For those that are nervous - how do you ride alone??

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chotty

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Going through yet another confidence crises this week, after coming on so far with B! Had her for 7 months now and my confidence has went from 0, where I would literally be shaking even just mounting, on the leadrein, to now having lessons walk, trot and a bit of canter (she even did a cheeky buck in canter that I laughed at!!) and short hacks accompanied by another livery and her horse.

This week though, on 2 occasions I've been back to how I was 6months ago! Had my non horsey mum come up with me, who is admittedly quite nervous on the ground with horses. Have ridden a few times with just my mum and me there, which was a big step in itself having someone 'non-horsey' there on the ground. The other night was a disaster though! I have a new saddle in which the girth straps are very very stiff, so after mounting, I asked my mum to stand at my horses head whilst I tried to get the girth up another hole. My horse tried to itch her face on my mum, which resulted in my mum thinking she was trying to bite her and getting very nervous letting me go. These nerves then rubbed off on me, and It all came flooding back! I have no idea why, because my horse never actually did anything other than take a few steps forward, following my mum who had backed off! Anyway, I managed to get a few laps round the school following my mum on the ground - something which I did months ago and thought I was past :(

So last night I went up with my boyfriend, who isn't horsey, but is confident enough. Tacked up, had the same issues with the girth straps (going to get them changed) and then asked my horse to walk on. She napped and refused to walk on as boyfriend was still standing at her side. Asked him to take a few steps with me, and she walked on quite happily. As soon as he stopped I battled to get her walking on again without him! If he walked on ahead of me then she was fine!

I know I was nervous and tense (first time at that yard riding her in the dark with floodlights, last horse very spooky so I was half expecting her to be like that, as well as what had happened with my mum) so that's why my horse was reluctant to walk on without my boyfriend, but I ended up crying, arguing with my boyfriend who kept telling me that I had to go round the school at least once on my own, and getting off feeling so deflated and angry at myself.

I wasn't riding with a stick last night, which would have probably helped, but I was so tense that I almost didn't want to walk round on my own! Why am I being like this after coming on so far!? B hasn't done anything to make me nervous, but I feel like I can't ride without someone horsey being on the ground, who understands what I'm feeling and can give me instruction. Been having regular lessons, but had to cancel last one as found out a friend passed away the morning I was due my lesson, so cancelled at last minute.

I hate relying on my horsey friends to babysit me, especially as they have their own horses/are at other yards and have to go out of their way, but I honestly feel like I can't ride when they're not there!

I can't even lunge my horse now without a battle as my novice sharer tried lunging a few times without me knowing, and let my mare get away with running in at her and refusing to go back out etc. Not her fault as she didn't know what she was doing, but now B has a different attitude to lunging and just decides she doesn't have to do it, so ends up being a battle of wills to just get her going round a couple of times nicely.

I'm going to get her checked for ulcers, as problems with girth and napping I know can be signs, but I just want to know how other nervous riders get to the point where they can ride without having someone there on the ground? Life would be so much easier if I could do that!! I thought I was almost there, but maybe I need to just get on and do it one day? Sharer rides her on her own no problem.

Sorry this thread is so long! Needed to just let it out, as horsey friend was suppose to meet me today but has been called into work unfortunately, so now I won't ride today as no-one else to be there on the ground :(
 
When ever I read a thread like this, the first thing that pops into my head is "why"? If you get no enjoyment from riding, and being on or around or doing things with a horse and it frightens you so much, are you sure this is the right thing for you? Just saying.
 
Must admit I agree to a large degree with NZJ. My nerve isn't what it was when I was younger, and since I don't have my own horse I now pick and choose what I will ride and what situations I'll put myself in more carefully (mostly because I really don't enjoy a big surge of adrenalin). But if I felt like this I would be giving up, finding a new way to enjoy horses (showing minis?) or seriously thinking about structured help. My friend had success with NLP - perhaps this might work for you?
 
I'm sorry, but when did I say I get no enjoyment out of my horse??I'm nervous after a bad fall a few years ago, where I fractured my hip and had a severe head injury - before that, I loved nothing more than riding! I came back to horses as I missed it so much, and I love having my horse and slowly but surely becoming less nervous (until this week). I have enjoyed riding and gradually getting more confident every time I ride, up until this week where it seems to have gone backwards, and I don't know why! But I suppose that this little bump in the road means I should forget about it and sell her??
 
