Feeling Used and Taken advantage of or am i just a mug? *LONG*

[EquestrianFairy]

Ok so there is Person A: This person is buying a new pony for her 12yo son, knows nothing about horses and we are mutual aquaintences known through a friend.

There is Person B: The Yard Owner who is a nice enough lady but a tad greedy, i get confused on exactly how much she knows about horses herself, but she has a full time groom and 3 children who have ridden all there lives and are very experienced. They have aLOT of horses, ALOT of money and generally are a nice lot, we've had one run in when a livery refused to pay his bill and she threatened to thow us all off but it was sorted- although i am on eggshells incase she does it again and goes through with it.

I show this lady my yard, she likes it and is thinking of buying a pony from a riding school- after a few weeks it seems said ponys price isnt reducing so after her son having a little ride on my horse i said id send her some Horsemart ads to give her an idea of what she should be buying.

She finds an ad and asks if id go with her, her son rides the pony and loves it, even i quite like it. Its a 14hh ex riding school pony and son gallops it over the mountains happily, also hacking up the road with it.

Person A then rings Person B and tells her about pony, Person B then suggests the pony is wayyy to big for her son and it will kill his confidence but she has the perfect pony shes looking to loan... a 12.2hh competion pony.

I tell person A that this is too small and i get the remark that she trusts Person B (after meeting her once!!) because person B has ponies at the local riding school (which i had already told her about!) So after feeling very upset over having my advice thrown in my face i deicde not to help again.

Over next week, son tries 12.2hh pony and (suprise suprise) its too small so Person A buys the original 14hh pony.

14hh pony arrives sunday and obv is finding life tough as shes trying to be accpeted into a very settled herd...

I suggested leaving her be for a week or so, just letting her son spend time with it, groom it etc then look into riding (or i will ride it) next week.
Person A ignores me and her son rides it tonight in the school, it rears (Im thinking more bunny hop than actual virtical rear) and tries to nap back to the field so i get a text from Person A on this issue and shes clearly stressed etc.
She had some stranger from the adjoining yard help her and her son tack up also.

There was also the issue with its tack not fitting as she;d bought new tack- i suggested she take the old tack (which fitted as i tacked it up when it was trialed) and use it as a guide- obv she must not of done this if its not fitting?

I dont know what to do, shes not listening to me yet shes asking my advice and im not the sort of person who will just say 'sorry i cant help you'

I have had a few instances, actually a sh1t load of instances where people have just taken advantage of me and its starting to get me down

 

[Nailed]

i offer help once.. then if its thrown in my face.. they dont egt anymore.

Lou x

 

[TGM]

Suggest that they get an instructor in to help them with the pony. An instructor will give them advice about tack etc and can give them unbiased advice about whether the pony is suitable and how to deal with any undesirable behaviour.

 

[StephanieKoczy]

Thats terrible! You were obviously looking out for your friend and being truthful and (if i may add) being EXTREMELY helpful. If I were you the next time she asks for help you need to let her know how you feel. TBH it sounds like person B is looking out for oneself!


I agree with N. dont let yourself be walked over!
x x x

 

[muffinino]

Unfortunately, it's probably best to accept that people will ask for your advice then completely ignore it - then usually blame you when it goes wrong! You did your best to help these people and they have listened, but being inexperienced they probably don't quite get that it takes time for horses to settle and bond with a rider, so it's not going to go 100% first time.
Sometimes, people just won't listen no matter what the situation. When I worked with the scurries I had a little 10/11 yo girl help me. Over the summer I took from being a nervous, weak rider who'd never ridden outside a school to a confident little jockey who'd happily jump and gallop on our small scurry ponies. Over the winter, we advised her parents that the school she was going to (I had lessons there for a while) was not helping her as they put her on a pony that really frightened her. She came back to me too nervous to walk a circle on her own so I began building her confidence back up.
Parents then decided she was ready for a pony and asked my boss's advice. Now, baring in mind he has two children that were both on school teams and rode from the word go, is a HOYS driving judge and was a MFH, so he knew what type/size etc of pony she would need, and his wife judged WHP ponies at HOYS, they completely ignored their advice. They also mine when I was asked what I thought of their advice (I agreed with my boss) and bought a 15.1hh 5yo from the riding school because the owner told them he'd be perfect for her!
In conclusion, you can try to help people until you're blue in the face but accept that they will ignore you and life gets a lot easier!

