Funniest hacking encounters

[GypsGal1718]

Just for a bit of a chuckle share yours, me first,
So me and another person were riding up a lane each riding one horse and leading on on each side, ( this was back at a yard I worked where we had alit of horses to hack and they were v sensible so we could do this) and this older man came up to us and said,”you’re too greedy you have to many horses ( and a series of unidentified words) to us ! And we tried to explain they were not ours but he was having none of if…

 

[Spotherisk]

A bloke going for a wee behind the football clubhouse. He would have been hidden from walkers, but horse riders… nope!

 

[Glitterandrainbows]

Someone blocked me and my friend in and asked for some horse hair we asked why he said I just need it, I said if you come any closer she will kick you (she wouldn’t) I ended up saying she’s growling at you. Also made a enemy of local postman as they nearly hit us round a blind bend and slam the door as I’m passing all the time friends think it’s hilarious that I am so annoyed at the post people

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

A couple of nudist ramblers

 

[Pinkvboots]

We struggled to get down the lane once as a parked car on a layby was literally rocking with some sort of activity goingbon in it neither of our horses liked it much, I wouldn't mind but it was only lunchtime

 

[Petalpoos]

I got off my horse and went a way off the bridleway into some bushes to have a wee. Up on top of the downs, miles from anywhere, no one around. My horse then starts dragging me, mid wee and with my jods around my ankles, out onto the bridleway. Turns out she had heard a troop of Boy Scouts, all rather knackered after climbing the hill and hence quiet. I am not sure who was most embarrassed, but trying to get my jods and knickers pulled up with one hand while the other was trying to hang on to a snorting horse did not help.

 

[shortstuff99]

I had a group of teenagers heckle me from their car saying

Them: "hahaha you're riding a horse!" ,
Me:.......
Them: "and it has four legs!"
Me:.... as opposed to?
Them: err 3
Me:.......
Them:........ (drives off)

 

[JFTDWS]

I was hacking through the village once when an older couple approached in a vintage car. Tiny wee bloke driving, almost invisible between his hat and driving gloves, and a woman in the passenger seat who gave the general vibe of the Queen.

As they’re driving toward me, the front wheel of the car detaches and rolls across the road towards my horse. Slow motion falls on its side in front of us.

Tiny bloke jumps out of the car and picks up the wheel, pushing it back towards the car.

I asked if he was OK. He says everything was fine, like this sort of thing happened all the time

I’ve had doggers, general shaggers, men whipping themselves out for a slash without even so much as a cursory glance around them, but nothing so weird as the rebellious wheel, and the complete lack of response from the occupants of the car!

 

[Spiritedly]

A bloke going for a wee behind the football clubhouse. He would have been hidden from walkers, but horse riders… nope!

I had similar only it was a group of 3 cyclists who had pulled over and having a wee behind a bush, I don't think they realised the side they were on was beside a byway.
I said 'I can see you' in a perfectly normal voice and 2 of them turned and started pulling up lycia...I really hope they had finished...and the 3rd just nodded and said 'morning' as he carried on

 

[Tinsel]

I got off my horse and went a way off the bridleway into some bushes to have a wee. Up on top of the downs, miles from anywhere, no one around. My horse then starts dragging me, mid wee and with my jods around my ankles, out onto the bridleway. Turns out she had heard a troop of Boy Scouts, all rather knackered after climbing the hill and hence quiet. I am not sure who was most embarrassed, but trying to get my jods and knickers pulled up with one hand while the other was trying to hang on to a snorting horse did not help.

 

[Caol Ila]

My friend's story beats all of mine.

She was hacking in the woods in Germany. She had to pee, so got off her horse and went into a bush on the side of the trail.

Once she'd committed herself, she realised she was squatting right beside an army recruit lying on the ground in full camo, on a training exercise. They locked eyes but she was in the middle of a wee, and he was under orders not to move, so they both had to live with this awkward situation for thirty seconds.

