"free assisted" DIY saga continues - put it in writing now !!!!!

w1bbler said:
New person arrived at our yard & instantly expected to only attend once a day (there is no yo assistance paid or otherwise)
Looking very surprised as I refused to take charge of bringing in her horse daily, her comment was "so its proper diy here then" - er yes,
What is it with people, if you can't handle diy, either pay for full or don't have a horse
Op congrats, stick to your guns & don't be intimidated.
Click to expand...

We had one turn up like that and hinted that I might like to do her ove 30 and rickety TB through the winter because " I don't want to have to come up every day". Never mind that I HAD to come up twice a day, every day to medicate my not much younger horse and lived 17 miles from the yard compared to her 3 miles and my work was double the distance from the yard than hers too. A couple of the other liveries told me they'd ended up doing the poor horse out of pity the previous year on a different yard. Poor thing really should have been PTS. Some people really are unbelievable.
 
OP- were these other two at the yard last winter? If so, how did they manage? You could suggest they do the same again. Stick to your guns, they sound like a couple of bullies who think they've found a mug and they need teaching a lesson.
 
Shysmum said:
You could not make it up. Hubs and I get seriously verbally abused by a livery (there are only three of us), who was seriously out of control with a pitch fork. (see other thread).

I am told today it was hub's fault. I am then told that "we are all adults, and need to sort this out, get together, and arrange a winter rota " :eek: I suppose that means me doing their horses at Christmas ?

I said it in words - that I have no intention of having a relationship with someone so "weird", and that i will stay on my own. Not my problem anymore. Cue a silence.

So I wrote a note to this third livery - telling her that I am staying on my own, will not get involved in yard politics ever again, that i would testify in court what happened to us re verbal threats from this other livery, and that i will not do anyone else's horses again. Further, that i suffer mental and physical problems and cannot cope with the pressure. This a pure repeat of what I told this woman in a phone call :mad:

I never thought this would happen to me. I am just so shocked. I am a kind, compassionate lady.
Click to expand...

On our yard we have three options, DIY (with or without assisted), part livery and part livery but DIY weekends.

Those that are only able to come up to the yard in the evenings due to work committments are either lucky enough to have a friend who turns out in the mornings or alternatively you pay the yard to turn out or bring in for you, but one of them is free.

In the winter if you just want your horse chucked in its stable - i.e. no hoof pick out, or wash legs or change rug its £1 if they have turned out in the morning. If you want all that it is an extra 50p day if they have turned out in the morning. It all gets very confusing. I always get my horse either turned out or my friend will turn out for me but if the yard turn out I then pay £1 a day for them to bring in as his rug will dry quicker with him in it, and I don't like the continual washing of legs if I can brush off the mud instead myself later when its dried off. And I can pick out feet myself.
 
Hugs it is difficult but this is going to go on and on until YO does something. I think the YO despite her health problems and not wanting to get involved, still needs to exert some influence. So even if she not up to it in person, perhaps she could send the same letter to all liveries clarifying that she is the YO and although she is not actively managing the yard, she is aware that there are issues amongst the liveries. The letter should state that this is a warning that all liveries need to consider their behaviour and stop taking advantage of her good nature and lack of active management. She should mention that any further stress will worsen her health issues so any more issues, no matter how petty or minor, she will have to close the yard regardless of how long people have been there or how friendly she is with them.

That should get them thinking.
 
fatpiggy said:
We had one turn up like that and hinted that I might like to do her ove 30 and rickety TB through the winter because " I don't want to have to come up every day". Never mind that I HAD to come up twice a day, every day to medicate my not much younger horse and lived 17 miles from the yard compared to her 3 miles and my work was double the distance from the yard than hers too. A couple of the other liveries told me they'd ended up doing the poor horse out of pity the previous year on a different yard. Poor thing really should have been PTS. Some people really are unbelievable.
Click to expand...

Some people really cannot come up to the yard in the morning unless their horse is ill and they get permission from their boss to change their hours because they work a long way away from the yard and have an early start time as I had to do recently when my horse was on box rest. You shouldn't judge everyone the same (not saying you are fatpiggy by the way).

