GAH I give up (sharer related)

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louisevictoria

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Does anyone here have sharers they can actually rely on? As my faith is rapidly disappearing.
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I have a sharer for my gelding, the arrangement is she hacks him out during the week in order to keep his fitness up over the winter. She doesn't have to do any stable chores, empty wheelbarrows etc unless she wants to (my horses are kept at home). So all she has to do is turn up, drag horse in from paddock and ride.

I think she is losing interest as now if she turns up at all it is normally an hour late and too dark to hack on roads. I have had no contact from her in over a week and today I get a text message saying 'hi have been away, may pop up after work' now the away part I can understand but surely is is good manners just to let someone know if you are going away? So I have texted her back saying can you please let me know for definate if you are coming over ? No reply yet.

Sorry this post has got a bit long, I seldom whinge on here but really do think she is taking the pee slightly now
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If anyone is looking for a horse to exercise in the Totnes/Newton Abbot area please PM me
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I once tried having a sharer it last 2 weeks like you she didn't have to do anything just ride but she was useless she worked shift so wanted to come up in the morning so left my horse in obviously mucked out and fed her then went to work (over an hour away) then at 11 she called and said oh i cant go up this morning sorry!! 1. i dont call 11 morning (well in horse terms!) and 2. If it wasn't for my dad being around she would have been stuck in all day!!!!
Never again!
 
I was a sharer for 2 yeatrs up until I bought my own recently. I always informed owner if I was away and paid for the time I was away too out of courtesy. Pity I never got the same courtesies from her sometimes! There are reliable nice sharers out there honest. I see so many sharer bashing posts (and rightly so on this occasion) and it is such a shame as we are not all like that.
 
That is rubbish. But there are good sharers out there I promise. I've been one!

I gave plenty of notice about holidays and always turned up on my days. I never said I couldn't ride on a day I had organised to, although I did have to have a month off injured. In fact the owner mucked me about more, by arranging for someone to view the horse on my day and not telling me until the actual day and eventually moving him to a different yard and not telling me just letting me find out second hand and then ignoring my messages!!!
 
I think a lot of the problem relating to sharers is that it is not their horse, so they treat riding as a 'nice to do' rather than a 'must do' like an owner would.
I have had exactly the same experiences - my 'sharer' was a girl who worked as a groom at the yard and lived there!! And she still couldn't be bothered to ride my mare.
Yes, I agree there are good sharers out there, and owners who probably mess them about, but I would say that, especially in winter when it is dark and wet and horrible, the thought of riding someone else's horse just doesn't seem that appealing to some people...
 
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I gave plenty of notice about holidays and always turned up on my days. I never said I couldn't ride on a day I had organised to, although I did have to have a month off injured. In fact the owner mucked me about more, by arranging for someone to view the horse on my day and not telling me until the actual day and eventually moving him to a different yard and not telling me just letting me find out second hand and then ignoring my messages!!!

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I've had this exact same problem! With my first share, because the owners kept the horses tack at theirs most of the time (i sometimes took it back home with me) i would arrange with them to meet them at stables to ride. One day i had arranged to meet them i sat there for nearly an hour and a half waiting for them, texted them to find out they weren't going down. They then got other people riding horses and eventually moved them without telling me (only found out when i texted to see if it was possible to ride that week) girl who just started riding them knew all about the move though! The owners said they still wanted me to ride horse but ignored all my calls or made excuses why i couldn't ride. Tbh i have never felt more used (horses were originally kept about a 5 min drive from min so i was able to go down and feed etc when owners couldn't).

I have since found another share. i dont have set days to ride but i told the horses owner from the start i work really unsociable hours and when i finish work its too dark to ride atm. We regularly email though and when im down there she will occasionally pop down (lives a 1min walk away from horse!) to see if im happy with everything etc.
 
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I gave plenty of notice about holidays and always turned up on my days. I never said I couldn't ride on a day I had organised to, although I did have to have a month off injured. In fact the owner mucked me about more, by arranging for someone to view the horse on my day and not telling me until the actual day and eventually moving him to a different yard and not telling me just letting me find out second hand and then ignoring my messages!!!

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I've had this exact same problem! With my first share, because the owners kept the horses tack at theirs most of the time (i sometimes took it back home with me) i would arrange with them to meet them at stables to ride. One day i had arranged to meet them i sat there for nearly an hour and a half waiting for them, texted them to find out they weren't going down. They then got other people riding horses and eventually moved them without telling me (only found out when i texted to see if it was possible to ride that week) girl who just started riding them knew all about the move though! The owners said they still wanted me to ride horse but ignored all my calls or made excuses why i couldn't ride. Tbh i have never felt more used (horses were originally kept about a 5 min drive from min so i was able to go down and feed etc when owners couldn't).

I have since found another share. i dont have set days to ride but i told the horses owner from the start i work really unsociable hours and when i finish work its too dark to ride atm. We regularly email though and when im down there she will occasionally pop down (lives a 1min walk away from horse!) to see if im happy with everything etc.

