Feeling torn - keep loan horse or buy my own?

Embo

Embo

Well-Known Member
Joined
9 October 2003
Messages
1,509
Location
Kent
Visit site
Hi all, as title really, been feeling a bit glum for a while and just wanted to share, maybe get some WWYD comments/advice. Sorry, may be long!

I've had my gelding on full loan since February, and I love him to bits - the day he came home was one of the happiest of my life. He is my 'first' horse and I've loved having him - but he is not the horse that I set out to get. I've always considered it a given that when looking for a full loan, you may have to compromise on what you want much more than if you were to buy. So at the time, it wasn't a big deal.

He's had a few problems - abscess & ascociated lameness, LOTS of cuts and scrapes, bad feet (which have improved greatly in the last few months), a very poor doer, the list goes on. I know that's just horses, and I do take the rough with the smooth. I've put a lot into this horse, and I feel we do have somewhat of a bond. He's not a people-person if you know what I mean, so I never expected the great romantic loving relationship that some people have, but he is so much more better behaved with me than with anyone else, so I know that he has at least some trust and respect for me.

The problem is, I keep seeing some lovely horses for sale advertised as 'safe and steady', 'sweet natured' etc, the usual thing that I was ideally looking for in the first place so I could get my confidence back with jumping and generally have a lot of fun with. It's really been making me think.

Part of me wants to send him back and have a few months off to really look for the right horse who is as close to 'perfect' as I can possibly get and who I can feel confident with in every aspect.

The other part would be devasted to be without him. Plus I would worry that he would get passed around again, as he did before. He is (was - still can be from time to time) a very difficult horse and his owner admitted he has had a string of short-term loan homes, so there is an element of guilt for me. Owner refuses to sell him through fear of not knowing where he will end up because of how he can be - she can't ride anymore due to injury so there's no reason she'd ask for him back.

I get a bit jealous seeing my friends with their 'easy' horses (much easier than mine, at least) who seem to enjoy their work and have loads of fun doing lots of different things... and then there's me with my horse who can be an absolute slug one day but then be having a total meltdown the next, I find myself sometimes making any excuse not to ride. I know it should be fun, and sometimes it is, just not as much as it should be.

I just don't know what to do. I feel bad for even thinking about sending him back! Please feel free to boot me up the backside and offer up some nuggets of wisdom.
 
What exactly are the issues?

And yes there are perceived "easy" horses, but is what ever the issues are stopping you from doing what you want to do?

ps just because an ad says "safe and steady" "sweet natured" doesn't mean its true!
 
At the risk of sounding like a heartless cow, you need to do what's right for you. What way is this horse holding you back?
If he is having a negative impact on your confidence then you need to reconsider the situation. If you are making up reasons to not ride then that doesn't sound like a fun partnership. Don't feel guilted into keeping someone else's horse.

I would continue on with the loan but start looking at new horses. Give the owner a heads up that you are looking for a horse of your own. You could be looking for the right horse for 6 months or 6 weeks. Have enough money put aside to cover a cross over between loan notice period and a new horse where you will have to pay livery for 2. You may decide after viewing a number if horses that actually your loan one isn't that bad! Or you may realise you definitely want something different.
Good luck
 
dianchi said:
What exactly are the issues?

And yes there are perceived "easy" horses, but is what ever the issues are stopping you from doing what you want to do?

ps just because an ad says "safe and steady" "sweet natured" doesn't mean its true!
Click to expand...

I know a couple of them are very easy as I deal with them myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I know they can look easy, but n reality a nightmare for everyone but the owner! But some of them are really genuine and sweet to handle and ride.

The main issues are that he can be a bit too much for me to ride. On the flat he is fine, sometimes even a little lazy. Doing polework he can become strong and rush, but I can handle that. I've jumped him precisely three times lol he has been fine but that was just trotting over 1ft cross poles.

He can be very spooky and nervous at absolutely nothing. In the school or otherwise. For instance, the other weekend I was tacking up and all of a sudden he started snorting and spinning around inside his stable, eyes wide. Calmed down for a few mins but started up again. He can sometimes take aversion to certain corners in the school. He has refused to go forward and mini-reared with a spin before now.

