Frightened to get on my horse

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yaddowshad

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I suppose to rectify a problem you have to firstly admit youve got one, do here goes "im scared to ride any more". I suppose I had better start at the beginning and hope that some one out there can help me. I ve ridden since a child, gymkhanas, fun rides ect. At age 20 I moved abroad continued to ride, bought Thoroughbreds galloped every where no problems, no nerves. Had a child at 28 stopped riding until I was 43, oh my goodness, very nervous. I have experienced panic attacks not related to riding originally but then effected the riding. Did BHS 1 passed both sections, then went to a very upmarket training centre for stage 2, the fear really kicked in, fell off several times, burst into tears continually, got reared off a horse day before stage 2 so could only take stable management which I passed. Not been back on a horse for 10 months yet I own two horses which I pretend are retired so I dont have to ride them. Ive now started buying expensive saddles in hope they will offer me more security in the saddle, yet ive never sat on them. Can anyone help me, I love my horses and I am a good rider but this confidence thing has wrecked my riding. Ive booked a lesson back at the school i fell off in and i now feel sick with worry about it.
 
Sorry to hear this! Sounds like you are getting very stressed!

To be honest a riding school that puts you on a horse that rears you off may not be the best place for you. Is there somewhere else you could try? If you explained the issue perhaps they could put you on a total plod for a little while or keep you on the lunge (lunge lessons are fantastic for improving your seat and may make you feel more relaxed because the instructor has control of the horse) until you feel ready to do more.

At the end of the day you do not HAVE to ride, if you don't enjoy it maybe do some in-hand showing or try driving?
 
If I were you I would call round some local instructors, and be totally open with them. Anyone can lose their nerve, but with the right help you should be able to get it back too
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Why are you going back to the school you fell off at? You will probably have a negative association with that yard and it may make you feel even more nervous, I would have thought?

Be realistic about your goals, you may just start by walking round the school once and getting off, then working up to doing more. A really sympathetic instructor will get this, they are out there.

You could even try starting on a riding simulator to begin with so that you can get used to the movement of a horse without having to worry about controlling the horse.

Good luck
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In my opinion, if you haven't had any issues with your horses regarding riding them then I would think about finding a very sympathetic instructor that can teach you on your own horse and start from basics, even if it just lunge work and round the worlds! Or if you had a very kind understanding friend who could ride with you on ours even if it's just round the paddock until you start feeling more confident.
I'm sure with the right work then you'll soon be galloping round the stubbles wondering what the worry was about.
I've had quite a few confidence issues in the past but have worked through them with the right people and it's all come out fine at the end.
I hope you find the right path for you to get your confidence back.
 
You are so right, why on earth am i going back to the place that gave me a horse known to rear? I think in my head i felt that if i dont go back there ive somehow failed, but reading my statement back that is insanity. You are so right, why on earth didnt i work that out for myself. Thank you im going to book a lesson with somewhere less competitive.
 
Gosh, I do feel for you. It's horrible when your nerve goes. There are several issues here but I would suggest as a first step you talk candidly about how you feel to the trainer at the RS and make sure that for the first few times at least that you go there for lessons, you're on a horse you don't have to worry about at all. Then once you've regained a bit of confidence in your own riding, and in the trainer, you could arrange to take one of your own horses to the school for lessons.

Do you do groundwork with your horses? It's a good way of building a relationship that lasts when you're in the saddle. And perhaps make sure you have someone knowledgable with you when you do get on your own horse - even if you just walk round for a couple of minutes it's a positive start.

You might want to try something like Bach Rescue Remedy before your first lesson.

Hopefully much more useful advice will come your way - this forum is good for that! Good luck.
 
I took my OH with me to a lesson I was PETRIFIED of the other week, I was absolutely fine, did everything asked of me without a thought..... just because I am too stubborn and proud to have my OH think I am a crap rider!
It really worked for me!
 
