Feeling really down about my riding abilities

BroadfordQueen

BroadfordQueen

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I'm currently selling my horse of a lifetime. I've owned her since she was 2, backed her and brought her on to be100. I'm not a great rider by any stretch of the imagination, I know that. But having sent some videos to prospective buyers I've just received the most hurtful email, and am left feeling utterly rubbish and now have no motivation to carry on riding at all :(
It basically said "lovely horse, shame the rider is horrendous and has totally ruined the horse beyond repair" with plenty other insults thrown in.
I just don't see what the need was to rip my riding to shreds. A simple "no thanks" would do- or just don't reply, that's fine too. It's had me in tears. Fair enough, you think I'm a rubbish rider, I can totally deal with that, but I haven't ruined her- she's a happy horse going well and loving life! Maybe she would be better with a better rider but we've both had the most wonderful 6 years together, she doesn't care that I may have a slightly wayward lower leg, and that she isn't competing at advanced level!
I'm meant to be taking her to dressage tomorrow but hell, I really don't want to now. It's really floored me, I've never had someone say that to me.
Don't even know what the point of this thread is, I'm just gutted and need to get it off my chest. Sigh. Think I will stick to taking my dogs to agility, at least I won't ruin them.
 
They will be saying it to try to make you drop the price so they can get themselves a real bargain! Ignore them! You are clearly doing the horse justice by doing as well as you do with her! You would be sent out of dressage rings, show jumping rings and not allowed near the xc if you were as bad as they say! Which you clearly are not! Ignore them! Go out and do your dressage tomorrow, ride your socks off and enjoy yourself and YOUR horse!
 
Do you know what? The email could be from some silly teenager sitting in their bedroom....or if it has come from a prospective buyer would you want to sell your horse to someone so judgemental and nasty?? Go to dressage, keep her getting out there, hell you cannot be that bad a rider to be competing at BE100 - blimey, lets hope this nasty piece of work doesn't ever see me on a horse! Delete the email and put it down to experience, chin up and keep riding!! x
 
I think an email like that says a lot more about the person that sent it than it does your riding skills, some sad old bag sat at home, had a bad day and took it out on you!
 
BroadfordQueen said:
I'm currently selling my horse of a lifetime. I've owned her since she was 2, backed her and brought her on to be100. I'm not a great rider by any stretch of the imagination, I know that. But having sent some videos to prospective buyers I've just received the most hurtful email, and am left feeling utterly rubbish and now have no motivation to carry on riding at all :(
It basically said "lovely horse, shame the rider is horrendous and has totally ruined the horse beyond repair" with plenty other insults thrown in.
I just don't see what the need was to rip my riding to shreds. A simple "no thanks" would do- or just don't reply, that's fine too. It's had me in tears. Fair enough, you think I'm a rubbish rider, I can totally deal with that, but I haven't ruined her- she's a happy horse going well and loving life! Maybe she would be better with a better rider but we've both had the most wonderful 6 years together, she doesn't care that I may have a slightly wayward lower leg, and that she isn't competing at advanced level!
I'm meant to be taking her to dressage tomorrow but hell, I really don't want to now. It's really floored me, I've never had someone say that to me.
Don't even know what the point of this thread is, I'm just gutted and need to get it off my chest. Sigh. Think I will stick to taking my dogs to agility, at least I won't ruin them.
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From the pictures of you jumping in your sig you are a better and braver rider than me. Ignore them, easier said than done I know, but they are small minded people in all honestly probably couldn't ride your horse so felt inadequate.

I have problems with my hands and a wayward lower leg due to wonky hips etc but my horses go nicely for me. My brother can't bend his ankles because of ankle fusions because of his condition, one instructor went to berate him for not be able able to ride well I told her to leave. His balance on a horse rivals most able bodied people.

Sending love and hugs.
Xx
 
Whatever they think of your riding ability it says more about them than you to send such an unnecessary and hurtful email, if it is the lovely coloured horse in your siggy she looks perfectly happy, is jumping beautifully and your riding appears to be more than up to the job of riding and producing her, rise above it try not to let it have a negative affect on your riding, go to the dressage with your head up and put it behind you, there will be a lovely person out there who is good enough for your lovely horse, at least you know she will not end up with them so they are the ones that will miss out on buying her.
 
You're clearly doing something right if you've backed and brought a horse on to BE100 level. Some people feel the need to criticize others to make them feel better about themselves. All the email proves is that the person who sent it has a very nasty attitude. Don't let them put you down, they have no right to judge your riding abilities based on a video. Go to dressage and enjoy yourself, you deserve it.
 
