First Post, Need help with confidence (It's an essay but I would appreciate it)

caitlineloise

caitlineloise

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Hello everybody,

Well I better get straight to the point, after riding for years and years as a kid and being fearless, I had a 4 year break.

I got back into it, within weeks I was jumping little cross poles, I do not want to sound like I think I know more than I do, because I want to learn much more, and I don't think I know anything much about how to make a horse go correctly.

I got my first horse, she is a 16.1hh TB 6yo, we still have her, my schooling with her was going brilliantly, I was working her in a outline without ever knowing what it felt like (these are not my words but words of a VERY experienced rider)

However this means nothing to me now, I know I am not a brilliant rider.

When I took my mare for her first hack, she bolted (no half hearted thing, I mean bolted) down a tarmac track, she tried to take a corner she could not take at that speed, we both fell, both being badly injured, I remember looking up at my beautiful new girl and thinking "what have I done? I should of never ridden you out" purely because I know my riding skills are not what she needs in that situation (I just want you all to know I am perfectly honest).

So, I end up with a chunk out of my elbow and a broken hand, my dad (used to own his beloved mare in the past, who was also a bay) looked after her whilst she was on box rest, and they formed a bond I have never witnessed before.

My beautiful Breeze is now his.

I began to look for another horse, as this was what as a family we decided what we needed.

I went to try a few, and one dumped me twice, breaking two ribs, which came about during a VERY dirty stop in canter. Now I do realise this could be to do with being an inadequate rider, however said horse ran away with my experienced friend afterward.

This shattered my confidence, even getting on top of one of our four legged friends filled me with fear. Along with these fears came fear of horses in a lot of situations all together.

Then I found my little Sunny Boy, he has given me confidence not only in him, but in all horses, I now realise they are ALL characters. They may be playing when at first I thought they where trying to hurt me.

But I still cannot get over riding, I have only been able to walk round on a lunge line on him. I have never lunged myself, but now am regularly and considering he pretended he didn't know it at first, he now it listening to everything I say (although he is a little lazy due to unfitness)

Please give me some tips! I know this is an essay but I'm desperate, I don't want to do much, just have some fun, he's a 14.3 haffy and he jumps like a stag! But I feel at the moment I cant give him what he needs?

Thank you
 
Poor you. You've really been through the mill. I'm not surprised your confidence is a little dented.

I'm not very good at offering advice in this situation because fortunately, so far, I've managed to keep my nerve. I just wanted to offer a bit of support and say it sounds like he is getting everything he needs. All he wants is your time and love, he doesn't care if you ride him or not so don't feel like you have to force yourself to get on him before you're ready.
 
Hi, welcome to the forum :)

First of all, don't beat yourself up. If a horse properly bolts, there's not a hell of alot you can do about it - there's a difference between being run away with due to lack of ability and being bolted with. And as for falling off - it happens to everyone! Absolutly everyone, so don't beat yourself up about that either.

As for riding, don't jump in at the deep end. Next time you see him, tack him up, put on your hat and go for a walk in hand. Don't go with the intention of riding, so there's no pressure. If after a few days you feel confident enough to have a sit, just hop on board for a minute and leave it there. Who says you have to go out for a hack or launch a schooling session every time you ride? No one!

Also, if you think you'd be confident enough to have a lesson on a riding school horse that might be beneficial, a steady riding school horse and one to one instruction could do wonders for your confidence.

Good luck :)
 
You've just had an unlucky run. Time will sort it out - just take it slowly, as you are doing. Could you get some lessons with an experienced freelance instructor? That would help a lot. Don't know how old you are, but is there a local pony club or riding club that you could join. You'd find that you weren't the only nervous one - there are loads of people who lose their confidence - just look back through a few threads on here. Good luck...x
 
Baby steps - walk with your dad leading you, walk on the lunge, hack out walking on the lead rein, a little longer each day until you feel safe, then repeat in trot and canter (on the lunge) until that feels safe, then try the walk with someone next to you not on lead rein, and go from there. If your horse is truly safe, and you push your fear a little each day, you will slowly push it away.
 
jesstickle said:
Poor you. You've really been through the mill. I'm not surprised your confidence is a little dented.