To be completely honest it just about killed me. Not because I don't do early starts as I am more than happy to be at the yard by half six on a Sunday morning, but because the commute I do which is made up of car/train/walk/train/car totally tires me out. And the 8 co-codamol I take on daily basis plus my plantar fascitis which is one of the most painful conditions known to man in once the pain killers wear off, just about finishes me off.
 
Honestly, ShysMum, I have met liveries like this (and left my previous yard because of one particularly insane woman) - best thing to do is keep your head down, enjoy your pony and ignore them. Insane livery from previous yard has now apparently upset so many other people that SHE is now leaving ;).

The truth always comes out.

Big hugs.

P
 
It may not go the way SM wants if YOer gets involved more you just don't know how it would go , YOer might just say we had a rota last year we are having one this year .
All SM has to do is ignore them they can't make her do anything, while being as helpful and nice to the YOer as possible so she sees where the idiots in the piece are.
 
Last edited:
applecart14 said:
Some people really cannot come up to the yard in the morning unless their horse is ill and they get permission from their boss to change their hours because they work a long way away from the yard .
Click to expand...

then they need a different yard or to pay for livery. its not up for people to do anyone else's horses for free and thats no way of organising a horse's care and welfare. if people can't afford to keep horses in ways that fit in with their current lifestyle,then they shouldn't have one.
 
PolarSkye said:
Honestly, ShysMum, I have met liveries like this (and left my previous yard because of one particularly insane woman) - best thing to do is keep your head down, enjoy your pony and ignore them. Insane livery from previous yard has now apparently upset so many other people that SHE is now leaving ;).

The truth always comes out.



Big hugs.

P
Click to expand...

Let's hope she does not rock up to your present yard I think I remember you posting about that if I am right she sounded seriously unbalanced.
 
My yard's DIY and a lot of people share the work between them, and others pay the YO's daughter to bring in, turn out, muck out etc.

While I'll always help with bringing in when necessary (ie either a horse would otherwise be left alone - strictly against the rules - or an owner would have to hang about waiting for another owner to arrive) I don't want to be involved in this "You do X and I'll do Y" business.

I don't rely on or ask anyone to do my horse. She's my responsibility, and other people's horses are theirs. I don't even like feeding another horse in case it got choke or colic or something! I've been feeling guilty the past couple of weeks as one of the girls in my field has been on a course with her work and has been coming up early, and another of the field mates is on box rest, so mine's been already in when I've got there, instead of the three of us going down together to get them at 6pm. I feel bad even though she's literally caught and chucked in her stable, rug, boots, headcollar and all, which is the most I'd expect from anyone. If she's been on grass all day it won't kill her to stand rugged and booted in a dirty stable for an hour with no hay!

I'm glad you're sticking to your guns, OP!
 
Last edited:
I find it amazing that these people are asking, or rather telling you what is happening regarding a winter rota after the last fall out. How dare they try and brow beat someone they don't know that well!! I would be pointing out that you don't have sufficient insurance to cover yourself if you have an accident doing there horses, or to cover them if they have an accident doing yours. There was a thread on here a while ago about someone who was injured doing someone elses' horse that she had been pressured into doing, and having been off work for months found herself having to sell her own horse. I always find using insurance as an excuse stops people in their tracks.
 
zaminda said:
I find it amazing that these people are asking, or rather telling you what is happening regarding a winter rota after the last fall out. How dare they try and brow beat someone they don't know that well!! I would be pointing out that you don't have sufficient insurance to cover yourself if you have an accident doing there horses, or to cover them if they have an accident doing yours. There was a thread on here a while ago about someone who was injured doing someone elses' horse that she had been pressured into doing, and having been off work for months found herself having to sell her own horse. I always find using insurance as an excuse stops people in their tracks.
Click to expand...

Why should SM give excuses , excuses lead to debate this is not a case where any debate is necessary , if I where SM I would keep it to a pleasant but firm of I wont do it it's not what I am going to do.
There's no point in reasoning with a silly angry person with no self control.
 
applecart14 said:
Some people really cannot come up to the yard in the morning unless their horse is ill and they get permission from their boss to change their hours because they work a long way away from the yard and have an early start time as I had to do recently when my horse was on box rest. You shouldn't judge everyone the same (not saying you are fatpiggy by the way).

