Funniest/Rudest things someone has said to you whilst riding

F

fine_and_dandy

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 August 2005
Messages
2,795
Location
Hiding in the Cadbury Factory
Visit site
I have just been having a chinwag with a friend and we got talking about the above and started laughing at the things that people have said to us whilst we've been riding, and it really cheered me up. Some of mine are:

*S riding G's rather bouncy horse*
"How on earth do you sit to this canter?"

G: SH@G THE SADDLE!!

S(yelling) : I'M A VIRGIN!!!

I fell off the fence laughing at that!
blush.gif


Perhaps my favourite:

My instructor (said in very lazy tone): Kirsty, are you a muppet?

Me (very indignantly): No!!

Him: THEN STOP F*****G RIDING LIKE ONE!!
grin.gif


So what are yours?
 
By showjumping trainer after falling off in first lesson
"would you like to learn to ride first"
Next lesson we got
"You should work for British Rail - you'd make a good passenger"
Cheeky bu**er
Still he's the best trainer I've ever used - got me from being worried at anything over 2'3" to jumping 3'9" sqaure oxers on a 14.2 cobby pony !!
 
In forest out plodding on a hack and came across another horse, also plodding, and about 100 yards away.

"STAY BACK!!! STAY BACK HE'S A STALLION!!! KEEP BACK!!"
shocked.gif


So was mine.
smirk.gif
Both were behaving with perfect manners and really were not close, so why the need to shout?!
 
As a student I used to do some ad hoc work for a local dressage yard. The Owner was lovely but very rich/posh and really quite batty.
During one lesson I had the following statement yelled at me!
‘Girl you have fat thighs, I used to have fat thighs but lost them when I had a baby. I think you should have a baby’
 
'It's you what needs the exercise, not the f3456£$^ horse you fat F*&*(%^ T*(&*('

That was lovely. I was speechless! Especially considering the fact it was said by a boy racer and witnessed by his very attractive Vicky Pollard impersonator girlfriend. I felt it was his retaliation to the fact that as I galloped up the moor towards them he shouted 'F%^& ME!' and I said 'not if you were the last penis on this earth'. Embarrassment does funny things to people. I was upset by it and wouldn't ride my horse for days! But it's quite funny looking back!
 
[ QUOTE ]
In forest out plodding on a hack and came across another horse, also plodding, and about 100 yards away.

"STAY BACK!!! STAY BACK HE'S A STALLION!!! KEEP BACK!!"
shocked.gif


So was mine.
smirk.gif
Both were behaving with perfect manners and really were not close, so why the need to shout?!

[/ QUOTE ]

PMSL that reminds me of the time a mini shetland escaped and muffinino and I amongst others were trying to get the little b*gger (it was called honey bee - cue sick green faced smiley!). Anyway it ran back towards us and the owner yelled out, "CROUCH DOWN!!" to which everyone but us did and it ran past them all
grin.gif


It only stopped when it ran into a friend of ours who is on the cuddly side. Still makes us laugh now
smile.gif
 
I used to ride ex cavalry horses (who were all naughty ceremonial rejects!) at a Military Saddle Club, I don't think my Instructor ever said one thing that wasn't rude or a double entendre!

I did find it easiest to teach rising trot to Officer Cadets by telling them "Think... In, out, in, out!" Along the same lines as Fine and Dandy's "Sh*g the saddle!" It worked a treat.
 
[ QUOTE ]
As a student I used to do some ad hoc work for a local dressage yard. The Owner was lovely but very rich/posh and really quite batty.
During one lesson I had the following statement yelled at me!
‘Girl you have fat thighs, I used to have fat thighs but lost them when I had a baby. I think you should have a baby’

[/ QUOTE ]

PMSL!
 
Many years ago I had a lesson with a former Olympic medallist and well-known womaniser on my new, very bouncy TB. Not realising I was only 15 at the time, his suggestion was:

"Just imagine it's a good looking boy you're riding!!"