I just sing out loud. Rock songs , rousing hymns.... Anything really.
And you are not alone, you are with your horse !
So chat to him and tell him all your news. Well done for getting going again after your accident.
 
Oh Chotty - I feel your pain ... I'm in kind of the same boat myself! chuckle. Alongside taking lessons, I'm going to go on the horse confidence course you see advertise on H&H a lot ... I have no idea if it will help, but it seems a good way for me to get over my fear and includes a bit of hypnotherapy - which I am dubious about but will give anything a go! chuckle. Not really constructive advice, but perhaps the course might help you too? Never give up - that's my motto. Alternatively, just view it as a slight slip up in nerves, get your instructor back out and start again - from lead rein if necessary - just to get your nerves back under control again. xxxx
 
Well I certainly understand where you are coming from OP! I have been everywhere on the confidence spectrum from the '0' you describe to hunting with some jumping over the past few years and I haven't actually had an accident so it can seem quite irrational! Be assured that what you are feeling is actually quite 'normal' for some of us and all you need to do is carry on as you are. There will be some days when things don't go as well as you want but it sounds like you've got a lovely horse and that's probably the number 1 factor in getting your confidence levels up.

I did actually try to give up at one time because some people said they couldn't understand why I was riding at all. But it didn't 't take long for me to realise that the desire to enjoy riding was actually a bit stronger than the fear. After that I decided to put my mind to it and persevere and I've had some fantastic days riding since then.
But confidence can be fragile so don't let minor setbacks put you off - it's all part of the process. As far as riding on your own is concerned set yourself very small step goals to start off with (eg, to start off you might just want to get on and ride a short distance, building up to longer periods do solo work) - this worked well for me. I'm not sure anything is wrong with your horse - the things you describe may just be her picking up on how you feel (again, I had the same thing - my lad was nappy with me but very forward going with my daughter!) However, there's no harm getting things checked out.
 
I can sympathise as I am in pretty much the same boat. I've also had people suggest I should give up - not helpful really. When I was a teenager I had so much fun hacking all over the place and I'd like to get that back. Orson Cart/Nancykitt is that the course run by the stunt riding company? I'm doing it next month.
 
chotty said:
I'm sorry, but when did I say I get no enjoyment out of my horse??I'm nervous after a bad fall a few years ago, where I fractured my hip and had a severe head injury - before that, I loved nothing more than riding! I came back to horses as I missed it so much, and I love having my horse and slowly but surely becoming less nervous (until this week). I have enjoyed riding and gradually getting more confident every time I ride, up until this week where it seems to have gone backwards, and I don't know why! But I suppose that this little bump in the road means I should forget about it and sell her??
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Fine, carry on as you are then.

You may have seen that I did suggest an approach - NLP - that many people have found very helpful. You obviously have a reason to be nervous but the progress you have made so far seems to be quite fragile, and needs better underpinnings. I say this because your current horse (who I'm assuming was not the cause of your injuries) is obviously picking up on your feelings. She will not know why you're frightened, only that you are, and that she should probably act as if there is something to be frightened of - which is not fair on her, or productive for you - or even safe, to be honest. One of the pair at least has to be confident and if your nerves make your horse equally nervous you may find that you start going backwards.
 
CobsCanDo said:
Orson Cart/Nancykitt is that the course run by the stunt riding company? I'm doing it next month.
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That's the one i think, yes.

When I think back to how fearless I was in my youth - I rode everything from polo ponies to shires with wild abandonment! Then about a decade ago I rode a very high-strung tb ... cue a full on panic charge through woods and branches that I simply could not stop. How the hell I stayed on I'll never know. And I think that's part of my problem - I've never actually fallen off a horse (despite the mad things I've done - luck over skill, I assure you!) and the thought of it scares the pants off me! So I thought a course where you're taught how to experience a fall and cope with them would probably be a good idea. I have a saint of horse waiting for me to put my big girl knickers on and just get on with it! chuckle.
 
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concorde said:
I just sing out loud. Rock songs , rousing hymns.... Anything really.
And you are not alone, you are with your horse !
So chat to him and tell him all your news. Well done for getting going again after your accident.
Click to expand...

Sing your heart out!
I've just jumped this morning after cantering for the first time last week! You can do it!!!!!
I'd been out of the saddle for more than 10 years & my confidence had GONE!
 
