vicious circle, I think.
 
[ QUOTE ]


I did it on my favorite horse at the time, Mystic, and the whole riding school did it together so it was more fun then anything


[/ QUOTE ]

Oooo I wonder if I could find people at the yard who might want to do it with me?
 
Becks I am no confidence expert - everyone here should know that
crazy.gif
crazy.gif
but I did read an article about confidence.....and instead of thinking 'what if........' you have to think about what is happening NOW, and be 'in the now'/ I don't know if that sounds a load of old tosh/faff/crap, and it is hard to think like that (I am a very 'what if' person) but if you think like that perhaps the confidence will start to follow??

Have you ever thought about doing any of those confidence classes/lectures?? I don't know if they would be any good mind
crazy.gif
crazy.gif
wink.gif
 
I think I read something about that too jen, good idea, I need to train my brain to think a different way!

I have the Kelly Marks confidence book, but haven't had a chance to read it properly yet!
 
Aw Becks what are you like lol
smile.gif
You sound a lot like me as I used to feel the same about not going out and riding.
I would sometimes get into a bit of a stew before going out and then think I must keep it up so I don't lose confidence again but when I couldn't ride for one reason or another ( as I won't ride on icy roads or in torrential rain etc unless caught out in it) then it just knocked me back to square one really.
I had no choice at my last yard I had to go out alone or else I would never have ridden. There was a lady who did endurance who I went out with for a ride twice, and another who I went with a couple of times. But it was hard to arrange it because we were not always at the yard at the same time and as I was working last summer then riding during the day on weekdays was impossible.
Ok so I was nervous especially if he started napping at shadows, strange objects ( some bins are so scary lol). I mean even today on a hack out with a friend on a pony who is totally unflappable Doug had a good old look at a digger that was parked up. He will look around at fields, gardens etc anywhere but the road and sometimes gets so close to the kerb I think he is going to collide lol. He was eyeballing this yellow digger. His ears pricked up, he started blowing and kept turning to look at it. We ended up going past where it was and he still kept looking at it lol. I just kicked him on and wouldn't let him stop to look as he wanted to.
Now if I had been riding that route on my own I guess that he would of either stopped or started to wave about a bit. He does have confidence issues of that I am certain. He doesn't like to lead or be in front of other horses when riding but if behind he will go whatever pace he can to catch up as equally he doesn't want to be left behind.
Until I got him in late 06 I had done loads of hacks on roads either with friends -as a riding school we used to go to would let you ride out to the woods with no assistant/instructor so long as you were at least in a pair - or in group hacks/rides. I don't have much of a problem with roads really but then again I think riding a riding school horse is different because they probably know the route even with their eyes closed so little really fazes them. Or at least that has been my experience. I have not always ridden what are considered safe, ploddy hacks though as I have had two horse/ponies bolt on the road with me before as a teenager and once had a fantastic ride through part of the Manifold valley I think it was? on an andalusian stallion that had been a film horse, when Gerard Naprous owned a riding centre not too far from where I live.
However I have never ridden out alone until getting my own horses and have also never had the responsibility for myself and my horse in the event of an accident whilst out hacking.
In my opinion while you do feel a responsibility whilst riding someone else's horse ( ie RS) I don't believe it is the same as your own.
I too have fears for safety of my horse should I come off whilst hacking out. Fears which I think are understandable given how busy the roads are these days and the attitudes of a portion of the drivers.
I think when you are out with someone else though there is a safety net which translates subconsciously. I know for me personally I feel safer because for one if I see someone riding in a relaxed manner it relaxes me too and also should I come off or they come off their horse/pony then we have each other and both carry mobile phones to be able to get help quickly.
When you are riding alone it is just you and your horse. If you fall off and say are knocked unconscious your horse may either stand there or bolt and either cause an injury to itself or to others and you are not in a position to help either the horse or yourself.
I have an armband that I got from ebay a short while ago that I should be wearing ( reminder to myself to do that). It is plastic and has velcro fasteners and you can put a note inside -which can be seen through the transparent cover - that can include anything, your name, name of horse, next of kin contact details etc.
I am also going to get a keyring or device ( as I am sure there is one?) which you can clip onto the saddle which would have the horse's name on, contact number or address of stables, maybe even vets number too. I think from a safety point of view it is a good thing because if your horse bolted and was then caught by a passer by they would know who it belonged to, who to contact and where it had come from ( stables).
At my new yard I have a regular riding partner who is inspiring confidence in me and probably thinks I am a wuss at times lol ( rightly so imo). The more I get out and ride I think the better I will be. I mean even during today's ride I was nervous, why I don't know? But I was and I knew because at one point I had a dry mouth which is a sure sign of it.
Anyhow what I am trying to say Becks is you go get em girl. Get on your cob and go riding. Put any negative thoughts at the back of your mind. Just mount up and get out. I know some people have recommended Bach's rescue remedy to me and said it works wonders for helping you to relax so you could try that.
I would ask around at the yard, they can only say no at worst. Put a message up either on the notice board or print some out and stick them next to people's stables. I think most people would be glad of the company. Even the most unflappable, confident riders must get bored riding alone.
I also agree with desensitising your horse to anything you may think will upset him. Doing that in a school environment can be good for both of you because you can see how he will react to things but you will be the safety of a school and not a busy road. Although I agree about traffic lights as Doug hates them and will only stand still for so long, my concern is usually parked cars which are along the main roads where we live and him jig jogging straight into one, whoops.
Sorry for long post duck just wanted to say a few words but explain my reasoning behind them and by using past experiences to help.
Good luck and try not to be fazed, master it all in your head first and the riding will easily come afterwards.
Remember the two C's, confidence and consistency and you will be fine
smile.gif

