feeling very sorry for myself

benson21

benson21

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As lots of you know, I had quite a serious accident 4 weeks ago, which left me in hospital for 3 weeks, have done one week at home, but I am basically home contained! Most of the time I have to lay flat, I can walk 100 yards or so, but with a back brace and crutches.
While I was in hospital I was getting loads of texts, one day I had 14 visitors, people from work came to see me, and from thee yard, but now I am home... nothing. Apart from 2 really good friends who text me every day from the yard, no one has got in contact with me. i know people are working, got other things to do but I just feel forgotton.
The times I have been to the yard, apart from the couple of really good friends, I feel in the way.
I feel so so sad because not only have I lost my best friend in Benson, but I feel that my friends at the yard are also drifting away, and i dont know wht to do about it. I dont feel I can keep texting people, as a fair few now I havent had replies from, and I feel I am just pestering them.
I guess i am having just a bad morning as its the start of another new week of me laying here, while everyone goes on with their on life.
Sorry for the self pitying-needed to get that out!!!!!
 
I hope it gets better for you....it's hard feeling forgotten! I hope you mend soon. It's times like this that you find out who your real friends really are. Hang in there - and hang out in HERE.
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<gentle> hugs
 
A lot of it is that people do not know what to say--they are frightened to upset you.
They dont know if you want to talk about what has happened or if that will cause you further distress
Result they do nothing and you feel left out.
I dont really have any advice but hang in here--chip in on any subject of interest.
This board is about to have changes--best read about it if you havent already.
Hope you heal quickly
 
I think you're entitled to feel low after what you've been through.
Sometimes people find it hard to deal with bereavement and your friends at the yard may feel awkard that they are carrying on as usual with their horses while you have lost Benson, especially as they will know how much he meant to you.
I hope you're on the mend and you phone and door bell start ringing very soon x
 
Its understandable you feel so fed up and low. I remember a friend of mine saying exactly the same thing when her partner dies - in the immediate time after and up until his funeral she was never alone, then all of a sudden life just carried on and she was just left to get on with things.

Are you up to having company? Perhaps one of your good friends could arrange a girls night in at your place - perhaps once a fortnight? That might help everyone keep in touch and be a nice thing to look forward to.

I'm sure people haven't fogotten you - its just that everyone just gets caught up in their own lives so easily don't they. Perhaps some people don't know what to say to you as well? Would you feel comfortable sending a text / email to you friends saying something along the lines of .... 'just want to thank you for your support / visits while I was in hospital. It meant a lot. Please pop in for a quick chat / cup of tea anytime. I'm bored and lonely and would love some company!' ... that way they might realise how rubbish you feel.

xxx
 
I know how you feel. I broke my neck in 2003 and felt the same. I was in hospital a good hour away from home and people made a real effort to come and see me. Like you I was inundated with visitors.

Once I got home I couldn't go out (getting in a car was difficult and walking any distance was impossible) I had my daily visit from the district nurse and occasional one friend would pop round but other then that nothing.

It was very depressing but as a previous poster said I don't think people know what to say.

Mine was also a riding accident and from the time of the accident I said I was giving up both horses and my uni course. Both were my life and without them I was nothing and people couldn't cope with me thinking like this.

Where do you live? Maybe someone on here lives close that could come and visit.

I found that just knowing someone was visiting later in the day made the whole day far more bearable.

Chin up hon it will get easier.
 
I think Maxapple's idea is a great one. Sometimes I think people also believe that lots of other people are visiting etc and don't want to be in the way.

It's no wonder you are feeling like you do. Really wish you a speedy and full recovery from your injuries and send you all good wishes

x
 
I really feel for you. Hang around i here and perhaps on other forums, so that you are at least having some contact with the outside world. Tell those who are keeping in touch how you feel and ask them to speak to people who are not in contact to get in touch. Hope you feel much better soon but try to keep your chin up. Have you got plenty of books to keep you busy?
 
(((hugs))) I cannot imagine how you must feel. I am sure people have not forgotten you, but people are very bad at knowing what to do.
You are grieving for you lovely boy. You probably have something akin to PTS symptoms and you have just come out of hospital and are in pain. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself. I felt so sad for you when I read this.

I am sure it will get better but you will have "bad" days for a long time. Tell your friends how you feel - they may be able to respond better if they know how how you feel.

I know you will get lots of support on here which I hope will help. All I can say is how sorry I am for your loss and for your injuries and I hope you make a full recovery and things get much better for you soonx
 
poor you. i think the idea of recruiting a friend to arrange a fortnightly/weekly gettogether is a good one.

tell your most trusted friend how you feel and ask them to arrange something. no one is going to feel pestered by you, as i'm sure they are all completely gutted for you, and would do anything to help.

i bet most people on here that read your post would love to help you... so your friends in real life will definitely want to do something.

with regards to not getting replies to texts... i always reply to meaningless, quick texts. but the more meaningful ones that i care about often require me finding 5 mins out of my day to sit down and write. perhaps these people can't think of what to write to make you feel better.

i know, take this opportunity to catch up with some really old friends. write letters, send messages on facebook. say you're bed bound so thought you'd use the opportunity to catch up on old friends you miss.

xx
 
I'm in a different situation (just had a baby) but also feel restricted and housebound, and it's frustrating not being able to go and ride when i want to. I know it doesn't in any way compare with your situation but I do sympathise and really understand how lonely it is being stuck at home. Where are you? xxx
 
Hopefully having a girlie night on friday which I am rally looking forward to but friday seems such a long way off!! I am in Ashford, Kent, and only 5 mins away from yard.
If there is anyone on here from my yard please dont be offended by me putting this on here, I am just having a really down morning.
 