 

[planete]

Riding my young horse on a small road in Snowdonia with a fairly steady stream of tourist traffic coming towards us. Horse unbothered walking on steadily until he caught sight of a Robin Reliant and promptly tried to turn tail. My cheerful greeting of "ah, ah, I think my horse has learnt to count" was greeted with a very stony face. Well, I thought it was funny and I had never thought a horse would notice a car only had three wheels...

 

[rextherobber]

My friend's story beats all of mine.

She was hacking in the woods in Germany. She had to pee, so got off her horse and went into a bush on the side of the trail.

Once she'd committed herself, she realised she was squatting right beside an army recruit lying on the ground in full camo, on a training exercise. They locked eyes but she was in the middle of a wee, and he was under orders not to move, so they both had to live with this awkward situation for thirty seconds.

I thought nothing could beat the Boy Scouts, but I was wrong

 

[Snowfilly]

Riding down a rarely used bridle way - one of those the land owners keep mostly inaccessible to stop you being there while being just this side of the law - on a high ridge past some houses and there was a chap sunbathing starkers in his back garden.

He squawked and covered himself up quickly! To be fair, there was no way you’d have seen him if you weren’t on a horse as there was a high fence all around and a drop to the garden.

 

[humblepie]

Quiet lane. Waiting at junction with car just behind me. Out of a sloping drive way at side of us teenager lying down on big skate board thing appears and zooms straight in front of horse. Horse and I both so surprised neither of us flinched. Car driver and me then in fits of laughter as so random.

 

[HopOnTrot]

A naked old man. He did apologise and explain he was a naturist, his static backed onto farmland.

He was also out a few weeks later during a fun ride which caused many complaints from parents

 

[HopOnTrot]

Oh and I once encountered a snogging couple of the front seat (same seat) she was dressed in running gear so I suspect it was a secret meeting. I walked past for full awkwardness

 

[AppyLover1996]

Out hacking last night on my spotty lad :

Walking up the road and a lovely old lady asks to say hi and to give my pony a scratch. I of course say she's more than welcome to and she comes over with a polo, said pony takes it gently and stands there getting pats and generally puffing his chest out like a peacock displaying his plumage... conversation goes as follows :

Lady : "How long does it take to paint his spots on in the morning?"
Me : "No time as he was born with them, he's part Appaloosa"
Lady : "Oh an Appaloosa, like the ones the Native Indians ride in those western films?"
Me : "Yeah kinda, he's crossed with a New Forest pony so not pure Appaloosa, but yeah I suppose you could compare him to the Appy's in the western films"
Lady : "Ah he seems like a lovely chap, I bet he isn't scared of anything!"
Billy (My pony) : Prompty craps himself at a cat coming out the bushes, shoots sideways doing the most beautiful half pass but almost runs over poor old lady
Lady : "Well cats are an exception but I'm not fond of them either so that response is perfectly justified"
Me : "Ironically he dozes in the stable yard with the owner's cat sat on his butt most days, so he's actually fine with cats, he's just being a prat"
Lady : "Oh dear, he's a bit special isn't he"
Me : "In more ways than one!"

Made the Old Lady smile and put a smile on my face so I take it as a win - even if Billy was a drama llama over the cat...


The other time, I was hacking through some beautiful countryside and came across a rather interesting scene of 4 people getting funky in the bushes, they didn't notice me, but I felt obliged to yell out "Horse coming through" in case one was scared or they scared Billy, to which I head "Ohhhh maybe she's got a whip for some spanking Master! I'd love to be spanked" - I've never cantered away so fast in my life!

 

[Gallop_Away]

I got off my horse and went a way off the bridleway into some bushes to have a wee. Up on top of the downs, miles from anywhere, no one around. My horse then starts dragging me, mid wee and with my jods around my ankles, out onto the bridleway. Turns out she had heard a troop of Boy Scouts, all rather knackered after climbing the hill and hence quiet. I am not sure who was most embarrassed, but trying to get my jods and knickers pulled up with one hand while the other was trying to hang on to a snorting horse did not help.