I'm not very good at offering advice in this situation because fortunately, so far, I've managed to keep my nerve. I just wanted to offer a bit of support and say it sounds like he is getting everything he needs. All he wants is your time and love, he doesn't care if you ride him or not so don't feel like you have to force yourself to get on him before you're ready.
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Thank you so much for just replying, I didn't really think anybody would.

And also thank you for saying I shouldn't until I need to, a lot of the time I feel I should, because a lot of people at my yard keep pressuring me. But I'm a bit too shy to say what I really feel, because they are all such great horsewoman/men.
 
Sorry to read you have been having a really rought time of it recently with the horses, but lovely to read a refreshingly honest post.
My advice would be to do everything in your own time, its your horse so you do things as and when you feel ready, when you realise you can do it when you want the pressure will go, do loads of in hand stuff, walk him for miles around all the local areas, he will encounter most things he will see when you ride out which will help your confidence if you know nothing bothers him.
And remember it is meant to be fun, so enjoy time with your pony and the riding will happen when you are ready.
Good luck
 
Dobby - Thank you so much for your reply.

Everything you said made perfect sense, I think I will try those things, as I think a lot of my worry is myself, and other people putting pressure on me.

I think I would be, and have thought about doing it before, but have always felt daft, because I've got a perfect boy at home, why cant I just realise that when sat on his back!? :)

Thank you again

Honey08 - Thank you for your reply, I have an experienced friend (my mothers friend who has been riding years.)

I am 19 years old but feel like I'm a baby the way I'm going on!

Thanks again, I will be sure to look through a few threads on confidence!

mystiandsunny - Thank you also for your reply,

I think hacking is my main fear now, just the thought of no secure space really.

I know he's safe in my heart, my head just wont let me think that! It's so frustrating!
:(
 
miss_bird said:
Sorry to read you have been having a really rought time of it recently with the horses, but lovely to read a refreshingly honest post.
My advice would be to do everything in your own time, its your horse so you do things as and when you feel ready, when you realise you can do it when you want the pressure will go, do loads of in hand stuff, walk him for miles around all the local areas, he will encounter most things he will see when you ride out which will help your confidence if you know nothing bothers him.
And remember it is meant to be fun, so enjoy time with your pony and the riding will happen when you are ready.
Good luck
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Thank you for your reply, I'm really glad you where grateful of my honesty :)

I think I will try and walk him round local areas as one of my main fears is hacking and him perhaps seeing something he's not sure of, me not knowing it, and myself freezing (not good for him)

I really hope I can get enjoying riding again! He's already got me enjoying being around horses again because I love him so much already for what he's given me, even though he can be a cheeky boy sometimes. :D

Thanks again :)
 
That's a good idea, walking out in hand the hacking routes will make you more familiar with it all and less daunting!

And it's not silly or babyish at all :) Take your time and in a few months you'll be away. Let us know how you get on :)
 
Really very unlucky what has happened, and amazing that you want to keep going.

Don't put yourself under any pressure and take things at your own pace. Lots of steady walks out, or round the school, whatever you feel happy with.

If you ever get the feeling that you want to get off at any stage, do so, and lead your horse for a bit.

I'm sure that gradually you will get more confident and things will progress for there.

Good Luck.
 
Please don't lose heart, I got my first horse 3 1/2 years ago and 6mths after getting him I had a very scary fall out hacking and George nearly got hit by a car :eek: I lost all my confidence and hacking just terrified me. I went back to basics with my instructor just baby baby steps, sometimes in a lesson we would only walk. As for hacking I found walking George round the route I wanted to ride in hand first really helped, I would then ride the route with someone on foot or on a bike and then when I was ready I would go as far round the route as I felt able on our own - it really helped me. Then about a year ago George and I did our first ever hunter trial (barely 2ft) and I was grinning from ear to ear simply because I had managed to canter in a huge open field on my own :)

Don't beat yourself up you've had a really rough time, but I'm so glad I carried on, the bond I have with George and the fun we have is priceless :)
 
Welcome to the forum, and welcome to the club :(
Check out my thread on the same subject (as canteron said) I got a lot of brilliant advice, and it makes you realize you are not alone, there are a lot of lovely helpful people on here :)
 
Thank you all so much, it's finally making me think I'm not some idiot!

And Fii I did check out the link to your thread, it made me realise I'm not alone :) and also how many lovely people there are on here, not judging, just giving brilliant advice!

