Former owner trying to trace pony I had PTS - Wwyd?

[Snowfilly]

Just came across a message on a local equine site, asking if anyone knew of 'Paddy' who was my horse of a life time, under a different name. She's concerned that, as a tricky ride, he may have ended up in a bad way - he was sold by her parents, so not her doing.

Same horse, matched on photos, freeze mark etc so no room for error there. Although his age doesn't match, looks like someone took a few years off along the way.

Previous owner is asking for a chance to buy him back for his retirement. Sadly, I had him put to sleep a few years ago but he was cherished for the 7 years I owned him, did plenty of shows, and was hacking out, cantering and jumping the day before I lost him.

Obviously, this is going to be hard to hear - I'd want to know my horse ended up somewhere he was loved even if it wasn't a happy ending but the first two people I've spoken to said they wouldn't contact her, pointing out that if he was still here, there's no way I would have sold him or loaned him out for retirement.

Wouldn't you want to know? And aside from sending loads of photos, is there anything else that would reassure her he was happy?

 

[MuddyGeorge]

Oh I'd definitely let them know. Just a friendly message explaining how much he was loved but sadly had to be pts some years ago. At least it puts their mind to rest and stops them searching in vain.

 

[Deltic Blue]

I would want to know either way. If I was in your situation, I would contact the girl, send some pictures of him out and about, and tell her how much he was loved by you and that he had a peaceful ending?
I'm sure she'll be glad to hear he ended up in a lovely home.

 

[Magicmadge]

I would tell her it will save her all the worrying and wondering. Explain how loved he was . If it were me I would be comforted by that. I had to do something similar .

 

[exracehorse]

Just be honest and advise exactly what you said in your post. She's obviously desperate to know and it would put her mind to rest. X

 

[anuvb]

Just came across a message on a local equine site, asking if anyone knew of 'Paddy' who was my horse of a life time, under a different name. She's concerned that, as a tricky ride, he may have ended up in a bad way - he was sold by her parents, so not her doing.

Same horse, matched on photos, freeze mark etc so no room for error there. Although his age doesn't match, looks like someone took a few years off along the way.

Previous owner is asking for a chance to buy him back for his retirement. Sadly, I had him put to sleep a few years ago but he was cherished for the 7 years I owned him, did plenty of shows, and was hacking out, cantering and jumping the day before I lost him.

Obviously, this is going to be hard to hear - I'd want to know my horse ended up somewhere he was loved even if it wasn't a happy ending but the first two people I've spoken to said they wouldn't contact her, pointing out that if he was still here, there's no way I would have sold him or loaned him out for retirement.

Wouldn't you want to know? And aside from sending loads of photos, is there anything else that would reassure her he was happy?

Personally I would send them a note explaining that he was very much loved and how he spent his last few years and would have still been with you etc. Send her some nice photos and leave it at that. Be specific about the things he did, loved and the things you loved about him. Don't focus on any negatives. You don't need to be specific about why you had him pts unless you want to. Just say he was ill, injured or struggling with old age and it was a heartbreaking decision.

It's lovely for an owner to know their horse had a happy ending and we all know there is a chance that a horse may not have survived, but what is important is knowing they were loved.

And you didn't buy from her so there is no comeback.

 

[Exploding Chestnuts]

I think from your post it is obvious he had a good home, and you loved him, so, it will not be difficult to satisfy her in this respect.
I would let her know, but handle the PTS part senstively.

 

[EBHouse]

If I was in her shoes I would definitely want to know regardless of outcome. And at least she won't keep looking fruitlessly if you get in contact with her and let her know. The fact that you wouldn't have sold him makes no difference anyway I think.

I'm sure the photos you send of him will be comfort to her that he was well looked after and happy

 

[Mongoose11]

You must let her know, it would be torturous not to. She'll be so pleased he was loved and died at the right time in the right circumstances rather than ending up in a poor situation. Put the poor woman out of her misery x

 

[be positive]

I would definitely contact her, it will put her mind at rest, she has probably thought about him for many years, if he were still with you I would still say the same, you may have not wanted to let him go for retirement but that would have been reassuring anyway, there is no need to remain in contact if you don't want to but one message and some photos will probably be extremely welcome.