Caz
 
I have the Kelly Marks confidence book, but haven't had a chance to read it properly yet!

Yeah me too and same as you but it has some interesting stories and useful advice in it though from what I have read so far
smile.gif
 
has he got a bike ?? he can bike it behind you just of sight, but you know he is there. I will be dragging my OH to do it this weekend !!!!

I am sure he would do it for you, if not, well he needs whipping into line !!!!! LOL

Yeah not tooooo bad, just very bruised, working from home today as the journey and walking is not too good !!! will be ok though, just looking a pretty colour. Have discovered I could have saved all my money I spent on tattoos and just fallen off more !!! same affect but cheaper !!!
 
[ QUOTE ]
At the moment I feel really, really guilty that I haven't taken Murphy out for a hack in well over a month, because I am too scared to go alone, and don't know anyone I could go with I feel so bad for Murphy about not hacking often enough


[/ QUOTE ]

wh ydont you put an ad up in the tack room or at the local tack shop saying you're looking for another local rider to hack out with?
 
I have a suggestion Bex1984 - why not book some hacks at a RS? I don't know if anywhere near you does them, but our local RS do. Obviously you're not hacking out alone or putting your horse in a dangerous situation, and it will be a way to build your confidence on roads.

Obviously you only need to hack out if you want to!!! When addressing my nerves with jumping I had to ask myself seriously if I actually wanted to, or if I felt pressured because 'everyone' else was doing it. I found out I really want to, and I'm getting there now with jumping.

No-one is going to think any less of you if you don't ever hack out - we have a girl at the yard who doesn't - so what!
 
Caz that was a VERY long post
tongue.gif
but much appreciated. I like the idea about getting some tags for me and the pony monster with contact details on. Don't think it helps with the "what ifs" in my head that I had to call the air ambulance out for someone who had fallen off hacking across a field last year (luckily she was OK though) - we only knew she was out there and had run into trouble when the horse came charging back on to the yard on its own.

I used to use rescue remedy, perhaps I'll give that a try again.

I'm determined we will get out there and start hacking again, I just have to get my head round it.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I am sure he would do it for you, if not, well he needs whipping into line !!!!! LOL


[/ QUOTE ]

He does need whipping in to line!!
mad.gif
mad.gif
He won't come with me, he doesn't think it is safe for horses to be on the road
crazy.gif
mad.gif
frown.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
At the moment I feel really, really guilty that I haven't taken Murphy out for a hack in well over a month, because I am too scared to go alone, and don't know anyone I could go with I feel so bad for Murphy about not hacking often enough


[/ QUOTE ]

wh ydont you put an ad up in the tack room or at the local tack shop saying you're looking for another local rider to hack out with?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think I need to put a note up at the yard...and hope for the best!!
 
You've made me think DG - and yes I really do want to get out hacking. If I manage to relax I enjoy it. Off road I really enjoy it, and Murphy enjoys himself too. When I bought Murphy I wanted something that was good to hack, so I'm being so silly not actually doing it
crazy.gif


I suppose I need to keep in mind that this is something I do want to do, so I'm going to have to grow a pair and get on with it at some point!
 
Are you able to get on and off easily, if so walk for five minutes and ride for five minutes and repeat until you get home. That way you give yourself little breaks from the fear, but are still out with Murphy. It may be worth a try.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top