For those of you that have sharers...

Why feel guilty for dropping the sharer when she's brought it on herself by going against your rules? How old are you? If you're a minor, try explaining to your mum that as the adult she's the one who would potentially be sued by the sharers parents in the event of an accident, or have to pay damages to third parties or vet bills because the sharer isn't insured. Mum may change her mind about insisting you keep the sharer. If you're an adult, why are you allowing your mum to put you or your pony at risk? If you're an adult and pony belongs to you and you want rid of sharer then get rid.
 
prettypony95 said:
when they came to try him the mother was very insisting on the fact that once the girl starts to ride him and develop a relationship with him etc we could not just drop them which in my opinion is totally reasonable, as the pony they loaned previously was sold beneath them.
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Then what you do is this. Ring the parents (or get your parents to do so if you're too young to be taken seriously), and explain that:
1) She was asked specifically NOT to hack the pony at this yard, yet has done so TWICE, behind your back, without permission. Explain WHY you don't want your pony hacked while here, and really push the danger to their child in doing so. Also that the child isn't insured, only the pony...
2) Explain that you have had to take your tack home to prevent this happening again, so she will only be able to ride while you're there. Explain clearly and firmly that this is because you have now lost trust in her because of no.1.
3) State emphatically that if you EVER find she's ridden when you're not there, the loan will end, effective immediately. Again, sugar coat this a little by saying how you couldn't live with yourself if something happened to child because she was allowed to not carry out instructions for her own safety, that non-fitting tack can cause ponies to bolt/buck, that riding bareback is insecure etc.
4) End with - I know the previous pony was sold from under her, and desperately don't want to break her heart again, but for her and the pony's safety, the rules have to be adhered to or the loan will end.

Then leave the ball in their court. That's all you can do. They are responsible for this child and her actions. Your parents will surely be happy with that, esp if you point out to them the safety risks and possibility of being sued etc etc.
 
I would end the loan. If you don't want to tell them straight (ie because you don't trust her), then say that it's because your other horse is unridable at the moment.
 
It sounds suspiciously like a situation we had when we loaned our pony out to someone's child. It stayed on our yard, and the mother "never had a moment" to insure it, depsite us reminding her for nearly six weeks (always found time for child to ride every evening) and they "never had a moment" to clean the tack in six months. I gave them free lifts to pony club, free lessons from myself, let their friend's child ride my stepson's pony when he was at his mum's. The mother used to drop the 11yr old child off at 10am and expect us to babysit her all day. Finally the child broke her arm at school and they stopped coming up as often so I gave them a month's notice as I'd had enough, and someone experienced had asked about having the pony. The loaners asked if they could buy the pony and I said no, they flounced off saying we had been mean to the child, and never spoke to us again (despite me always saying hello when I see them - I get the nose in air treatment!).

I think that you have to ignore your parents, tell the child and her parents that you need to meet up if they want this to carry on, as there is a lot going wrong and you are considering terminating the deal if things don't change (if that doesn't get them there and listening, seriously terminate the deal..) Then tell them that the pony is not to be ridden again until you have been shown their insurance policy. There is no lee way on that point full stop. Then say that you have asked the child not to ride twice for safety reasons, and it has been ignored twice - should it happen a third time you will also consider the loan terminated. Say that you really want this to work out, and not to let the child down, but you don't feel that you are being respected.

That said, I think that you have to lighten up a bit - a sharer should be able to ride. Is there a school or field that she can ride in until you move yards? A 12yr old is going to want to ride out with her friends , not people you decide. If you share your horse you will have to work things out. Alarm bells kind of rang when you said she isn't allowed to do the beds... (only because I can be like that!) It sounds as though you may be better with an adult sharer, and she with a safer pony?
 
oh wow,

The Fuzzy Furry - pony is owned by my parents, but "he's mine" if you know what i mean!

he is insured for vets bills, and public liability up to £2.5 million with my dad as a named owner, and myself as named rider.

