Feeling like a failure...

[Hedwards]

So i've posted before about having problems with my gelding Mickey when i bought him (ulcers), getting over them and everything being hunky dory...

I've had another confidence crash, and i dont know what to do... He was off work due to the rubbish weather, and then a hoof abcess that took an age to pop. I'm terrified that his ulcers are back (although nothing to suggest they are - its just a mental block from me) and i have no confidence to get on him at all. I'm a bridesmaid next week, so dont want to risk getting on him before then incase something does happen - whcih is not like the old me at all (plus the bride would kill me if i injured or maimed myself). But i just dont know what to do, I'm having confidence issues in all areas of my life at the moment, and i guess i'm just embarrassed to admit i'm scared to ride my own horse, only ride though, i'm happy to handle him and his fieldmate day to day. I'm not really sure the point of this post, just needed to get it off my chest, I feel like a total failure and i'm expecting the worst from him, every time he twitches or has a little reaction to me touching behind his front leg i convince myself he's ulcery again.

I had my very good friend and RI help me last time after the ulcers and a couple of bad falls, but i'm so embarrassed as nothing has really happened, and Mickey hasnt done anything this time to cause it... kick up the bum/words of wisdom etc gratefully recieved...

 

[*hic*]

Ah, so many of us know EXACTLY where you're coming from on this.

Atm you've no NEED to ride him, just handle him and work with him on the ground, DON'T feel any sort of guilt. Wait for the better weather and the natural lift in spirits will help your confidence.

 

[PaddyMonty]

Loss of confidence is not a failure on your part. It happens to lots of people.
If you dont fancy getting on him first time then find someone who will. No shame in it what so ever.

 

[Billabongchick]

It is difficult when you lose confidence so I sympathise; it doesn't necessarily have to be something specific that makes you feel nervous! Can you get your riding instructor out again to have a few lessons? I always have lessons if I can afford them as although I feel fine on our girl I progress better with help on the ground. Even if you have someone just there on the ground watching/helping it can give you a more positive outlook? By the way I think everyone without access to dry areas to school in is struggling at the moment; lots of people at my yard are finding their horses are more on edge due to less riding and what riding is happening is slower due to ground.

 

[Hedwards]

Loss of confidence is not a failure on your part. It happens to lots of people.
If you dont fancy getting on him first time then find someone who will. No shame in it what so ever.

I did think about this, but I'd feel so dreadful if he did something and they fell off etc. I think it's because theres no grass and he's coming in at night, so i'm convinced his ulcers must be back, he is reacting behind his leg (although no where near as bad as when he was treated last year). I'm just so angry with myself for turning getting on my own horse into such a big thing... a couple of years ago i would have gotten on and just gone with it, if i'd fallen off so be it.

Thank you though, and Jemima*askin, you're right, i dont NEED to ride him (although i want to be able to iyswim), and once the weather improves, my confidence will as the grass starts to come through etc.

 

[Hedwards]

It is difficult when you lose confidence so I sympathise; it doesn't necessarily have to be something specific that makes you feel nervous! Can you get your riding instructor out again to have a few lessons? I always have lessons if I can afford them as although I feel fine on our girl I progress better with help on the ground. Even if you have someone just there on the ground watching/helping it can give you a more positive outlook? By the way I think everyone without access to dry areas to school in is struggling at the moment; lots of people at my yard are finding their horses are more on edge due to less riding and what riding is happening is slower due to ground.

Up until the weather turned and his abcess i was having fortnightly lessons... its more to do with the embarrassment of being so scared... of nothing effectively. I think i'm going to wait for an improvement of the weather, and speak to my RI - she's not at all judgemental but i just feel silly...

 

[Tobiano]

you are not a failure Hedwards! YOur horse presumably is still happy, safe and healthy and that is absolutely the main thing!

I really get the not riding just before a big occasion - have done that myself! Also its not a brilliant time of year, I would try not to worry, dont push yourself - if you feel like riding in a few weeks or months great, if not, thats ok too x x

 

[PaddyMonty]

I did think about this, but I'd feel so dreadful if he did something and they fell off etc.

I do a lot of riding horses with issues, owner lost confidence etc. Every time I get on a horse I fully understand the irsk I am taking and accept it or I wouldn't do it. Others doing the same thing should feel the same way so not your problem if it goes a bit pear shaped.

 

[Hedwards]

I do a lot of riding horses with issues, owner lost confidence etc. Every time I get on a horse I fully understand the irsk I am taking and accept it or I wouldn't do it. Others doing the same thing should feel the same way so not your problem if it goes a bit pear shaped.

