Feeling pushed out, sorry need to have a little moan.

[Maesfen]

Like everyone else here, I feel so sad and let down for you, I personally want to shake her; can she not see how unhappy she is making you?

A letter is a good idea and at the risk of playing the same old record, he is yours after all so you should be the one that is setting the ground rules not her even if she does profess to knowitall!

You have done a great job so far, don't let this get you down. If she is a true friend, she will understand how you feel and alter accordingly, on the other hand, if she is a true friend she should have FELT how you feel before this and changed her ways. Be nice but be firm and YOU lay down the ground rules; if she doesn't like it then the worst thing that will happen will be finding another sharer if you can't afford the whole of his livery yourself; I'm sure someone will leap at the chance, I know I would if I was down there and I'm sure some of the others on here feel the same way about D.

Take care, take steps and chin up; you know you can be strong.

 

[Vey]

Also, there are lots of things you could do which are not grooming - you can start getting him used to scary objects, you can teach him to walk and then to back in a straight line - loads of stuff. You could even get a book on clicker training, and teach him that. That builds a quite wonderful bond.

 

[guisbrogal]

OMG how bad was that typing! I knew I was struggling but blimey that was ridiculous. I hardly dare take this mornings tablet now

I think this is going to really spoil your 'friendship' with her. I use the word lightly as I am not sure friend is really the right description. I think if it was me I would be seriously thinking of what to do with Denver to break the relationship. I would say to her 'Thanks for all your help but I don't think this is going to work out and I don't want to spoil our relationship so I have decided to.......'

She will either have to start behaving or stop sharing. If you decide that you really don't want her involved then make sure you just end it immediately. She might be a bit upset for a week or two but if she is genuinely a good friend then she will come round.

It is a very sad position to be in. I personally think you should not share with friends. Keep it businesslike so that you can set the rules.
Good luck hun

 

[riotgirl]

Lenny - do NOT doubt yourself. Denver would not be the big, strapping boy he is now if you had been doing things 'wrong'. Big hugs to you, I hope you manage to sort things out because you sound really down...

 

[Twiglet]

Oh mate, this sounds a horrible situation....
I think you do have to make things very clear for her, but it's always easier said than done.
I had a livery yard owner who made me feel I wasn't allowed to do anything with my horse, and it drove me insane, so you must feel about a million times worse!

A letter's a good idea, although I know what I'm like when I'm writing - I ramble even more than talking (can't you tell?!)

Denver's 100% your horse, and you need to remind her of that fact.

Tell her you miss mucking him out, and feeding him, and you think that you should revert to a normal share agreement of each having set days. Then she can fit into YOUR routine, not the other way round. Like you say, she's got no responsibilities, surely she's got time to be flexible?

Good luck mate, let me know if you need a whinge!

 

[Theresa_F]

I would have a good chat or write a letter.

She is the sharer, he is your horse. You state what feeds he has, size and his routine - you are the owner. If she does not like what you want done with YOUR HORSE then she finds something else to share.

You have done a great job so far. From another starting out with a baby, just do as I do, go with your knowledge and when you are not sure, bring in a professional with no attachments to your horse to help out.

If you want to take him for a walk - do it. Make sure you are in a safe environment, ie a field or a quiet bridleway not near a road to start.

I have taken Chancer out by himself from day one of walking out. If you read Richard Maxwell's birth to backing, (my bible) you will see that he is of the opinion that if you have done the ground work and the horse trusts you, you should not go out with another horse, and nor is it best to do so as the horse learns to depend on being with other horses, and this is the path to nappy behaviour.

My little chaps goes to shows and out and about by himself very happily and is content to trust me and knows I'll look after him. Now he is established, I do take him out with Cairo but he is happy to go ahead and out of sight if asked to.

I am sorry that this share is not going well, but if you set out the ground rules now, either she will abide by them or walk away. It you do find her intimidating then I really would reconsider my options. A share should be mutually beneficial mainly to the owner of the horse in my opinion or there is no point in sharing your horse.

 

[tarzipan06]

How sad. She is trying to manipulate and control you. I would feel exactly the same as you, and was thinking of getting a sharer for my pony - but probably end up in your position. I would write her a letter and explain how you feel, she probably doesn't realise how you are feeling and is probaly thinking she is helping you. However I would feel really peed off if she was telling me the feeds are too big

big Hugs

 

[AmyMay]

On what basis do you 'share' him. Does she have part ownership now or something??

If not - tell her that you both need to agree on what his regime should be, so you are clear on his management. That way you won't fall out and the relationship will continue sweetly.

Even is she does now own half of him - you still need to have an agreement on his management - so a good chat should sort it.

Good luck.

 

[harvgj19]

As the others have said, I would try to stand up for yourself with her. I know this is easier said than done...I am like you and will do anything other than have a confrontation!

But...he is YOURS. And you say she is more knowledgable than you, but you seem to me to be knowledgeable enough to have got him this far and he is a happy healthy foal, as is Josie a happy, healthy horse. You should feel proud of that and realise you know more than you think!

If you want to walk him on your own, tell her. Is he that big and boisterous that YOU feel it would be dangerous? I don't think so. Tell her you really appreciate her input, but essentially he is YOURS, so you understand she thinks his feeds should be smaller and you will do so. But you will still make them. I think maybe you need to set some groundrules, maybe drawing up some kind of rota or routine for him would be a good idea.

 

[Accy]

If she is you friend then you shoudl be able to talk to her, try and if you cant the a letter would be good you should not have to feel low and down about this.

I hope it works out for the best.

 

[Dotilas]

I feel quite sad reading this. Not posting very often anymore, just an avid reader, but felt I needed to reply to this one. Remember: Denver is your baby.

How would you feel if it was a nanny doing this to you over your child? Think about that. How would you act?

Be careful how you speak to your friend, as friends are supposed to last forever remember. Writing her a letter really is a good idea. Write what you want. Go on.

Remember that you are the most important human in Denver's life right now. And you should be forever. You have fought for him.

You can do what you like with him. Take him out on walks. Play with him in the school. Why not go on the Tellington Touch website? Gives you some good hints on there and rally builds a bond. Park your car in a quiet field somewhere and take him to see it. Maybe one day, you could invite your friend to, to start the engine.

Why not get some umbrella practise? After all, you don't want him spooking when you come to get him in the rain

Remember most of all, that he is your baby. Have fun with him. Enjoy life. And speak (or write) to your friend. She will come around.

Wishing you the best of luck.

(and sorry it's so long!)

 

[laug171]

Hey talk to jo im sure she'll understand where your coming from