I used to love hacking. But now I don't as I'm just too nervous to take him out. He gets very excited and hots up and will jog the whole way, refusing to go through mud and generally create. Even with perfectly sane and unflappable company. Not fun at all. This was the same before I became nervous when I was genuinely calm and happy in myself, so I can't imagine it was me being nervous that started it off. I wasn't nervous in the slightest at first.

And I know adverts aren't always truthful, but it doesn't make them any less tempting!
 
The grass always look greener but that doesn't mean that it is greener.

I definitely believe that the journey is more important than the destination so for me having horses which weren't "get on and go" when i first got them has been rewarding (well, one is on her way to being get on and go but the other one is a whole other story, lol). That said, everyone is different and I can see why some people want something more straightforward to enjoy. It's an expensive and time-consuming hobby so you've got to want to do it and if you're putting off riding then something is amiss.

Are the things that make your horse "not right" things that can be fixed (you've not had him that long) or do you feel that he'll never be right for you?

The owner is being responsible in retaining ownership of the horse but the risk is that he won't find the right person for him and will still be passed around, albeit with her permission.
 
amymay said:
Don't buy him.
Click to expand...

I agree if you like hacking , buy a horse you love to hack it's not the right one if you are too nervous to hack.
The advantage of loaning is you can end the loan much easier than you can sell a horse if you buy the wrong one.
I would seriously consider ending this loan and looking carefully for the right horse you sound a little overhorsed on him and that's no fun.
I understand you feel you are letting the horse down and while I would never advocate throwing in the towel at the first sign of issues this is a hobby that can sap your money energy and time with the wrong horse ,with the right horse it does the same but the difference is with the right horse it does not matter a jot.
 
You haven't had him long - one of ours was a stressy demon for six months, until he settled in and became and absolute superstar. I would give him a little longer, he may seem detached, but he's been through so many short term homes that is to be expected! The health issues (scrapes, abcesses etc) could be worse in another animal - in this respect, it is usually better the devil you know.

My horse was also 'not a people horse', he wasn't really interested in people, not very affectionate and was hard to catch in the stable, let alone the field. It took about a year for his personality to come through, and now he is the cuddliest thing ever. I think it has a lot to do with the horse feeling secure.

I agree that riding should be fun, and keeping a horse you are nervous of/don't enjoy is silly. In this case though I would perhaps give him a second chance - maybe wait until the spring and see how you feel then?
 
Embo said:
I know a couple of them are very easy as I deal with them myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I know they can look easy, but n reality a nightmare for everyone but the owner! But some of them are really genuine and sweet to handle and ride.

The main issues are that he can be a bit too much for me to ride. On the flat he is fine, sometimes even a little lazy. Doing polework he can become strong and rush, but I can handle that. I've jumped him precisely three times lol he has been fine but that was just trotting over 1ft cross poles.
Click to expand...

Are you having lessons? Doesn't sound like a problem here, just that you need to learn how to ride him whilst jumping, esp as you say he was fine.

Embo said:
He can be very spooky and nervous at absolutely nothing. In the school or otherwise. For instance, the other weekend I was tacking up and all of a sudden he started snorting and spinning around inside his stable, eyes wide. Calmed down for a few mins but started up again. He can sometimes take aversion to certain corners in the school. He has refused to go forward and mini-reared with a spin before now.
Click to expand...

Again are you having lessons, whilst you perceive all is fine, there might be something you are doing that is making him play up- or not and you need someone on the ground to tell you!

Embo said:
I used to love hacking. But now I don't as I'm just too nervous to take him out. He gets very excited and hots up and will jog the whole way, refusing to go through mud and generally create. Even with perfectly sane and unflappable company. Not fun at all. This was the same before I became nervous when I was genuinely calm and happy in myself, so I can't imagine it was me being nervous that started it off. I wasn't nervous in the slightest at first.
Click to expand...

