Feeling like such a useless, bad rider

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atropa

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Does anyone else ever feel like they're just a terrible rider? I realised today that since I started riding again two years ago after a 7 year break, that i have never felt like a good or even reasonably competent rider :( Over the past 18 months I've had a horse on full loan and more recently have started two new shares, and honestly I feel like I haven't improved at all.

I just feel so demoralised and frustrated. I'm okay out hacking but my schooling is so hit and miss. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to doubt that I even know how to ride, which isn't great because my long term aim is to do a little BE at the lower levels.

Sorry for the huge moan, just having one of those days :( My plan is to start having some regular lessons on my share horses and to even maybe an in extra lessons at a local-ish riding school if I have the money and time, but any tips or encouragement would be greatly appreciated at the moment!
 
Are you having lessons at the moment? If not I honestly think this would help you as you'd feel like you're working towards something and can set yourself goals.

Also don't put too much pressure on yourself. I came back to horses after a 4 year break and frequently find myself getting frustrated that I don't have the confidence I once had to do the things I want to do. But more and more I'm realising that these things will come back in time.
 
Your post could have been written by me! I got back into riding 3 yrs ago after a 25 year break and its all been good, happy hacking and enjoying it but recently come up against a brick wall and just felt totally rubbish so I booked a lesson with a dressage trainer some people at the yard use and had my first lesson on my boy Saturday just gone and WOW WOW WOW it was brilliant :) Renewed my enthusiasm and will be having weekly lessons for the next few weeks and then bi weekly lessons after that from now on.

I thoroughly recommend booking regular consistent lessons because otherwise I don't think you, like me, will improve on your own.

Good luck.
 
Having lessons is great for helping you to improve, but it still doesn't help with the rubbish rider feeling I'm afraid! I have at least one lesson a week. Sometimes it all comes together and feels fantastic, sometimes nothing goes right and I wonder if I shouldn't just give up. Most times it's somewhere in the middle. But the point is you are improving even if it doesn't always feel like it.

Good luck, just remember we all feel like this sometimes.
 
GG2B I haven't been having regular lessons, when I had my full loan boy he was older, we mostly hacked as I couldn't take him out to shows etc so I guess at the time I kind of didn't see the point. In retrospect I should have had some on him.
I did have a lesson on one of my new shares a few weeks ago which was good in that it helped me realise I had been clinging on to saddle with a very tight right hip, but also I think it confused me more as the instructor had a very different style of riding to horse's owner, i.e. wanted me to take a much stronger contact when owner had previously advised a slightly longer length of rein. I have a different instructor in mind to try out and will be phoning her this week to arrange something. I definitely feel the 'working towards' something is something I'm missing.

Thanks guys, it's not like me to feel so sorry for myself.
 
I have these days.

I started lessons with a classical instructor nearly 2 years ago now. Previously I used to ride with short stirrups, pinchy hips, heels in/toes out and reins low and wide. I have been broken down and rebuilt again, although haven't quite developed the muscle memory. I have some good days and some bad. I know what I'm doing wrong and that frustrates me because I can't stop doing it! Since being "rebuilt" I have developed other weird movements! I have regular lessons, it's just when I'm on my own schooling that all kind of crazy stuff goes on!
 
I'm absolutely rubbish schooling on my own. I just kind of sit there with comfortable white noise in my head, through which the odd 'half halt, dammit woman' penetrates. Lessons are absolutely fantastic and I really focus, although they get harder at a slightly faster rate than I improve so I feel like a worse rider each time. You're not alone ☺

ETA I reread your post and you sound in need of a hug. Don't let yourself loose sight of the joy of riding and the feeling of cantering up a hill and all that good stuff. Schooling is just a means of getting more of those amazing horse riding feel

You must have improved massively since your first ride as a returning rider, i know i have. There is no shame in having reached the point you can't improve past without help. Focus on how far you've come, get some lessons, have fun.
 
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As I was hanging out the side door attempting to stop horse motorbiking to the inside last night, I was feeling very similar to you OP! I *know* that I shouldn't do it, but old habits die hard :(

I'm lucky I have a fairly patient instructor who yells at me when required, but tones it down when she sees I'm getting myself, and the poor horse, into a stupid pickle.

What keeps me going is my once always tight hips are a bit less so, my waggly legs are starting to work independently and most of the time, when I stop being so picky about my riding, it makes me smile :)
 
I once went to an evening course for BHS Stable Management Stage 1 at a top local school and the RI Instructor remarked on what low self esteem we all had and enquired about the teaching.
As an outsider coming to riding in old age, I wonder if there is something about riding and the horse world that encourages people to use words like "useless" and "bad" about themselves?

