Feeling Inadequate

nofie

nofie

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Just a bit of a vent to get this off my chest.

I don't want to go too much into detail because it will sound like a big bitch but lately I have been feeling really inadequate about both horses, my riding, and my dog.

I share a horse and I feel like I am watched and judged, and constantly feel like my riding is not up to a desired standard because of particular comments. It's got to a point where I really feel I cannot relax and just enjoy riding because I have to make sure that the horse is always on an outline and moving properly, and that my back is poker straight and my feels are down. I used to think I was actually an OK rider. I used to be brave, not care what people said and have fun, but now I just feel I am useless and can't get the best out of a horse like is expected.

I went on a beach ride this week, and they gave me the slowest horse (Which I am pretty sure had back trouble as well), whereas everyone else had responsive, forward going horses and it just made me feel really rubbish that everyone was having a great time and I had to work hard to keep the horse going.

I also have a rescue dog who is very difficult and we are trying very hard to socialise her. When I asked someone their opinion of her, they said I wasn't firm enough so she was naughty, which also made me feel pretty useless.

I'm sorry to post a 'feeling sorry for myself' vent, I just need to get it off my chest.
 
Absolutely nothing useful to say but wanted to send you a <<<<HUG>>>>.

Is it possible for you to school or hack out when there isn't a crowd of "helpful critics"?
 
((hugs))

Sorry you're feeling down, everyone has the right to vent now and then.

I'm sure you are a good rider. Everyone has more to learn, including the people who you feel are judging and criticising. It's easy to comment on a situation from the outside looking in so try not to let them get to you.
 
Thank you for the hot choccy :)

I know I have to be proactive about this. I think it's just been a series of small irrelevant events chipping away to a miserable climax. I don't want to tread on anyone's toes or sound silly, but then at the same time I don't want to be unhappy.

Thank you for the advice. xx
 
I can't offer much help on the horse front - is it some one elses horse you share?

As for your dog - go and post about him AAD on here - there are loads of people on here with experience or rescues of all breeds so i am sure they will be able to give you some tips on how to deal with him. :)
 
Gluttonforpunishment said:
Absolutely nothing useful to say but wanted to send you a <<<<HUG>>>>.

Is it possible for you to school or hack out when there isn't a crowd of "helpful critics"?
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When I'm hacking out on my own or with one of my friends I feel fine, I guess I am just laid back and don't care about all the fluffy bits around the edge. I just don't want to annoy the owners though if I'm not riding the horse 'right'!
 
Steorra said:
((hugs))

Sorry you're feeling down, everyone has the right to vent now and then.

I'm sure you are a good rider. Everyone has more to learn, including the people who you feel are judging and criticising. It's easy to comment on a situation from the outside looking in so try not to let them get to you.
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Thank you for the hugs, it would just be nice to hear something positive now and again and not live in fear of not doing something right!
 
slinkyunicorn said:
I can't offer much help on the horse front - is it some one elses horse you share?

As for your dog - go and post about him AAD on here - there are loads of people on here with experience or rescues of all breeds so i am sure they will be able to give you some tips on how to deal with him. :)
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Yes someone elses horse. I just feel like I don't want to do things 'wrong' as it makes me a bad rider/horseperson.

Thanks for the dog tip :)
 
You have a very nice position on horse, so take heart. I have 3 rescue dogs and it take about 12 months for them to settle into your routine, as you find they can be very anxcious as they've been through a bad time in past and they see other dogs and people as threats, I've found if you are sensible, make dog sit and let others go bye and make a fuss, they soon learn to relax and so should you.:):):):)
 
Echo Bravo said:
You have a very nice position on horse, so take heart. I have 3 rescue dogs and it take about 12 months for them to settle into your routine, as you find they can be very anxcious as they've been through a bad time in past and they see other dogs and people as threats, I've found if you are sensible, make dog sit and let others go bye and make a fuss, they soon learn to relax and so should you.:):):):)
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I try to keep the position that way, although it isn't that nice all of the time!