 

[goeslikestink]

be careful people like that will try to put the blame on you if anything happens as in your fault,
be careful as a yard owner you have a duty that your clients horses and owners are safe when running a yard
if your a livery and the yards not yours
then you have advised her and shes ignored it then just do your own horses before you get the blame and get cuaght up in things when it all goes wrong as sure as hell if theres an escape goat it will be you

 

[siennamum]

Sounds just as likely that the pony may be unsuitable and she should consider taking it back..... if they can't tack it up or ride it in a school then it doesn't need 'time to settle in', it's not a young pony.
I would encourage them to act now rather than give it a couple of weeks and find it's even more difficult to have any comeback from the previous owner.
The 12.3 pony sounded like a perfectly sensible option for a loan pony, does it matter if he's going to outgrow it when they haven't bought it...... It will do a good confidence building role in the meantime.

 

[EquestrianFairy]

They chose not to take the 12.2hh pony themselves- i said i thought it'd be too small but they went and tried it and refused it themselves.

Personally i disagree-the pony has been at our yard barely 3 days and has been at its old yard for 8 years, i think it needs time to settle in!!

 

[Skhosu]

If it reared its not a suitable childs pony, we've yet to have one rear and they are all ridden the next day, I'm also not sure how experienced you are to be giving advice, could you suggest a good instructor to help them?

 

[SouthWestWhippet]

[ QUOTE ]
Unfortunately, it's probably best to accept that people will ask for your advice then completely ignore it - then usually blame you when it goes wrong!

[/ QUOTE ]

ha ha, this is so true

OP - having said that, it sounds as if they ARE taking your advice. Ok, they looked at the 12.2hh pony but then decided that you were right - it is too small.

As novice owners, it is understandable that if an apprently experienced YO with a stable full of horses and three succesfuly competative children suggests a horse to them, they will trust her advice and go and see it. They then realised they were better off with the pony YOU had suggested. I think maybe you are being a tiny bit sensitive (JMO - and I am a sensitive person so this is not a criticism)

In terms of the tack - maybe they just wanted all brand new tack. Again, this is a bit of a rookie mistake to think that 'new' is nicer for the pony. They probably don't realise that the reason you said take the original tack was because it fitted - they probalby thought you were trying to save them some money or something like that!

I have to say that I would be rather concerned about the pony rearing and napping though. Napping is a rather 'typical' riding school pony behaviour but if the kid was 'galloping the horse over the hills' on the trial, I assume he isn't a complete novice so should have been able to sort out a mild riding school pony style nap. Three days is quite long enough for a sensible riding school pony to settle down IMO. We have just had two riding school ponies arrive as Working Liveries. I rode them the first day they were here and although both were a bit 'looky' and one did a small buck on the first canter transition, ultimately they both behaved on the first day EXACTLY how they have gone on to behave every since. I would definitely be concerned about the behaviour of this pony if what you have been told it true.

However, it seems to me that before you get more involved or help any more, you need to see the pony for yourself and see how it is getting on with the child. Then you can say if you think it is just unsettled or maybe not the right pony for them.

 

[siennamum]

I don't think animals need time to settle the way we seem to think they do. I always expect a new pony or horse to test it's boundaries about 3 weeks after arrival, but a day or two after arrival.... How is that different to being at a show???
I could excuse a young horse some anxiety & bad behaviour at strange surroundings but not really an older horse - especially not if it was supposed to be a steady sort.

I bought a pony home on trial a number of years ago, it was silly as soon as it came off the lorry, took it back there and then.

 

[clipclop]

I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I have been through, still going through similar.
I was asked advice about buying a horse, gave advice, went and looked at different type, I said it would prob be OK if they had lots of lessons and help. Pony came home. Lots of lessons not happening. Offer of help being ignored.
I have to admit I was really quite hurt and wondered what I had done wrong or what was I doing wrong.
I have to say, now, in hindsight it is probably just our ego's feeling a bit battered.
People will always do what they want to do.
Recently I have been asked for help again and I have gone with it. I am sure it will be thrown back in my face again but I can't help but try and help people. It is in my nature.
I am sure I have hurt many a horsey friend by appearing to dis their ideas and advice and going with someone else's who appears less knowledgeable etc.