Poor you - I know exactly where you are at!! I went from owning a mad mare who I would just get on, ride, and hope I made it out alive, to buying a 16.3hh perfect gentleman. Unfortunately, however, when I fell off him and wound up in A&E, my confidence just nose-dived. It now hasn't helped that just as I was getting more confident on him again, he injured himself and has been on 3 months' box rest. Now even the best mannered horse would be a bit fizzy with that, and he has been!!
My confidence is at an all time low and I would probably have given up had it not been for my amazing instructor who is at my side every day (fortunately her horse is stabled in the same barn as mine so I am lucky). She doesn't let me wheedle out of riding, and makes me ride at least once a day (twice is better in her book). It makes such a difference to have someone there with you to support you and I agree with the others that an instructor you trust or good, competent friend would be a really great asset in starting to recover your confidence.
Have you heard of Caroline Putus and her Enjoy Riding programme? She might be just the person to help with some issues. She has an email newsletter with hints and tips and also runs an Enjoy Riding centre where you hire out calm cobs and pootle about the place. Might be worth a Google...
Good luck anyway. You'll be hurtling around again in no time!!
 
omg it is like reading my life back, but I managed to do my stage 2 and do my stage 3 but now im 31 have experienced the panic attacks after having my son at 28 and loosing my mum at 6months preg. Im terrified of jumping but force myself to do it even bought a showjumper to give me confidence but had problems with her and doubted my abilities.

I can give good advice but can never seem to give it to myself.

you have inspired me I was about to give up (got 3 horses)

firstly buying things will mentally help you think that will help you to stay on but if you were to have another fall it will be back to square one.

are your horses quiet? you could get someone to lead you around till you feel a bit more confident. even if it is for 5 mins at a time start small and every step will be a step in the right direction.

think of it as starting to ride all over, there is nop shame in that, especially if you are going to achieve something, like a first jump again its going to be more than what we are doing at the moment.

if you are like me and think my horse is going to be a raving looney I convinced myself that he needed a calmer, just to make me feel better, i used an oxyshot (but really I didnt need to) it was me like you buying thinkg so think they will stop me falling off. and having their teeth and back checked. always finding an excuse not to ride.

or you could go to a riding school and use one of thier horses,

we both need to find the fun factor in horses again and just go from there.

I hope you can get back on and enjoy, Like I said you have inspired me I am going to try and do something with my mare this afternoon.

Pm me if you want and keep me updated xxx (((hugs)))
 
FWIW, i wouldnt get on a rearer in the first place if i knew it had reared before, and I'd certainly NEVER get back on it once it had reared with me, so you are either brave or mad to consider going back to the same place. I would do some ringing round, get recommendations for a really decent sympathetic instructor and get him or her to come and give you lessons on your own horses.

Spudlet's suggestion of setting yourself the tiniest of goals is a very good one. Get on, walk once round the school, and get off. Tomorrow, get on, walk twice round the school and get off. Next day, get on, walk round the school, change the rein, walk round the other way, get off. Break it down into tiny baby steps. When you start to get bored instead of terrified, then you are ready to move on.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I took my OH with me to a lesson I was PETRIFIED of the other week, I was absolutely fine, did everything asked of me without a thought..... just because I am too stubborn and proud to have my OH think I am a crap rider!
It really worked for me!

[/ QUOTE ]

I will try this as my poor OH spent over £800.00 at that training yard for me to pass stage 2 and they gave me a horse well beyond the capabilities of a stage 2 as they felt it would have to be used in the exam as they didnt have enough horses for the day.
 
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they gave me a horse well beyond the capabilities of a stage 2 as they felt it would have to be used in the exam as they didnt have enough horses for the day.

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Grrrr that's ridiculous! Them, not you that is
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[ QUOTE ]
FWIW, i wouldnt get on a rearer in the first place if i knew it had reared before, and I'd certainly NEVER get back on it once it had reared with me, so you are either brave or mad to consider going back to the same place. I would do some ringing round, get recommendations for a really decent sympathetic instructor and get him or her to come and give you lessons on your own horses.