Now I've got the H&H forum bug I will be sure to post updates all the time, however boring they are! (so beware:p)

And stories like yours GG make me realise it does work out in the end, I just need to believe it!
 
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For any of you that wanted to see my Sunny Boy, here he is, hope this works!:D
 
hi phew glad you survived, you need a schoolmaster, a push button, something which is 100% trustworthy, the you can move on at a steady pace xx
 
When you have done all the walking etc. (which I think is very good advice btw) I would suggest that when you do decide to hack without a walker, make sure that you ride out with someone you trust to behave sensibly, on a sensible horse, one which the rider can, if necessary, lead from. This means that if you feel unable to cope the other rider can take charge, just knowing they can will probably mean that they don't have to. :) I think that having sensible hacking companions, who will ride for your needs as well as theirs is improtant. I am very picky about who I hack out with these days and will not go out with people who don't have road manners, who don't check that what is happening is ok for others in the group etc. I am lucky though as I often ride with my sister and have a few local friends who ride in a safe way :)
 
He is stunning :)

Sorry to hear you've been having such a tough time. I've been in a similar situation to you and got bolted with on a horse I was trying out to buy. It completly knocked me and I refused to ride again.

There are some specialist instructors out there who help deal with people who have lost their nerve but I found that any good instructor who understands people and horses can help with lack of confidence.

Would your horse just stand by the mounting block for hours? If he would, just stand him there and start by standing on the block patting him and maybe if you feel confident lean over him (like you would with a youngster) and carry on patting him. If you feel happy just have a little sit on him but don't have the intention of getting this far. I did this exercise with my instructors pony and he stood there for 2 hours bless him.

I found lunge lessons really helped me aswell you know that someone is in control of the horse and you don't need to worry about anything. Also talking or singing, or repeating a phrase over and over, it takes your mind off the horse and keeps you relaxed.

Best of luck getting your confidence back, I look forward to hearing updates :)
 
Hello and welcome :) That's a gorgeous looking lad you have there :):)

Others have said all that I would say re. taking the baby steps. Last September I had a fall that resulted in a bleed on my brain. When I was allowed back on my then five year old 16.2 DWB, I was scared. Lots of little steps. Then we cantered on a hack, I nearly came off (she was being a bit unhelpful!), so I went back to my baby steps. A couple of months later I took her on a hack on my own and cantered. I was so happy I cried. A full grown forty-six year old woman sat on a beautiful horse blubing her eyes out. We did it another three times, after which I couldn't stop grinning :D

We started to build up. I rode nearly every day. Then we were jumping! Unfortunately one day we were jumping, I wasn't well, I came off and broke my back. Completely my fault. That was five months ago. So, in four weeks and two days time, it will be back to little steps. I'll tack up, maybe get on, maybe not (horse won't mind). If I do get on it will be for a few minutes walk round the school; each time I ride it will be the same, I'll tell myself that I'm just getting on, or I'm just doing five minutes walk, or maybe I'll do a few strides of trot. I know that on some days I'll do a lot mor, and on others I'll do a lot less, but it doesn't matter. There are no rules, there are no laws. Blank anyone that tries to pressurise you - they are not you, they do not understand you. At some point you may want someone to push you that little bit further, but you'll know when the time is right.

Sorry! That was a massive reply :o
 
I'm so sorry for what you've been through and not at all surprised that your confidence has taken a big knock.

I'm in much the same position. I broke my back in the summer and it was a wake up call to how vulnerable I am. It could so easily have been worse...the vertebrae was shattered but luckily did not damage my spinal cord. At the time I thought I'd never get on a horse again but as the weeks passed I yearned to be back riding, I love the closeness with the horse and the bond you build up.

I've just started riding again, with the help of a brilliant instructor. The first few lessons - only 30 minute sessions - were on the lead rope in walk. After that the lead rope was off and I started doing school movements in walk. Last week I started doing short stints at trot. I love it so much but every tiny step forward is like a mountain to be climbed.

I think the most important elements are a horse that you can trust and an instructor you can trust. Good luck, I hope you achieve all that you want.
 
What a lovely story. I can only suggest people around you who you trust and your lovely boy who you trust and small steps with little goals along the way to help you feel you have achieved something.

