Following on from 'pushy parents'...

[Crosshill Pacers]

I popped on because I was thinking about this thing and saw that someone else had posted something similar, although related to showing.

It's our local village show tomorrow and my family do a lot within the horse section. My mum and me both steward on the showjumping and then I steward while my dad judges the gymkhana. Every year it's the same and we all really enjoy it.

But the one thing I've noticed over the last couple of years is a handful of parents who stand at the side of the showjumping ring, screaming at their children to 'go faster' or 'turn tighter', berating them if they knock a pole or refuse a fence. There's one in particular who really tells her children off when they come out of the ring if any tiny little thing went wrong and looks very hacked off if they're not first and second in every class.

The problem is, is that it intimidates the younger children who I can see are taking part in the jumping to gain confidence and have fun. They look reluctant to go into the ring whilst said scary parents are hanging around bragging their children up, and (it was the same when I was taking my crazy mare jumping for the first time) they're also a bit intimidated by the competitiveness of the children of scary parents who are becoming just as scary themselves!

Even worse then is the attitude of above parents and children when it comes to the highlight of most people's day - the gymkhana games! My dad endeavours to make it as fun as he can for all the little kids, we even still do apple bobbing which is uncommon in the local shows in my area now. But scary competitive children (the product of scary parents) turn their noses up at me when I'm asking who would like to enter the flag race or ride & run. Having said that, they all come racing back to do 'chase me charlie' at the end of the day, but then I suppose you can show off more doing that than you can with your head in a bucket of water trying to grab apples!

Is it like this everywhere? I don't remember that many intense, intimidating parents when I was younger, it was more the other children I was scared of!

 

[PaddyMonty]

But the one thing I've noticed over the last couple of years is a handful of parents who stand at the side of the showjumping ring, screaming at their children to 'go faster' or 'turn tighter',

Simple solution, eliminate them for outside assistance. Parents would eventually get the message and shut up.

 

[SNORKEY]

My mother was horrid when I was little, I was only 11yrs old at one of my first shows and because I didn't get placed very high she stormed off the show ground walking about 3 miles home, leaving me on my own with the man who brought my horse to the show in his box!
She's always been very selfish and it never got much better with her telling me what to do from the side of the ring, and the funny thing is she doesn't ride!
She's nice now years on but I know I'd never treat my little girl the same way.
Can you put a few signs up saying its a friendly family show and the please could parents refrain from calling out to them from the ring side.

 

[showpony]

Great Idea!

Simple solution, eliminate them for outside assistance. Parents would eventually get the message and shut up.

 

[Crosshill Pacers]

Simple solution, eliminate them for outside assistance. Parents would eventually get the message and shut up.

Is it bad that I'm about as scared of them as the other children are?! I'm hoping the judge this year (who seems like a very laid back, easy going, 'let's all have fun' kinda guy) will set some ground rules if things get a bit intense!

Last year we had one little girl on a lead rein who knocked a pole and didn't get a clear round rosette but her friend did and she wanted to have one more go so she could try and get one. We were running a bit short on time but my mum hates to see kids upset so she let her have another go. You should have seen some of the parents having a go at my mum for delaying the start of the 'proper showjumping' as they were calling it! I just hide behind my clipboard

 

[TGM]

Simple solution, eliminate them for outside assistance. Parents would eventually get the message and shut up.

Ditto! Was going to suggest this myself! Definitely a bit of confident stewarding needed to prevent this sort of behaviour - and there is nothing to stop stewards intervening if parents are ranting and raving when children come out of the ring as well.

I'd also count your blessings that the competitive set don't want to enter the gymkhana events as well as the jumping, as they would probably ruin them for the other children!

 

[Elsiecat]

She's always been very selfish and it never got much better with her telling me what to do from the side of the ring, and the funny thing is she doesn't ride!

Sounds a lot like my Aunties ex-husband who used to tell her how to drive when he'd never so much as revved an engine.
Backseat drivers, eh

 

[tallyho!]

Simple solution, eliminate them for outside assistance. Parents would eventually get the message and shut up.