Spudlet's suggestion of setting yourself the tiniest of goals is a very good one. Get on, walk once round the school, and get off. Tomorrow, get on, walk twice round the school and get off. Next day, get on, walk round the school, change the rein, walk round the other way, get off. Break it down into tiny baby steps. When you start to get bored instead of terrified, then you are ready to move on.

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Hi, I did not know it had reared previously. I just turned up for my lesson and they said I should ride this horse as it may be in the exam, she said I had to hold the horse with a short rein as he was dominant, I felt at the time that i should give him his head more so he would be more relaxed but she insisted i was wrong, so i did has i was told afterall the instructor is a BHSI. I had been having panic attacks and crying before this so i will never know why they put me on this horse.
 
**fumes away** speaking as someone who has also had a loss of nerve, this kind of story makes me so cross
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Some RSs are really good but some are really only after one thing - the cash!

As to holding him on a short rein cos he's dominant - hmph, my instinct would have been just the same as yours, OP.

There are some really good instructors about, but you need to shop about and find a good one.
 
the only thing that seems wrong is the CR*P riding school that put you on a horse like that at stage 2 level!! grr!! THEY are the ones that failed there, not you!
there are so many rubbish / ignorant riding schools / instructors out there, if you find the right one you will be smiling again
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Please dont go back to that place, sounds like utter hell!! Good luck and have fun!
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Bet I know where you went!!
If you fancy a trip to Berkshire come to us, we will give you a confidence building lesson ( and our horses won't rear!!)
 
[ QUOTE ]
omg it is like reading my life back, but I managed to do my stage 2 and do my stage 3 but now im 31 have experienced the panic attacks after having my son at 28 and loosing my mum at 6months preg. Im terrified of jumping but force myself to do it even bought a showjumper to give me confidence but had problems with her and doubted my abilities.

I can give good advice but can never seem to give it to myself.

you have inspired me I was about to give up (got 3 horses)

firstly buying things will mentally help you think that will help you to stay on but if you were to have another fall it will be back to square one.

are your horses quiet? you could get someone to lead you around till you feel a bit more confident. even if it is for 5 mins at a time start small and every step will be a step in the right direction.

think of it as starting to ride all over, there is nop shame in that, especially if you are going to achieve something, like a first jump again its going to be more than what we are doing at the moment

we both need to find the fun factor in horses again and just go from there.



Pm me if you want and keep me updated xxx (((hugs)))

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To think that I have actually inspired someone to continue with their horses is fantastic, I love horses and i love watching people turn up for their lessons on my yard they are so happy and smiling like I used to do. My horses are big 17.3hh warmbloods who act as they should for their breed, they are extremely sensitive when riden so i dont want them to lose confidence in me thats why i dont get on them as i dont want to stuff them up with my ridiculous confidence issues, im now getting angry with myself which i havent done before, maybe this is the turning point. I do want to keep in contact with anyone who has helped me but dont know how to do that as im crap on computers and have just joined this forum.
 
Stupid instructor, honestly these people are supposed to be professionals. I had a lesson recently on my 5 yr old who is so genuine but green, instructor told me I was doing everything wrong & must ride on very short contact, i kept telling her it didn't feel right but she insisted that I was wrong poor horse ended up rearing then rooted himself to the spot.
I have realised that you have to go with your instincts.

If I was you I would go to a different riding school and have some lessons and just have fun with it don't put to much pressure on yourself, it's a hobby and should be enjoyable.

When you feel more confident start bringing your horses back into work with an instructor you feel safe with.

Very best of luck.
 
Stay!
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Then you can update us all on how you're getting on, plus I bet you have lots of advice to give too with all that experience!
 
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Bet I know where you went!!
If you fancy a trip to Berkshire come to us, we will give you a confidence building lesson ( and our horses won't rear!!)

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Where do you think I went? I dont want to run any where down but maybe the cash was more of an incentive than the training?
 