You mentioned you had a novice sharer, the horse may be having its own confidence knocked if surrounded by people who are not working with her correctly, or worse, learning how to take the piss.

How about getting a confident more experienced sharer to allow the horse to be worked correctly, and give you the breathing space and time to take things at your own pace while knowing things are not being done to the detriment of the horse?
 
Burnttoast - my post wasn't at you, it was a reply to NZJ, as that post wasn't helpful in the slightest - only kicked me when I was down. Your suggestion for NPL is a good one, someone suggested it to me a while ago, but I'm not too sure how it works? Do you have to get a therapist who specialises in riding? I was thinking of trying hypnotherapy but I'm a bit skeptical. As for my horse, I know my nerves will eventually rub off on her :( just now though, she's as solid as a rock and would rather stand still until I relax than take the P and become silly. So right now, she is the more confident of the two of us. That's why she's happy to follow a lead rather than walk on with me being tense as I think she knows I don't really want to do it when I feel like that! There are elements of cheekiness in her though, but she's safe when she does it! It's not her that I'm nervous of - its myself for not believing that I can be in control, even when I am!

Thank you to those who know where I'm coming from - its good to know I'm not the only out there feeling like this! It's horrible to have irrational feelings of fear/nerves. For those that have been/are going on the confidence course, could you send me details please? Sounds interesting. Or any experiences of it - Nancy?

I think I'm going to go up to the yard today, armed with my rescue remedy, a song in my head, and try and at least get on and do one lap on my own. Will tell someone on the yard that I'm going to do it so they can keep a sly eye on me ;)

X
 
Alainax - I have considered that myself! Have had a few issues with sharer - but those are for a whole other thread in itself! She's a lovely girl, and really loves B, but she is very novice. Her whole riding experience up until now has been hacking out on youngsters she has been tossed onto, knocking her confidence a bit. In our share contract, I specified I wanted her to have at least monthly lessons so I knew they were both getting proffessional help, but as to date she has had 1 lesson in almost 3 months...

My ideal sharer would be someone at Uni (perhaps the vet school) or a working mum who doesn't have time for their own, but is experienced and would like a nice safe cob to hack and school!

No idea how I would explain this to current sharer, as she's only 16 and quite sensitive... X
 
chotty said:
Burnttoast - my post wasn't at you, it was a reply to NZJ, as that post wasn't helpful in the slightest - only kicked me when I was down. Your suggestion for NPL is a good one, someone suggested it to me a while ago, but I'm not too sure how it works? Do you have to get a therapist who specialises in riding? I was thinking of trying hypnotherapy but I'm a bit skeptical. As for my horse, I know my nerves will eventually rub off on her :( just now though, she's as solid as a rock and would rather stand still until I relax than take the P and become silly. So right now, she is the more confident of the two of us. That's why she's happy to follow a lead rather than walk on with me being tense as I think she knows I don't really want to do it when I feel like that! There are elements of cheekiness in her though, but she's safe when she does it! It's not her that I'm nervous of - its myself for not believing that I can be in control, even when I am!

Thank you to those who know where I'm coming from - its good to know I'm not the only out there feeling like this! It's horrible to have irrational feelings of fear/nerves. For those that have been/are going on the confidence course, could you send me details please? Sounds interesting. Or any experiences of it - Nancy?

I think I'm going to go up to the yard today, armed with my rescue remedy, a song in my head, and try and at least get on and do one lap on my own. Will tell someone on the yard that I'm going to do it so they can keep a sly eye on me ;)

X
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Rescue Remedy is great.
 
I will ask my friend - can't remember whether she used a horsey therapist or not. I'm guessing it would be a help though, in any case. In my area there are several practitioners who treat horse riders as a speciality, so hopefully there will be someone local to you as well. Having your instructor/horsey person on the ground is obviously helpful for you but you can't have that prop all the time so you need to be able to move beyond it. In any case, it's probably not your riding you need help with, it's your thought processes.
 
Chotty I have been where you are and now happily hack alone and canter in open fields so all is not lost.

Before I bought H I rode him 6 or 7 times and found him to be nothing but a plod, in fact the first time I ever rode him I struggled to get him to trot as he was so lazy. Fast forward to the day he arrived and he seemed to transform into a different horse. Constantly prancing and on his toes. I'd expected him to be somewhat unsettled but never imagined he'd be like that. So I left it a day or two before riding, and then a couple more. I was in tears and nearly sick the first time I tacked him up. The thread is on here somewhere as some wonderful HHOers gave me some brilliant advice, alongside the slightly less helpful advice of NZJenny which I'm glad I completely disregarded (although I do get your point about putting yourself through something you don't enjoy!).