 

[Dry Rot]

I've had this experience with gundogs and would not reply. Whatever the reasons, the previous owner will transfer their feelings of guilt (which are there, that's why she is advertising) to you.

This might be an ocasion when a white lie is permissable, but lies have a nasty habit of catching up with the truth!

To put it bluntly, it is no longer the previous owner's business. Turn the page and move on.

 

[Goldenstar]

I would let her know but in a definite full stop sort of way .
I lost contact with one of my homebreds I would love to know where she is and to hear she had gone would not upset me at all.
Like the owner of OP's horse I would bring mine home in a heartbeat now she was old and if she needed a place .
I posted on here a few years ago ,not every body looking for an old horse is a nutter.

 

[quirky]

I can't see why you wouldn't let her know.
Yes, she'll surely be sad he is no more but that is better than worrying for years to come that he may be in a bad home.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I would let her know can't see what harm it would cause.

 

[Shay]

I responded to a "trying to trace" advert a couple of years ago for a pony we had loved and cherished until his final days. I sent her (snail mail!) a brief note and a couple of photos. She came back to me through a mutual friend so I agreed to meet for a coffee. We both had a cry together I showed her photos and rosettes etc and we never saw each other again. I found the experience positive. I hope she did too.

I know there are other experiences out there - but I would not hesitate to respond to anything similar again. But I would also not do so through social media or give them my address!

 

[*hic*]

After seeing some of the fall out when new and old owners meet or correspond I'd get a friend to message her to tell her that he was much loved, a brief outline of what you did with him, that he is now pts and that the friend was authorised to pass this information on for her peace of mind. If you don't want to land a friend in it PM me and I'll contact her for you.

 

[wiglet]

I would let her know - give her closure so she's not left wondering about the pony. Maybe just a message to begin with saying how loved the pony was and what a good life he had. Photos? Possibly but this will encourage her to reply an ask more questions... depends what you want!

My horses previous owner put a message out on PreLoved looking for her horse. I DID contact her to let her know I had the horse and she was very loved and in a forever home. She was very grateful and pleased that I had replied. We are in touch but only by email, a couple of times a year. Its worked out well for everyone. Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[FfionWinnie]

Just tell her. Hearing he was your horse of a life time will surely put to rest any worries she had about him!

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

It is a fact that once you sell a horse, then you've sold it, and it's not any good sitting and blubbing about that fact once the deed is done! Once the horse is sold then you have no more jurisdiction over it and the previous owner obviously sold it for her own good reasons. Of course, it has to be accepted that this was a heartbreaking decision for her, for whatever reason, and that she is perhaps now in a position where she could've bought the horse back and kept it, hence obviously she is wishing to trace it - however if the horse were still alive, then that would be putting OP in one heck of a difficult position as there could well have been a tussle-of-love between previous and current owner.

An almost identical situation happened a good few years ago now, when we took on a lovely dog belonging to a friend who was emigrating to Kenya and couldn't take the dog.

We had her for just a few years, she was a lovely dog and settled well with us, but unfortunately she developed lymphoma and had to be PTS on vets advice.

Just a few months later we'd had her PTS, a member of the friend's family here in the UK got in touch; wanting to know how the dog was and whether they could pop in as they were in our area on holiday. We had no option but to tell them the truth of what had happened........ I got the distinct feeling they never believed us when we said that there wasn't any other course of action but to PTS for humane reasons as she was a relatively young dog - nothing was actually said but I felt the implication was left hanging in the air that we maybe hadn't wanted the additional vets expense etc (this was not the case, we loved the dog very much and our lovely vet was as heartbroken as we were, at the time).

OP you are in a difficult position; on the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that the previous owner got rid of the horse for her own good reasons and it is perhaps a little late in the day to be wanting to trace the horse now. On the other hand, as others have said, if it were my horse I would want to know at least that he'd had a good, loving home, and that the PTS decision, whilst maybe difficult for her to accept, was made for the welfare of the horse.

But only you can decide what is the best course of action; often these things can open up a whole can of worms, so be aware of that: but then again, it might be therapuetic for the both of you to make contact at this time.