This too! Couldn't have put it better even if I tried

 

[TGM]

Is it bad that I'm about as scared of them as the other children are?! I'm hoping the judge this year (who seems like a very laid back, easy going, 'let's all have fun' kinda guy) will set some ground rules if things get a bit intense!

You are probably better to set the ground rules in advance. Put up a big notice over the declarations board along the lines of:

"PLEASE NOTE THAT OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE IS AGAINST THE RULES AND THIS INCLUDES PARENTS, FRIENDS AND HELPERS SHOUTING INSTRUCTIONS TO COMPETITORS IN THE RING. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY THIS RULE MAY RESULT IN ELIMINATION."

 

[Ella19]

I think the pushy parents were around but there were equally scary officials!

I attended a local show with friends last weekend and was shocked by the pushy parents that attended and was told by a steward that the show for kids had turned into a show for who was the best adult!

 

[YasandCrystal]

My mother was horrid when I was little, I was only 11yrs old at one of my first shows and because I didn't get placed very high she stormed off the show ground walking about 3 miles home, leaving me on my own with the man who brought my horse to the show in his box!
She's always been very selfish and it never got much better with her telling me what to do from the side of the ring, and the funny thing is she doesn't ride!

That's quite dreadful!!! Watch out when/if you have children as I can see her taking over!

 

[Crosshill Pacers]

You are probably better to set the ground rules in advance. Put up a big notice over the declarations board along the lines of:

"PLEASE NOTE THAT OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE IS AGAINST THE RULES AND THIS INCLUDES PARENTS, FRIENDS AND HELPERS SHOUTING INSTRUCTIONS TO COMPETITORS IN THE RING. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY THIS RULE MAY RESULT IN ELIMINATION."

I'm sorry, I should've set the scene a bit clearer. Imagine your average local show, and then makes it ten times less professionally run! We are literally gonna be, my mum (who deals with entries and results), the judge (who will probably just stand there with a stop watch and a clipboard) and myself running around the ring trying to put fences up whilst dodging crazy kids on crazy ponies!

We struggle to get anything jumping or gymkhana related announced over the loudspeaker as the commentary box faces the showing rings and that's all they cover.

I'm gonna have to toughen up/make the judge set the rules before we start. Either that or really wind my mum up and then let her loose on everyone that's getting on my nerves! She can actually be a scary parent too sometimes

 

[TGM]

Don't you even have a blackboard to put the numbers down on before people jump - every local show I've been to has had one of those! You then just need to put your notice on top of that!

 

[Renvers]

You are probably better to set the ground rules in advance. Put up a big notice over the declarations board along the lines of:

"PLEASE NOTE THAT OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE IS AGAINST THE RULES AND THIS INCLUDES PARENTS, FRIENDS AND HELPERS SHOUTING INSTRUCTIONS TO COMPETITORS IN THE RING. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY THIS RULE MAY RESULT IN ELIMINATION."

This - if nothing else they get training for when their 'little darlings' are affiliated

 

[riding_high]

definately agree with putting a board up saying about no outside assistance or the rider will be eliminated. or you could maybe hand out a slip of paper to all entrants so they can pass it on to the parents.

i've to a few shows this year and watch the games, now it is all about getting a rosette etc rather than having fun. (many) years ago when i was a kid we had things like apple bobbing, sack race and things like that. the ponies loved it and so did the kids. it was great fun.
also because we were always at shows we got to know the regulars and also spotted any new people so we (large group of kids) would go and cheer the newbies on and give them a few pointers, it was always so friendly and afterwards they would have a massive BBQ for all entrants to discuss the days events in a friendly way. never any trouble and so much fun.

 

[Littlelegs]