Im cancelling my lesson with that old school and am going to book with another one who I know has horses that wont rear. I suppose i do have a fair bit of experience thinking about it, 3 years SPCA horse section in Africa, Equine charity in UK. I do understand extreme nerves in other people and i am able to help them I just cant help myself, but i think thats about to change,just knowing that there are people out there that care enough to reply makes me realise that im not alone in this and that perhaps it isnt always my fault. I will keep this site updated for anyone who is interested and hope more advice can be sent my way.
 
Im thinking that I also know where you went!! I will also mention that im not surprised.

Find somewhere really low key that has a nice hairy something safe. Have a private lesson and get the instructor to walk round with you. Theres no reason to push yourself, just do one step at a time, have fun and get yourself smiling on board a horse again.

Good luck
 
I completely lost my nerve a couple years ago, I'm still not great now.
I cant see who it was, but someone said take little steps, day one, just get on, don't move just sit there, then get off. day 2 get on and walk a few paces, get off, day 3, walk a bit more and so on.

get yourself a really good instructor too.

work for me
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Hello and welcome and have a large hot choccy
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I am forty-six. I too have a warmblood, probably 17hh now. A six year old chestnut mare that I love with all my heart. She's been a dingbat since I've had her (she was worse when younger), but we seem to go well together
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. I wasn't scared of her until last September - a silly fall, nobody's fault, but the result was a bleed on the brain and no riding for nearly three months, then horrible weather and a couple of yard moves and the no riding continued. Now I'm riding her again, and I'm so tense!
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She is feeling it and is getting upset (for upset read head shaking, pulling, jogging, bouncing, back coming up), which is making me worse
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. I cantered her on a hack and nearly came off again I was so tense, it was a close run thing. So of course my confidence took another knock
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. I got off Dizz and onto Daughter1's Little Cob. I had to gird my loins to canter him and he's never done anything scary - he'll bounce and ponce about and generally make me laugh, but I always felt safe on him. We did canter though, thanks to good Friend and to Daughter1 - Friend led and kept it steady and I knew she would stop as soon as I asked her to, and D1 cantered Dizz and I knew she would be okay.

So, I have a support network
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. A husband who will go out on his bike with me, Friend who will ride at whatever speed/distance I am happy with and who will also lend me Big Cob (who loves me 'cos I feed him carrots lol), and a daughter who can ride Dizz for me when I can't/will canter her until I am able to do it again - Dizz's stride is so powerful that I cannot sit to it, so get tense, etc. etc. etc.
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.

I've also found a lovely instructor who is able to push me, but also understand me
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. She rode Dizz on Saturday and whilst she is obviously far better than I am, I could see that she was doing what I used to do (back in the days when I could actually relax and soften my arms lol). She said Dizz just needs work and that I just need to ride. Simples
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. So, I rode yesterday - we walked in the school for half an hour. Just walked. And she was a star
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And I couldn't stop grinning
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. I got my daughter to go with me, and she trolled about on her pony (not sure which of them was most asleep lol). Daughter is going to ride with me every day, which means getting up early, but I used to ride her pony when he was being a twit, so it's evens
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.

I think what I'm trying to say is, get on. Get on something (safe!). As others have said, walk round in a circle then get off. Keep doing it until you want to walk round in another circle. Yesterday I was just going to walk round once then get off, but as we came round the corner I thought, hm, just once more round
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and so it went on. I flopped my arms and I wobbed them like jelly and I wibbled my hips, exagerating the movement, just to help everything loosen up and stop being so tense. I don't care if I looked stupid. I really don't care. It's my body, it's my horse; it's my deal and I'll deal with it my way
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. Dizz seemed to like the movement. She's a horse that likes to know the rider is there (firm but kind) and takes confidence from her rider. I found that were even odd moments when I wasn't scared, I zoned out of the fear and just rode
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.

Yikes, that was a long reply. Think I'll stop now
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. Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one and that little steps will get you to where you want to be - someone once asked Churchill how he got through hell (war), and he said, something like, "One step at a time".
 
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