For the first time ever I feel like giving up...

epeters91

epeters91

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I've owned horses for over 15 years and for the first time I am really tempted to give up. I love my girl I've had her from 8 months and I've backed her myself she's 4 and doing a bit of hacking she's been out alone and in company, well established in walk and trot, can canter but need to build up more muscle so we are mainly doing little hacks.

I just don't feel I'm enjoying riding as much as I used to, I don't have the passion for it and sometimes think it would be so much easier to just go for lessons/hacks when I fancied it than keep my own.

I'd still have my mums sheltands to brush and play with. I don't know it's just the last couple of months I've really been feeling it might be time to give up but I feel like I'd be abandoning my girl to the big wide world and it might be something I regret for the rest of my life...

The other option is maybe loan her out as a companion for a year somewhere I can visit regularly to check on her, give her a chance to develop a bit more and re-evaluate then?

Does anyone have any advice or own experiences where they can relate?
 
Unfortunately no advice but I'm feeling the same way. Mine is 20 and neurotic so will obviously keep him until he's ready to go but i am starting to also not really enjoy it though I do still like going for hacks etc but I think it's the cost more than anything as people at work my age (25) are all getting their first mortgage and I'm still living at home with no chance of having a deposit in the near future. Really emphasised when I added up my outgoings to apply for a credit card and saw the percentage of costs that go on the horse!
It is what I'd always dreamt of doing and at the time was definitely the right decision to get a horse but I won't be getting another unless I win the lottery etc. I'd probably look to share or just have lessons. I've been riding since I was 4 so glad someone else is feeling the same way and it's not just me. And yep I'll often just pick grooming over riding lately.
 
I am also 25 so maybe it's an age of questioning things? haha! I injured my back in December and riding has been setting that off some of my lack of enjoyment is definitely down to that. I bought my first house last year and luckily keep my girl on my parents land but if I had to move her to livery I would really struggle with money.

I've been offered a horse to ride locally recently and I just go down once a week bring him in for a pamper go on a 10-15 mile ride and sort him out afterwards. I think it's just got me thinking this would be so much easier and less costly but I would be devastated to see my girl go.
 
I can sympathise.
If possible turn her away for now :)
Come back with a nice fresh mind.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

All the best.
 
I've been riding since I was 2 and a half, I had always always wanted a horse of my own and 2 years ago (age 17) I finally got one and I didn't think I'd ever let her go. Then I had an accident 4 months ago and missed a month of riding. And now I'm scared of my horse.. and riding is just not the same anymore :( this week I've seriously considered letting her go but it breaks my heart
 
Yes I feel like this will be my last horse and I have never felt like that before. To be honest I'm sick of all the criticism. I'm sick of all the worry. I'm sick of all the stress. I'm sick of all the injuries and problems. I'm sick of the lot. I can't sleep at night, I have no one to talk to about it, my Mum and Dad are poorly at the moment, Dad is undergoing Radiotherapy and Mum is recovering from a fall so I am trying to sort their problems out at the moment. My horse has been ill again with colic, I thought I would have to have him pts at the weekend, I really did and there are people on this forum that just pick and pick and pick.

Rant over. Have a good weekend all.
 
applecart14 said:
Yes I feel like this will be my last horse and I have never felt like that before. To be honest I'm sick of all the criticism. I'm sick of all the worry. I'm sick of all the stress. I'm sick of all the injuries and problems. I'm sick of the lot. I can't sleep at night, I have no one to talk to about it, my Mum and Dad are poorly at the moment, Dad is undergoing Radiotherapy and Mum is recovering from a fall so I am trying to sort their problems out at the moment. My horse has been ill again with colic, I thought I would have to have him pts at the weekend, I really did and there are people on this forum that just pick and pick and pick.

Rant over. Have a good weekend all.
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You sound like you need some support. If you were local to me I'd turn up on your doorstep with my massage couch and aromatherapy oils! Is there a local Carers organisation you could contact, or maybe Macmillan (guessing at what's wrong with your dad from the mention of radiotherapy)? Or even just somewhere you could go for a nice evening away from all the hassle? Spa, pub with friends etc.
 
I lost my mare in September, and while I miss her dreadfully I'm not missing the work or the worry and I'm enjoying the extra time and money that's available and the freedom to not have to rush back from a day out.

I haven't missed riding at all surprisingly, after a lifetime of riding everyday it's a relief not to have to to be honest.

I won't be getting another and I've lots of lovely memories to draw on.

I am a lot older than you though, in your shoes I think I'd loan out for a year and if you still feel the same then sell on. On the other hand you might reignite your interest.

