jeeve
Well-Known Member
this she chose to fall out with you, you are doing all the work, she has it easy.
she may get over it or she may not, but she is the one losing out
Friends, favours and horses - it didn't work out :(
- Thread starter dark_prince
- Start date
this she chose to fall out with you, you are doing all the work, she has it easy.
she may get over it or she may not, but she is the one losing out
zaminda
Well-Known Member
If this is her attitude I would move on. In all honesty unless she has some very good reasons she should be doing far more, and adding 20p onto the shavings is just ridiculous! This makesme gladI have to many horses for anyone to ever ask me for help in 'exchange'
midnight mayhem
Well-Known Member
Listen to your MUM. She has your best interests.
But I too think just do your own horses. X
But I too think just do your own horses. X
peanut0611
Well-Known Member
I've recently learned (after several hard lessons!) that friends and horsey favours don't go together unfortunately!!
Smudge1992
Active Member
What a shame OP that your friend is being so selfish, she seems to have no concept of fairness or that she's lucky to have the support that you provide free of charge.
I agree with Swintondesire if she can't be around horses or time inclination to care for her horse, perhaps putting out on loan or selling would be best. However that's not something you can decide for her.
Maybe phoning her for a chat or having a coffee and talking about this away from the yard environment might help? If she's any kind of a friend she will come to and your friendship can continue...I can understand that you don't want to lose a mate.
I agree with Swintondesire if she can't be around horses or time inclination to care for her horse, perhaps putting out on loan or selling would be best. However that's not something you can decide for her.
Maybe phoning her for a chat or having a coffee and talking about this away from the yard environment might help? If she's any kind of a friend she will come to and your friendship can continue...I can understand that you don't want to lose a mate.
mcnaughty
Well-Known Member
I do agree with you that this is not worth losing a good friend over and also having to possibly move because of bad feeling.
Could you not speak to her properly and ask to reassess your agreement. Take her a cheap box of chocolates as a crimbo pressy and sit her down. Say something like this "does not seem to be working very well for you at the moment due to your illness, can we try to be clearer about what we need to do". Say you are very stressed due to work and family commitments at the mo and you really need to get the arrangement clear in your own head. It is very difficult at this time of the year - I don't know about you but between work dos, kids school plays, family, friends and others my poor horse's routine has been blown out of the water in December! Perhaps it is just December and come new year you could both settle down into a better routine?
You do need to stand your ground but laying your cards on the table so to speak would hopefully get this sorted. This forum does tend to be a little one sided when someone asks for advice like this (shoot it, kill it, sack them, don't speak to them etc etc!!!) but a good friendship is usually worth hanging onto!
Could you not speak to her properly and ask to reassess your agreement. Take her a cheap box of chocolates as a crimbo pressy and sit her down. Say something like this "does not seem to be working very well for you at the moment due to your illness, can we try to be clearer about what we need to do". Say you are very stressed due to work and family commitments at the mo and you really need to get the arrangement clear in your own head. It is very difficult at this time of the year - I don't know about you but between work dos, kids school plays, family, friends and others my poor horse's routine has been blown out of the water in December! Perhaps it is just December and come new year you could both settle down into a better routine?
You do need to stand your ground but laying your cards on the table so to speak would hopefully get this sorted. This forum does tend to be a little one sided when someone asks for advice like this (shoot it, kill it, sack them, don't speak to them etc etc!!!) but a good friendship is usually worth hanging onto!
Annagain
Well-Known Member
When I young my best friend was a girl I'd known since nursery. When we started secondary school I noticed she was sitting next to me in class and copying my work and then going off with other people at break/lunchtime. I decided there and then that I wasn't going to be used in life and told her that I was more than happy to help her with her work if she was struggling but that I would not let her use me like that. She didn't like it, we fell out and to this day (more than 20 years later
) we've never become friends again, although we're civil to each other when we bump into each other as we both still live in the same village. I was devastated at the time but I got over it - especially when our mutual friends found out what happened and took my side 
. I know that was kids' stuff but it was the first time I'd ever stood up to her and the first time I felt like I was in control and I decided that day I was never going to be a doormat.
I think you're better off without her, but if you want to try again, be firm, but polite and put your side across calmly. You're the one in control now and if you ask me she's got a lot of grovelling to do. Adding 20p to the shavings is as good as theft in my eyes. And if you do make up with her, don't let things slide - today's favour is tomorrow's chore.
) we've never become friends again, although we're civil to each other when we bump into each other as we both still live in the same village. I was devastated at the time but I got over it - especially when our mutual friends found out what happened and took my side . I know that was kids' stuff but it was the first time I'd ever stood up to her and the first time I felt like I was in control and I decided that day I was never going to be a doormat.I think you're better off without her, but if you want to try again, be firm, but polite and put your side across calmly. You're the one in control now and if you ask me she's got a lot of grovelling to do. Adding 20p to the shavings is as good as theft in my eyes. And if you do make up with her, don't let things slide - today's favour is tomorrow's chore.
dark_prince
Well-Known Member
I'm hoping she'll just pay the lady on the yard! Not to sound stingy but her family pay for all her horse costs so I can't imagine it being a problem. I think she's just too proud to admit she needs my help!
I wouldn't want payment to be honest, just a hand with T/O in return! Ah well, once Christmas is out of the way, hopefully that hole in my pocket will shrink!
I do think I could.. But when we're getting a long it's great, but when someone points something out and we fall out.. not so great! Over the years I've learnt how to 'manage' her haha
