Full Time Work, Horse & 6month old baby boy

[C123]

Hello,

Am wrecking my own head!!!

I had my baby boy 6 months ago, a 4 year old horse and am now going back to my full time job and am stressing about how am going to cope with it all!!
I don't want to miss out on my son but I also don't think I could part with my horse. I love him so much and he helps to de-stress me but am going back to my full time job as I need the money. My husband says he will help me out as much as he can. He also has his own hobby. I keep my horse at a livery yard and I take my son with me on the days am not ridding or my husband will come out some days with my son when I am riding or keep him at home. I'll be working 8am - 4:30pm, Monday to Friday.

Is it possible to have my horse, ride, look after my son and everything else or do I need to wake up and realise that something has to give, which will be my horse unfortunately, which will break my heart as I don't do anything else.

Please help!!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

So long as your OH is truly sharing the care, I don't see why you shouldn't both get quality time with your son and time for your own hobbies. You might need to adjust how you do your hobby, e.g. no competing for a while

 

[Midlifecrisis]

Yes it is but priorities tend to change…house may not be as clean and tidy as you d like…ironing may take a back seat…socialising reduced. It’s amazing how much you can do but it is tiring and of course as your son gets older his social life impacts things too, sometimes fo4 the good (play dates at friends gives you time but sports practice less..).

 

[honetpot]

You will not like this, but you can not do the two things well at this stage. I would mothball the horse on the cheapest livery and just have pleasure of going and seeing him, with your child. I had two small children and a horse most of the time at grass livery, and a stable in my large garden. I think the youngest has to be a a least a year before you can start making meaningful riding plans. Before I had the children I used to hack out five times a week, sometimes out for a couple of hours, that stopped until I was taking them hacking five times a week, but I was mainly on foot. In the end I sold the horse for something that I could bring on for my oldest, but I didn't work full time.
When my children were really small I would treat myself good lessons on someone else's horse, because you just turn up and ride, so in some respects my riding improved, because I was not worrying that I had to train my horse.

 

[timbobs]

I struggled to ride at all when my son was 6 months, and I wasn't even back at work!

I'm now working 3 days per week and I picked riding back up again when he was around a year old and needed me a bit less. I still only ride my share horse twice a week or so (not at all atm as I'm pregnant again) and it's usually a quick schooling session with a longer hack thrown in every few weeks depending on the light/weather.

I tend to ride at 5am ish or after bedtime so at weird hours but it means I can fit it in without feeling guilty!

It's so hard to fit it all in so don't beat yourself up if it's not all going perfectly all the time.

 

[GinaGeo]

That sounds like a lot of plates, with a young baby.

If you have support it would be possible, but you’re probably going to feel guilty about not giving any of it your all - such is mum life.

I do my horse jobs with baby strapped to my back in a carrier. I can also lunge, and do in hand work like this.

For riding, help is needed. Unless you can time it with a nap. Which will be hard if you’re working in the day.

I’d probably try and find a sharer / freelancer to help with horse care / exercise so you can have a break one or two days a week.

And work out a plan with husband, for him having little one whilst you have an hour with horse a day.

It is tough. I’m juggling more horses, but less days of work. And do have a good support network. It’s doable. But not easy.

Check out the Equestrian Mum’s Club. They have a podcast. It’s nice to know you’re not the only one trying to make it work, and there are some ideas from others on how they make it work

 

[Equi]

Of course you can do it all, it’s just about being organised

 

[Barton Bounty]

Yeah absolutely you can have it all, as much as you love your son, it will be nice to get some you time and some horsey time. You will start enjoying that too and look forward to seeing them when you get home

 

[abbijay]

I had twins and after a year went back to work 3d a week but I had no childcare cover during working hours so it was limited as if I worked full time (rising to full time over the next few years). My husband worked 4 1/2 days a week while doing a masters and training to compete in endurance sport (the sort of stuff that required hours on a turbo trainer in the garage plus getting out on the trails frequently). Life was busy and not always easy!
My horse was on part livery and I had a sharer 2-3 days a week. I would go up to muck out and (sometimes) ride after my hubby got home from work. I never tried to ride when I was alone with the kids, even on a busy yard with others around, until they were about 9!
I was able to ride throughout and I even competed with some success over the years. But there were compromises: we rarely had time as a couple, dinner in our house was 10pm most nights (sometimes as late as 11 when the alarm would go off again at 6.15am), we used the phrase "tag team parenting" as we took lots of opportunities to get out and pursue our hobbies, I had a VERY limited social life because I couldn't afford and was sacrificing riding time if I went anywhere. My career became more of a "job", I just didn't have the extra energy to pursue opportunities and development. My kids were 6 when I realised I had time/energy again to really progress - i thought to myself one night "I'd be incredible at work if I gave half as much to it as i do the horses." so that's what I resolved to do; give work 50% of my capable push (it was still 50% more than they were getting before that).
I couldn't have given up my horse, he remains the love of my life, a huge facet of my personality and the main thing that gives me a release from my responsibilities but it wasn't always easy.
I'm going to let you in on a motherhood secret that I like to call "the perpetual guilt of being a mum" - no matter what you are doing you will find yourself feeling guilty that you aren't being the best at everything all the time! Nowadays we expect to be career women, amazing mothers, maintain a strong relationship with our partner, have interests (because it makes us interesting and happy people), have friends, be fit and healthy, etc. We can be all these things but we can't be perfect at any of them while we are also trying to succeed in the other bits... but that's ok! If you're trying to be as good as you can be you're probably doing way better at these things than you think!
Now my kids are in high school; I have jumped up the career ladder several huge steps, I have 2 horses on our own land, I weigh more than I did a decade ago but I can still walk for miles and drag haybales around, I have wonderful friends who don't expect me to be available every other Saturday night but are there for me when we need each other, and the hubby and I are still bumbling along happily together. My life isn't perfect and the journey certainly hasn't been but if you work out your priorities you can have what matters most to you.
Good luck in whatever you decide is right for you!