Feeling pushed out, sorry need to have a little moan.

[lennysmith]

I didn't think would happen, but looks like it's going to.

I'm starting to feel really pushed out as far as Denver is concerned.

Since weaning my friend and I are sharing him. This was agreed ages ago. However, I have had hardley anything to do with him anymore. She gets up the stables early, (6.30 ish) and mucks him and her boy out, makes feed, grooms etc. I cant get there that early I have 2 small kiddies. By the time I get there at 8 he is done. Fair enough.

I go down once baby sitter is here in eve. I went down tonight and mucked out and spent some time with him. She told me to leave the mucking out as she'll do him in the eve while her boy is cooling down after riding. I then got told the feeds I made him yesterday were too big so she'd do them from now on. I feel so low.

I have cared for this baby since day 1. I know we are sharing him, I know she adores him as much as I do. But I'm really struggling.

It was me who faught for his life when Josie got the dreaded placentitis. It was me who found him on the stable floor when he was born. I have been the one who has trugded up and down that field all summer to feed and look after him and his mum. Yes my friend held him and did some bits with him while I was riding, I'm grateful for that. I just feel like I'm losing him.

They have been separated for a week now and in that time I have fed him once (feeds were too big apparently) and mucked him out once (tonight, she'll do him from now on).

I would suggest us having seperate days, but it wouldn't work. She'd get stroppy and say it was unfair as she is always there. Looks liek I'm going to have to play second fiddle.

She has no responsibilities, and is a lot more knowledgeable than me, and uses this. He's always done fed and watered by the time I get there. I feel like I'm losing my baby

Sorry for the winge, I dont expect anyone to reply, just needed to 'tell' someone. Thanks for reading. xx

 

[vic07]

talk to her, she probably has no idea of the way you are feeling. I am sure you can sort it out. xxxxxx

 

[Leg_end]

How awful

I think you might need to stand up for yourself and tell this lady how you are feeling. Its not fair that you are being pushed out of denvers life - after all he is your horse!

 

[parsley]

It made me feel very sad to read this post - I have been following your posts about Denver. I can only suggest you talk to her and explain how you feel - I don't mean in an aggressive way, but point out that while it might be easy for her to muck him out etc, as a sharer you would LIKE to do these things too. Perhaps she thinks that as you have two children you would prefer her to do the chores. Once she knows how you feel there is no exscuse for her to insist on monopolising him - just be prepared to say exactly what and when you would like to do with him.

 

[sleepingdragon10]

Oh Lenny...so sorry you feel like this honey.Have a word with her about it,she can't change her behaviour if she doesn't know it bothers you.

But also remember that the D man is YOURS,regardless of any arrangement you may have with her.

Bethxx

 

[Clodagh]

Agree with all the above. She may be trying to help, so go for it with that in mind. Tell her how you feel.

 

[lisaward]

i think perhaps she thinks with two small children she is helping you out,maybe she feels that by doing the chores it gives you more time to have quality time.

i personally would talk to her and try the nice approach first but at the end of the day he is your horse and i would not let her tell you how much to feed him,you got him this far and have done a bloody good job so far, in my eyes.
hope you get things sorted soon and this is just teething problems

 

[pixie]

If you don't think you'd be able to say this to her in person, would you consider writing her a letter?

 

[Skhosu]

I think you shouldn't be pushed out... he is yours after all!
What is the arrangement w/ her? Is it in writing?

 

[Bess]

You could still go and see him, groom him etc and just spend some time with him. My horse has been on box rest recently and the feeding and mucking out have all been done as part of the livery, but I don't feel I've lost a bond with my horse, he isn't very interested in who mucks him out.

I think its a control issue that's going on here, you feel that she has more control over Denver than you and you, naturally, feel pushed out. But his bond/affection will still be with you. So don't maybe its not worth making a very big issue out of?

 

[sojeph]

I would definitely have a chat with her and you may find that she is totally oblivious and is just in that ' I've got a new horsey' stage. Things may well settle down after the initial excitement has worn off.

 

[Christmas_Kate]

aww hun, that's awful. I would have a quiet word and tell her how you feel. Denver is YOUR baby, and she may be sharing him, but part of having a horse is enjoying looking after it. He is YOURS, YOU should decided what and how much he is fed. Perhaps work out a rota? that way it's clear who does what and when. Why can you not muck him out and feed in the evening? Put your foot down and say you ARE going to do the eveing chores.
If she doesnt listen I'm afraid you may have to find another sharer or put him on part livery.

good luck x

 

[flyingfeet]

If Denver is yours, then I'd sit back an enjoy the full livery treatment.