My girl (dog) is definately very anxious and I think she may have been abused previously, she is always so jumpy and highly strung. Sitting definately seems to have been a good strategy, as I have tried that :)

Thank you for the advice x
 
We used to train problem GSDs and have had countless rescue dogs - if you need a rant, chat or any advice (I can TRY to help with!) just PM me :)
We used to have a very nervous anxious GSD X who turned out to be a lovely lovely dog - only it took about 3 years for us to get her from under the table - slowly she came round.
You look like you have a fab position on the horse - and more so, a positive attitude about keeping it that way!! :)
I also share and can imagine how you feel - I had this a lot but with girls off the yard when I first started :( I am lucky now in that I loan off a fantastic lady who is very encouraging and does a lot for me. My share horse is also a rescue horse :o so we sometimes have battles with her and she has recently been diagnosed with pedal bone rotation - sometimes it feels all very much like an uphill struggle!
Perhaps you should have a quiet word with the owner about how you'd like to ride alone sometimes to get your feel with the horse - she has to accept that whilst its her horse, you are the one providing the same level of care for it a certain number of days a week and it will do her horse more good if you are also happy :)
PM me anytime if you want to vent, I can try to relate!!
K x
 
KellysHeroes said:
We used to train problem GSDs and have had countless rescue dogs - if you need a rant, chat or any advice (I can TRY to help with!) just PM me :)
We used to have a very nervous anxious GSD X who turned out to be a lovely lovely dog - only it took about 3 years for us to get her from under the table - slowly she came round.
You look like you have a fab position on the horse - and more so, a positive attitude about keeping it that way!! :)
I also share and can imagine how you feel - I had this a lot but with girls off the yard when I first started :( I am lucky now in that I loan off a fantastic lady who is very encouraging and does a lot for me. My share horse is also a rescue horse :o so we sometimes have battles with her and she has recently been diagnosed with pedal bone rotation - sometimes it feels all very much like an uphill struggle!
Perhaps you should have a quiet word with the owner about how you'd like to ride alone sometimes to get your feel with the horse - she has to accept that whilst its her horse, you are the one providing the same level of care for it a certain number of days a week and it will do her horse more good if you are also happy :)
PM me anytime if you want to vent, I can try to relate!!
K x
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Thank you so much for the encouragement! As I say, my position isn't always that great, but I really am trying hard and it would be nice to get some recognition sometimes! Sharing can definately have its challenges, sometimes I feel like owning would be much more simple! I do usually get on well with the owner, however lately I have just felt the comments are getting more and more bossy and I often feel small and useless.

I am glad you have found a great sharer, they can be difficult to come by!

And thank you so much with the dog reassurance. I know she will come round, it will just take time and patience and other people don't always seem to understand that. x
 
That's a lovely photo of you on your horse (is this the one you're referring to in your post?). It's hard when you feel you're being watched and judged, but no-one, absolutely no-one, is a perfect rider so these people should be a bit careful before dropping unfair comments. And about your dog - I have two Labradors. They used to be an embarrassment to have around - friendly, waggy tailed, cute - but they'd sniff out a sandwich from a mile off and nick people's lunches on a regular basis. One day one of them actually let themselves into a worker's truck and nabbed the lovingly assembled lunch his wife had made him. I felt so embarrassed! But as they got older the ASBO's got less and less. Hang in there - your dog will be just fine! And keep on enjoying your riding too. Ignore the comments and have fun ....... :)
 
mytwofriends said:
That's a lovely photo of you on your horse (is this the one you're referring to in your post?). It's hard when you feel you're being watched and judged, but no-one, absolutely no-one, is a perfect rider so these people should be a bit careful before dropping unfair comments. And about your dog - I have two Labradors. They used to be an embarrassment to have around - friendly, waggy tailed, cute - but they'd sniff out a sandwich from a mile off and nick people's lunches on a regular basis. One day one of them actually let themselves into a worker's truck and nabbed the lovingly assembled lunch his wife had made him. I felt so embarrassed! But as they got older the ASBO's got less and less. Hang in there - your dog will be just fine! And keep on enjoying your riding too. Ignore the comments and have fun ....... :)
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Encouraging words go a long way, that made me feel so much better already! Doggy is half lab, so she has a love of food too! Embarrassment is something she definately can cause! xx
 
