Field share is driving me nuts!

Ambers mum

Ambers mum

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So, in the spring my friend comes round in tears after my old boss has insisted she has to leave the yard due to her mare attacking the other horses and breaking out. Well I only have the two mares on mine at the mo so I have a chat with my friends and hubby and next day offer her a place in my fields. She comes and puts new post and rail up as my one fence is sheep wire lined with electric tape and her mare would walk through the lot. Fair enough.

she has also bought a mobile shelter, I don't mind, mine live out all year but I have stables and I normally open the yard gate so they come and go as they please.

Then the trouble started, my daughters little mare mysteriously got a few hoof snapped wounds including a very deep one but I brushed it off as I didn't want to upset my friend (my girls are barefoot and the big girl is fully shod, and they are best pals, never scrap). I also noticed hoof shaped scars and mysterious bites marks on her back. Again, no proof of who did it.

when I was up there one afternoon I watched the big girl attack my big veteran for no apparent reason. Luckily my girl ran off, she's a lover not a fighter lol.

in the past month while we were grazing them on my friends yard the big girl walked through all the fencing in to the winter grazing and her owner said it was my little Sta. trouble is everyone knows Star jumps out, never trashes fencing and a bit of live electric tape deters her from any jumping. The big girl was watched a few days later doing the same damage while my girls watched then joined her (they aren't angels so may be they told her to do it).

my latest problem is I work 12 hour day shifts so I rely on my daughter to do the mares while I am at work. She goes up after school everyday, my sister does her own daughters pony and mine in the morning so we split the visits to avoid going up more than once in the week. My friend is retired and goes up several times a day and mucks out every time. This means when we go up there's nothing to do other than ride or groom. We told her at the beginning we only go up at certain times due to work, college and families so leave the early mucking out and evenings for us.

She still does everything but then moans that I don't go up, wouldn't know how to do it or use a wheel barrow. It's driving me mad as I could throw her off but I feel bad as she has paid for fencing and her shelter. All she does is slag me off to everyone though. Husband and other friend have both said give her a months notice but land is hard to come by round here and she's in her 70's, I don't want to upset her :(. I am torn.

i think sometimes if she wonders how I used to cope without her all those years of horse owning....
 
Woah. She slags you off to all and sundry and YOU'RE torn? Offer her money for the shelter, or she can take it with her. Even if I hated my yard owner, which I certainly don't, I wouldn't be stupid enough to call her names to mutual contacts.
 
I agree with this ^. It sounds like she is neither a good friend nor is her horse particularly easy to have in your fields. Life is too short to spend it upset or worrying unnecessarily, I'd politely ask her to leave explaining honestly the reasons why. I'd give her a fair period of notice to make it easier for her. The field shelter may make moving more difficult but it sounds as though she didn't ask you before bringing it? and I would imagine it could be dismantled to move? The post and rail you may have to come to some arrangement on either pay her for it or again dismantle it.
 
Sounds like it would be easier if you were neighbours rather than friends, so if you still want to help her then could you section off her own area, she can have her fence, her shelter, poo pick her own area and no horse fights?

I wouldn't blame you if you said it wasn't working out, just tell her that slagging you off to others was not a good idea!

I have been in the position long ago where someone will do all the work and then blame you for not doing it, I hate feeling like that! That's why I like having my own field and when I have mixed my horses with others I just make extra effort to make sure I'm not slacking! I'm quite happy with that for short periods as I'd rather that than constantly worry I'm not doing enough or being the sloppy one, but if you didn't have this woman around you wouldn't have to worry.
 
Gosh I have been there! We had a livery like that. Her horse was a tyrant. It ripped all our pony's rugs to bits (even did it in front of me and the livery one day, but the livery said it was an accident and a one off!). She used to say it was my husband's gelding, who will playfully nip others to try and make them run, but not full on kicks and grabbing hold of other horses with it's teeth. The lady was lovely, and helped a lot (rather too much - bringing horses in we didn't want in because it was raining etc). She also couldn't really handle her horse and we lived in fear of finding her badly hurt one day (it did break her arm one day). Things became really strained between us. Her horse was injured and on box rest, and we had six weeks of peace in the fields, no rugs ripped etc, so when horse went back out we made it a separate paddock next to ours. The livery was really offended and winged to all and sundry behind our backs that we were being cruel to her horse. After a few weeks she left, and TBH we breathed a huge sigh of relief.

In hindsight, I wish I could have manned up and said something sooner. OP I'm not quite sure if she fenced off a separate section with her post and rail, or just the whole thing. If you can, you need to have a chat, say that you've been putting off saying this as you didn't want to hurt her, but that some of the horses are getting kicked and you feel as though its not working how she is ending up doing all the jobs - that you enjoy doing your jobs but aren't getting the chance (don't mention the winging behind your back). Say you realise she has put a lot of money into the yard, so you've been trying to think of other ways you can do things so she doesn't have to move, and say you thought of a separate paddock, as in fencing off a strip with shelter just for her..