Basically what I am trying to say is, try not to be hurt by it all, stand back and let them come to you. It is a bloomin mine field buying a horse/pony and when you are a novice it is very easy to make bad decisions.

I am sure your friends would be upset to think they have made you feel this way.

Don't stop being a giving person. (You can't anyway as you just are one, so you are stuck with it)! Just learn to give and not expect anything in return. That is when karma cuts in and gives you a better deal (Sorry to sound tree huggish and freaky but it's bloomin well true)!!

Brush yourself down hun and carry on being lovely.

 

[lauraanddolly]

I'm a like you EF, I am constantly asked for my opinion by one woman at my yard and she constantly does her own werid thing, never for very long just 2 or 3 days then changes her mind again, speaks to me about it then toddles off on her merry way no matter what I say! I was quite bitter about it at first, but now I just give my opinion(politely) as she has asked for it and leave her to it.
Try not to take it to heart to much, give your opinions if asked and then let them get on with it.
I don't think anyone on here can 100% say whether pony is or isn't suitable for said child as none of us has seen them together, anything could have happened to make the pony behave in that way.
And for what it worth, some ex riding school ponies can display uncharacteristic behaviour after moving home - think of the decrease in workload, change of routine plus new tack etc could all have contributed.
Hope things get sorted for them and yourself soon EF.

 

[Tia]

But she did take your advice

. She bought the 14 hander. Sounds totally unsuitable to me though - rearing, no matter how short a time it has been at new home, is unacceptable in a childs pony; give it one more chance (as may just have been a fluke and high spirits) and if it is still doing this then they may wish to think again about whether this is the right pony for them. What in the world would it do at a show for the day?

I have to say, when it comes to buying horses with acquaintances, the only advice I ever give is that the horse is physically sound and shows no signs of any chronic conditions (or does as the case may be). I steer away from making any judgement on whether they should buy the horse as you are on a hiding to nothing if anything goes wrong. Always best leaving buyers to make their own decisions.

I certainly don't leave new horses anywhere like a week before riding them. When I buy them, they are ridden the next day and sometimes the day of arrival; the quicker it is into the scheme of things, the easier it is for it to adjust.

 

[EquestrianFairy]

I only advised her, i never made her buy anything she asked my opinion and i said what i would do.. i did tell her im not an instructor etc and i have already given her 3 different instructors numbers to choose from.

I bumped into her yesterday and her son seemed not bothered by the rearing- i asked exactly what had happened and it sounded like they took her down to the school in darkness with the floodlights on (but through two pitch black fields which even i have never attempted)
The pony basically was nervous and the rider was nervous and she did two bunny hop protests before the rider got off and led her back.

I personally dont think this is an unsuitable pony purely basing it on this alone, it had been at its last home 8 years and this one 3 days it had been in the same herd, same home, same owner and 8 whole years and people are expecting it to settle straight away?

Perhaps its just difference of opinions but i have always done things the way i have and i have never had a problem- where as for a good example a man on my yard bought a new horse last year, a day after it arrived he rode it and it dumped him squealing like hell and trying to jump out of the school to go back to the safety of the field.

I suggested he just bond with it over the next few days before ridng again- he did and it never ever put a foot wrong again.

Overall she bought the 14hh pony but what hurt was the fact she had originally told me she 'trusted' the YO who she has met twice and who was looking out for herself, i think its because she actually said 'I trust her' and i took it like 'I dont trust you' Again a sensitivity on my part perhaps.

I know i am a very sensitive type, its a personal fault of mine and i cant change it but i never pretend to be something im not- if someone wants advice i give it.

 

[AmyMay]

I don't understand why you've felt the need to get so involved in the first place.

They have a pony - now the great journey starts.

I'm not sure you're being taken advantage of - perhaps just have your nose slightly out of joint..........?