Friend having trouble bonding with youngster! What would you do?

Thanks for that QB, thats reassuring. I think she's just looking at the relationship in a too human way....if that makes sense. We all want to be loved back the same as we love our horses don't we! His ground work manners are in place (the majority of the time) and he is still very young.
 
I've known several that should be fantastic but I just don't like or am indifferent to. No nastiness some with and without quirks and exactly what I like in a horse - just not in them.

I'd never purchase one I didn't have a bond with (and by bond, I don't mean it wants you there 24/7, I mean that I want to spend time with it). You won't ever get the best or most enjoyment out of the horse if you aren't inclined to put it in. Sometimes it's not immediate, but after 2.5years it's not going to happen, especially because she'll have it in her head that she doesn't click with him.

Some just don't suit. I'd sell on and get one I wanted to spend time with.
 
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I don't think you always have the time to explore whether you have a bond or not....its more a case of doing your homework to match what you want and deciding whether to buy or not. This horse was a weanling and my friend was sensible about how she chose him and for what reason.

To be honest, I don't think its a case of having no bond...I think there is so much emotion for this horse, which will be a positive thing with just a small thought pattern adjustment. They share many happy times together grooming and having a cuddle in the field. He always comes to greet her and say hello. He just needs to have time to be what he is.....a baby horse!
 
cblover said:
I don't think you always have the time to explore whether you have a bond or not....its more a case of doing your homework to match what you want and deciding whether to buy or not. This horse was a weanling and my friend was sensible about how she chose him and for what reason.

To be honest, I don't think its a case of having no bond...I think there is so much emotion for this horse, which will be a positive thing with just a small thought pattern adjustment. They share many happy times together grooming and having a cuddle in the field. He always comes to greet her and say hello. He just needs to have time to be what he is.....a baby horse!
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I'm not saying a proper bond will be there. I've had horses grow on me but I've still never been inclined to want them myself.
I've only had one change my mind. I felt absolutely nothing to her and neither did OH, til she broke my hand. Her attitude in that moment showed more than we'd seen in 8years and now I absolutely click with her and vice versa.
Other than that I've always seen something in them that is over other horses. I've been to view bog standard horses that I can't put my finger on it, but know that I want it. And I've seen all singing all dancing that I've had no interest in. Namely I want something that thinks for itself and hasn't had that drummed out of it.

If she feels enough to have emotion on it then you're right, it can be channelled - sounds more frustration than not liking him. Indifference is when I see no point in keeping normally as I'd lose inclination to work with it.
 
cblover said:
I don't think you always have the time to explore whether you have a bond or not....its more a case of doing your homework to match what you want and deciding whether to buy or not. This horse was a weanling and my friend was sensible about how she chose him and for what reason.

To be honest, I don't think its a case of having no bond...I think there is so much emotion for this horse, which will be a positive thing with just a small thought pattern adjustment. They share many happy times together grooming and having a cuddle in the field. He always comes to greet her and say hello. He just needs to have time to be what he is.....a baby horse!
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I think that it absolutely it, I shared lots of 'moments' with ben, but a baby is completely different, and their learning curbs, whilst a joy to watch can also be bleeding tiring... plus you always have to have your 'grown up' hat on because they are so young, its a different kind of ownership, and I suppose on one hand it just takes time before they get to a level of maturity when you can relax and nurture the bond instead of worrying what havoc they are going to wreak next, even when they are behaving, you are constantly aware that if you let your guard down, they could slip in their behaviour... tell her it is tiring but it is so worth it :D
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
She came home and her normal indifference to me returned. But that's how I know she's happy and well. Trust me if something is bothering her or she's in pain I know in an instant. I usually get her head buried in my chest.
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^ this summed up the "bond" I had with my old boy. If he barely lifted his head to look at me when I went to fetch him in then I knew he was fine. If there was a problem he would let me know - on the day his field companion died, I was up in the dark to feed my boy and I couldn't find him but he whinnied to me from a part of the field that he never usually spent much time in and that's how I found him utterly miserable with choke (others had gone through his field to their own horses but he hadn't called out to them so he knew it was me).

I think there's a difference between a "bond" and just not clicking with a horse. To me, a bond is what you get when you handle your horse in such a way that everything "works" and you develop trust and mutual respect. A good horseperson can develop a "bond" with any horse because it's about how you interact with them. It helps if you also like them, of course. When someone says they just don't click and are having all sorts of problems then my view is that they need to look at their own behaviour around the horse and be honest about whether there's a personality clash going on. I know that I need to behave differently with my mare and my gelding - the gelding is quite simple and firm clear handling gets the message across, my mare is very sensitive and prefers much quieter subtle handling.
 
I think looking at our own behaviour around horses is key to communication. Lets be honest, we must appear to be a confusing bunch of people to a horse! LOL
 
cblover said:
I think looking at our own behaviour around horses is key to communication. Lets be honest, we must appear to be a confusing bunch of people to a horse! LOL
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I totally agree with this we are thinking about all this stuff they are probally thinking about when's that human coming with the hay.
That special bond that you get with some is different and when you have had with one if often difficult with the next one sometimes it's instant sometimes it comes with time and sometimes they are a nice horse that does a job for you and that's that.
On the yard I have a great bond with my OH's hunter he really is a mate but he's not my cup of tea to ride at all.
My TB I adored from afar for a long time before I got the chance to buy him he came quite cut off from people but I knew it would great I just had to show him how it could be .
My Dutch harness horse really trusts me and I have worked so hard on him to turn him round but it's a needy relationship and hard work.
My current driving horse is a difficult dominant horse and I admire him and he respects me he's not a horse you ever let take liberties but he's a cracking horse I am lucky to have him.
I have a bond with all these horse but it's different with each but with the TB its special I had that three or four times before its like you have known them before they where meanlt for you I had that feeling with OH horse to which has never happened before with one that was not for me to ride he was in trouble and heading to be PTS and I saved him its honestly like he knows.
I don't think this special bond is something to seek when it comes it comes and you are lucky .
 
Well written GS. Like you said, they are all different and some are quite hard work. I do think that my made Abba was changed after that head injury. She had some other incidents afterwards too. And her panic, before starting under saddle, turned into confusion and she is very hard on herself when she doesn't get something. I'm not lying when I'd say she would do and go through anything for you under saddle. But for her under saddle I am much better for her than when she was difficult on the ground before breaking. Now she's a lamb on the ground. It's hard to describe her because she's not scared of much either but that caused her issues with the trouble she's gotten into. She's always been a learning curve with me on how to deal with her properly. To be the leader. To give her what she needs. I do feel I've failed her in many ways and I beat myself up for that.

I have 5 and all are different but I'm blessed with how easy they are and proud of them really. I can be less than perfect with the others and it makes no difference. I hope people get what I mean when I say that. Abba is not that way. She forces me to be better.

Terri
 
It's just like humans isn't it....we all have different relationships with different people. The majority are valuable and we treasure them.....same with horses!
 
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