My husband and I had a similar incident. Out riding through the foresty on a beautiful summer afternoon. Husband declares he needs a wee so hops off his horse and gives him to me to hold.

Mid pee my husband's normally well mannered gelding suddenly starts bouncing about and leaps sideways and I completely loose my grip on his reins. Normally he'd find the nearest patch of grass and stay put but on this occasion, he starts trotting off up the foresty track.

Hubby, with his manhood still exposed gives chase. Gelding is hot footing it away, hubby doing some strange shuffle after him whilst trying to tuck himself back in, and I'm laughing too hard to help anyone

He finally caught up with his horse and put himself away a split second before a group of middle aged women out for an afternoon ramble rounded the bend just ahead of them. Poor women almost got an eyeful

 

[Ratface]

I was out in deepest Woolwich, South-East London, walking my German Shepherd. She was a very well-trained, responsive dog. I had taken her to all the Good Citizen's Dog Training Schemes and we'd achieved the whole lot and had won at the show at the end of the training. After successful training steps, we were encouraged to say "Sausages?" and treat our dogs with small pieces of cooked sausage.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a half-naked man ran down some steps to our right, waving his erect appendage. GSD froze: I said "Away" with the appropriate arm signal and added "Sausages!!" GSD went to the length of the horse lead rope that I always walked her on, and dived up the steps barking. Bloke froze, tried to turn round, tripped over his feet, and fell in a heap. Screamed as GSD stood over him, panting happily. I let a couple of minutes pass, and gave the command to leave and return to me, which she did. Never saw him again . . .

 

[FitzyFitz]

I was once riding past a sports ground and a group of lads yelled out "how many horsepower is it?" in gales of laughter. I said "one, but it's a four cylinder engine" then pointed to each leg which got a bit more laughter.

Another time I was riding on a grey who has 3 socks, but of course you can't see the socks as he's all white anyway. A little boy asked me why my horses feet didn't match and I explained it was because he had white skin on 3 legs and black on one and his nails matched his skin. Little boy held out his hand and asked if that was true, why were his nails white. I had to admit I was stumped but would try and find out in case we met again and suggested he ask his science teacher. (turns out it's just a slight mutation on the gene that controls keratin colour that humans have but horses don't, or vice versa, but I never did see him again)

I was once riding alongside a river and failed to spot a fisherman down the bank in camoflague who stood up to see who was coming and scared the hell out of my poor pony The same riverside track was once blocked off for use as a temporary campsite (it was by a big open tree plantation) except they hadn't finished setting up yet so by the time I got to the end and realised my path was blocked by plastic tape the workers just had to hold it up as high as possible so I could get underneath.

Also many many occasions running into couples who had snuck away for a quiet moment, I rode in a city and the bridleways were generally set slightly back off the normal leisure routes, behind hedges so quite tempting as a hiding spot. Mostly just a bit of "whoops sorry just coming by" and mortified faces all round but I once came cantering around a bend and had to do a sliding stop to avoid a couple who jumped up so fast I hope noone got an injury.

Because the tracks were often pretty busy I had a few near misses because people apparently can't see a 500kg animal covered in hi-vis, but the funniest one was when I was riding along a narrow path head on towards someone walking and looking at their phone, with big headphones on. I called out but they couldn't hear me, didn't look up from the screen once even though we were in view for quite a long time. No way for me to get off the path or pull over it was just a single track, so I slowed my pony right down and stopped before we reached them, they still didn't look up until their phone screen was blocked by my pony's muzzle

 

[humblepie]

Oh and I once encountered a snogging couple of the front seat (same seat) she was dressed in running gear so I suspect it was a secret meeting. I walked past for full awkwardness

Oh gosh yes years ago there’d be two cars parked in a lay by up the road just after 5pm …. Couple in one car …. then both leave in own cars. Was a regular occurrence. Would always wave.