Good luck whatever you decide.
 
TheOldTrout said:
You sound like you need some support. If you were local to me I'd turn up on your doorstep with my massage couch and aromatherapy oils! Is there a local Carers organisation you could contact, or maybe Macmillan (guessing at what's wrong with your dad from the mention of radiotherapy)? Or even just somewhere you could go for a nice evening away from all the hassle? Spa, pub with friends etc.
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Sorry that was a minor rant The Old Trout, thanks for your concern though, its kind of you:) Dad will be okay, its treatable with Radiotherapy.
Sometimes I feel like I am on a treadmill and there is no let up. x
 
applecart14 said:
Sorry that was a minor rant The Old Trout, thanks for your concern though, its kind of you:) Dad will be okay, its treatable with Radiotherapy.
Sometimes I feel like I am on a treadmill and there is no let up. x
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Remember that feeling of the treadmill well... Good news about your dad though. x
 
I've actually had a sit down with a horsey friend this weekend which has helped a lot. I agree all of the criticism and the injuries and illnesses have been getting me down. With my horse being 4 years old I'm being told different things by different people some say I need to do more with her, some say less, some say I'm too big for her others say I'm fine.

I was in a car accident in December and I'm still having back problems from it that while it doesn't stop me riding it does upset my back and I feel it's affecting my sitting trot and balance.

I've decided to turn her away until next year, she will still be handled and groomed, maybe even take her on trips out to the beach to walk her in hand occasionally but I'm going to give my back a chance to heal up properly. It'll, give her a chance to finish growing, I can aim to lose some weight (already started so fingers crossed it carries on!). Once my back is better I will get into regular riding lessons to build myself back up and then next year I'll bring her back into work as a 5 year old and see how I feel about keeping her or selling.

It's good to hear other people are feeling the same way I think sometimes we just have so much of our life revolving around our horses t can just be a bit much and being cut off from my horsey friends in the last few weeks due to things going on in their lives and keeping her at home it just all got a bit too much.
 
applecart14 said:
Sorry that was a minor rant The Old Trout, thanks for your concern though, its kind of you:) Dad will be okay, its treatable with Radiotherapy.
Sometimes I feel like I am on a treadmill and there is no let up. x
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Glad to hear your Dad is going to be ok! Sending you a big virtual hug and a cocktail for a treadmill break haha!
 
Yes! I'm in the exact same situation as you.
I'm 25 and I've decided that I will be giving up either at the end of this year or beginning of next.
I've had my current mare for almost a year, she is the horse I've always thought I wanted. 15.2, 6 years old, capable of going out and doing anything! I even got my very own horsebox in December with the aim to go out and compete.
I took her out to a few places for training etc, but I've just never had the nerve to compete her. I've never been the bravest of riders anyway, and the thought of competing still scares me.
She is now injured and will be off work for a good couple of months, thanks to a nice cut on her leg, but I've come to realise that I don't miss riding, I don't miss the pressure to ride after a long day at work when all I want to do is go home and relax, not muck out a stable and ride for an hour.
I'm at the age where I want to look at mortgages, marriage and children. Horses just don't feel like a priority anymore and I no longer have that love for riding that I used to have when I was younger. I still love my mare to pieces and will miss her like crazy when she's gone, but I'll most likely bring her back into work, get her going well, then advertise her for sale when I feel she is ready.
 
Deltic Blue I'm sad to here your in the same situation! Maybe after a break we will both feel better about things it seems such a shame to get to the stage where you have the horse you've always wanted and then lose your love of horse riding. One of my problems is that my youngster hasn't made the height expected and is a very fine build despite both parents being quite chunky.

I hope her injury isn't too bad, 25 s obviously a cursed age haha
 
epeters91 said:
Deltic Blue I'm sad to here your in the same situation! Maybe after a break we will both feel better about things it seems such a shame to get to the stage where you have the horse you've always wanted and then lose your love of horse riding. One of my problems is that my youngster hasn't made the height expected and is a very fine build despite both parents being quite chunky.

I hope her injury isn't too bad, 25 s obviously a cursed age haha
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It is a situation I never thought I'd be in as I've always loved horses, but the amount of money that you put in, for your horse to then come in with an injury which is going to cost god knows how much, it does leave a sour taste in your mouth.
It's also meant to be fun, and I was questioning selling her before she cut her leg, and even had a competition rider put her through her paces. So I'm thinking even more so now that I think it's just time to have a break, do some "life" things, and then hopefully come back to horses when I'm a bit more financially secure :)

I'm hoping to look for a share horse or something if I do start to miss riding, or the odd lesson so I can have the riding without the financial or time constraint having a horse full time puts on you.
 
