Feeling lost with horses

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Pink candy

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Hi everyone, this is my first post here 😊.

I’m feeling really lost with my horsey life and could do with views from other horse people, I’ve had horses all my life and my passion was showjumping, it was all I thought about and I absolutely loved every show, I had the lorry and some lovely horses (I’m also very lucky to have my horses at home).

To cut a long story short I had a rough time when I decided to sell 2 of my good horses to buy a few youngsters as things were getting expensive, it absolutely broke my heart when they both were sold. Anyway I made a completely wrong move and put my trust in someone buying these horses and lost quite a bit of money (that’s another long story). Managed to pull myself back together after a rough time and got a really good horse and had a great few years with this horse and competing a few for owners. As time went on I was happy to have my one good horse to jump but this horse then went lame and I had to retire her.

Lack of funds, I then bought 2, 3 year olds and broke them in, one wasn’t destined for showjumping so sold him to a lovely home and kept the other, he’s now 8 and has been good fun but not as talented as previous horses and I wouldn’t part with him (I’ve become to soft to sell them on) I also have my retired horse in the field.

Now my confidence isn’t what it used to be, part of me wants to still jump and part of me thinks just let it go, I feel anxious going to shows now and I think the love has gone which makes me sad, I’m not sure if this is because my horse isn’t as talented as the others or if it’s me because I’ve got older and not as brave or is it the cost causing these feelings.

I also have another dilemma 😬 I sold my lorry and bought a car and trailer but my horse doesn’t like it, it’s an amazing trailer but horse rushes off and injured himself, I sold the lorry because of money as thought it would make more sense to have a trailer, anyone else done this and gone back to a lorry?

I’m sorry this is very long, I suppose I want to know if anyone else feels like this? My head is all over the place, I don’t think I’d ever completely give up horses but I’m not sure it all makes me happy anymore.

Thanks for reading 😊
 
I think you change over time, I had 3 kids and my thoughts have changed too. I used to want to event and jump, I wanted to go up the heights as quickly as possible and win etc. Now Ive had kids and I cant afford to be out every weekend, I dont have those high aspirations anymore. Im quite happy it seems to just pootle round low level showjumping etc. Ive lost that crazy drive to keep climbing the ladder, I guess because I know I simily cannot put the time, effort and money into it that I could prior to kids. Its very expensive and I think that puts a big dampener on competing dreams for so many people these days. I still have a part of me that is a bit frustrated Im not climbing the ladder fast enough but at the same time, Im enjoying my horse and it can be quite nice to not be putting loads of pressure on me and the horse. You could try just jumping small courses and see if you're quite happy just at that level? Join a RC maybe and try and make it fun again?

With regard your trailer issue, Id just practice loads and your horse should be fine. Ive had 2 young horses in particular who would literally launch out of the trailer, I spent many an evening working on it. I'd take parition out completely and give them some food in it, then slowly move the bucked of feed further forward until they were literally on the front ramp. Said stand every time they stopped to eat the food. Did it loads until they were super chilled then would lead them and as going up the ramp, through and down front ramp Id say stand and when they did they got a treat. Then did same with partition in (front section over so they dont catch themselves on way out which I always do, I never unload with them turning the corner round the partition front part). Do it every night and pretty quickly I found the problem was sorted. I still reminded them nown and again and would ask them to stop half way down the ramp, just to ensure they didnt fall back into it. Good luck x
 
Could you be at the time when you start to get hormonal changes? I would have a blood test to see, as hormones can take the guts out of you, emotionally. I would also check D3 and B12 (active) on the blood test.

Of course, it may also be that you simply have other things to do than go to shows! At one time, my horse would have been off eventing by now. As it is, we may or may not do a local dressage tomorrow as I seem to be pretty busy today clearing the tack room. I seem to be as interested in a nice hack than competing. But that, now, feels OK.

And yes, I went from trailer to lorry, to trailer, to lorry, to 3.5T. I like the van the best!
 