I do understand what you're saying, absolutely and my horse doesnt have issues as such... just his rider which makes it all the more difficult. If i knew Mickey was 'naughty' 'nappy' etcetc. i wouldnt have any problems i'd know thats what it was - its my mental block. I also cant think of anyone to ask (my RI is off games with a bad back). Its so silly, Mickey is not 'dangerous' quite the opposit

 

[paddi22]

if you're not in a riding mood what about getting some ground work books. there's some great ones about teaching dressage moves from the ground. Or practice longlining or a new skill. I went through a similar phase of not wanting to ride before and i found the books great as I still felt productive and that it was improving my horse. it took the pressure off a lot as well, and I naturally got back into riding after a while.

 

[Hedwards]

if you're not in a riding mood what about getting some ground work books. there's some great ones about teaching dressage moves from the ground. Or practice longlining or a new skill. I went through a similar phase of not wanting to ride before and i found the books great as I still felt productive and that it was improving my horse. it took the pressure off a lot as well, and I naturally got back into riding after a while.

Great idea, and i do a lot of ground work with him already he lunges/longlines beautifully... just need the weather to improve to be able to do a bit more (school is a bit of a swamp at the moment)

 

[Crazydancer]

Oh hun, so sorry to hear this - but seems like some good suggestions, and to be honest, it sounds this is a bit deeper than just 'worried about riding'? Cut yourself some slack, wait until the weather improves, moods improve, and life in general will feel better! You don't 'need' to ride, so don't. You'll hopefully feel better just by taking that pressure off. Just enjoy spending time with him and your mojo will just come back. Sending hugs xx

 

[Wagtail]

Why don't you order some omeprazole from www.abler.com (you can get a free sample that will last a week). Then you will know he cannot have ulcers as you have treated them. Once you are back on board you will be fine.

 

[Turks]

Really feel for you. We all have our issues that bubble up to the surface nicely for us from time to time. An alternative to not riding until the weather improves is to break it right down into tiny steps that u can build on day by day. U can start by just tacking up, then next session get on & straight off, then next walk round yard on him then off... I wouldn't be at all surprised if you got back into the swing of it then - just slowly & quietly. I am a firm believer that we have to treat ourselves like the spooky horse now & then & do a bit of self-training. Hopefully you will then associate riding with the buzz of those incremental achievements & not the scary stuff. All the very best with it. X

 

[Hedwards]

Oh hun, so sorry to hear this - but seems like some good suggestions, and to be honest, it sounds this is a bit deeper than just 'worried about riding'? Cut yourself some slack, wait until the weather improves, moods improve, and life in general will feel better! You don't 'need' to ride, so don't. You'll hopefully feel better just by taking that pressure off. Just enjoy spending time with him and your mojo will just come back. Sending hugs xx

You may be right... however just to say this isnt worried about riding... its worried about riding Mickey. While he was out of action with his abscess i rode my friends mare and went out for a couple of 2 hour hacks...no worries, no jitters etc.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

And how silly would you feel if you had to go on the wedding photos with a black eye?

I suspected that my mare had ulcers, so following a tip on here, I give her Aloe Vera juice daily. I used to be able to tell if we ran out because she would revert to be grumpy within 24 hrs. However I am now feeding hay rather than haylage and she seems fine, even though as I haven't been well, we have run out of AV again this week.

 

[Hedwards]

Why don't you order some omeprazole from www.abler.com (you can get a free sample that will last a week). Then you will know he cannot have ulcers as you have treated them. Once you are back on board you will be fine.

Are they still doing the free sample offer?

 

[Hedwards]

And how silly would you feel if you had to go on the wedding photos with a black eye?

I suspected that my mare had ulcers, so following a tip on here, I give her Aloe Vera juice daily. I used to be able to tell if we ran out because she would revert to be grumpy within 24 hrs. However I am now feeding hay rather than haylage and she seems fine, even though as I haven't been well, we have run out of AV again this week.

He's on a supplement (lifeforce) - but having looked into the AV juice i got a bit lost as the best one to feed, what are you giving and where do you get it from.

Unfortunately haylage is the only option at my yard, although its very dry and very high quality... not dissimilar from hay in texture and smell to be honest

 

[Wagtail]

Are they still doing the free sample offer?

