Feeling sorry for myself

[Mrs C]

Sorry for the woe is me post. My loan horse is now early 20s and semi retired apart from a bit of light hacking or walking in the school to leg stretch. I was helping a friend but that's a bit up in the air. I'm seeing all these posts of camps and training and fun rides and wondering if I'll ever be in a position to have my own and get to go. I don't really have time or money for 2.
I need to snap out of it :-(

 

[throwawayaccount]

you're allowed to feel how you do, please don't invalidate how you're feeling (inadvertently or not)

I was sort of in the same boat last year, all of my friends were out riding their horses and having fun, while my new and only mare was on box rest and eventually going stir crazy. she's slowly coming back into work now and then I had my confidence crisis- which I still have to an extent. I don't know what level of work she'll ever be able to manage permanently- we have a review in april. it is hard

Is there a horse on your yard you could perhaps part loan, or one within distance (if affordable?) always worth asking around as people always need help

 

[Mrs C]

Thank you for this. Your first comment made me well up a bit! I keep telling myself I'm lucky to have what I have. I just feel jealous that I can't do what I want, especially with lock down ending and spring on the way.
I hope you get to where you want to be at with your mare, I really do.
I get offered rides a fair bit - I'm on a small yard but both other owners have offered me a ride, but it's not the same. I want something to work towards and a bond. I think in reality I just want to rewind and have my loan horse back to fitness/health which of course can't happen!

 

[Squeak]

What would happen to the horse if you ended the loan? If it would still have a good quality of life with it's owner or it's owner would find another good loaner then I would end the loan.

Unless you're worried about the future of the horse a loan is very different to your own horse and you're clearly not getting what you want out of the loan anymore.

 

[be positive]

Isn't one of the reasons for an owner loaning rather than selling so they keep a degree of control and have the horse back when it retires from ridden work, so I would be having a conversation with the owner to see what their view is, I am not suggesting you dump him back because he is no longer able to do the job you need but it works both ways they have him looked after, bills paid and no real responsibility for a horse that they own that may go on in full retirement for many years with you missing out on the next step, they may well have loaned him so they could buy their next one, obviously I don't know the circumstances but that is often the case.

 

[HeyMich]

Isn't one of the reasons for an owner loaning rather than selling so they keep a degree of control and have the horse back when it retires from ridden work, so I would be having a conversation with the owner to see what their view is, I am not suggesting you dump him back because he is no longer able to do the job you need but it works both ways they have him looked after, bills paid and no real responsibility for a horse that they own that may go on in full retirement for many years with you missing out on the next step, they may well have loaned him so they could buy their next one, obviously I don't know the circumstances but that is often the case.

Yep, this. Have a chat with the owners, they may be thinking about retiring him soon anyway. Or could you/the owners put him (or her!) on grass livery somewhere nearby so you can still see him and ensure his happy retirement but start riding something a bit younger at the same time? You could start a part-share slowly, with a view to building up a relationship gradually if they fit the bill? Whatever you do, don't feel bad about feeling bad. They have an amazing way of affecting our emotions, in both good and bad ways!

 

[Annagain]

I know that feeling - I was in a similar position in 2019 but, as chair of my riding club, was also arranging all these lovely activities I couldn't take part in! I could afford another but it took me over a year to find him. You can afford another too - you just need to have a conversation with your loan horse's owner. I'm not suggesting you dump him back on her, but his owner needs to be part of the answer too.

Time wise, two (especially when one is retired) isn't that much more than one. In summer, they're in the same field so I check Archie when I go to get Charlie to ride, it's an extra couple of minutes to pick out feet, check him over and have a little cwtch. In winter, it's 15 to muck out an extra stable, do an extra load of hay etc. He's naked and has a tiny hard feed to get some supplements into him. The biggest time commitment with him is this time of year, brushing out his yak-like coat.

 

[Mrs C]

Unfortunately her owners circumstances have changed since I started loaning so not really an option. Plus I feel I owe her. I've loaned her for 12 years

 

[Ossy2]

Unfortunately her owners circumstances have changed since I started loaning so not really an option. Plus I feel I owe her. I've loaned her for 12 years

Would the owners be willing to split costs with you then to support his retirement if you stay as his career that might free up extra finance.

 

[J&S]

When my mare needed to retire from proper competitive work I felt quite bereft, though had no intention of doing anything other than look after her for the rest of her life. However I have been lucky to have a wide base of horsey friends and an opportunity came up to fitten/hack/gently compete a wonderful older horse whose family had "outgrown" him and gone on to their own careers but also wanted him to live a happy and active life still within their ultimate care. Perhaps you could cast around and see if a similar situation might be available to you.