I have had many youngsters and most of ours lived in a herd, because I didn't want to muck them out until they were in work.

You might be feeling pushed out, but you could be doing all the fun stuff, like playing with his legs and picking them out. I believe our yearlings even had numnahs and elastic surcingles put on them to get them used to being touched everywhere and strange objects.

Seriously don't feel put out, feel happy you have a groom!

 

[hairycob]

How old are your kids - I felt like that when mine started to go to school. I guess it's the same with foals. Talk to your friend, she might be upset when she realises.

 

[lennysmith]

Mine are 2 and 4. They've just started nursery and school. So I ahev all morning 3 mornings a week to do something with him But he's always done. I'd take him for a walk but she gets stroppy saying it's safer with 2 as what if he spooks and I lose him. There's only so much grooming I can do.

 

[guisbrogal]

This is really sad

I would definitely have a quie t word and just say that yo u would like to be ab lee to feed him as he is after all your horse. I agree thata she is probaably new fangled with him at the omoement and will fixxle out soon.

Maybe make a lits of days that you do what on so it os on papre
I am finding this really hard to type as I am no some new pannkillers so if it sounds wrong then just ignotre it ok

 

[S_N]

Oh hunny - huggles!! I agree with the first few answers tbh! And if you can't say anything, then write it down - write it down a few times, until it doesn't sound bitter - I know you don't want to loose your sharer! Having said that, the full livery treatment isn't to be snuffed at!! Though if she thinks his feeds are too big, ermmmm haven't you been doing this with him for the last however long? You should be able to feed him, take him for walks, play in the school with him - whatever you want to do in your time. He IS YOUR horse after all!

 

[Ginn]

Sweetie, Im so sorry that this is happening. Nobody could have taken better care of both Denver and Josie from the day you found out that Josie was pregnant and I can totally see why you must be finding this so difficult. I think you need to make your friend aware of how your feeling. Not much help really am I?! Big hugs hunny.

 

[lennysmith]

Thankyou. It's not the fact that she even thinks his feeds are too big. It's the way she said it and that she thought she should. She said it like I was harming him!! It's just now she is making all the descisions. All the ownership has been taken away. I put new straw down for him tonight and got glared at! I feel like I have to ask permission to do anything with him. Makes me so sad.

 

[lennysmith]

Thanks Jen. It means a lot to hear people think I ahve done ok by them. Beginnining to wonder now, as all my ideas are wrong, according to friend.

 

[Skhosu]

I would find another sharer at this point. She is behaving like a control freak and you should be able to do what you want, when you want.

 

[lennysmith]

Lol understood!!

I hope it is the new fangled thing. I dont want her to get cross, as she's such a good friend, but she's really hurting me now.

 

[lennysmith]

Monopolising, thats a good word.

I never thought it would turn out this way. Really makes me sad. She knows how close I am to him. She knows the sleepless nights I've had over him. Yet she still manages to make me feel inadequet (sp)

 

[sojeph]

Have to say now you've posted about her a bit more that I would, personally, have to find a new sharer. If she is such a good friend why is she so unaware of how she is making you feel?

 

[lennysmith]

A letter might be good idea, thanks.

I think I've just realised that she really intimidates me. So maybe a letter would help.

 

[S_N]

This is making me sad too! I'd def. be looking for a new sharer tbth!!!

 

[lennysmith]

You know what? You're right. I've just sent a very long and rambling pm to someone on here, and I've realsied she really does intimidate me. I feel like I ahve to ask permission to do anythign. Not just with the horses either.

 

[lisaward]

oh that is so sad,please try to do something either talk to her or get a new sharer.
he is your horse and if things are making you this unhappy
its not worth the trouble.

 

[sleepingdragon10]

Lenny...you've done bloody well with both of them!Denver looks fantastic,so you've obviously been doing something right*HUGS*
Don't lose heart now.....he is YOUR horse...end of!!

Bethxx

 

[hairycob]

I'm the world's worst when it comes to things like this. I um & aagh & try & drop hints & generally get myself in a right state. I know it's better to just take a deep breath & say what I feel, but I don't. When I finally get round to saying things properly it never goes half as badly as I spent all that time imagining it would. Like the others have said he is yours and you are perfectly entitled to set the rules.