Friends nervous around my horse

Lillybob

Lillybob

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I've got quite a few close friends at the moment that I have met since coming to university and in September i'm moving my mare here to live closer to me. My friends are all sensible and most of them love animals but i've noticed a pattern: So many of them are afraid of horses!
I have always loved horses, even before I rode/owned any. I always thought they were beautiful and when people rode by my house I always asked if I could pet them.
My friends (this also includes my non-horsie boyfriend) have said they would love to meet my little lady but I'm a little unsure of how to bring them into it, especially the boyfriend! He's never been around horses and we went for a walk the other day where a horse came up to the gate to say hello and he lept backwards like it tried to kill him! How can I introduce my very lovely (but very curious and slightly clumsy) baby to them whilst keeping both parties calm? I thought about just teaching him how to groom her as a start, though maybe leaving the picking feet out part until a later date haha.

Has anyone else had friends/other halves who were scared of horses at one point? Pease share ^_^
 
Just let them stand the other side of the fence in the field. Don't make them do anything. I have a non horsey family and husband. If they're curious let them do it at their own pace. They probably won't want to be in a confined space, so keep out in the field and just lead over to say hi. If they want to reach over the fence to scratch your horse they will. If you overwhelm them you will simply out them off. You will probably find they'll just look at it and then be bored after a minute or two and want to go home. If they want to do more, they will ask. If you lead from field to stable, keep yourself between them and the horse and explain the basics eg keep calm and quiet, don't panic, don't flap anything about and keep away from the back end.
 
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My boyfriend was nervous around horses at first and now he has his own!!

Id start by watching horses interact with each other and talk them through some basics like what it means when they pin their ears back. Also, tell them to stroke the neck or shoulders, lots of people seem to pat the between the eyes or on the face which most horses dont really like.
 
Some good advice here. Just let them do it at their own pace. Agree no touching of faces where people always seem to gravitate to. A rub on the withers is usually nice for the horses just talk them through the do's-and dont's e.g where to stand, expressions on horse's face, ears etc.

I'm afraid if they aren't horsey they probably never will be - I find in most cases you either like em or you dont!
 
I would let him stand and look, allow him to take his time figuring out what the new creature is, let him have a good sniff...when he's easy and his heart has stopped pounding just keep his feet moving towards it, left and right zig-zags are fine...if he's still being silly then give him a good growl and a slap with the stick.

I'm talking about your boyfriend, of course :)
 
OH is horsey so that's not a problem but my best friend had never been near a horse (or even a donkey) in her life. I met her through work since moving to Scotland and we've become the best of friends simply through having the same outlook on life and quite a few similar interests. However, where my main passion is horses, hers is football. I've never been to a football match, and she'd never been anywhere near a horse.

Until a couple of weeks back, when I invited her to our yard. She asked the obvious questions like 'will they bite/kick?' but she was straight in stroking Stevie and Bill over the stable doors and handling Rita over the fence in the paddock. Then when I got Star out to tack her up, I handed my friend a brush and told her to get stuck in. No fear whatsoever, happily grooming Star's face, legs, tail, all over. Then once I'd ridden her I asked her if she wanted a go sitting on her. Leg up, led her up and down the yard a few times and that was that.

So, in answer to your question, perhaps she was scared of horses before, simply through lack of opportunity to be around them and get used to them, but even after one afternoon at mine (and two days harness racing over the weekend!) she's pretty fine around them already. She knows that to the best of my ability I won't put her in a situation where she will get hurt. As horsey people I think we often forget that we're dealing with half tonne flight animals who could cause us a lot of injury, whereas your non-horsey person is looking at an enormous lump of semi-wild animal that could run them down at any second.
 
Probably best explaining to them beforehand the nature of the horse,how they dont like sudden reactions,sensing when someone is nervous which makes the horse feel insecure,and of course safety when around them which one tends to take for granted.Picking out feet can be scary with a big animal and the horse not used to a stranger.The more they find out about horses if they genuinely want to make friends with yours will sort out the keener ones from those who think it a novelty.
 
Don't do what I did. :redface3:

Friend wanted to see me ride (first and last time I have to say). Thought I would do short walk, trot, canter round the schooling field. So quick chat to friend then gave the aids to move off - only we never did 'move off'... from halt we went into a courbette :eek3: followed by a capriole :eek3:. Apparently I yelled "he's a bit fresh" as we disappeared off pig-rooting with occasional cartwheels and headstands... it was diabolical. Put her off horses for life.
 
Archangel said:
Don't do what I did. :redface3:

Friend wanted to see me ride (first and last time I have to say). Thought I would do short walk, trot, canter round the schooling field. So quick chat to friend then gave the aids to move off - only we never did 'move off'... from halt we went into a courbette :eek3: followed by a capriole :eek3:. Apparently I yelled "he's a bit fresh" as we disappeared off pig-rooting with occasional cartwheels and headstands... it was diabolical. Put her off horses for life.
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Oh my goodness ... I shouldn't chuckle really, but that has made me laugh. Thank you for brightening my day!
 
That last story made me smile a little bit too much I think.

Thank you everyone! I'm pretty excited about introducing them but slow and steady is definitely the way forward.
 
:D I put my OH on the lunge in the indoor school and he was walking the pony round in a circle. Little kid came in the gallery, another person's bratty kid brother about 5yo and he started shouting ya! ya! and banging a stick. Pony set off doing the wall of death on the end of the lunge rein and I never go OH to ever get on again.
 
Few thoughts from a non-horsey person:

1) Fencing - as said above having a fence/gate or something between them and the horse makes a big difference. It's a barrier and lets them pull back without the horse having any room to advance. It also shields them from the legs - legs with hooves used exclusively for stepping on shoes and kicking people miles (which is basically what most people think of about horse legs - because all the time people warn them about them).

2) Let them watch, take their own time; but also give them some pointers. Tell them how to say hello because chances are its second nature to you; but to them they've really no idea - some might have picked up the open palm bit or that apples and mints are popular; but really they will not know a thing so its right back to basics.

3) Once they get a little more confident standing, petting and saying hello start to tell them how to read the horses mood. If the horse is happy and standing to be petted/greeted/treated then chances are they will already be showing some signs that you can point out. You're not trying to scare "and if the ears go back and if the legs do this and if the tail...." you're really trying to show how the horse communicates.

4) By now if they've not bolted for the hills work on it. Chances are it might take several such visits before they might be ready to stand without a fence - remember things like the ground making a shifting feeling or feeling the hooves up through their legs as the horse moves closer are things that will reinforce quickly in their minds how big and powerful and "deadly" this animal could be.

5) Sometimes you have to push a little too; eg with the BF you might invite him round at a key moment - such as after you plan to return from a hack or event. Now you've got a prime time for him to have to be "on site" but without a fence between him and the horse.
It's a great time to start introducing the idea of brushing/rubbing down. A simple thing, but one that can nicely work on building up a rapport and familiarity with the horse.


Personally I would say for friends casual interest is enough; for someone like a BF I honestly feel that if they are serious then they've at least got to eventually work to a level where they can at least conduct themselves around the horse; take the bridle and lead it. They might not have to ride but some ability at handling on the ground would be good to work toward.



With all of it take it slow, give little encouragements and nudges where possible, but let them go at their own speed. A horse is a big thing and quite a lot to get used to though if they hang around enough they should start to get some idea
 
Could you find a small cute pony to introduce them to saying hello to an equine to start with?
 
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