Free horses- giving up due to mud.

[Chavhorse]

Have you noticed we all have multipul horses and I'm guessing the same with barking mad dogs or cats.

No cats but multiple Dogs lol;

1 Beagle x Pointer missing a fair few brain cells, attention seeker who will be annoying to the point of making his loving owners feel homicidal , rubbish bin must at all times be locked into the downstairs toilet or the contents will be spread over the entire house. for some reason thinks rugs are for peeing on so are a no go area indoors, will yelp as if being killed if so much as stroke him in a manner he feels is too heavy. Noxious farts which are of the silent but deadly variety. Spends majority of time asleep and hates the rain with a passion.

2. Jack Russel x Pointer small and cute to the point of being obscene, will widdle when, happy, anxious, excited oh damn it will widdle whenever possible. Hates the rain and will dive out of the back door and poop under the garden table to avoid it. Complete prima donna who has dog 1 wrapped around her paw and if she does accidently get wet will guilt dog 1 into licking her dry whilst shivering and wimpering, ditto licking any form of medication off her ears or any other part of her anatomy. Has to get under the bedcovers only to erupt out panting like a pair of bellows at 3am. Spends a lot of time alternately squeaking or emitting noxious farts.

3. Sheltie x god knows what! has certainly inherited the herding instict and no walker,cyclist horse rider is safe from bing rounded up. Hates any member of the family leaving the house on their own and has to sit on the front door mat until they return. Has a love of puling your socks off and biting your feet. Is scared of the fridge door opening, the grandfather clock and the telephone. Also emits noxious farts and is scared of them as well.

 

[reindeerlover]

Darn it! No takers?? We are all so special

 

[Echo Bravo]

Chavhorse are you sure you haven't nicked my dogs. I have 4
1 Staffiex doesn't like to be left behind at anytime, she could eat for England given a chance, getting chosey about when she goes for a walk, like slepping under the duvet.
2&3 Jack Russell x Brothers. Fight like cat and dog,getting fedup taking them to the vets, as I can only take the sane one in, the other would have the vet, so they look at him and then give double the drugs for both. they adore the OH and just put up with me, even though I'm the one that walks them 5 days a week, you would think they were in 7th heaven at week-ends when hubby takes them.
4 Large LabxCollie has fits but is a complete dipstick and his stomach rules his life and you can take him for miles on a walk and he waits till he gets home to do a dump on the back lawn.

 

[Kellys Heroes]

Have you noticed we all have multipul horses and I'm guessing the same with barking mad dogs or cats.

WELL if we're going there too...!!

Any takers for...

1x 10 year old (so slightly ancient now) GSD. Loves other dogs so much she will drag walker across road just to "play" with them - "play" is rough. Comes with own credit card and £7,000 running total vets bills (yes seriously). Also has own dermatologist.
Needs daily treat at 7pm. Can tell time so don't try and catch her out! Hairy beastie. Barks to be let out. Emits the most disgusting smells then walks away as though its you. Doesn't "do" obedience...or she does, but when she wants to

1x 8 year old Golden Retriever. Comes with all of 2 brain cells and a rag toy. Loves to lie for hours on her back with all 4 paws in the air successfully scaring whoever finds her first. Loves her food (a bit too much...god help you should you go near her!) Is an absolute cow if woken up (watch your hands). Obssessed with television, laptops or computers and God help any fish you have...Fantastically obedient..unless on a field and you are trying to recall...

btw...all complete jokes, I love those animals to bits!!!
K x

 

[Happyhuntress]

Happy to trade in for my handsome boy (except when he pulls faces) who has a striking resemblance to Scooby Doo, especially when looking over his door, waiting for dinner. Very honest ride but corners like he's on rails and you'd better not try to canter in a circle unless you like feeling like you're doing the wall of death. Despite not knowing where his legs are most of the time, has an uncanny knack of stamping on your foot just when you don't expect it.
oh, and he loves jumping high over objects that exist only in his imagination

 

[dozzie]

Free to good... oh ok, any home at all!

One 12yo ex racehorse- very polite, will go first or last. Good sense of humour, recently placed in local show bending race (behind lame hunter and in front of fat hairy cob). Will not stand still for mounting, goes quite fast. Nice colour.

One 16yo lame hunter- shiny coat when not covered in mud, pretty colour. Very wide, only suitable for people with long legs or access to velcro trousers. Good line in making faces and running away from pigeons.

One 5yo ex racehorse- very athletic and enjoys "airs above the ground" pretty face, shame about the enormous belly. Doesn't go very fast, suitable for person who enjoys looking at other horses from behind or sitting in the mud.

One 6yo tb mare- just completed first dressage test (walk and trot as currently unable to canter around corners) and clear round jumping. Got a very high score in jumping so no idea why we didn't win. Unable to lift all 4 legs over poles so very cleverly knocks poles out of the way first. Quiet to ride (half dead) until you get off and pat her (then leaps sideways in terror.

One 7yo ex racehorse- won lots of races, pretty colour and markings. Likes eating. You are guaranteed to be more intelligent than this horse, he could not find his arse with all 4 hooves. Goes fast.

Any takers?

I would have taken the 6yo mare but she isnt a pretty colour.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Chavhorse - have you stolen my pony ?

 

[Ladyinred]

Ok.. so anyone with any space left for:

1 x 16.2 8 yo Dumblood crossed with something very peculiar, spectacularly short legs for his height and mentally unstable. Not safe to ride. Might be crossed with a shitland??