In 13yrs my horse has never walked out hacking- its highly annoying but if I "make" her walk, she rears spins plants, you name it, but if left to jog along she is happy as pie! I would guess that the lack of hacking now makes hacking VVVVV exciting! Do you not have a nice road loop you can bore him to death with? Just till he learns?

Embo said:
And I know adverts aren't always truthful, but it doesn't make them any less tempting!
Click to expand...

Grass isn't always greener!

If you are having lessons and the above aren't right for you then perhaps be honest with the owner and say that you are looking to buy your own and that you will give a months notice at the appropriate time, I would give it the winter and see if you can overcome these bits!
 
I think you should do what is right for you. I fell in love with my loan horse and nearly offered to buy him but he was going to be my first horse and he wasn't my ideal. He didn't jump and would only hack out in company. So I handed him back to his owner, who admittedly is a great owner, so no issues there, and bought my girly who I can just pop on and hack out on my own any time I want. I really would have compromised my wish list and glad I didn't.
 
He definitely won't be going back this side Christmas. I'd like to see it through until at least the year mark, and will reassess then.

I know my post is a bit doom and gloom, and perhaps I am concentrating too hard on the bad points. He has come on loads with me - maybe not so much with riding but in terms of trust and understanding. When he first came, it was all teeth and legs if you tried to get near when he was eating (I was warned to not to anything at all with him in his stable! Especially when there was feed around!). But now I can go in, touch him, change rugs etc whilst he's eating. Which is a pretty big deal for him. But then other times I feel that he barely tolerates me.

I want to be able to do things with him - my friends took their horses to the gallops & XC schooling the other week. I obviously decided not to take my horse as I was worried about how he would behave. He loads and travels well, again it is literally the riding aspect which worries me.
Goldenstar, hit the nail on the head. Totally feel like I would be letting him down.
 
dianchi said:
Are you having lessons?
Click to expand...

Yes, I have one private lesson per week and a group lesson once per week, also. He is fine with the other horses, sometimes a little nappy towards them but it's never caused any problems. We've both improved loads since the start of the year, and on the flat I'm quite confident.
 
If you feel a responsibility for the horse could you maybe offer to help find a loaner and manage the crossover period - maybe by having a prospective loaner be your sharer for a while so you can teach them all about the horse and his quirks

That means you still get a horse to ride whilst looking out for one of your own, you get a time period set on the arrangement so you know when to hand in livery notice etc... you never know the horse may remain at your yard with his new loaner
 
Horses who are a little difficult hacking are best best hacked a lot have you a friend who is confident and strong who could support you in getting him hacking more often then he would be easier and you would be more confident
It might not take long to establish better behaviour it sounds like you have come a long way with him perhaps it's worth getting a bit of help to see if you can get over this .
But on the other hand I am a great believer in listening to your sixth sense if it's telling you something , can you ask advice from an experianced rider who is a kind and thoughtful person who knows you and the horse ?
 
Do what your gut tells you. I've done both, my first horse I had on loan for 2 years, then her owner lost her job & I was worried she'd put her up for sale to get some money. I knew last time she advertised her only the meat man was interested, so I offered to buy her, aged 19. She gave me 10 more wonderful years & was the most brilliant teacher (defo not safe & steady type though). Years later, when she was semi-retired, I had a pony on loan for 1.5 years (took her on to help someone out short term, & it just sort of continued), who I loved dearly but she was a SJ & I wanted to get into endurance which she just wasn't suited to. Rather than fit a square peg in a round hole, I let her go back to her owner so I could get a young horse to bring on for endurance. Pony had 5 years of happy retirement before she passed on, hope I gave her some fun in her later years.
 
And would you believe it, he's come up lame again today. It looks the same as when he had the abcess before.

I was saying to a friend earlier that it seems he's been lame or otherwise unrideable due to injury for about a third of the time I've had him. I've been making excuses not to ride for another third. Which leaves the last portion of the time.of actually having the guts to ride or having someone else ride him.

I think I just need to face up to the fact that he's not the right horse for me. I feel like a monster for thinking it. I just love him so much.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top