Feeling terrible about horse being pts

Penny Less

Penny Less

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10 March 2009
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Sorry everyone, dont want to upset anyone, but after having horse pts two days ago I cant get over that I had to walk him from his stable to a place where the people that would have to remove him could get their vehicle in. I feel that it was akin to walking someone down death row to the gallows and its really upsetting me more than the fact that I had to make that final decision,. Im in tears typing this and dont know why I have really xcept that I have no one to talk to about it. Apologies again
 
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Dearest Alma, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You did your best to give your equine friend a dignified passing to their new life in horsey heaven. Remember the good times. Lots of hugs to you. Sxxxx
 
do not feel guilty at all!

none of the horses at our yard have been pts in their stable as their is no access for the collection. Please remember this is only in YOUR head. Your horse would not have thought of it that way. Its a horrible thing to have to go through and i think everyone feels a million of different emotions ...relief/sadness/terror/shock/guilt etc etc...

you obviously had a great love for your horse and horses feel that. they know when someone cares. think of it this way-many people go into hospital or an old folks home and you would never say you were sending them to 'die'. Dont feel bad-just give yourself time to grieve. It matters more to a horse what happens in their life than in their passing and sounds like your horse was lucky to have a loving home.

ps. unfortunatly us human-folk tend to think animals see things the same was as us. For example when my horse was pts she had to be shot which i just could not get over then i realised guns do not have the same connotations to horses as they do to humans-take care
 
Alma, just remember that thats only his old clothes - his spirit is still with you. You did the last, best thing you can ever do for an animal and it will get easier as time goes on.

Hugs (((XXX)))
 
Oh sweetie all he knew was that he got 1 last walk with his human and u cared for him enough to give him a pain free dignified end. He will have been happy with that.
 
alma, it really isn't the same thing at all, honestly it isn't, so please don't worry that you have done the wrong thing because you haven't. I hope that you are able to remember all the great times you shared and that you will feel comforted soon xx
 
Oh no, don't feel bad about that ... I believe horses prefer to be out in the open, that's where they belong as they are plains animals - your horse's spirit would have lifted during that walk to an open space :)

Bless you at this difficult time {{ hugs }}
 
Oh hun. Stop torturing yourself. You did the right thing. He didn't know where he was going. He was simply walking along beside someone who loved him. He would have felt safe and calm, which is what you want.

Poem for you.............

In Loving Memory.

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad - I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stands the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want to suffer so,
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend
Only stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you too will see
It is a kindness that you do to me.



Go and be nice to yourself babe. Have a bath and a glass of wine. Have a good cry - you'd be wierd not to be upset. But don't feel guilty or blame yourself...xx
 
ZarasMum said:
Oh no, don't feel bad about that ... I believe horses prefer to be out in the open, that's where they belong as they are plains animals - your horse's spirit would have lifted during that walk to an open space :)

Bless you at this difficult time {{ hugs }}
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well said


i agree with zarasmum
 
Please give yourself a break. Your horse had no concept of what was going to happen and to him he was just going for a walk, it would be far worse to see your horse being manhandled after being pts into a position suitable for collection. My husband had to remove a dead pony from its stable, he said it was something he wouldn't want to do again as it was so distressing for the owner.
As animal owners we have the ultimate responsibility of ensuring their end is dealt with humanely, it is a horrible decision to have to make but one that is rarely made wrongly.
Big hugs at this horrible time.
 
please try to remember that you did it for the good of your horse because you loved him enough to put yourself through that rather than let him suffer any longer. You were very brave and have done the last good thing any of us can do for our horses. Give yourself time to get over your loss, but don't for a second feel guilty for it, you did absolutely the right thing.
 
Look Love the way you have to look at this is. Did he suffer? did he know what was going to happen? Was he put down at home? Most of my horses have been put down at home, only one that I had sold on many years ago, They were not troubled by extra motor in yard and the people that handled them(Hunt) were caring sort, no rush, gentle stroke, horse gone simple as that. And yes you will be weeping on and off for the next year or two, the guilt trip takes some shaking off but you know in your heart of heart you did the right thing. Not like some B**ggers that sell them on.
 
Just think about the happy memories you shared together and that you was able to be with him at the end. He was unaware what was happening and had familiar surroundings and people around him. I'm so sorry for your loss I can't imagine what you are going thro :(.
 
Alma - such a brave decision and soon you will know that it was the right one. You loved him and that's all that he could've wanted - ever! Run free dear boy.
 
So sorry you had to come to the decision. It's never easy, but I'm sure you had all the right reasons and it was for the better. Take your time in remembering your horse and take pride that you did the right thing :) xoxo
 
Honey08 said:
Oh hun. Stop torturing yourself. You did the right thing. He didn't know where he was going. He was simply walking along beside someone who loved him. He would have felt safe and calm, which is what you want.

Poem for you.............

In Loving Memory.

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad - I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stands the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want to suffer so,
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend
Only stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you too will see
It is a kindness that you do to me.



Go and be nice to yourself babe. Have a bath and a glass of wine. Have a good cry - you'd be wierd not to be upset. But don't feel guilty or blame yourself...xx
Click to expand...

These are lovely words Honey08, I wish I could be so eloquent.