In the early days I'd feel sick every time I mounted and would never dream of getting on unless there was someone nearby to stand with H whilst I got on. Each time I'd get on with the intention of doing one lap of walk on both reins and as long as I did that I considered the ride a success.

The napping was a little harder to overcome (again feel free to look through my old threads as I documented it all) and required a complete shift of mindset from me. Initially I started out just hacking with others. We'd stay at the back so there was little resistance from H which help me start to get my confidence. Then I started working on him leading the ride. This was where things got tough. He threw everything at me - bucking, rearing, spinning, planting, running backwards, you name it this pony tried it! For someone who already had confidence of glass I really struggled with this and there were times when I cried and wanted to just give up completely. But in between the bad times there were glimmers of hope and that's what I held onto when I wasn't holding onto my "oh ******" strap.

Spring came as did some lovely weather and I cursed having to school for yet another night as I had no one to ride with. We'd gotten to the point where I'd been winning every battle I had in company so I thought sod it I want a horse I can hack wherever I want, whenever I want and I'm not going to be dictated to by a silly, nappy pony. So I planned the route, tacked him up and hopped on. I'm not going to lie I was absolutely crapping myself but I kept my leg firmly on as soon as I felt him backing off and used my annoyance at him bucking to push him on. That first time it took almost half an hour to leave the yard but little by little and with a whole heap of persistence and my biggest brave pants the napping lessened.

For me this only worked because I'd changed my attitude towards his behaviour and instead of being scared I just became damn well annoyed at him misbehaving. I also never asked too much of either of us. Our first solo hacking route was a half hour round route that he'd done in company a million times before so I knew he knew the area and we were close enough to the yard if it all went pear shaped. Finally I only ever hacked out when I was feeling capable. If I was having an off day or feeling tired I didn't ride out as I never wanted to set myself up for failure. A good instructor is also invaluable. I wouldn't be without ours.

We moved yards about a month ago and to my surprise not only was our first hack alone our first hack where he didn't nap, it was also the first time I'd ever cantered him in an open field alone. The smile on my face when I got back was worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears I'd shed in the last year.

Feel free to PM me if you want to and good luck. It's not an easy road to travel but once you start nipping it in the bud you'll be amazed how quickly everything falls into place.
 
GG2B said:
Chotty I have been where you are and now happily hack alone and canter in open fields so all is not lost.

Before I bought H I rode him 6 or 7 times and found him to be nothing but a plod, in fact the first time I ever rode him I struggled to get him to trot as he was so lazy. Fast forward to the day he arrived and he seemed to transform into a different horse. Constantly prancing and on his toes. I'd expected him to be somewhat unsettled but never imagined he'd be like that. So I left it a day or two before riding, and then a couple more. I was in tears and nearly sick the first time I tacked him up. The thread is on here somewhere as some wonderful HHOers gave me some brilliant advice, alongside the slightly less helpful advice of NZJenny which I'm glad I completely disregarded (although I do get your point about putting yourself through something you don't enjoy!).

In the early days I'd feel sick every time I mounted and would never dream of getting on unless there was someone nearby to stand with H whilst I got on. Each time I'd get on with the intention of doing one lap of walk on both reins and as long as I did that I considered the ride a success.

The napping was a little harder to overcome (again feel free to look through my old threads as I documented it all) and required a complete shift of mindset from me. Initially I started out just hacking with others. We'd stay at the back so there was little resistance from H which help me start to get my confidence. Then I started working on him leading the ride. This was where things got tough. He threw everything at me - bucking, rearing, spinning, planting, running backwards, you name it this pony tried it! For someone who already had confidence of glass I really struggled with this and there were times when I cried and wanted to just give up completely. But in between the bad times there were glimmers of hope and that's what I held onto when I wasn't holding onto my "oh ******" strap.