To be completely honest it just about killed me. Not because I don't do early starts as I am more than happy to be at the yard by half six on a Sunday morning, but because the commute I do which is made up of car/train/walk/train/car totally tires me out. And the 8 co-codamol I take on daily basis plus my plantar fascitis which is one of the most painful conditions known to man in once the pain killers wear off, just about finishes me off.
Click to expand...

If that's the case they shouldn't be on pure DIY livery! This isn't a thread about your difficulties, as I understand it you're not on pure DIY.
 
Goldenstar said:
Let's hope she does not rock up to your present yard I think I remember you posting about that if I am right she sounded seriously unbalanced.
Click to expand...

No space at current yard - and YO wouldn't have her anyway :). Pity the poor folks who get landed with her next, though.

P
 
I know most people are of the opinion that you should stick to your guns and stay op.
I have tried this and very quickly came to the conclusion that life is too short. I simply do not have enough time in this life to spend it around nasty spoilt divas.
I was in a very similar situation and moved the horse........and life returned to its normal happy state.
I could have battled it out......but I wanted to be happy again as soon as possible rather than waste a moment of my life being miserable around miserable people.
 
Goldenstar said:
Why should SM give excuses , excuses lead to debate this is not a case where any debate is necessary , if I where SM I would keep it to a pleasant but firm of I wont do it it's not what I am going to do.
There's no point in reasoning with a silly angry person with no self control.
Click to expand...

This. Irrational people like this will run you in circles if you engage. Best way to deal with them (and I speak from experience) is to simply walk away. You are there to do YOUR horse - end of. It is not up for discussion. If this woman has no'one to argue with, she will stop. Don't rise. Not even if she is calling you names and shouting at you (again, the voice of experience ;)).

Best of luck.

P
 
Shysmum I do hope you manage to get things sorted. I am sorry I have not had time to read the whole post so forgive if it has been said. To me it sounds as though the lady that is giving you trouble is p***ed o** that she has lost her FREE groom/dogsbody.

I my time on yards I have come across this sort all to often take take and more take and if you have to ask them for the smallest thing they never have the time.

When we were living at our old house I had a 18 mile each way to the yard twice a day. 3 horses of my own to do and when this lady comes up and says you will do my horses over Christmas New Year. Ummm yes that will be £25 per horse per day. She said what oh I thought you could do free them with yours! Well hello I have 3 of my own to do + yours =6 and I have a DD and OH and 18 miles each way to do each way twice a day. She then went to slag me off to the rest of the yard saying how selfish I was not doing hers. Funny no one offered to help and she had to come in over the Christmas New Year. Lazy so and so left horses in over the whole time and came once a day to feed & watered and left. She had one massive job come New year deep litter out.
 
i often wonder why some people have horses, always complaining how hard it is for them to get to the yard because of one reason or another, how hard it is for them to do the basic chores involved in looking after them, every thing is so hard and they are so ill all the time!!
 
I've just read your other post about this. Surely if the YO saw it all happen that would be grounds for at the very least a final warning if not a straight eviction. I realise she's old but she really needs to deal with this. A bit of shouting is one thing (totally unnecessary, but not unforgivable) but being so violent and threatening is entirely another.

I wonder if the new livery is jealous of your realtionship with YO, and so is over-reacting?
 
No, I appreciate that she shouldn't have to give excuses, but considering how deranged the woman is, I would simply be putting in writing that I was not prepared to do anything with her horses for insurance reasons. Sad, but with people like this, I find it is the only way. (and sadly I have a lot of experience dealing with deranged people expecting me to wait on them hand and foot)
 
zaminda said:
No, I appreciate that she shouldn't have to give excuses, but considering how deranged the woman is, I would simply be putting in writing that I was not prepared to do anything with her horses for insurance reasons. Sad, but with people like this, I find it is the only way. (and sadly I have a lot of experience dealing with deranged people expecting me to wait on them hand and foot)
Click to expand...