For the jumping you could just jump smaller heights and enjoy the time out and about? I actually enjoy jumping under 80cm more than above as the pressure is alleviated
Small XC courses could also be your new fun thing as it’s a more relaxed environment when you’re not at a competition but more a fun day out?
Potentially for making your horse feel more confident in a trailer you could park it in an enclosed shed on jeep then open all the doors and slowly move a lick/hay further into the trailer. Just let them come and go (ideally without the partition) and build from there
That’s how I got my tb used to a trailer with minimal windows
 
I think no longer loving jumping creeps up on quite a large number of people as time passes. You could treat it as a time to get into other fields with your horses and it may reawaken your enthusiasm.
I did a couple of seasons of endurance and enjoyed that and found a really good camaraderie between riders.
 
I think it's quite normal to become more cautious and therefore lose a bit of nerve as you age. Yes, there are plenty who continue as they always did but I'd say they're the exceptions. Having children did affect my nerve but if I'm honest, it started before them.I thought for a long time that I wanted to get back into it the way I was before but it never happened and now I accept it and just do what I'm comfortable with. Also going out competing is exhausting when you're young, let alone when you start to get a bit older and in a way I'm glad I don't compete anymore because it has become so expensive. Don't be hard on yourself, just do what makes you you happy.

As for the trailer, have you tried using it without a partition? Seems to be the solution for many horses.
 
Red-1 said:
Could you be at the time when you start to get hormonal changes? I would have a blood test to see, as hormones can take the guts out of you, emotionally. I would also check D3 and B12 (active) on the blood test.

Of course, it may also be that you simply have other things to do than go to shows! At one time, my horse would have been off eventing by now. As it is, we may or may not do a local dressage tomorrow as I seem to be pretty busy today clearing the tack room. I seem to be as interested in a nice hack than competing. But that, now, feels OK.

And yes, I went from trailer to lorry, to trailer, to lorry, to 3.5T. I like the van the best!
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I do have so much anxiety that I have never experienced before so wondering if it’s my age, think I will get the D3 and B12 checked too.

I’m thinking 3.5T may be my answer as I get to bypass the hgv test with a bigger lorry.
 
Pink candy said:
I do have so much anxiety that I have never experienced before so wondering if it’s my age, think I will get the D3 and B12 checked too.

I’m thinking 3.5T may be my answer as I get to bypass the hgv test with a bigger lorry.
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As I ahve grandfather rights, I had mine uprated to 4t, so can carry stacks of stuff. It has a wardrobe, fan, tack area, toilet, benches, big horse area and feels solid and safe.
 
marmalade76 said:
I think it's quite normal to become more cautious and therefore lose a bit of nerve as you age. Yes, there are plenty who continue as they always did but I'd say they're the exceptions. Having children did affect my nerve but if I'm honest, it started before them.I thought for a long time that I wanted to get back into it the way I was before but it never happened and now I accept it and just do what I'm comfortable with. Also going out competing is exhausting when you're young, let alone when you start to get a bit older and in a way I'm glad I don't compete anymore because it has become so expensive. Don't be hard on yourself, just do what makes you you happy.

As for the trailer, have you tried using it without a partition? Seems to be the solution for many horses.
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I think I need to accept and just be comfortable with not competing at such a level.

My trailer is a big one that travels herringbone, for some reason it’s the coming off that bothers him, he wants to get off as quickly as possible and launches off it, this causes him to catch his sides and got a big gash, I’m frightened he will really hurt himself.
 
Pink candy said:
I do have so much anxiety that I have never experienced before so wondering if it’s my age, think I will get the D3 and B12 checked too.

I’m thinking 3.5T may be my answer as I get to bypass the hgv test with a bigger lorry.
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I never suffered from anxiety until I hit perimenopause and then it arrived in massive doses. HRT really helped reduce it but it hasn't gone completely. I do get anxious jumping (amongst other things) and if I really feel it welling up taking a beta blocker helps bring me down to a coping level.
 