Personally I would be inclined to let previous owner know what has happened. Keep it brief and succinct, initially to start with, and then if it seems right you maybe can swap pictures/experiences & memories etc.

 

[Maesfen]

Just tell them.
Why would you not especially as pony was old so realistically, the chances of him still being around were 99%?
They want to know, put their mind at rest. So many people would be relieved to have 'closure' instead of always wondering. Just do it gently.

 

[Red-1]

I would reply. It would be brief, just what you have said here really. If she is even prepared to buy the horse back she obviously cares, and presumably she would not think the horse would be a "good buy" by now for anything other than sentimental reasons. To me, that makes her an animal lover, and I would allow her to stop her search.

 

[_GG_]

I can't think of a single reason not to tell her. Bless her, she's clearly never forgotten and sways worried about the horse and where he'd end up, so I think it would be almost cruel to let her carry on imagining the worst.

As others have said, no need to keep in touch, but a few photos and a description of how loved he was by you for his last 7 years will be a huge comfort to her. Animals die, for all sorts of reasons, there's no need to sugarcoat that and knowing he went in a loving home will mean a lot to her as she clearly just cares for his welfare.

 

[Charlie007]

O gosh yes definitely tell her. I was in the position of tracing and old pony of mine. Unfortunately I had the news that he had been pts. It was a shock and there were lots if tears but I was so grateful that he had spent his last years very much loved and the right thing was done when the time came. It was a huge relief for me knowing. X

 

[concorde]

Please contact her.
She will have closure and be pleased to know he ended his life in a happy home.
I can't think of any reason to deny her that.

 

[Sheep]

I can't think of a single reason not to tell her. Bless her, she's clearly never forgotten and sways worried about the horse and where he'd end up, so I think it would be almost cruel to let her carry on imagining the worst.

As others have said, no need to keep in touch, but a few photos and a description of how loved he was by you for his last 7 years will be a huge comfort to her. Animals die, for all sorts of reasons, there's no need to sugarcoat that and knowing he went in a loving home will mean a lot to her as she clearly just cares for his welfare.

This. I suppose it's different, as I've never been in this situation, but I don't really get what the big deal is. Surely it is only polite to respond and update them, and leave it at that.

 

[huskydamage]

Definitely reply, it sounds like the horse had a good life with you. Ive tried to trace the history of my horse that I still have and found nothing. From what little I know I get the impression I'm the only one that really liked my horse. Still I would be pleased if I got some info even 'this horse was awful I couldn't get rid fast enough ' lol that's why people put 'good and bad news 'on the adverts. Im sure the person would be delighted to hear from you even if the horse is no longer around I know I would.

 

[MissTyc]

I also can't think of any reason why you wouldn't tell her what happened, alongside a nice photo of him.
If she loved him, she'll be happy to know of his life, and also will be grateful for being able to end her search.

 

[Antw23uk]

Another one who says tell her. You have nothing to lose and actually why wouldn't you? Let her know how loved he was and that he is no longer here. Its simple, polite and actually its a lovely position to be in that you can help someone in this way and im sure she will thank you very much for it. Good luck.

 

[paddy555]

If you were in her position and he had been your horse of a lifetime wouldn't you want to know? I would send her a long e mail and pics detailing everything that he had done with you and also why he was PTS, perhaps you realised he was older than stated, and that he was cremated/ buried etc etc. That way she has all the info and if she replies there is no need for you to get into correspondence unless you want to share memories of him. I cannot think of anything worse than not knowing and thinking my horse could still be out there somewhere and maybe not in good condition.

 

[sasquatch]

I think you should tell her, send her a few photos and make sure you let her know how loved he was and how much he enjoyed his life with you and the things he got up too, and leave it at that. You don't need to become friends with her or anything else.

It must have been horrible for her knowing her parents sold her horse on, and her not knowing where he ended up. At least if she knows that he had a loving home and provided you with years of enjoyment, she may be able to move on. She obviously still cares for him, and it would be kinder to at least let her know so she doesn't continue to stress and worry and try to search for him.

Hope it all goes well OP