I also notice OP that you are OK out hacking. The same for me. Don't imagine that hacking is not valuable riding. When at last I plucked up courage to go for school lessons and canter in an indoor school, the RI said I had an enormous advantage over pupils who were taught indoors and were frightened to ride in the open. I dont know how old you are, but we adult car drivers know how to control a moving vehicle in the open and in potentially hazardous surroundings. I dont know what you do out hacking - but you have ridden three horses and I assume you demanded they each comply with your wishes out hacking and teach them if they dont already know?
When I eventually went for dressage lessons, the teachers prized what I had done out hacking and I found everything I had done out hacking is there in the tests. The only new item was counter canter - tho out hacking horses easily counter canter round a bend uninvited so no problem at all.

The only thing that is new is the difference it makes to the way one is perceived when one can ride tests in a school. My status and self esteem shot up when I rode a flying change. And that brings me back to the original question of what goes on in the world of competitions, status and rosettes - That the way you look on a horse matters more than the communication between the animal and you. And for every winner there must by definition be dozens of downhearted losers. One can drive a car excellently without needing to submit to outside judgement every month or two. And you can hone your riding skills and perfect your horses out hacking without sticking negative labels on yourself.
 
Thank you everyone, undergroundoli I certainly did need a hug yesterday and quite possibly a big kick up the bum. Skib, you're right, I don't drive around thinking how awful I must look and worried that everyone is judging me so I'm not quite sure why I do it on a horse. And I have went from being terrified to hack as my full loan boy was ahem challenging at first, to confidently hacking both alone and in company on the same horse, don't bother about spooking, happy to gallop and tackle natural obstacles so yes I would say I'm a pretty competent hacker which is something to be proud of in itself.

I can see a difference in my riding since I started back, and even from last summer to this, but it's when I can't get consistency and I start comparing myself to others who are younger and much better (a very bad habit, I know!) that it gets me down. Now that I've read the replies to this thread, I realise that it seems ridiculous to expect myself to be able to improve me and a horse beyond what I have been taught.

If I look on the positive side of things, my confidence has increased leaps and bounds, I've rode a variety of horses including a friends neurotic ex-racer, jumped another friend's pocket rocket and rode her big, powerful baby horse in the school (sitting and laughing off a massive spook one of those times), and had several shots on someone else's ex-polo pony. A few years ago I wouldn't have felt 'good' enough to get on any of them. My position has also improved, most recently the loosening of the hips which has helped my leg position and stability, and I do have more of an idea what I should be doing in the school to ask the horse to work properly - it's just putting it into practice!

Thanls again everyone, this has really made me feel better and I'm looking forward to getting some more lessons under my belt.
 
Sounds like you need to get yourself some regular lessons! and if you are already, I would try a new instructor. You obviously want to learn, if you put in the hard work you will get there. We all run out of 'tools in the box' at times, doesn't mean your a bad rider- you just need a lesson to get you back on track!
 
Definitely get some lessons! Try this new instructor you have in mind, since it sounds as though you weren't very keen on the one you were recently taught by. It does take time IME to find an instructor you gel with and who can get the best out of you.

We all have days like you mentioned. I also have a tight hip - might be worth getting some physio. It helps me an awful lot as there are some days when I physically cannot get my leg around and on my horse because my hip is so sore. I come away feeling like a terrible rider then realise how sore/ tight it is, then that I've been slack about doing my stretches from the physio! I would start with a couple of physio sessions and you could always try a mechanical horse session too. I've had a course of physio to sort out my wonkiness and am going to book some mechanical horse lessons to work solely on my straightness and seat, without having to think about my horse.

Schooling can be really dull and as said above, everyone runs out of tools in the box sometimes. I also think everyone reaches a plateau then you have to work quite hard to really get things ingrained so they become second nature, and suddenly you realise you've got it and you can more forwards again. I've been there recently with my horse, despite competing and having loads of lessons all summer. Had got to a stage where I felt I was getting nowhere and not improving. I have a great instructor so we had a long chat about it all and she got me doing some new ridden exercises which have made a phenomenal difference, and now I feel like we've moved up a gear having been stuck in the same place for ages. So I think it's normal to feel rubbish sometimes, then something clicks into place and it's all good again :)
 
I could have written your post! I've not so much had a break, but having my children all so close together means although I've still have the horses, my riding has been on and off for about 7 years. Throw in a fall that seriously knocked my confidence last year, it's all made me doubt my riding a lot lately. I'm also ok out hacking, my horse has only been backed this year and I bred him so he's pretty special to me, its been a long wait to get to where we are, and I often worry I'm not good enough for him! But I have made the decision to have some lessons and have my first one booked for this Friday :eek:

I think lessons are definitely the way forward, and hopefully will help to get you (and everyone else who feels the same!) feeling better about your riding again! :-)
 
My riding is so dogged with trying to sort one key issue that I have sadly come to dread lessons with anyone as I just get stuck on this bit and can't progress. I'm the only person I know who gets more anxious about lessons than competing...!! OP - I'm sure you're not this much of a numpty so all the very best with it. X
 