I was laughing so hard that it worked!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Many years ago I had a lesson with a former Olympic medallist and well-known womaniser on my new, very bouncy TB. Not realising I was only 15 at the time, his suggestion was:

"Just imagine it's a good looking boy you're riding!!"

I was laughing so hard that it worked!

[/ QUOTE ]

HEHEHEHEHEHEE!
This is BRILLIANT.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Think someone asked me (man of course!) if I get aroused when riding as a certain part of the female anatomy is very close to the pommel!!!

I promptly said NO!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Someone on here, I think it was scotsmare, mentioned on another thread a few months ago, that when she was a child, she and her friend were out riding their ponies, and a random man asked them if the saddle made their thingies wet.
blush.gif
That is quite disturbing, actually. And no less disturbing is your man asking you if it arouses you!
blush.gif
 
Whilst out hacking a 'older' i.e drawing a pension aged man stopped his car, wound down his window and shouted ' You can ride me any time' I nearly fell off I was laughing so much.

One other was when out for a hack with my best friend, who rides occasionaly when the feeling takes her on one of mine. She has a certain part of her intimate areas pierced and we were talking about it in reference to horse riding she turned to me and said 'why do you think I come out hacking with you?' I felt sorry for my poor horse - that had never even crossed my mind
wink.gif
 
A couple of weeks ago when I was out hacking 3 drunken young men in an old car screeched to a halt and one of them yelled out the window 'What's that big hairy thing you've got between your legs!'. I burst out laughing (I know I shouldnt have done, but it was funny
grin.gif
).

They then tore off hooting and shouting and leaving half their tyres on the road and about 45 seconds later there was a another screech of brakes, followed by a loud BANG and then silence. Oh dear.
crazy.gif
 
I wasn't riding at the time but...My OH's grandad (whom I met for the first time at Christmas) was talking to me to get to know me, and was on his best behaviour to be polite. We all sat down for dinner and he asked about the horses. The next thing he said was, "So, do you get all leathered up when you go riding?"

I swear to god I PMSL at the table. OH's mum didn;t know where to look. I couldn't stop laughing for ages after that!
 
Playing polo, 2 girls and 2 guys in the lesson, our instructor said to me and my friend; 'You see, you two have a weakness to the boys; a lack of w*nking muscle. I don't care how you build it up, but I imagine I've just made your boyfriends very happy!'
blush.gif
 
''I dont know who'd got the biggest arse, you or the horse'' from a little cheaky little boy at the bus stop, I couldnt help but laugh!
grin.gif
blush.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]

‘Girl you have fat thighs, I used to have fat thighs but lost them when I had a baby. I think you should have a baby’

[/ QUOTE ]

lol!!!!
 
My recently departed (RIP Bob
frown.gif
) ex Military Instructor

"why are you sticking your backside out, Do you want me to smack it for you, you naughty little woman"

"i'm never getting in a car with you again, we'd set off for Southampton and end up in Cornwall" (about my approach to a fence)

can't think of any other repeatable ones.

But the best ones ever

"sit up"
"If you are leaning forward you are halfway off"
"How can you ride a horse if you are not physically fit"
"You want to get some work down that mare"

Miss you Bob
frown.gif
 
This wasn't in the surrey area was it, with a rather crusty but well known eccentric who's surname begins with H?

She used to call me 'girl' the one I'm thinking of
 
lmao at these replies, mine was out hacking n i felt lopsided so i shout to my mum am i cockeyed? only to hear a man replying you look pretty dam straight to me
blush.gif
!!
 
Have had the saying as well "whats that hairy thing between your legs?" was funny... then there was:

"Lucky saddle" from some builders working on a house that we were riding past.... and then:

some guy shouted out from a passing car "what a beautiful girl!" to which the girlfiend of the driver leant out of the back seat of the car to shout "he meant the horse not you!" lol that was funny.... not...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top