Kunoichi73 said:
I never suffered from anxiety until I hit perimenopause and then it arrived in massive doses. HRT really helped reduce it but it hasn't gone completely. I do get anxious jumping (amongst other things) and if I really feel it welling up taking a beta blocker helps bring me down to a coping level.
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Same for me everything that I had done with my horses previously reduced me to a wreck some days, HRT has definitely helped me I'm not the same but I manage by not expecting to do the things I did before.
 
yeah first thing i thought reading it was peri-menopause. a lot of my jumper friends just lost their mojo when they hit a certain age
 
Pinkvboots said:
Same for me everything that I had done with my horses previously reduced me to a wreck some days, HRT has definitely helped me I'm not the same but I manage by not expecting to do the things I did before.
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paddi22 said:
yeah first thing i thought reading it was peri-menopause. a lot of my jumper friends just lost their mojo when they hit a certain age
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Honestly, some days just leading a slightly grumpy RS horse out of it's stable gets me panicky! It's dreadful! I try to avoid taking the beta blockers as much as possible, but when I'm having a particularly stressed day, they just mean I can get on with things without getting shaky or teary!
 
I do also think you are probably telling yourself what you ‘should’ be doing because you ‘used’ to do it. I think we spend far too much time and effort looking back and I have been guilty of this and actually we just need to let go and concentrate on where we are,
Ignoring your imposter syndrome or worrying about other peoples thoughts. Hard to do but will free you to enjoy horses more.
 
Kunoichi73 said:
Honestly, some days just leading a slightly grumpy RS horse out of it's stable gets me panicky! It's dreadful! I try to avoid taking the beta blockers as much as possible, but when I'm having a particularly stressed day, they just mean I can get on with things without getting shaky or teary!
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Awful isn't it I have on occasions cried over the most ridiculous things it's so frustrating especially because before the flipping menopause it was never an issue.
 
LEC said:
I do also think you are probably telling yourself what you ‘should’ be doing because you ‘used’ to do it. I think we spend far too much time and effort looking back and I have been guilty of this and actually we just need to let go and concentrate on where we are,
Ignoring your imposter syndrome or worrying about other peoples thoughts. Hard to do but will free you to enjoy horses more.
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This! I still do a bit of jumping, but really want to work more on flatwork, position, balance etc. Which I hope will help with jumping too. I'm also trying other riding related things occasionally - horse archery, a bit of jousting and other mounted combat stuff. It's only occasionally because I don't have a horse so have to go on courses that provide horses.
 
Kunoichi73 said:
Honestly, some days just leading a slightly grumpy RS horse out of it's stable gets me panicky! It's dreadful! I try to avoid taking the beta blockers as much as possible, but when I'm having a particularly stressed day, they just mean I can get on with things without getting shaky or teary!
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I never knew it could make you feel like this, I’ve had days where I felt panicked leading my horse or can’t get on a new horse in case it bucks or spooks, I would get on anything without a thought before, kept thinking why have I turned into such a wimp! Does this anxiety go or is it something I’m stuck with now?
 
LEC said:
I do also think you are probably telling yourself what you ‘should’ be doing because you ‘used’ to do it. I think we spend far too much time and effort looking back and I have been guilty of this and actually we just need to let go and concentrate on where we are,
Ignoring your imposter syndrome or worrying about other peoples thoughts. Hard to do but will free you to enjoy horses more.
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I think your right, I’ve told myself I shouldn’t be doing less than I did before even though I’m quite happy doing a lower level or just enjoying my horses at home, I have also worried what other people will think and I know that’s ridiculous.
 
Pink candy said:
I never knew it could make you feel like this, I’ve had days where I felt panicked leading my horse or can’t get on a new horse in case it bucks or spooks, I would get on anything without a thought before, kept thinking why have I turned into such a wimp! Does this anxiety go or is it something I’m stuck with now?
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Mine got considerably better once I'd fine tuned my HRT dose. It's not gone completely but day to day it's not there. I went through a couple of years when it was permanent.

Certain things set it off though. I can't leave my current job or get a promotion because I can't interview. I get massive anxiety leading up to an interview which lasted for a couple of months after it. I also get brain fog.

I can get a bit antsy before jumping and if a horse starts playing up too much. Also if I'm doing anything new like going on holiday or for a riding weekend. The beta blockers help with this though.

I do try to push on through and not let it stop me doing things. Mostly I succeed.
 