If this doesn't work out, don't worry. you didn't ask for or need the fence. She can take the shelter with her or sell it (there are lots for sale that the buyer has to dismantle).
 
OP, thank you SO much for posting :)
I have been wavering this week about having a friend come to my yard for the winter & this is just the kick up the bum I need to remind me why I do NOT take in others.....

Sorry, hope you get sorted but you already know the solution & need to face up to either getting rid or enforcing yard rules - good luck!
 
OP I think she needs to go or be put back in her box. Don't worry too much about upsetting her...slagging you off to all and sundry she's hardly showing you the same courtesy.

The Fuzzy Furry said:
OP, thank you SO much for posting :)
I have been wavering this week about having a friend come to my yard for the winter & this is just the kick up the bum I need to remind me why I do NOT take in others.....
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With you there! A local YO sometimes directs people down to me to to see if I will take them in my field (no idea why!) and the answer is always always no. One pair were asking me and debating where they could put up a field shelter (presumptuous, much?!) and looked taken aback when I said no out of hand. I think it can be worse if anything, with friends, as the boundaries are often blurred from the outset.
 
AM, she is stupid and you are too nice. You helped her out and now she is slagging you off, give her notice to leave and tell her why. Situation is complicated by the fact that she has put up fencing, I would never allow that, but as someone else said, just pay her for it and put the whole thing down to experience. I have allowed 'friends' to put their horses on my land over the years, and without exception, they have all taken the pee. Never again.
 
Thanks everyone.

I am going to have a chat tomorrow and hubby suggested some form of contract to say her mare is welcome to stay but she has to use the paddock I will provide her with and she can put her shelter in that. The other option I am to give her is to pay her for the shelter and fencing and give her notice to move off.

i went up today to meet my farrier and she had turned up and done all the jobs again :/
 
I've been in your position, and quick honestly I wont work just giving her a field! because her horse will trash it and then she will complain that she has no grass and will want to move into another field! then she'll end up leaving and your going to be left with a load of trashed fields. if I were you, I would just get her gone! I wouldn't even offer money for the fencing? you didn't ask her to do it!

but if it helps, i'd rather have someone that does the mucking out rather than someone that lies about it and doesn't do it, leaving weeks and weeks of muck in the field when they leave?!
 
I honestly think this is the time to let her go ... give one more chance and it is very likely you will regret it. I hope it doesn't come to that if you offer a chance, but she has shown you her true colours, so believe her!

I wouldn't exchange any money for stuff, but if it makes you feel better then know how much you are willing to pay for the fence before discussing it, not the other way around.

It is a difficult situation to be in, but it is not worth the agro, I think.

Good luck with whatever you decide x
 
Ambers mum said:
. The other option I am to give her is to pay her for the shelter and fencing and give her notice to move off.
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Personally I'd have her dismantle it and make good, since she erected both without permission.

If you do decide to pay her for them remember it's second hand so don't be paying new value :)
 
Another one here who will never have anyone else here again. Friend bought a pony for her kids,we agreed £10 a week year round, we would not muck out but were happy to put out and bring in. Not once did she put ours out, didn't muck out for months, which pushed the wood from the bricks, so I had to repair it!I,knew she was looking to move the pony to be with her other horse but was somewhat miffed when I was late back from a show, rang her to ask her to bag some haylage, to be told she couldn't as the pony was having a sleep-over at the other yard! Needless to say the pony never came back!
OP get rid and be very wary in future
 
You are clearly not happy. Ask her kindly to leave and take all her fencing and shelter with her. (I wouldn't want it and wouldn't want to pay for it either). The older I get the more I feel people don't deserve a detailed explanation. It's simply not working for you so politely ask her to move on. Good luck!
 
I can not understand the concept of paying for a field shelter you neither needed or wanted, I friend of mine got conned with this when her livery put one up and then didn't pay rent for six months to 'pay' for it. If someone puts a building up on your land they have to pay ground rent for the permission to have it there.
I have just had someone sharing my land but not with a horse, their children were not animal aware and I have had six months of having to put my dogs away, listen to squealing children and an adult almost as bad. She has told me what a wonderful experience its been, she has no idea how glad we are to see the back of them and wants to do it again next year, not likely. There are a lot of sweet sounding tyrants about.
 
Ok, I'm going to be a little different here. Yes it is wrong she has been slagging you off behind your back BUT she doesn't sound like the worst person to have around.
Are you sure what she has been saying? Stories get twisted and exagerated when it involves third parties and he said/she said when she may have just been having a moan. Sme people just can't walk away when they see jobs need doing ( not me but they do exist ;) ) and she may feel she is doing all the work, yes I know it's her own choice but she may not see she has a choice if she's a clean freak.

I would be inclined to agree with everyone else if she hadn't done the fencing, her horse trashed your fencing, she never did any jobs or she had lied to you about how her horse is in the field but you knew this from the start.

Like everyone else said, life is too short so if you aren't happy with the arrangements then ask her to leave but I think she has done all she can really so be as fair to her re the fencing and shelter as you can be.
 
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