I think so. Though it was last year when I got mine and I haven't been on their website since. I think it's a long term offer though. You just pay around £12 postage. I have one livery here who keeps her mare on 1 - 2 sachets daily just to make sure she never gets ulcers again. It is not nice to ride her when she does!

 

[PolarSkye]

Oh hun, so sorry to hear this - but seems like some good suggestions, and to be honest, it sounds this is a bit deeper than just 'worried about riding'? Cut yourself some slack, wait until the weather improves, moods improve, and life in general will feel better! You don't 'need' to ride, so don't. You'll hopefully feel better just by taking that pressure off. Just enjoy spending time with him and your mojo will just come back. Sending hugs xx

This. Please be kind to yourself . . . try and take the pressure off . . . what will be, will be . . . and you are NOT a failure.

Big hugs.

P

 

[Tash88]

You are absolutely not a failure! You have had a difficult time (and I'm sorry to hear that) but remember there was a physical reason for it that you have been able to get to the bottom of and treat. And like Wagtail says, there is no harm in treating it again if you think the ulcers are returning. Try to think about the sort of horse you had before all of his health problems and remember that he can be like that again, and it sounds like he wants to be like that as much as you want him to. If he had a negative attitude then I doubt he'd be so good with all the in-hand work that you are doing.

I too think that once you're back in the routine of riding then you will be okay, are you able to have an instructor or a friend with you the first few times? Also remember to protect yourself as this can make you feel more confident and ride more positively - wear a body protector and maybe use a neck strap or a RS-Tor to help you feel more secure. I have a lovely but difficult horse and I feel 100% more confident with my BP on and the RS-Tor attached to the saddle, and I'm sure this makes me ride better. There is no shame in using these things to help you.

Good luck , Tash x

 

[undergroundoli]

If you say you've lost confidence in all areas of your life could the reason you're having a blip be elsewhere? And if so could you fix that easily? Would getting to grips with something non horsey make you feel more capable and therefore confident in every area of your life?

 

[EmmaB]

I know how you feel re feeling the pressure that you need to ride! Its horrible! If you don't want to ride you don't have to, it doesn't matter to your horse he won't be bothered the weather is cr*p atm anyway so just continue to do groundwork, lunging and even just playing around in the school if it makes you happy!

Maybe get your instructor to just have a ride now and again if you want him kept being ridden? Even if you both have a break until the better weather comes, you'll soon get him fit again once the school and ground has dried up. Good luck, don't beat yourself up over it!

 

[Hedwards]

Thanks everyone, i never really considered i dont need to ride, i may think i want to (and i do) but realise now i dont need to rush into it, and most importantly i know i need to do it when i'm ready to. I think the main issue is that Mickeys ulcers came about so soon after i bought him... so from day one (well month 2) i have been wary of falling off - for the first time in 26 years of riding... we had some fantastic times last year, i did a post about how far we'd come not long ago... but an enforced long break its all come back. And as others have said, my confidence in all other areas of my life is at an all time low - which is probably resulting in me questioning my ability with Mickey. I just know how much I can enjoy him... http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?643654-What-a-year-(and-a-bit)

Thank you all, you've no idea how much you've helped in just this short amount of time. I'll try and post some updates as and when i pluck up the courage to get on...

 

[Merrymoles]

There's a thread on here about feeling guilty for not riding - well don't!
Give yourself a break and in a couple of months' time there will be a day when the sun is shining, the birds are singing and you won't be able to bear the thought of not riding - that's when you get on again!

 

[Tash88]

I'd never seen that thread before, he is such a lovely horse and totally my 'type' , I know you can enjoy him again, just don't rush yourself. All the very best, Tash x

 

[Hedwards]

Thank you tash, that's probably why I'm so upset about all this, he's an awesome horse, I love spending time with him. I'm sure I'll get there in the end, just going to take time!

 

[mandwhy]

Bless you, I know how you feel, many of us do.

I also have confidence/anxiety issues on general life and I just accept that if I don't want to ride for months then there is nothing wrong with that and I can just do the minimum or whatever I want really, no pressure from anyone else. Winter is a good excuse to have a break I've just had 5 or 6 months off because I sold my last saddle, I didn't see the point in getting it sorted during winter and I've just bought another one - I feel so much better and more confident in it. I think the combination of that and the time off has helped me a lot. Not saying a saddle is the solution but sometimes these small differences make all the difference I guess!

There's no one recipe for confidence, if you feel your confidence comes from knowing your horse is healthy, maybe just get the vet to check him? Or even give him a supplement to keep the ulcers at bay?