LEC said:
I do also think you are probably telling yourself what you ‘should’ be doing because you ‘used’ to do it. I think we spend far too much time and effort looking back and I have been guilty of this and actually we just need to let go and concentrate on where we are,
Ignoring your imposter syndrome or worrying about other peoples thoughts. Hard to do but will free you to enjoy horses more.
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Spot on LEC. I've written a post on here somewhere about giving up dressage pretty much. Can't school properly at home now and this was showing in my marks. Couple that with the desire to do it dwindling. I now go to clinics, pole work clinics, WE clinics and have got my riding mojo back as there is absolutely no pressure but we are still being 'tested '. A change of discipline may be just what the OP needs.
 
Pink candy said:
I’ve had horses all my life and my passion was showjumping,
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I think you need to untangle the two things. Being a high ranked sports person in a competitive activity continually tests both you and your horse. Sports champions like yourself surely suffer a bereavement when they encounter the negative effects of aging.

Could you make use of your experience, get some qualifications and coach younger show jumpers?

But people who ride have more than the sport. We have our relationship with horses.

Doing so well must have been wonderful but you dont say whether or not you were also passionate about horses? How did you feel when you rode as a child? Was winning rosettes the only important thing? When I play at being a Pony Club child, I am just having fun.

It isnt even a final yes no decision. You may want to give up now but return to riding later. Riding was never a sport for me and so I have never been in your position. But I can assure you that in old age riding has become my great pleasure.
 
Depending on whereabouts in the country you are, could you find someone to come to shows with you? A bit of moral support and company for a gin and a laugh - might re-ignite the enjoyment of it, even if it's not at the level your previous horse was at. It's the dream for a lot of us, but can be quite isolating having horses at home. If you're anywhere near Sussex, I would be more than happy to lend a hand.
 
Skib said:
I think you need to untangle the two things. Being a high ranked sports person in a competitive activity continually tests both you and your horse. Sports champions like yourself surely suffer a bereavement when they encounter the negative effects of aging.

Could you make use of your experience, get some qualifications and coach younger show jumpers?

But people who ride have more than the sport. We have our relationship with horses.

Doing so well must have been wonderful but you dont say whether or not you were also passionate about horses? How did you feel when you rode as a child? Was winning rosettes the only important thing? When I play at being a Pony Club child, I am just having fun.

It isnt even a final yes no decision. You may want to give up now but return to riding later. Riding was never a sport for me and so I have never been in your position. But I can assure you that in old age riding has become my great pleasure.
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I absolutely love just being around horses and do get great pleasure just looking after them too.

Riding as a child was just about having fun, hacking, pony club and local shows with friends.

I definitely wouldn’t give up completely, I love my horses to much.
 
AShetlandBitMeOnce said:
Depending on whereabouts in the country you are, could you find someone to come to shows with you? A bit of moral support and company for a gin and a laugh - might re-ignite the enjoyment of it, even if it's not at the level your previous horse was at. It's the dream for a lot of us, but can be quite isolating having horses at home. If you're anywhere near Sussex, I would be more than happy to lend a hand.
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Your right about being isolated having horses at home, I’m very lucky to have all this at home but have often thought it’s quite lonely at times.
I would have loved to take you up on the offer but unfortunately I’m at least 3 hours away from Sussex, thank you anyway 😊
 
Kunoichi73 said:
I never suffered from anxiety until I hit perimenopause and then it arrived in massive doses. HRT really helped reduce it but it hasn't gone completely. I do get anxious jumping (amongst other things) and if I really feel it welling up taking a beta blocker helps bring me down to a coping level.
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This sounds like me. Had bit of anxiety in past but clear triggers. I hit 40, and anxiety was affecting my life. Noticed its cycle related. Will be 43 this year and think its time to see a dr! At least others are describing similiar. I thought i was going mad!
 
Evelyn said:
This sounds like me. Had bit of anxiety in past but clear triggers. I hit 40, and anxiety was affecting my life. Noticed its cycle related. Will be 43 this year and think its time to see a dr! At least others are describing similiar. I thought i was going mad!
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Definitely go the the Dr. I didn't realise it was hormone related and put it down to work stress. I suffered with it for a few years until I sorted out my HRT. I wish someone had told me that stress and anxiety could be related to the menopause earlier!
 
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