Feeling like a useless rider is what makes a good rider. You strive to improve :) Chin up, work on fitness and position and try not to obsess too much :P
 
Skib said:
I once went to an evening course for BHS Stable Management Stage 1 at a top local school and the RI Instructor remarked on what low self esteem we all had and enquired about the teaching.
As an outsider coming to riding in old age, I wonder if there is something about riding and the horse world that encourages people to use words like "useless" and "bad" about themselves?
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I do think this is true, esp at lower levels. My dad is really sporty and he was horrified when he started coming to shows with me and we'd walk the course and me and all the other riders would talk very negatively; 'oh dear, course looks massive, this isn't going to end well, we're just aiming to not be completely pants today etc' he told me he was astounded that sports people would think like that and did I think Jess ennis lined up for the hurdles thinking she was going to lose!

Saying that I'm having a complete downer at the moment, I'm riding like a bag of spanners and pony is going like some sort of camel-giraffe combo, we have a lesson tomorrow and I am fully planning on throwing myself at the feet of my lovely instructor and begging for help!
 
There are stages of learning ..
Unconscious incompetence..
Conscious incompetence ..
Conscious competence...
Unconscious competence
I think you've just got to the conscious incompetence stage of learning. You now know what you are doing wrong and becoming more self critical. This will pass and things will fall into place. Just be patient with yourself relax and take it one step at a time.
My friend shared a lesson with me yesterday and was saying exactly the same things. She learnt to ride out hacking and being in a school and having her errors pointed out really got her flustered and upset that she couldn't get it right.
 
Pigeon thank you, that makes me feel a lot better :)
Walrus, very good point, maybe a bit more positive mental attitude is called for!
Trasa I agree with those stages, unfortunately I've been stuck at conscious incompetence for about a year and a half now so it's getting me down a bit. My own fault though for not taking lessons and doing something about it sooner.
 
Atropa.. Don't be disheartened .. As pigeon said you want to be better so it's that wish that you build on now. It's really hard to self improve without having a set of eyes on the ground spotting your mistakes and telling telling you how to correct them.
A good riding instructor will soon set you on the right path and things WILL fall into place ..honest :)
I only started riding 3 years ago but I've had weekly lessons since then. I've been having a bit of a lull for a few months and now need to decide what next and step up a level. I'll then be back to conscious incompetence I suspect lol.. :D
 
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I feel like this all the time. I'm getting a new loan horse soon and i'm actually panicking that i won't be good enough to ride her. Lessons made me feel worse cause i was too afraid to actually do anything other than trot about and a small canter up the long line and i can't afford them regularly.
 
I also returned to riding 2 years ago after a 7 year break! I am a disabled rider and often have the same confidence issues as yourself---I had a lesson yesterday which could have gone much better, I was very tired before I started, my legs and hands just wouldn't work and the pony was falling out on all my circles, all I could do was laugh and tell my instructor that I had all agility and finesse of a Russian tank! and my "90 degree circles" are a source of great amusement to him! BUT, I have been out hacking and galloping again and did a mini cross country course and I'm having fun! Just take your time and "enjoy the process" as they say. :)
 
Aww Equi sorry you feel like that :\
LessThanPerfect at least you have the good humour to laugh when you've had a bad lesson!
Had a good ride on one of my new boys tonight, actually feel like I'm getting somewhere with him which is great :) he usually gets quite strong and fast with me but I definitely feel like I'm learning better how to slow him down with my seat.
 
equi said:
I feel like this all the time. I'm getting a new loan horse soon and i'm actually panicking that i won't be good enough to ride her. Lessons made me feel worse cause i was too afraid to actually do anything other than trot about and a small canter up the long line and i can't afford them regularly.
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I wouldn't worry. I hardly EVER do cantering in my lessons! We mainly focus on the trot. And I only do a bit of cantering when schooling on my own.

I generally like lessons. My instructor pushes me and I normally have an argh moment but then it all comes together at the end at it's ahhhh! I have had a couple of sessions though where I just couldn't get it at all and felt like crying and giving up!

My instructor is quite good for pep talks and I was complaining that when I school alone I just don't seem to get anywhere and I get frustrated. She said to me there is a big gap between being a novice rider and being an advanced rider. It will take lots and lots of rides to get you up to an advanced rider level. So whenever you have a s*** ride, just chalk it up to one more ride done before you become and advanced rider!
 
atropa said:
Had a good ride on one of my new boys tonight, actually feel like I'm getting somewhere with him which is great :) he usually gets quite strong and fast with me but I definitely feel like I'm learning better how to slow him down with my seat.
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Excellent news, well done. Getting a challenging horse to the point you can gallop and pop obstacles is a real achievemen. Counts as schooling in my book.
 
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