Sugar_and_Spice - I am 17.

mystiandsunny - thank you, that seems reasonable! :)
 
honey08 - we have a very large outdoor arena with full set of show jumps, she normally rides in the arena and has just started to jump him.
It's not that she isn't allowed to do the beds, it's just easier that i do them in the morning before school to let the stable dry out during the day etc then in the evening she puts his bed down.
He's a safe pony, just can be spooky whilst out hacking!!
 
I think it has all been said, essentially it is your pony and your terms and conditions, she has to stay as the loanee and agree to your conditions, or find another loan pony.
The parents are acting irresponsibly by leaving a child of 12 with no supervision and allowing her to ride unsupervised. Children can be very manipulative, and not always truthful, but her parents should be aware of this.
I am surprised the YO does not also realise that she has a "Duty of Care".... whether she wants it or not!
PS Could you leave the tack with the YO so that she has to come and ask for it.
 
Does the YO have duty of care if the child Riding off the yard .
I don't think so .
Duty of care to ensure there facilities are safe and that the horses recieve adequate care but that's all.
 
I'm just here for the cake tbh, I read that far...

Can't say I've read every post since, but, I'd like to put a good word in for 12 year olds, I know some that are amazing with the horses that they care for and I often have to remind myself how old they are because they act well beyond thier years.

But that said... this one inparticular doesn't seem to be acting in an adult manner (though she probably thinks shes all grown up enough to take the pony out).
Sorry if this has been said, but, personally I'd quickly get all terms of the share down in writing and make it very clear she has one final chance, if she breaks the terms it's over. Obviously all done in a polite fashion with the parents present. Making clear you only have her safety in mind.

Good luck.
 
prettypony95 said:
I know i'm being too nice about all of this, If i had my way i'd have told her that she cannot continue to ride him anymore, but my parents are quite adamant that she should continue riding him, but obviously not to hack him out! I had a bad feeling that we'd become "trapped" in this share, if you like. I have only met her mother, and she is lovely, but when they came to try him the mother was very insisting on the fact that once the girl starts to ride him and develop a relationship with him etc we could not just drop them which in my opinion is totally reasonable, as the pony they loaned previously was sold beneath them, the owner had apparently called them one day to say that they'd sold him! So of course this makes me feel bad wanting to tell her to do one! Arghhhh i'm such a wuss :( :(
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You are being too nice. First of all i'd insist of parental supervision at all times at her age. Secondly, She is taking the p***. You told her not to hack out. It is your horse, Not hers, Therefore she does what you say, Regardless of reason.

And as for what the mother said, Well, TBH i'd have refused them there and then. No it's not nice if the owner decides to end the agreement - If she doesn't want that to happen then she should buy one herself, Not go telling people what they can and cannot do regarding an arrangement with their horse. And it wouldn't be 'just dropping her' it would be her own fault for blatantly ignoring your perfectly reasonable requests. Sounds like a spoilt little brat i would be absolutely fuming - I'm angry FOR you.
 
again, thank you everyone! i didn't think i'd have this much input! I really appreciate it :)

Miss L Toe & Goldenstar - at the moment we don't really have a yard manager as such, the YO is never there. It's a long and complicated story and I don't really want to get into all of that on a forum! But i understand where you're both coming from on that one!
 
I think your being fair, having shared for years i think you have to accept the owner is always right even if they seem crazy (comment in general not at you). When i started sharing i wasn't allowed to hack out on my own until the age of 14.
To put what your saying in perspective, the lady i share with has said she wants her friends daughter to ride during the summer if i agree ( i have put a lot of schooling work into them). I have told her to set ground rules of:
no hacking alone,
alway insure,
lesson every fortnight,
no jumping alone and only once a week,
no jumping over 3ft without either me or her there (don't want them pushed too hard)
no friends riding,
always stretch horse before and after...... this list is long. I know this seems a lot especially as not my horse but having seen young riders (and been a young sharer) its better to have rules to protect the horse. The girl has agreed and has also ask can we have set days for jumping and hacking so she knows whats happening.
 
Give her one last chance re the no hacking: if she does it again, wave goodbye. If she can't abide by this rule, what else is she doing? I would hope ha any sharer would have enough respect for someone else's pony to abide by their rules. The rule she broke is a huge serious one! :eek:
 
I would be very angry, regardless of the fact she is a child, I would feel the exact same if the sharer was an adult.