Guys. You all need to get a grip! and in the nicest possible way!

Giving up/putting horses away for a bit is NOT a cardinal sin. Your life won't end. You won't go straight to hell. You won't be sent to Coventry and deemed to be the new Cruella De Villes. You are all fairly young. You can go back to it IF you want to. If you don't, then its your call.

Your horse is a pet and luxury. We all forget this when stuck in the grind, but they are not an essential. Horse chores can be relentless and when you are struggling financially, its easy to start feeling resentful of where your money is going.

We also all can do with a break sometimes. It might just be a day or a week, it might be longer, but end of the day do what makes you feel happy. It is your life and just remember, when someone starts to criticise your choices, they are not paying your bills and they are not facing your issues.

I am (coughs gently) over 50 now (double ouch). My horse is a lovely big young warmblood who puts a smile on my face and I will be eventing him later this season, so you see - you have years left ahead of you. I had hoped he would live out this summer but he has proved that's not possible but I can't have everything.

And Applecart - maybe have a hunt to see if you can get any support locally. That's too much negativity to take on solo. No one is indestructible and it is surprising just how much stress and worry can wear you down. Glad your dad is on the mend, sorry you are facing so much on your own.
 
Deltic Blue said:
Yes! I'm in the exact same situation as you.
I'm 25 and I've decided that I will be giving up either at the end of this year or beginning of next.
I've had my current mare for almost a year, she is the horse I've always thought I wanted. 15.2, 6 years old, capable of going out and doing anything! I even got my very own horsebox in December with the aim to go out and compete.
I took her out to a few places for training etc, but I've just never had the nerve to compete her. I've never been the bravest of riders anyway, and the thought of competing still scares me.
She is now injured and will be off work for a good couple of months, thanks to a nice cut on her leg, but I've come to realise that I don't miss riding, I don't miss the pressure to ride after a long day at work when all I want to do is go home and relax, not muck out a stable and ride for an hour.
I'm at the age where I want to look at mortgages, marriage and children. Horses just don't feel like a priority anymore and I no longer have that love for riding that I used to have when I was younger. I still love my mare to pieces and will miss her like crazy when she's gone, but I'll most likely bring her back into work, get her going well, then advertise her for sale when I feel she is ready.
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Life changes, doesn't it? We all adapt. My easy care pony was not the main priority for a few years while marriage and babies were. Within a few years in the summer I was trekking back and forth to Pony Club. Later I rode in winter when the kids were at school. When it was time for them to go to Uni I could spend as much time as I liked with my horse.
If you decide to sell, loan or turn your horse away it's fine. Choose what is right for you. Be happy.
 
I haven't read all of the replies OP but sorry you are feeling like this. My experience of this goes something like this...

I was working down in Ipswich in a very well paid job, I gave it all up to move back home in the North to start up a schooling and starting yard. 6 years we struggled along, built up a fabulous reputation, had a waiting list of 12 weeks at one point, had up to 13 in through the summer... Fast forward to the end of 2014 and it just wasn't fun anymore. We had pressure from owners because horses we not performing, had a few 'bad ones' in (poorly started etc) and was earning around £6.00 per day, per horse between 2 of us. Gave it up.

In the 2015 winter I had a spate of really not wanting to do horses. Everything was a chore, I absolutely hated seeing them and despised getting up every morning just to turn them out. I know exactly how you feel and it is horrible having to look after an animal that you know needs you for everything but you have neither the time or inclination to do so. I personally do not enjoy riding anymore and get more pleasure out of looking after them and grooming/plaiting up for my younger sister at competitions. I have a loan horse who is getting on a bit, who is half blind in one eye, who is more than happy to pootle around the roads once a week who looks after me well and is just spooky enough to keep me on my toes without being frightening.

My TB, who I had bought for the show ring is now being produced by a pro for eventing or SJ (depending on what mood he is in) and balance has been restored. Sending the horse away for me is costly but I didn't see the point in keeping him for him to be sat in a field doing nothing and I have to admit I thoroughly enjoy seeing him excelling and improving every month that I make the journey down to see him. Selling was not an option for this horse as he would be a pro's ride and although a fabulous mover was unproven until recently, he is a horse that thrives on a very busy yard environment, much busier than we could offer him.

Life vs horse balance is nearly restored, we still have a horrible urchin of a horse to deal with that my mother owns and I hate dealing with him but aside from that it is getting the balance right. Horses are supposed to be enjoyable, not a chore.
 