 

[suestowford]

I once went riding at a place in West London ( this was many years ago and I don't think it's still open). It was just me and an escort rider, who was charming. She said we'll go for a canter round the training ring, which was a huge circle, with scrub trees & bushes in the middle of it. She also said it's in Time Out cruising guide so don't be alarmed if you see a lot of naked men in the bushes.
There were indeed men in the bushes, their heads would pop up as they heard the horses coming past. Like a lot of little jack-in-a-boxes
We went round twice as we were having so much fun with all of this.

 

[SEL]

My friend's story beats all of mine.

She was hacking in the woods in Germany. She had to pee, so got off her horse and went into a bush on the side of the trail.

Once she'd committed herself, she realised she was squatting right beside an army recruit lying on the ground in full camo, on a training exercise. They locked eyes but she was in the middle of a wee, and he was under orders not to move, so they both had to live with this awkward situation for thirty seconds.

I'd be mortified!!!

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

Some corkers on here (sad ones too) , there have been much earlier threads, one about 10 yrs ago had some crackers, but cant find it!

 

[SEL]

I used to hack over Cannock Chase for hours so that has given me plenty of eye opening encounters. I was mainly on a very easy to hack warmblood so if he started to play up there was usually good reason

- stopped dead one day and started staring at a spot in the distance and snorting. There was nothing there until suddenly my ears caught an odd noise. A man was playing the bagpipes in the middle of the Chase. Apparently it was a pretty common scenario but we chose to go a different route.
- couldn't understand why he was getting all snorty over a dog being walked until I realised someone was walking a giant goat.....
- heading home one day in the pouring rain and the track took us past one of those quiet (but infamous) car parking areas on the Chase. There was a small blue car with steamed up windows gently rocking from side to side. I tried very hard to go a different route but it was cold, wet and tea time so we had a bit of a meltdown and I decided just to go past with my eyes averted - horse did not avert his eyes and I heard a squeal from inside the car. I just kept riding!!

Out with the trekking centre one day and we came across a man in full drag, makeup smeared everywhere and sky high. He was given bright and cheery Good Mornings from a dozen riders

 

[Cinnamontoast]

Hacking my thoroughbred on a lane, car coming so I tapped her withers to tuck her in, she promptly took off. I stopped her and she'd half thrown a shoe, so off I popped, grabbed a bemused looking workman to hold her while I carefully took off the shoe, there was no way we could have walked back to the yard with it half off. He was stunning, just stood quietly, didn't say a word, just held her beautifully. I was dying!

 

[rabatsa]

During 60 years of riding and carriage driving I have come across most things. Copulating couples, even a three some are two a penny. However the most bizarre event was when carriage driving with the RDA. There must have been a convention for something like a computer game or Game of Thrones sort of thing. Folks in costume, obviously of different ranks and hierachies, all playing along to some sort of script or other.

So two RDA carriages, each driven by a disabled driver, with coach beside, and two bicycles in front and two behind - four cyclists, my carriage also had a carer seated behind the driver.

As we aproached the enactors a roar went up (there must have been at least 25 of them) and they all to a man/woman lined the track and fell to their knees with foreheads on the ground. I took over the driving as my horse grew to 16 hands and passaged past them and would have bolted given half a chance, the following pony looked but was happy to follow us. When we returned they had moved on and we never saw them again.

 

[meleeka]

Oh gosh yes years ago there’d be two cars parked in a lay by up the road just after 5pm …. Couple in one car …. then both leave in own cars. Was a regular occurrence. Would always wave.

There’s a scrap man that meets a woman outside my house once a week, in his Transit. They can’t be partners, they are far too affectionate with each other

 

[Fieldlife]

Some brilliant ones. I once came back from a hack and the road immediately outside our field was having some work done filing holes in road!! I had to hand my highly suspiscious horse to one of the workers, so I could open field gate (paddlocked) and lead him through the roadworks. (I normally held him whilst unlocking, but wasnt possible or safe whilst roadworks in progress.) I took a photo of the worker holding my 17hh horse in middle of the hot tar roadworks! And then at their request airdropped them to photo too.

I used to ride in the Watermeadows behind Ham House by the river and disturb Naturists and people meeting up!