My guess is its a dreamer who was never going to be a buyer and uses that as an excuse to get out of the conversation.I would ignore and move on
 
Oh, yuck. People can be absolute (insert expletive here). I'm sorry for you, I've been there several times (same group of bullies incidentally) and it's not nice - but you have to remind yourself that they don't know you and haven't seen you ride in real life so they don't actually know what the hell they're talking about! Don't you dare let them spoil your fun!
 
Thank you everyone for the replies. I didn't intend for this to be an ego boosting post, although it really does help so thank you. I deleted the email straight away so hopefully I will forget about it, but feel like I'm going to have it in the back of my mind every time I ride now.
I just don't understand why someone would be so mean?! It's not like I was advertising my riding (although FWIW I did work as a rider last year, and my employer was very sad to see me go when I moved to the other side of the country!), and if anything surely it should show what a saint my horse is to put up with my terrible riding and still post decent results?!
I showed my OH before I deleted it, and like he says- I've never had a bad remark/comment from any dressage judge relating to my riding in the probably 100 dressage tests I've ridden in my life, so I can't be that bad..!
It has made me seriously consider sending her away to a pro to be sold though. I don't think I can do it anymore, it's a heartbreaking decision as it is!
 
When I was 11, a very snooty Instructor told my parents (in front of me) that I should never be allowed to ride a pony again. I was beyond devastated as I was trying my hardest on a very difficult pony. I then decided to prove her wrong, and I did. Her harsh and unnecessary words were the best thing that could have happened to me.

It also taught me that some people are a******s for no justified reason.

You've done a great job with your horse, please don't let some twonk with a complex get under your skin. Go out and strut your stuff tomorrow with your head held high.
 
Well if it helps any I too have been told I have ruined me.
He's 100% on the roads I could put anyone on him, he acts more like a soppy labrador than a horse and he is generally a "good boy" with a big character that people love.
No he does not move off the slightest of leg movements, no he has not been out showing, no he is not "well schooled", yes he can be stubborn... I haven't beaten the personality out of him either.

So yes... To some people I have ruined him!

Your horse is yours- consciously or not we sort of mould them round ourselves and in some people eyes we are not doing enough competing enough schooling enough being good enough! Don't let people get you down your horses are a credit to you!
 
maisie06 said:
Do you know what? The email could be from some silly teenager sitting in their bedroom....
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This crossed my mind - some Jealous teen (I have been really quite shocked at the insults some of these youngsters throw at people online :o ) or someone with a grudge against you. Is this person completely anon? Who are they? What makes them so perfect?

I can imagine how upsetting this must have been but you really must ignore it, you look pretty good to me! Sending ((((hugs))))
 
luckyoldme said:
I think an email like that says a lot more about the person that sent it than it does your riding skills, some sad old bag sat at home, had a bad day and took it out on you!
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This, and they are a probably a "sad" individual who makes a habit of making others feel bad about themselves to cover up their own insecurity. Please don't take it personally, although very hard not to.

If you can ride BE100 you cannot be doing much wrong!
 
Wow what an evil thing to send you! Look you are competing at be 100 which is something I genuinely aspire to. I would love to be capable enough and brave enough to do that. Please don't listen to them.
 
I would have just sent them a reply going "Thank you very much for calling my horse lovely and for your very generous comments on my riding ability. It's such a shame you don't find the horse suitable so don't worry I will sell her on to someone who is far more capable than either of us to ride her."

But I can just be nasty really. Don't listen to them like others have said how could you be so bad if you can do BE 100, you get positive comments from judges and you were very well liked as a rider for a former boss? They all can't be wrong and this one lonely person be right. Go to dressage and do your very best that you know you can do. There is nothing about your ability to stop you.
 
Thanks so much everyone, you've genuinely made me feel so much better!
I still don't understand their motivation. Not anon, their name is in their email address. After a bit of snooping it appears to be either the mother of a young teen, or the girl herself, who seems to be a very successful show jumper (which makes me wonder why they would even enquire about a horse marketed as a be90/be100/hunter/all rounder with no mention of sj in her ad?!). I'm so tempted to say something to her, but i don't think I will stoop to her level.
The thing is I know I'm not a great rider, I've never been a "pretty" rider but I get the job done and I have 2 gorgeous, happy, well mannered horses at home who get a lovely varied life, who get turn out every day and aren't cooped up in their stables, who get love and affection and both look bloody well if I don't say so myself. I don't want to be an international event rider, I just want to have fun and be happy with happy horses, and thanks to you guys I'm going to use this as motivation to go out today and kick some ass!!!
Right, I'd better go and plait up my poor pony, hope she doesn't mind having a numpty ride her today- something tells me as long as she gets her dinner she won't care less! Going to get my tests videoed today, might be brave and post them on here!
Thanks again, you're all great :)
 
Blimey looking at your pictures in your sig I wish I was as rubbish rider as you! What a horrible person I would think it was the daughter but could be the mother who knows.
Have a great time at dressage.
 