When I was about that age I shared a pony 3 days a week BUT my mum would be there to supervise at all times and I never went further than up the lane and back on my own (private lane with no cars or anything).

If I where you I would be having serious words with her mum and insisting that if she is going to continue she must be supervised.
 
Well, her mum came to speak to me last night regarding me moving my boys to a different yard next week, and she asked if i'd consider leaving my pony for her daughter!! Because she really wants to stay with her friends etc and where i'm moving to is a very small private yard (all adults). Of course i said no to leaving my pony there :rolleyes::rolleyes: So she is now going to find another pony to loan and keep at the yard with her friends! I'm so glad that this had happened now, cannot wait to start looking for another sharer - an older one ha ha!

Thank you everyone for the advice, it's very much appreciated :D:D x
 
Having had an older sharer than that whou should have known better i understand how difficult things are and what to do for the best. My sharer was in her 20's and told not to hack out, there was plenty of off road hacking and there was no need to go out on the road. When she decided she didn't want her anymore (sent via email), i found out she had been hacking her out and not only that hacking her to another yard, jumping her and had fallen off! I was furious. At her age she should have known better.

If you want to keep her as a sharer, then i would draw up a contract, sit her down go through it all so she understands what she is agreeing to and explain very seriously the implications it has if she takes upon herself to go against your wishes and that if anything happened to her whilst she was doing this she could be in trouble. Hopefully if you lay it out in black and white and explain it, she should get the message.

Good luck
 
Thank you Snowy1 - luckily she will no longer be sharing him :) i'm sorry to hear what happened with your sharer - i would have been livid :mad::mad:
 
I have a 24 year old pony who is on loan to an 11 year old girl and I let her hack out on the road as long as she does not go alone (although I do not specify who she goes with). When she is 14 (if she still has him), I would allow her to hack him out on her own on the roads. My pony is also very spooky and fizzy but less so in company. His previous sharer was 15 when she first got him and mostly did hacking with him. They both wear/wore hi-viz gear when they hack/ed him out. I had a pony on full loan when I was 11 and was allowed to hack him out on the roads as long as I rode with others or had a parent walking with me.

However, your situation is different if you have specifically told her not to. Having a formal agreement with sharers is always a good idea so that anything you aren't comfortable a sharer doing with her horse is in writing and so would be a breach of contract if the sharer goes ahead and does it anyway. Having said that, I do think that not allowing her to hack out at all without you accompanying her is a bit restrictive, but if that is what she has agreed to, then that is what she should stick to.
 
Also, it is a bit of shame that all young sharers are tarred with the same brush and that older ones are thought to be better. Teenage sharers have so far looked after my pony really well and he was well loved and useful. The adults that came to view him wanted a quiet plod for light hacking and they thought that, as he is older, that that's what he would be. Teenagers and younger sharers have kept him going far better, taking him on longer, faster rides and keeping him jumping small fences which he loves. They also have followed my instructions to the letter (except the odd missed tack clean, which a lot of adults also do! :p ). Sadly, it can be a bit hit or miss finding a good sharer of any age.
 
Good job that you're moving on! ;)

I started sharing at 12 y/o - my mother ALWAYS accompanied me and for the first 4 weeks, the owner was with me too (I was deemed responsible after that! :p) I was allowed to hack (although only with company on foot at first), jump, go on mad blasts etc and the pony was very steady and got a bit cheeky the more I did - he really taught me to ride!

I was obviously doing something right as I am still sharing with the same lady now at 23 years old! (Pony has been moved on a few years ago - sold from beneath us as someone said up there, which was heartbreaking) So, I started sharing the lady's mare, then when her daughter got another horse I started riding her too. I go to the yard daily now.

She won't allow me to pay anymore, so I try and buy feed etc when I can and if she needs me, I have no problems sorting both horses out for the day if she can't get to the yard for some reason (VERY occasionally!!)

There are some good sharers out there, I promise!
K x
 
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