As well as paddymontys suggestion, how about having marks for happy entrants. Not just fake grins, maybe have something along the lines of 'in the spirit of this show, which is ran to encourage children, all classes will also be judged on the entrants enjoyment & willingness to participate'. I'm sure it can be worded better, so nervous (but keen) & shy kids aren't under pressure, but warns off the mothers from hell.
At our local similar shows, lr classes often have the proper entrants, plus a couple of toddlers, who like mine at that age just wanted to join in, & judge gives all non placed kids a special. As 2/3yr olds in lr equitation aren't any competition, judges turn a blind eye to a lack of jacket, or a wrong size pony. A few years ago a 2yr old boy got very upset that he couldn't go in with his sister, so judge allowed him to come in wearing everyday clothes on his mums steady quiet 15hh cob. He didn't disturb anyone, & mainly sat grinning & clapping. His individual show comprised walk & informing the judge 'I big boy, I ride show too'. And on receiving his special spent the day informing everyone that mummys horse won him 'ossete', mummys horse good boy, I hug him. Very cute & very much the spirit. I later found out another non placed older child's parents had registered a complaint he had put her child & pony off, & horse & turnout broke the rules.
Op- as a parent who's child loves shows like yours, I'd just like to say thanks, some of us do appreciate the hardwork & time put in for our kids enjoyment.

 

[armchair_rider]

Pushy parents have been a staple of pony books for decades. The thing is in the books there's normally some scary official to deal with them. I can't think of anything else to suggest, so good luck

 

[pip6]

What gets me is when they bring their affiliated ponies to pot hunt. Girl in class I was watching got pole down in jump off, came out, mother walked up & screamed at her she was going to sell pony as she obviously wasn't serious about winning.

Lady from our yard took her ja pony to try & win sash in local jumping class. Okay they hadn't been registered for couple of years, but they did ja together. Not a spiteful person but wasn't upset when they came second & stormed off after presentation. You can just spot them a mile off. Such a shame to take rosette & small prize from inexperienced but trying hard local kid.

 

[Rose Folly]

Pushy parents have been about since the first toddler sat on the first Shetland, I think! They are a nightmare, very unattractive, and should be got rid of. Nearly 60 years ago there was a child at Pony Club who had dreadful parents, the father in particular. Not content with shouting from the ringside, he would tear into the ring and hit the pony if it refused. They bought their quite timid daughter ponies that were too much for her anyway - she always looked white and scared, and sometimes vomited.

In the end the parents were banned from coming to the PC gymkhana, and also the much bigger, quite smart, local show. The father had been in the RAF - hope he never flew, I imagine the rest of the aircrew would have killed him...............

 

[showpony]

a big sign saying " unsportsman like behaviour by competitors or accompanying adults will not be tolerated at any time & may result in elimination."

 

[tallyho!]

I like the elimination idea best.

Shouty parent = child dismissed. Very simple yet I can see it is going to be very effective

 

[Littlelegs]

We used to have a local show that was awful, both for pothunters & judges basically giving placings to their friends, lack of entrants has now forced it to stop running. I did once get revenge though for several kids & teens. At the time my 14.2 was winning low level affil in all 3 & I was an experienced adult, so pony was not shown by me. I don't show, but odd scar included, her training & confo is good enough to win locally. After watching the same few people place unfairly each month I did get annoyed. We're talking judges adult mates receiving all placings in whp, & the same person winning the novice each time. And their very beginner kids clearing up lr classes. So I basically taught two teens of the right age how to ride a very impressive show on her, stuff like changes, pirouettes, half pass (schoolmistress pony) & let them pothunt equitation. I did senior equitation & open wh, another teen did whp. Judge did try to pull pony in after her mates, but my large mouth meant even they weren't brazen enough to explain why pony didn't win, so result was all firsts. Then myself & older teen gave the rosettes to those kids who should have won. Blatent pot hunting, but in a good cause. Plus a friend did the same with a top quality pony in the lr classes.

 

[Crosshill Pacers]

Thanks for the suggestions guys, like I said before it's a pretty amateur run event and we get zero support from the show organisers (my mum was actually told last week that unless she could find a judge for the jumping she'd be doing it herself - bless her, she's really good at the admin side of stewarding but the last time she rode a horse she was 10 and she fell asleep whilst being led and when it stopped she fell off!).

I might scrabble about tonight to find a few bits and pieces to try and make the whole thing a bit more 'official'. To be honest it's just a group of kids who enter every class, pair up several times to do the pairs jumping and (generally) have a good time. It's just a shame sometimes the parents can ruin it.

