Feeling sad…. Other liveries moving on….

[Oldernewbie]

I’ve been at my current yard for 5 years and obviously there have been people coming and going in that time, the yard offers rehab and a few specialist things and so inevitably some people only come for a limited time.
However this past few months have seen an ‘outflux’ of some longstanding, lovely liveries. People I like and have enjoyed chatting to.
They never seem to give a heads up that they are going and the first you hear is the ‘goodbye’ message on the chat . I totally understand no one owes anyone an explanation but its just making me feel really sad. Its making me not want to talk to people as it feels pointless.
The yard is obviously having problems and I have a few concerns Myself but my horse has been overall so happy in herself since being there I am loathe to move her.
I suppose Im just wondering if anyone else can relate to this feeling and if so how do you cope?

 

[Sanversera]

A sad time . Maybe try arranging a meet up on a regular basis with the liveries who have gone . A hack if everyone is local enough or have trailers or a cafe or pub meeting. Say once a month or so.

 

[McFluff]

Didn’t want to read and run. I’ve been in similar, and it is unsettling when others leave. Particularly if there isn’t much warning or conversation in advance.
All you can do is focus on the needs of you and your horse. I would caution against being a ‘boiling frog’ though…I let that happen to me, and it was only after I moved I realised how bonkers some of the rules had become.

 

[Denali]

This is exactly why when I was on livery I would organize a drinks night or something with the people I befriended.

But then it made my moving (me not my horse) really hard. But it did make for some lasting friendships.

Editing to add, it took me forever to realize this is what I should do to keep the friendships I made.

 

[Time for Tea]

What a shame, when you are happy there. I suppose people are reluctant to discuss their reasons for moving, perhaps not wanting to create an atmosphere of discontent. Not that any livery yard I have been involved with has benefited from clients with such polite behaviour, rather the opposite! If your horse is happy, that is very good, because it is so unsettling if they are not. That is the main thing.

I would not say talking to people is ever pointless, even if they do move on. We all need companionship. People come and go, all through your life, don’t they? These ones must be struggling for some reason, with the yard. Perhaps they haven’t confided in you because they know you are happy with it. And there will be new arrivals to meet, some may be just as pleasant and may be more inclined to tackle the problems, whatever they are, rather than just leaving. If the changes are making you feel upset, try not to worry, things may settle down.
Sometimes things improve, after a bit of a change.

Perhaps you can meet up, suggest a meeting for ex liveries as you miss their company and would enjoy a catch up?

 

[Lucky Snowball]

I’ve never been at livery but I can see how it hurts when those you consider friends leave without warning. Focus on your horse and meeting the new people.

 

[Traks]

Absolutely, I’ve experienced this myself recently. On the other side of it though sometimes it actually changes things for the better. Sometimes with people leaving and others arriving it can change the atmosphere of a place for the better…not saying this is the case for your yard but this is what I’ve experienced after a long period of negativity from certain people who have now left!

All you can do is focus on your horse and your own enjoyment of being at the yard. There will always be new liveries to make friends with too x

 

[Midlifecrisis]

It’s the name of the livery game really and you get to meet so many different people..the good and the bad. I’ve never really been sad until recently when a much younger woman I befriended (daughters age) left the yard but I’ve spent 3 years close buddying at the yard, supporting her when her pony broke, was the only person to attend her new skincare franchise business launch etc etc. I was very sad for a day or so not seeing her smiley face but life moves on and other folk turn up.

 

[Jambarissa]

I've been on my yard for 25 years, more than half my life! It is the sort of place that people come and stay for a long time but I've had a few good friends go and never seen them again simply because we never felt the need to socialise away from the Stables since we saw each other every day.

So that is the answer, if you get good friends meet them socially or do a regular horsey activity together that you can continue afterwards such as clinics or fun rides.

I feel most sorry for my horses. My nares bestie moved away then her new bestie died then 2 others moved off and all were replaced with horses she wasn't keen on. I actually bought a new one specifically looking for the type she liked to be a friend for her, they bloody hated each other

 

[easteregg]

I think it's often the case that people keep quiet about leaving until everything is in place and so it feels very sudden. That said, I did find it hurtful when a good friend (or so I thought) announced out of the blue that she was moving to a different yard when nobody had any inkling at all that she was even considering this. We did stay in touch and meet every so often but I suspect that the friendship is now fizzling out. Like you, my horses are happy where they are and so I focus on this and staying open to connecting with new people. I think the point about socialising away from the yard is a very good one for maintaining longevity of yard friendships.

 

[Greylegs]

I totally understand how you feel. A long standing livery friend confided in me recently that she is considering moving and is actively looking at other yards in the area, for reasons which are good reasons for her, but it is sad and unsettling. (I have to admit that I agree with her reasons - and am now thinking of moving myself as a result!!). But new people come along and - if your yard owner has the interests of the yard and remaining liveries at heart - the new arrivals should fit in and become friends too.

But, as @easteregg says above, people often keep things very close to their chest when considering a move, so others only find out when they actually go. There does seem to be a bit of a cultural belief that - if you make it known that you want to move, your current yard may make staying quite difficult. If you know why your friends left but are content to live with the things they found unacceptable, then all you can do it wish them well and try to stay in touch.

 

[Barton Bounty]

That was me 3 years ago, cant believe it has been that long since I left that last livery. In all fairness I am still really good friends with most of them, we talk almost every day.
I really only left as the owner was retiring and it was being taken over by trump it was a good move because the livery is about 70 per month more.
I love where I am now, its private and quiet and only one of my friends with her 4 horses there

 

[Vodkagirly]

It's sad when people move on and you don't see them every day but if you like them, stay in touch. No reason not to talk to people just as they are on tge same yard. Still can go for rides and competitions with people it just takes more organisation, so your not really loosing friends as much as meeting more!