Gah! Humans. She was obviously just having a bit of a bitter day, totally out of order especially as it's obvious in this instance you're not a dealer rider shoved on. Ignore them, the years of success and happy, improving horses, show much more than an Internet warrior feels like saying.
 
Fairly sure I saw a vid of you riding your connie, if not it must have been lots of pics and it sticks in my mind because I thought you had done a lovely job with her.

There are some horrible people in the world. I've had a comment about how I'm bringing up my daughter this week and it gave me a tension headache for three days and I've never felt lower in my life. What I keep thinking is, I know it's not true, what they think isn't important, and somehow I have to move on with things and so do you. BE100 is no mean feat, so I think this person is a troll. They probably would have said that if it were WFP himself riding her.
 
You've brought this horse on up through the levels from unbacked to competing at a level that a lot of us don't even dream about - and you believe what this numpty says? On the strength of the photos in your sig you can ride any of mine anytime!
 
Sounds like jealousy to me! To do all that is amazing achievement, never forget that. I had keyboard warriors do similar (knew them in real life too, yard owners daughter) and now every time I achieve something I think of them and flick them the v's in my head and kick on :P :D
 
Christ people really are pathetic! It never fails to suprise me how horrid peple can be - how unnecessary. Go kick ass today and enjoy your horse - and don't forget to report back later :-)
 
It's not you. It's them :) from my experience on some very poor livery yards i've noticed this:

The people who are useless like to put other people down to make themselves feel better, and to shout and force advice and criticism on others because they want everyone to know how "amazing" they are. (Usually you never see these people ride!)

The people who really know what they are doing are usually modest and kind, and will give help and advice when asked, and when they do it's usually very worthwhile!
 
BroadfordQueen said:
I'm currently selling my horse of a lifetime. I've owned her since she was 2, backed her and brought her on to be100. I'm not a great rider by any stretch of the imagination, I know that. But having sent some videos to prospective buyers I've just received the most hurtful email, and am left feeling utterly rubbish and now have no motivation to carry on riding at all :(
It basically said "lovely horse, shame the rider is horrendous and has totally ruined the horse beyond repair" with plenty other insults thrown in.
I just don't see what the need was to rip my riding to shreds. A simple "no thanks" would do- or just don't reply, that's fine too. It's had me in tears. Fair enough, you think I'm a rubbish rider, I can totally deal with that, but I haven't ruined her- she's a happy horse going well and loving life! Maybe she would be better with a better rider but we've both had the most wonderful 6 years together, she doesn't care that I may have a slightly wayward lower leg, and that she isn't competing at advanced level!
I'm meant to be taking her to dressage tomorrow but hell, I really don't want to now. It's really floored me, I've never had someone say that to me.
Don't even know what the point of this thread is, I'm just gutted and need to get it off my chest. Sigh. Think I will stick to taking my dogs to agility, at least I won't ruin them.
Click to expand...

Is that you riding in your siggy? You a rubbish rider? Come on!!
Tell them to p**s off! How rude of them and utterly devasting for you to be told that even if its not true and going by your photos it isn't. Take heart and don't let it get you down. I am not a neat rider but my reply is "at least I go out there and do it, don't have endless lessons and keep saying "but he's not ready yet" like so many people do. My rosettes boards and 120 + rosettes tell me I have done okay and thats what you need to tell yourself. :)
 
If it's really niggling at you, send the same video to your instructor and ask her to constructively criticise it.
She may come back with "the other person is spouting rubbish"
Or she could come back with "yes you could improve XYZ a little, so we are going to work on that" ie she looks to give you a plan to resolve any issues.
Either way you come out on top.
 
luckyoldme said:
I think an email like that says a lot more about the person that sent it than it does your riding skills, some sad old bag sat at home, had a bad day and took it out on you!
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Definitely this!

You say you have managed to progress your horse from backed to BE100. That's an achievement! Ignore what the person says, and remember why you love riding! I'm currently teaching my daughter to ride and she is so worried about what everyone else thinks. I have told her she shouldn't be. If she is riding because she wants to do it then as long as she is trying to do everything properly then she can ignore nasty comments. I used to get them all the time as I rode a cob, but I did not care. I did what I wanted on my horse and I had fun doing it.
 
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