The one thing my mum did insist on was the 'clear round' and 'not quite a clear round' rosettes so that regardless of how some of the kids do, there's always a rosette to be had. We also do a 'best turned out' with a hoofpick or a brush as a prize and I must admit, when I was asked to pick the winner last year I totally ignored the bratty (albeit best turned out and winners of the most classes) kids and went for the child who had hacked 7 miles to get to the show with her mum and had told me early on in the day that it was her first time jumping off the lead rein and how pleased she was that her horse was behaving!

My dad as well is a total superstar with the gymkhana. The minimus is 12 years and under but he can appreciate that there's a complete difference in a 6 year old on a lead rein pony and an 11 year old on a seasoned PC pony, so we split them according to ability of rider and horse, and there's always a different winner of each game

Despite the prospect of 'pushy parents' tomorrow, having talked about it on here with you all I'm actually really looking forward to the whole thing now! I'll let you know how it goes!

 

[PaddyMonty]

(my mum was actually told last week that unless she could find a judge for the jumping she'd be doing it herself

If i wasn't so far away I would have judged for you. Now that WOULD be scary

 

[Crosshill Pacers]

If i wasn't so far away I would have judged for you. Now that WOULD be scary

You surely can't be THAT bad...?!

 

[nikCscott]

I don't think its changed at all- I never went in the gymkanas as a child because I didn't get my own pony until ten and felt i was too old and cool for them but also because of the scary Dads- there was a group of them around us all related from a well know racing family and chrikey could they shift! It was all good fun but you'd need nerves of steel and a speedy parent to compete.

As for the jumping my Mum even to this day only gave advise when I ask and just says "have fun" as i go in - I LOVE HER!

I try hard not to be 'pushy' (but I am super competitive) I have 1 uncompetitive child who loves riding with a beautiful natural seat but just like to cherry pick what she enters on the day depending how she feels. And I have another who is off the lead rein jumping unto 1'9 assisted classes so I usually stand in the middle pointing to the next fence and encouring her to 'ride a line' but she is super competitive and as brave as they come so I'm usually saying "its OK to trot J" as she's cantering around the course

 

[hairycob]

When I helped at a local show we had "well done" rosettes for the clear round. We could then award them for happy smiles/sporting behaviour/being nice to your pony/not crying after a fall etc as appropriate throughout the show.
The only problem with eliminating for outside assistance is that there will be truly novice/nervous kids who will need a bit of gentle encouragement/reassurance just to get over the 1st fence & the horrid parents will make a fuss even though these kids won't be in the rosettes.

 

[Renvers]

If i wasn't so far away I would have judged for you. Now that WOULD be scary

... but lots of time to get organised for next year ...

 

[Crosshill Pacers]

Just thought I'd pop back in today to let you all know that the showjumping and gymkhana were a total success!

The judge was a complete no-nonsense type and he took to ignoring any parents that were getting in the way. Said pushy parents who kickstarted this thread were mostly absent for the day as children were showing as well and that was deemed to require their attention more than the jumping (thank goodness).

The remainder of the children and parents were an absolute dream, lots of questions asked as tbh most of the parents who hung around weren't remotely horsey, and one girl who ran the course about 5 times for the younger kids to follow her - she was a hero! Funniest moment of the day was when she fell at the first on round 4 or 5!

Gymkhana was the biggest success it's been for years, we had a bumper turn out in the under-12s! Despite being rushed off my feet it was a brilliant day

 

[nickynoos]

We also do a 'best turned out' with a hoofpick or a brush as a prize and I must admit, when I was asked to pick the winner last year I totally ignored the bratty (albeit best turned out and winners of the most classes) kids and went for the child who had hacked 7 miles to get to the show with her mum and had told me early on in the day that it was her first time jumping off the lead rein and how pleased she was that her horse was behaving!
QUOTE]

now see i dont agree with this, the class was best turned out, therefore best tunred out is just that....not child i most feel sorry for/tried hardest, harsh as that sounds, what is the point in running classes if you are just going to award the sweetest/nicer child each time over someone who has dressed/performed correctly. if it was best tail or prettiest pony etc, it would hae been different. That 'bratty' child you refered to has bother to turn up to the show with correct attire and well groomed pony and by your own admission, should have won, but simply didnt as you deemd her 'bratty'. sorry but i wouldnt bother at a show like this, local or not judging should be fair.