I think, with you having lost Benson, maybe people at your yard don't really know what to say for fear of upsetting you still more. When my horse had grass sickness, everyone at the yard signed a get well card for him, which was lovely. I still have it. When he died from the illness, there were a few awkward muttered comments, but that was pretty much all, but people have since said to me they didn't know what to say and they didn't want to chat on about their horses when I had lost mine. I do hope everything improves for you soon. Thinking of you.
 
Firstly, can I say how very sorry I am.
It's devastating to cope with a serious injury, and it is devastating to cope with the loss of your horse, but when the two are so traumatically combined, it is more than anybody should have to deal with, and my heart goes out to you.
And on that note, I am sure your friends want to, but are at a loss as to how to, help you.

Hospital visiting is easy in the way that one can visit for an hour ago, take flowers and chocs, and make polite conversation. In other words, the issues can be skirted around.
But ongoing support is much much harder to give, as one simply doesn't know what is required.

Your friends will feel as if they are treading on eggshells atm for fear of upsetting you further, or slowing down your healing.
They will worry that if they speak about Benson, it might distress you, but if they don't, you might feel as if he is forgotten.
Add to that your injuries.
If you were just injured, it would be easy for them to be positive, and plan ahead. The usual injured rider pick me up is to tell you that you will soon be back in the saddle, etc etc. In your case, I would never dream of saying anything like that to you, because you have had the massive massive emotional trauma of losing your horse in terrible circumstances, as well as the physical trauma.

Could you text or phone them and tell them you'd appreciate a visit? Perhaps arrange a girlie night in, and order a DVD and a takeaway?

I really don't know what to suggest to make you feel better, but I would bet my life that your friends would love to support and help you through this.
They just don't know how to.

I am sending you the biggest hugs. xxx
 
Don't beat yourself up for feeling low, it's totally understandable and it's all part of the grieving process. The fact you lost your boy and was so severely injured makes it all the more painful
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I agree with what everyone else says, it's hard for people to know what to say, they certainly do not want to hurt or upset you. I think your girlie night in sounds great, something positive to look forward to
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I hope that some of your yard friends do read this forum and that they rally around you. Talk with your closest friend (s), don't be afraid to share your hurt as all of your friends will want to help you as much as they can, as I am sure a lot of us on here do to.

My thoughts are totally with you and I wish I was closer to you so I could do more. Sending you big hugs and lots of healing <<<vibes>>> Tess xxx
 
if you ever want random chats feel free to text lol! I know we don't know each other or anything but I'm a relatively chatty person....plus have unlimited texts which I never really use lol!
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But sincerely deepest condolences...it bought tears to my eyes reading the article about the accident, as a big hacking person myself and had a few close calls out, and now realising it was actually someone on here that have had posts on threads with etc, really is shocking. Rip to your beautiful boy and biggest hugs and thoughts to you huni x
 
I was so so sorry to find out that it was you that lost your horse, benson21. As others have said, I bet that your friends are feeling a little awkward at the moment, and not sure on how to approach you. I hope that this improves soon! In the meantime, my condolences on the loss of your horse.
 
Hun after what you have been thru I think you are allowed some self indulgence. I'm sure that no-one would take offence for you posting your feelings on here.

As others have said, they are probably feeling a little lost themselves as to what to say, do etc.

Hugs and strength to you. If you need a chat / rant / indulgent wallow... feel free. I'm a good listener and have big shoulders.
(((hugs)))
 
I am so sorry what you have to cope with it is totally unimaginable.

I totally agree with others, a friend of mine lost her young horse in very tragic circumstances, and after the inital so sorry etc, I really didnt have a clue what to say, did she want to talk about him, did she not, did she just want to be around our horses and enjoy them, carry on as though nothing had happened or remember him for what a little so and so he was, never did I think she was getting in the way, I was just unsure what to do or say for the best, so I tried to carry on as normal for fear of making matters worse for her.

In hindsight, I can see it probably came across that I didnt care, which the total opposite was true, I was just trying to be strong and positive for her in the worst ways possible.

Maybe a quick text for a "lets celebrate Benson" night out would help all of you grieve for him and talk and discuss feelings, as I know that on a yard when you loose one horse, everyone feels the loss, and a good old chinwag with a few drinks everyone feels they can cope and knows what to say and how everyone is dealing with it.

I hope you are feeling better soon, and if I was nearer would be at your door annoying you. The biggest hugs to you.
 
We all missed you on the forum, and many grief with you over Benson. but look at one bright spark, we are all here for you at any time of day or night, everyday, you have many friends that you will never meet, but can have a good natter too.
 
thank you, its chinese tommorrow night! had to say it would be early cos my drugs usually knock me out by half nine!!!!!!
 
you are bound to get very down days as well as other days where you can feel a little more positive.You are grieving for your horse,people don't know what to say to you and probably feel awkward being around you in case they upset you.People won't know whether it is okay to talk about Benson or not so by avoiding you they think life will carry on as normal.I am sure that they are all there for you and will support you in any way that they can and you are always welcome to pm me any time you want to chat.I don't know you in real life but I am quite local to you and was horrified when I heard what had happened. I lost my daughter almost 7 years ago and do know how it feels to cope with the loss and people not knowing what to say to you. All I can say is take each day as it comes and please make use of us as a network of support when you need it,whether that is by pm or on the main forum.
 
Hullabaloo said:
I think you're entitled to feel low after what you've been through.
Sometimes people find it hard to deal with bereavement and your friends at the yard may feel awkard that they are carrying on as usual with their horses while you have lost Benson, especially as they will know how much he meant to you.
I hope you're on the mend and you phone and door bell start ringing very soon x
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^^^ this exactly. You must feel terrible. I can only suggest perhaps trying to gently ease yourself back into 'horses' again. Losing Benson must have left a huge gap in your life that is achingly nagging away at you.
 
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