Spring came as did some lovely weather and I cursed having to school for yet another night as I had no one to ride with. We'd gotten to the point where I'd been winning every battle I had in company so I thought sod it I want a horse I can hack wherever I want, whenever I want and I'm not going to be dictated to by a silly, nappy pony. So I planned the route, tacked him up and hopped on. I'm not going to lie I was absolutely crapping myself but I kept my leg firmly on as soon as I felt him backing off and used my annoyance at him bucking to push him on. That first time it took almost half an hour to leave the yard but little by little and with a whole heap of persistence and my biggest brave pants the napping lessened.

For me this only worked because I'd changed my attitude towards his behaviour and instead of being scared I just became damn well annoyed at him misbehaving. I also never asked too much of either of us. Our first solo hacking route was a half hour round route that he'd done in company a million times before so I knew he knew the area and we were close enough to the yard if it all went pear shaped. Finally I only ever hacked out when I was feeling capable. If I was having an off day or feeling tired I didn't ride out as I never wanted to set myself up for failure. A good instructor is also invaluable. I wouldn't be without ours.

We moved yards about a month ago and to my surprise not only was our first hack alone our first hack where he didn't nap, it was also the first time I'd ever cantered him in an open field alone. The smile on my face when I got back was worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears I'd shed in the last year.

Feel free to PM me if you want to and good luck. It's not an easy road to travel but once you start nipping it in the bud you'll be amazed how quickly everything falls into place.
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It's fab when it clicks, isn't it?
 
GG2B - that's amazing!! Such an inspirational story! I'm going to go and read your old threads now :) you're right though - I need to change my whole mindset and change my emotions from fear to annoyance and work from there. Last night when B didn't want to walk without my boyfriend, I refused to get off until she had at least taken a couple of steps forward rather than back - but I felt crap doing it! So tense and upset that after coming so far I was right back where I started!

So chuffed for you cantering in an open space! That's my goal some day!! X
 
My confidence was nil at one point, so much so that I thought of giving up too. I broke my back and still suffer with pain daily but I love riding now.
I started with the right horse which makes all the difference and sounds like you have found.
Then little by little you want to do more.
If you don't feel confident riding without someone supporting you don't!
Eventually as you build up more and more positive experiences with your support on the ground then you have more confidence to push the limits a tiny bit.
Keep up with the lunging, if you achieve her working nicely on the lunge again then you will feel fab :)
It also means that its something you can do when friends aren't available.
You will feel comfortable riding again, you will enjoy all the things you used to do.
Be positive but don't beat yourself up about minor setbacks!
 
Once you accept that confidence can come and go it really helps. I was expecting things to build and build but it hardly ever happens like that and any sort of setback is perfectly normal. To give you an example - one of our regular hacks ends with a steep descent down a muddy bank. The horses slide around a fair bit and I don't like it at all. Last week my 6 year old showed a bit if reluctance to go down the banking and I just completely bottled it as he slid backwards - I got off and had one of those 'I've lost to moments', and I was so disappointed in myself I was close to tears. Today we have done the same ride, I told myself that he was perfectly capable and would look after me, even though it was twice as muddy as last week. Result - came down the bank nice and smoothly no problem. Little victories like this are very important so I'm rewarding myself with an iice cream!
 
Nancykitt said:
Once you accept that confidence can come and go it really helps. I was expecting things to build and build but it hardly ever happens like that and any sort of setback is perfectly normal. To give you an example - one of our regular hacks ends with a steep descent down a muddy bank. The horses slide around a fair bit and I don't like it at all. Last week my 6 year old showed a bit if reluctance to go down the banking and I just completely bottled it as he slid backwards - I got off and had one of those 'I've lost to moments', and I was so disappointed in myself I was close to tears. Today we have done the same ride, I told myself that he was perfectly capable and would look after me, even though it was twice as muddy as last week. Result - came down the bank nice and smoothly no problem. Little victories like this are very important so I'm rewarding myself with an iice cream!
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Little victories are so important. As I said earlier, I jumped today. It was a 1 foot cross, but I did it.
 
Nancykitt - that is something I hadn't actually thought of before, that confidence comes and goes! Thank you, you have just given me some hope that I'll be back to the place I was at before this week happened! I too was expecting my confidence to just grow and grow, and never really thought of it going backwards a bit. I'm just so glad I have the horse that I have now, as she doesn't give me any excuses to be nervous and makes me realise it's all in my head!

Camilla's Aunty Em - well done for pushing yourself to jump! I'm quite far off from that at the moment, but it's so good to hear someone has went through what I am right now and seems to be coming out the other end, one little victory at a time! X
 
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