I would get a book by Mary Wanless called Thinking Riding. It excellant for making you feel better about your self and understanding why getting the heels down is so hard.
For years I enjoyed riding but always wanted to improve, what little I had over I paid for lessons. One day my regular instructer was off ill and I had someone else. In the space of 45mins she reduced me to such a wreck I never went back.
For some people cristising is a way to feel better about themselves..
I taught both my daughters to ride and if you are not careful you nag all the time so I made a pact with my self, nag for 10 minutes then leave alone and only help when asked.If you have a good relationship with the sharer perhaps ask her for 15 mins 'help' and then say do you mind if a practice on my own.
A friend also once gave me a really good piece of advice, a novice horse makes you look a novice rider. In other words when a horse that knows nothing or is badly schooled you have to spend all your time correcting it and it can constantly pull you out of poistion. Thats why its so much easier to learn on a schoolmaster as you can concentrate on you and your poistion most of the time.
I know lesons can be expesive but try if you can to invest in some on a schools master and a really good teacher. They can teach you the feel of what its like, also the mechanical horse are great for letting you get your position.
But what ever happens don't let them grind you down.
 
You're doing yourself down. If you were a rubbish rider then they wouldn't be letting you ride the horse anyway, and you look very good in the snap. Why not try and find someone else's horse to ride?

And 100% support on the dog too. We only have rescue dogs and have done for years. They all come with baggage, some of it never goes away, and people are often critical without understanding the real issues. I work with a wonderful trainer, and his gentleness and wisdom overcomes the things that I feel are impossible. And when things DO improve, and they will, it's the best feeling in the world. Forget the hot choccy - or perhaps have that as well. I should have a stiff whisky!
 
don't let them grind you down !! i know it isn't easy !!
either do what your doing and as long as the owner of the horse you loan is happy then that's all that matters . . . or next time the experts start giving thier advise say to them 'OK what would you do ??
once they've vented and feel better ignore them and carry on with what ever you were doing safely in the knowledge you were doing fine anyway.
as for your dog it will settle down give it time.

you usually find the 'experts' are just green eyed monsters who rarely ride and if they do its not very well.
enjoy the horse !!!! if its happy thats all that matters.
 
Hi have to say dont take anything to heart there are always people who will pretend they are helping but just want to tell you what you are doing wrong.
We all have to learn when riding i was lucky enough to have been brought up with horses family have always ridden had a riding school my dad races horses and we would never be rude to someone learning says alot about the person who is judging you.
Just relax it will all come to you in time and as for your dog mine is an Italian greyhound tiny thing pooed peed chewed bit and god knows what else whenever you looked at her because of her past owners, she was nervous but agressive didnt respond to authority is now the best dog doesnt need a lead very obedient while you may need to be firm you dont need too much, be consistant give clear guidelines but show love and just remember it doesnt matter how much experience you have you dont know everything.
If anyone is trying to tell you they do then just ignore ignore ignore listen to those who are helping and good luck.
 
Don't let 'them' get you down ... where are you in Sussex?

I only ask because I have horses that need excercising during the week in East Sussex (nr Hastings) sometimes and you won't get judged by me .. just lots of smiles :D
 
honetpot said:
I would get a book by Mary Wanless called Thinking Riding. It excellant for making you feel better about your self and understanding why getting the heels down is so hard.
For years I enjoyed riding but always wanted to improve, what little I had over I paid for lessons. One day my regular instructer was off ill and I had someone else. In the space of 45mins she reduced me to such a wreck I never went back.
For some people cristising is a way to feel better about themselves..
I taught both my daughters to ride and if you are not careful you nag all the time so I made a pact with my self, nag for 10 minutes then leave alone and only help when asked.If you have a good relationship with the sharer perhaps ask her for 15 mins 'help' and then say do you mind if a practice on my own.
A friend also once gave me a really good piece of advice, a novice horse makes you look a novice rider. In other words when a horse that knows nothing or is badly schooled you have to spend all your time correcting it and it can constantly pull you out of poistion. Thats why its so much easier to learn on a schoolmaster as you can concentrate on you and your poistion most of the time.
I know lesons can be expesive but try if you can to invest in some on a schools master and a really good teacher. They can teach you the feel of what its like, also the mechanical horse are great for letting you get your position.
But what ever happens don't let them grind you down.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice.My girl is described as a 'schoolmaster with attitude'. She goes very nicely, and I enjoy schooling her, but there seems to be a real emphasis on getting her going the 'correct way', or else I am doing it completely wrong. x
 
Rose Folly said:
You're doing yourself down. If you were a rubbish rider then they wouldn't be letting you ride the horse anyway, and you look very good in the snap. Why not try and find someone else's horse to ride?