But OPs horse will be insured to be handled by others it could not be on a DIY yard if it was not.
 
DWTeam said:
I my time on yards I have come across this sort all to often take take and more take e.

When we were living at our old house I had a 18 mile each way to the yard twice a day. 3 horses of my own to do and when this lady comes up and says you will do my horses over Christmas New Year. Ummm yes that will be £25 per horse per day. She said what oh I thought you could do free them with yours!
Click to expand...

I was a mug for quite a while helping other people. And after covering several holidays for free I asked for some money to help with my costs. I was told that I was there anyway! That was a real lesson to me and I won't be in that position again. Amazing to say that they have found another hardworking mug to do their horses for free while they spend their money on holidays!
 
applecart14 said:
Some people really cannot come up to the yard in the morning unless their horse is ill and they get permission from their boss to change their hours because they work a long way away from the yard and have an early start time as I had to do recently when my horse was on box rest. You shouldn't judge everyone the same (not saying you are fatpiggy by the way).

To be completely honest it just about killed me. Not because I don't do early starts as I am more than happy to be at the yard by half six on a Sunday morning, but because the commute I do which is made up of car/train/walk/train/car totally tires me out. And the 8 co-codamol I take on daily basis plus my plantar fascitis which is one of the most painful conditions known to man in once the pain killers wear off, just about finishes me off.
Click to expand...

She worked 9-5 like many other people! It took me 35 minutes minimum just to drive to the farm, then the work to do my own horse then a further hour to drive to work. So yes,she damn well could come up and do her own animal before and after work. Otherwise she should have put it on a yard offering assisted livery but that would have meant spending money and she wasn't going to do that if she could get some sucker to do it for free. Like I said before - she had form!
 
Arzada said:
I was a mug for quite a while helping other people. And after covering several holidays for free I asked for some money to help with my costs. I was told that I was there anyway! That was a real lesson to me and I won't be in that position again. Amazing to say that they have found another hardworking mug to do their horses for free while they spend their money on holidays!
Click to expand...

Yep, been there done that! Funnily enough the people I helped for free and gratis wouldn't return the favour and I ended up paying a private groom for the one holiday I took in the 17 years I had my horse. When my dad died and I had to travel for the funeral, one of them agreed to do my horse while I was away. She was a very easy horse to do overall and on aubiose so just needed skipping out and a wet patch dig-out mid week (she was stabled 24/7 because it was winter and we had no turnout) and a few minutes to stretch her legs and have a roll in the indoor at both ends of the day. Bearing in mind this was the same person who demanded that I give her horse (on shavings so I would anyway) a full dig out every day for 10 days, groom it etc. When I got back after a 9 hour solo drive I found my horse standing on a soaked bed which the other person had tried to disguise by chucking a fresh bag in so despite my exhaustion I spent the next hour digging it all out and making it right. I also found out later that my horse had barely set foot outside her stable the entire time I was away and was not fed until 11 am on several days. I never ever let anyone do her again unless it was an emergency after that.
 
It been a very tough day. I'm exhausted.

rolled up this morning, both other liveries there, fine. ignored me, fine. Put my radio on and had a dance with Shy, then went out for a lovely ride. Does anyone else mutter to themselves when riding to try and get things straight in their head ? Poor Shy is used to me and my muttering !

Took the YO for an appointment (yes it may cause jealousy, but so what - she is a good friend. ).

Got back, and the livery I left the note for suddenly started up. "I got your note..." Challenging what I had written, that she was EXTREMELY upset, cue banging around and tears. And you know what, I stood up for myself !! " I AM NOW STAYING ON MY OWN !!!" and walked away.:D Cue slam, crash, bang (and this is not the aggressive one).

I am exhausted, and am afraid another valium has been taken. I WILL ride this out, I am not going to be bullied. But because of my MH problems, it's not going to be an easy ride. But I will not be bullied out of a yard that I love.

I cannot tell you how much the support from you guys on here means to me. *tears*. Thank you so very much ! xx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top