I sold up and went travelling, it was the best decision I ever made and I now plan on moving to Australia later this year :) ... horses were once my everything and I never thought I'd see my life without them, yet now, I couldn't ever imagine having them again!

Sometimes we just need a break and that's totally ok.
 
Horses are expensive and very demanding of time and emotional energy. If it's not working for you, stop, sell up, take a break, turn away, whatever. It's fine. You can always come back to it later if you really miss it or when other elements of your life are a bit more accommodating. It's a hobby, and if it's not fun for you right now, why force it?
 
OP don't feel guilty, its tiring and very hard work when you have a horse. With a horse with repeated injuries having rehab its doubly tiring. Like the others say, have a break and think about things and see how you feel next year. The criticism you are having from people must be hard to handle and hearing differing opinions drives you crazy with indecision and worry, I know this only too well myself.

If I ever lose my horse I think I will be taking a well earned break from it all. Take up a new hobby. I've always fancied running, rock climbing and rounders weirdly! :) Probably not brilliant, last time I ran I got plantar fasciitis, rock climbing at 19 I got stuck up a wall and had to be 'rescued' and rounders, not so good for the running element lol :)

Luci 07 and E Peters thank you for your well wishes re: Dad.
 
applecart14 said:
OP don't feel guilty, its tiring and very hard work when you have a horse. With a horse with repeated injuries having rehab its doubly tiring. Like the others say, have a break and think about things and see how you feel next year. The criticism you are having from people must be hard to handle and hearing differing opinions drives you crazy with indecision and worry, I know this only too well myself.

If I ever lose my horse I think I will be taking a well earned break from it all. Take up a new hobby. I've always fancied running, rock climbing and rounders weirdly! :) Probably not brilliant, last time I ran I got plantar fasciitis, rock climbing at 19 I got stuck up a wall and had to be 'rescued' and rounders, not so good for the running element lol :)

Luci 07 and E Peters thank you for your well wishes re: Dad.
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running, rock climbing and rounders as well as riding - do you have a thing about activities beginning with 'r'??
 
TheOldTrout said:
running, rock climbing and rounders as well as riding - do you have a thing about activities beginning with 'r'??
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Ha ha I didn't even realise! Yes I must have a subconscious craving to participate in things beginning with 'r' :)
Last summer I bought some roller boots off e-bay and went roller skating around the local skate park every night.
 
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applecart14 said:
Ha ha I didn't even realise! Yes I must have a subconscious craving to participate in things beginning with 'r' :)
Last summer I bought some roller boots off e-bay and went roller skating around the local skate park every night.
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roller skating as well? That proves it!
 
I part loan and I loved it. No worry. Now I'm full loaning and again it's not as worrisome. But now I have the chance to buy and I genuinely don't know if I want to. I'm trying to be excited but I'm worrying about the long term commitment again. What if I have another break down and I'm stuck with a good horse I can't ride from fear etc. horses are just stress!

I agree with the others about turning her away for a year though and reevaluate then. If you can get her at grass livery you maybe can work out with another person to do checks every other day so you don't have to worry about her every single day.
 
Nice to hear that coming from
Someone my age - had my last mare who recently had to be pts heart breaking had her 13 years and it's made me stuck
At home with no money to move out everyone my age is getting married going on tons of holidays and getting a house! I would rather have my girl back than any of that - but I've sort of rushed out and got another (I guess I thought it would bring my girl back in some way) but I think the passion has gone because I only had that for her. For the last few years I've been looking after her and not riding so it's not like I miss riding much. I guess I'll
Have to see how it all goes x
 
Deltic Blue said:
Yes! I'm in the exact same situation as you.
I'm 25 and I've decided that I will be giving up either at the end of this year or beginning of next.
I've had my current mare for almost a year, she is the horse I've always thought I wanted. 15.2, 6 years old, capable of going out and doing anything! I even got my very own horsebox in December with the aim to go out and compete.
I took her out to a few places for training etc, but I've just never had the nerve to compete her. I've never been the bravest of riders anyway, and the thought of competing still scares me.
She is now injured and will be off work for a good couple of months, thanks to a nice cut on her leg, but I've come to realise that I don't miss riding, I don't miss the pressure to ride after a long day at work when all I want to do is go home and relax, not muck out a stable and ride for an hour.
I'm at the age where I want to look at mortgages, marriage and children. Horses just don't feel like a priority anymore and I no longer have that love for riding that I used to have when I was younger. I still love my mare to pieces and will miss her like crazy when she's gone, but I'll most likely bring her back into work, get her going well, then advertise her for sale when I feel she is ready.
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Hey I posted back to u but didn't quote ur message - mine will
Be on the next page !
 
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