And 100% support on the dog too. We only have rescue dogs and have done for years. They all come with baggage, some of it never goes away, and people are often critical without understanding the real issues. I work with a wonderful trainer, and his gentleness and wisdom overcomes the things that I feel are impossible. And when things DO improve, and they will, it's the best feeling in the world. Forget the hot choccy - or perhaps have that as well. I should have a stiff whisky!
Click to expand...

Whiskey sounds good! I want to stick with doggy, I think she willl come round given time and understanding. I reckon she has had a hard life up until now x
 
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kickandshout said:
don't let them grind you down !! i know it isn't easy !!
either do what your doing and as long as the owner of the horse you loan is happy then that's all that matters . . . or next time the experts start giving thier advise say to them 'OK what would you do ??
once they've vented and feel better ignore them and carry on with what ever you were doing safely in the knowledge you were doing fine anyway.
as for your dog it will settle down give it time.

you usually find the 'experts' are just green eyed monsters who rarely ride and if they do its not very well.
enjoy the horse !!!! if its happy thats all that matters.
Click to expand...

Thanks so much, I just want to enjoy riding, especially as said horse is a 20 year old schoool mistress with attitude! x
 
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Trinity Fox said:
Hi have to say dont take anything to heart there are always people who will pretend they are helping but just want to tell you what you are doing wrong.
We all have to learn when riding i was lucky enough to have been brought up with horses family have always ridden had a riding school my dad races horses and we would never be rude to someone learning says alot about the person who is judging you.
Just relax it will all come to you in time and as for your dog mine is an Italian greyhound tiny thing pooed peed chewed bit and god knows what else whenever you looked at her because of her past owners, she was nervous but agressive didnt respond to authority is now the best dog doesnt need a lead very obedient while you may need to be firm you dont need too much, be consistant give clear guidelines but show love and just remember it doesnt matter how much experience you have you dont know everything.
If anyone is trying to tell you they do then just ignore ignore ignore listen to those who are helping and good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much :)
 
Lollii said:
Don't let 'them' get you down ... where are you in Sussex?

I only ask because I have horses that need excercising during the week in East Sussex (nr Hastings) sometimes and you won't get judged by me .. just lots of smiles :D
Click to expand...

It's so good to know that lots of smiles are out there! Where are you abouts? x
 
Lollii said:
Don't let 'them' get you down ... where are you in Sussex?

I only ask because I have horses that need excercising during the week in East Sussex (nr Hastings) sometimes and you won't get judged by me .. just lots of smiles :D
Click to expand...

Hi I hope you don't mind me jumping in here as well but (hopefully) I will have some time on my hands and would love to help out too! I am currently riding 2 green ponies and would love to sit on something more experienced. I am near East Grinstead and can travel :)
 
we all go through them phases dont worry about riding different horses sometimes takes a better rider rider to get a slow horse going !Sounds like your not enjoying your time with horses at moment if it helps im were i dont like but love my horse !See how you feel if still feel the same in a few weeks, move onx
 
thinlizzy said:
we all go through them phases dont worry about riding different horses sometimes takes a better rider rider to get a slow horse going !Sounds like your not enjoying your time with horses at moment if it helps im were i dont like but love my horse !See how you feel if still feel the same in a few weeks, move onx
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Sound advice, hopefully things will improve if not time to move on x
 
RE the horse: Could you afford a couple of lessons? If that's an option I would find a really nice, encouraging and positive instructor who will make you feel much better about your riding. I'm sure you're a much better rider than you think you are, and you just need a couple of nice lessons to get you feeling back on track. What area are you in? I'm sure there are plenty on here who will help you find a really good instructor in your area.

RE the dog: Like others have said, ask in the All About Dogs part of the forum. They give really good advice :)

Hope you feel better soon and keep us updated :)
 
I know exactly what you mean! I shared a horse too, it was going really well for a few months, and then completely out of the blue the horses owner sent me a facebook message slagging off my riding and pointing out everything i was doing wrong. Totally humiliating, I don't ride the horse anymore (my decision, could hardly go back after what she said) and I'm now really embarassed to ride in front of anyone. I've been riding and having lessons for ten years, but I feel like I can't ride and that people are judging me and laughing at me. So you have my sympathies!
 
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