Don't beat yourself up about the walk - he was with you and that is all that mattered to him at the time, and you should try to take comfort from that. Losing your horse though - I can't possibly understand what you are going through, big hugs to you.
 
Hi Alma

Don't feel bad. He really wouldn't have known why you were taking him for a walk. I think Zara's Mum summed it up perfectly.

I've cried every day since 22nd June 2010 when my gorgeous girl was pts, and I wish it would stop hurting. The members on this forum have been more help to me than any of them realise.

It's normal to feel guilty, but you really have no need to be. The early days are the worst days.

Thinking of you xxx
 
Alma, please don't feel bad. I lost my lovely big ID to colic two years ago. We decided to travel him the 2 hours to Newmarket for surgery. He wasn't insured but we paid for him to have the surgery but when he came round from the anaethetic he couldn't use his back legs and had to be put down. We had left him there at midnight for his op and had to go home. He therefore died in a strange place with strangers after undergoing a two hour journey in a trailer with colic and surgery. I wish I had made the decision to have him put to sleep at home and that short walk would not have been half so bad. At least your boy was at home and you were there for him. So please don't think badly of yourself. You did the right thing. I understand how you feel though. Even after 2 years I still think that I drove him to that place for his death even though I thought I was giving him the chance of life.
 
Alma, firstly I'm very sorry for you. Having any animal put down is horrible and upsetting.

You should not feel like this for doing the only sensible thing that could be done in the situation. I don't know about others but I always always plan it in my head where would be the best place to do it so that there is no stress to the horse but also so that the waggon can get in to collect the body in as dignified way as possible. I don't know if you've ever had a horse die in a stable? Do you know how they get them out? It is not dignified in the slightest. Horses deserve more than this, as do the owners in their time of upset and grief.
 
I think you were really brave. When my beloved horse was PTS, I was too chicken to be there and I let someone else lead her out of her stable for the deed to be done. I thought I would feel like you do now.

Even now, 3 years later, I regret not being there and wish I could turn the clock back to be able to do what you just did
 
I have to confess I was not there at the absolute end. The vet heavily sedated him so he didnt know where he was, I was there for that, but couldnt face seeing him go down. Vet said he wouldnt be aware if I was there. I left the yard and parked and cried and howled for half an hour before I could drive. This is the second horse I have lost so I know that over the coming months things will get easier and i will be able to look at his pictures and rugs etc. I have been with three dogs at the very end and found it very difficult to forget the final moments. Hope no one will think ill of me for this
 
No Alma. people won't think badly of you - you did what you could to make his end peaceful & when that times comes that is the most you can do. We all have different things we can cope with. I was there when Pickle went down, but I couldn't cope with being there when the farrier took her shoes off a few days before. Which sounds really daft when you see it in writing.
 
I have been through exactly the same as you this week and I didn't stay to watch my boy go down, I have never stayed to watch that bit, all mine are heavily sedated so they are completely unware of what is going on and I like you have walked away because having been with dogs have also never been able to get the picture out of my head.

My boy broke his leg and because it wasn't completely shattered, I had to make the decision that it wouldn't be fair to put him through trying to fix it and was with him through the whole time waiting for the kennels etc to come. I fed him polos and cuddled him, he was still running on adrenaline from hunting but I could see he was in pain and knew I had made the right decision.

Please don't feel bad that you walked away just before he went down, a dead horse lying in the yard is not the last memory you want and he won't have known that you'd gone. Sedatives are brilliant and once they take effect the horses are basically on a high and have no idea what is happening.

My heart really does go out to you, it is so hard right now but time is a great healer.
 
same happened to me last week so i feel your pain, makes me cry just thinking about her as i write this, 13 years is a long time to bond with we went thru the good and the bad times together, always there when i needed a cuddle, now seeing her empty stable on the yard everyday is hard, i know it will ease as time goes on but its not as easy to put on a brave face and pretend your ok, i couldnt get her out of her stable as she went down and could not get up so i had no choice, but think of the good times you had and you know they are looking down on you!!:o
 
So sorry for your loss, we went through the same thing with my husbands Warmblood last March. You know your doing the right and only thing left open to you (Molly had total coffin joint collapse and it was bone on bone and splintering) but like you we had trouble reconciling having to lead her to her death.

My husband stayed with her while she went down and I stayed for the sedation and slipped away to the other end of the yard with my mare and Molly's best friend and we just looked away as she went down. We both flinched as she did but I could see in my mares sorrow that she knew why, I then led her over to say goodbye, as we walked away she stopped, turned her head round and sighed and gave a look that will stay with me forever, she was quiet in the field for a day or two but never called for her. The vet knew the connection between them and sanctioned this, I could never have just taken Molly away with no explanation, my horse never once called for her.

It's so hard... take it easy x
 
Honey08 said:
Oh hun. Stop torturing yourself. You did the right thing. He didn't know where he was going. He was simply walking along beside someone who loved him. He would have felt safe and calm, which is what you want.

Poem for you.............

In Loving Memory.

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad - I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stands the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want to suffer so,
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend
Only stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you too will see
It is a kindness that you do to me.



Go and be nice to yourself babe. Have a bath and a glass of wine. Have a good cry - you'd be wierd not to be upset. But don't feel guilty or blame yourself...xx
Click to expand...

Your poem is so wonderful and true. I pray that I can remember it in the future. Made me cry. Sorry brief post.
 
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