Following on from previous post - how about now?

Nats_uk

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Joined
30 August 2007
Messages
3,587
Location
Essex
Have reworded advert from people's suggestions - how does this sound?
16.3hh 10yr old German WB gelding.
Genuine allrounder with scopey jump and huge floating paces (always earns 7s & 8s for his paces)
Won everything at local RC level. Regularly qualified and placed in Style Jumping, Dressage and Riding Test at the BRC National Finals.
Affiliated in 2009 - 24 BD points. Always placed - recent score of 72.4% at BD Novice and 7th in Novice Petplan Area Festivals
Working elementary/Medium level at home, ready to teach new rider the ropes or take out to Elementary.
Jumps 1.15m at home and 1.05m at competitions. Plenty of scope – has small amount of BSJA winnings
Been clear around Milton Keynes, Keysoe and Ely’s Intro course
Also loves hunting and jumps ditches and hedges with ease. Can be strong in a group but always pulls up.
Hacks out alone and in company (front and behind) but can be spooky as is partially blind in one eye.
100% to box,trailer,shoe,clip, catch etc. Very easy to do - lives out in summer.
Perfect gentlemen to handle and always has an excellent attitude to his work
Same home for 4 years. Has been ridden and jumped by novices up to 2'6".
No trials or loans as finances force sad sale – good home paramount.
Would suit ambitious adult/teenager wanting to move up the ranks in dressage and showjumping.
More pictures and videos available.

£xxxx ono (to include rugs and tack).

And I will use these pics (I have a better quality version of the 2nd one at home)
scan-1.jpg

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H_J

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Joined
6 March 2009
Messages
495
Location
Sunny South East!
hey
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I wouldnt say strong in a group but pulls up as 99% of horses are strong in a group so it sound like a negative but isnt if you know what I mean!

Ad looks fine....id try horse quest
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Lolo

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19 August 2008
Messages
10,267
I wouldn't use the third photo tbh, but otherwise good
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diggerbez

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Joined
31 March 2008
Messages
8,053
i think it sounds good, agree i wouldn't put 'strong in a group' in the ad- just tell people when they ring up...
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i think someone is going to get a super horsie
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DollyDolls

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Joined
15 April 2008
Messages
1,064
It flows quite well and tells me more than I would expect to see in an advert.
However.... The "can be spooky as partially blind in one eye" made me totally double take.

I would word that differently because it sounds like you're glazing over something which to many buyers would put off.
I might say, "partially blind in one eye due to ... Doesn't affect his ability or scope and only noticed by rider as he can spook."
 
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