I had a naughty but lovely mare who scared me witless. Had a 4year break and legs were like jelly when I got back on a horse I tried (17hh ID x) BUT he was the safest horse going and now, onto my next horse - we go out jumping walls and cross-country! I love love love riding again and my horses have restored my confidence - so it can happen!!!
 
Dobby said:
Hi, welcome to the forum :)

First of all, don't beat yourself up. If a horse properly bolts, there's not a hell of alot you can do about it - there's a difference between being run away with due to lack of ability and being bolted with.
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Exactly this. It sounds as if you were very unlucky in the ones you tried, too.

If your lad hasn't been ridden for a while I would enlist a good experienced friend or instructor to hop on for 5 minutes first, just to make sure your horse is totally amenable, and then once you have gotten on, to lead you around on him for a few minutes until you think "i don't need him/her there!"
Good luck, please let us all know how you get on.
 
what a beautiful boy you have :D good luck with the confidence
I would just say to take it slowly and possibly get an instructor or someone else you trust to help you and if all else fails try some of that rescue remedy I know loads of people that use it
 
Poor you. You are not an idiot - anyone would be shaken in circumstances.

You want to get riding again so you will be able to! Try to imagine yourself on Sunny and that all is good and think about what you are doing with your hands, legs etc and everything going okay. Try to do this a few times a day and take deep breaths at the same time to relax you. This may sound a bit crystals and macrobiotic rice but your mind believes what you tell it so it may help. Set yourself little goals and congratulate yourself when you take a baby step and dont beat yourself up.

As he is lungeing well you could try sitting on him on the lunge first and just think about your position and relaxing and not worrying about control. This will also make your seat more secure. When you feel ready I would start in the school and just do a bit each day - walk first then trot then canter when you feel up to it. It does not matter if it takes several weeks or more to get to this stage - what matters is getting your confidence back. You could ask a friend or your dad to be with you when you ride if that makes you feel safer. I know of a leading dressage rider who has one not very sane horse she will only ride when one of her girls is on the yard - so nothing to be ashamed of . You could also lunge first and then get on if you think he is a bit fresh in the cold for example - I did this with my horse when he was young because i used to fall off quite a lot otherwise !!

I would also get a good, patient trainer who will help and get yourself some regular lessons. Its important they dont overface you but you will believe in yourself more and find it easier to relax if you are thinking about learning new things and Sunny's way of going, and it will keep him occupied too and away from silly games, not to mention you will ride better (I am sure you arent terrible though and Im just as sure everyone on your yard is not brilliant!)

Totally agree with what others have said about hacking with a walker and then with quiet sensible horses and riders as and when you feel up to it. There is no shame in preferring schooling to hacking though (could be the start of Sunny's dressage career!).

Sunny looks like the type you need - he is really cute and looks sensible and kind with a super neck and nicely put together too. Also beautifully groomed :)
 
maybe worth getting your confidence back by having some ridding lessons at a riding school? or possibly booking an instructor to come out and teach you where you are? they should be able to offer you tips and show you a little bit of help in what you may need to get yourself a little more confident. i broke my collar bone a few years ago while out on a hack trying out a potential horse,
she spooked and fell over on a country lane in the middle of no where and fell over, i rolled out of her way so i didnt get squished when she got up but as she did she fell back over again, and when she panicked getting up the second time stood on my shoulder :eek: the pain was awful. luckily my mum was walking along side us and after a few mins chucked me back on "you always have to get back on" she said. and to be honest i dont think i would have been able to walk back as we were about 6 miles away from the yard. i cant really remember the ride back and as soon as we got to the yard i passed out from the pain. it wasnt the horses fault that it happened she just panicked but at the time it really shook me up. after my shoulder heeled. i tried to ride (one of my mums) , i was fine walking around the paddock but as soon as we got to the road side to go for a hack down the track i tensed up and just started crying, the fear in me was awful and have never felt like that before in my life!
i seriously thought about quitting riding. eventually my mum booked a private lesson with an instructor and she started to help me get my confidence back. it took a while but it did work.
now i own a 19 month old filly and i am confident enough to walk her out on the road and also ride out on other peoples horses and compete.
please doont give up no matter what happens, i no sometimes it seems upsetting and makes you feel like you will never be able to ddo things again but you will. keep your chin up and please consider some private lessons ect xx good luck xx
 
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