1 x 16hh cob with attitude in buckets. Would never hurt you but will leave you in tears of pure frustration. Laminitic and tendon problems.

1 x lil' grey pony mare. Even more attitude than the cob. Bucks off the lead rein. Eats on the lead rein, you gotta let her eat or she nips the person holding the rope.

1 x 15hh 6 yo prima donna. Gorgeous and knows it but very short on brain cells. Afraid of leaves, birds, grass, fishermen, umbrellas, babies, pushchairs, bikes, shadows, strange driveways. Ok with tractors, however.

Will keep the last one, so far she seems as close to normal as we are ever likely to find.

 

[reindeerlover]

I would have taken the 6yo mare but she isnt a pretty colour.

No she's not, she's a kind of sewage brown colour under the mud. How sad. Although I could try and dye her? As long as the dye bottle doesn't freak her out.

If we're doing dogs too then I'll raise you a long legged JRT bitch with an amazing beard and a penchant for attacking other bitches of any and every size (although that may have stopped after an incident today with an extremely large staffy cross who did NOT appreciate having her legs bitten).

Or..

A 6yo short legged JRT neutered male - currently sound but with two previously broken legs and three SEPERATE spinal ops to remove damaged disks.

Cheap to feed.....

 

[brighthair]

Can I take the 7yo ex racer? Nothing to offer - oh actually will a box of Cartmel sticky toffee sauce chocolates do??

Or you can have one of four fish?
Fish one - bullies everything else around it including the plants and the fake castle
Fish two - likes to play dead until you scoop it out and prod it when it gasps back to life scaring everyone else to death
Fish three and four - do nothing except eat, and look a bit scared

 

[MrsMozart]

A brief note to Benji1 and *spider*......




The chances of anyone on here parting with their respective 'special' (in so many senses of the word! ) horses is, I would guess, nil to 1000-1 against.




We're all mad you see.....

Barking. Completely. Certifiably. Barking.



Then again, I might be tempted if someone were to offer me a good trade

 

[MrsMozart]

No she's not, she's a kind of sewage brown colour under the mud. How sad. Although I could try and dye her? As long as the dye bottle doesn't freak her out.

If we're doing dogs too then I'll raise you a long legged JRT bitch with an amazing beard and a penchant for attacking other bitches of any and every size (although that may have stopped after an incident today with an extremely large staffy cross who did NOT appreciate having her legs bitten).

Or..

A 6yo short legged JRT neutered male - currently sound but with two previously broken legs and three SEPERATE spinal ops to remove damaged disks.

Cheap to feed.....

Four Shi Tzu? Very good parentage, but questionable in every other respect

 

[reindeerlover]

Can I take the 7yo ex racer? Nothing to offer - oh actually will a box of Cartmel sticky toffee sauce chocolates do??

Or you can have one of four fish?
Fish one - bullies everything else around it including the plants and the fake castle
Fish two - likes to play dead until you scoop it out and prod it when it gasps back to life scaring everyone else to death
Fish three and four - do nothing except eat, and look a bit scared

The fish the fish, I'll take the fish!!! When can you pick them up? Can you bring the chocolates too?

 

[reindeerlover]

Four Shi Tzu? Very good parentage

Do you mean both parents are also canine?? I'll have them. Are they shaven and look slightly alarmed?

 

[MrsMozart]

Do you mean both parents are also canine?? I'll have them. Are they shaven and look slightly alarmed?

Only slightly alarmed?! I'll have you know these are fully alarmed And semi-shaven... we missed their tails

 

[brighthair]

The fish the fish, I'll take the fish!!! When can you pick them up? Can you bring the chocolates too?

Oh yes. In fact I'll throw in the pack of chavs roaming outside my kitchen window if you like? Seem to be mainly female, all wear hoodies and try to look menacing. Really do nothing except drink cans of pop and kick stones in the road

Fish are v easy although fish two may arrive looking slightly dead as that's it's standard look

 

[palomino_pony]

Butterfly mind "ohhh look at the birdies" "oh leg yield ok" "ooooooo what is my paddock pal doing" "back up ok" "Wow tractor"

OMG you have my horse!! Lol

 

[liveryblues]

actually laughing out loud at the fishes, with chavs thrown in for good measure!, very funny thread made me chuckle loads

 

[Greystorm]

lmao !! Funny thing though all those horses you mention are the ones that I tend to bring home ' feel sorry' for them !!

16hh ( was 16,2hh shrunk with age ) 26 years on paper 3 years old in in lfe ( she thinks )- can't stand still ( digs holes ) can't walk ( Jogs everywhere ) Grey for about 1/2 after a bath but brown normally . 3 loop gag with double reins and if you stop your'll be lucky ( aim at big fat trees, for brakes ) jumps like a stag , and you'll feel the G force on your face ( make good use of your balance strap )
Blind in one eye so everything done wonky . Wont turn out with other mares and due to her eye, she normally comes offf worse !!! but great to muck out - normally all poop in 1 big pile.

And I wouldn't swap her for the world ( 18 yrs on and together forever )

 

[MrsMozart]

Why not consolidate all your problem horses into one big problem horse? Bolshy 16.3h stallion, knows own mind, built like a tank, gives derisory snort and throws a dirty look in response to the name Aldo... lol.

I think I know that one!