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Yep used is just how I felt. I'd looked after her horse for a week solid and saved her the cost of full livery so she could go on holiday with her boyfriend, i'd put loads of work into schooling him too, everyone commented upon how nicely he was going and then I had it all pulled out from under me without a word of explanation.

She used to really take the pee to be honest, I used to think he was a really mucky horse in the stable but then I found out that she didn't muck out the day before I went up. Her trug for skipping out was always full when I got there too and often he would have been stabled with no exercise for a couple of days as well.

I was really upset that I just got back from my holidays to find him gone but with hindsight I was probably better off out of it.

Vowed never to put myself through it again.
 
I think sharers get such a bad rep on this forum
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I used to share a horse 4 days per week, she was 30 minutes away from me each way so quite a journey. I was paying a lot of money each month to share said horse, however the owner was useless at getting the farrier booked so horse always lost shoes and I couldn't ride, then she needed a new saddle which took 8 weeks to arrive and I couldn't ride during that time... all the time I was paying £110 a month to basically muck out a horse. She gave me a 'discount' when I wasn't able to ride due to farrier or saddle but I still had to pay £80/month just to look after her horse. The owner also got another girl to ride the horse on the days that I didn't, who jumped it and jumped it until said horse got stale and blew her mind... not fun. Not to mention the days I went down after having a few days off to find that horse hadn't been mucked out at all and I would have to spend 2 hours gutting the whole stable as I couldn't leave it in such a mess
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I now ride some gorgeous horses for a lovely couple... I keep their ridden horses ticking over and go up when they can't get to the yard (they have a very busy job with long hours) to check on and feed the oaps/babies/broodmare as well as bring in the horses that are in at night. I do yard jobs if there are any to be done, am happy to do so as it gives me break from home (which for one reason or another is quite bad at the moment). They know that they can call me at short notice/early hours of the morning and I am normally able to pop down to the yard if something has cropped up at work and they can't get down. I don't mind at all after all, it's the least I can do! They take me hunting and their cob has taught me so much, he has looked after me impeccably out hunting this season and I can't wait to get out again. I think/hope they are happy with the situation... I certainly am and won't be leaving them anytime soon as I have learnt SO much from them and their horses!

Sooo, there are some good sharers out there... you just have to find them
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ETA: Communication is the fundamental thing when it comes to sharing horses. Both the owner and the rider/sharer need to be in contact regularly... we are always texting/ringing/leaving notes at the yard for eachother and rarely go a day without some form of contact. That way everyone knows what's going on. If your sharer isn't playing ball and not contacting you I'd get rid, it's such a vital bit to making a share work.

You also need to get on well with the person who is helping you, with my last share horse her owner and I got on ok but it sometimes felt very false. The horses' owners that I help out with now both have a cracking sense of humour and we are all on the same wavelength so have a good laugh when we are all at the yard!
 
It seems to be really difficult to get a good balance. I shared my horse when I first went to uni and it only lasted for the first term. I used to come back for the 4 days I had free and end up so stressed out I wasn't enjoying my horse.

After the first week the sharer decided she was scared of my horse and would just lunge her rather than riding, which wasn't a problem as at the time she was fairly green so probably did her good, but also a bit wierd. A couple of times I got to the yard and the sharer had taken my tack home with her and I couldn't ride. WTF! She used to buy things for my horse without asking then bill me for them. And she always used a whole bale of shavings over the 3 days I was away, yet when I came back to my very clean tidy horse the bed was so wet I had to take most of it out. It drove me mad and I have sworn to never share again. In the end I decided to take my horse to uni with me (promise I gave the lady notice rather than just taking my horse in the middle of the night!)

It is unfortunate that the unreliable people spoil the chance for others who are looking to share.
 
when i shared a horse from the yard i worked at, myself and the horses owner worked out exactly what days we would do and we stuck to them. She had 2 young children so i offered to do saturdays and sundays, which worked out well since i could do local weekend shows.
She did go on holiday every few weeks but i didn't mind as it just meant i got to ride an extra 4 days.
In my experience of sharing, good communication was the key.
 
Dont get me started on sharers. Mind expected to ride my horse 5 days a week whenever she wanted with no yard duties and no contribution. When I expressed concerns, her sister, who had a horse on livery on our yard, tried to turm the whole yard against me as I was 'slagging her sister off'. It resulted in my banning said girl from riding my horse and telling YO it was me or the other livery. As I have two horses on full livery and he had one on grass keep, and she was a right mouthy so and so, I was the one that stayed.

My poor horse was hammered by her every day (he is 16 and although in good health and sound I want to keep him that way), he was just left hot and sweaty after hacks and my tack was never cleaned. I put up with it for a month. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER AGAIN.
 
I have an absolutely wonderful sharer
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She has been part loaning my horse nearly a year and I'd be lost without her now. She pays me when she's away, gives me extra from time to time just to help me out (I never ask - she is just lovely!) and I'd trust her totally with my horse. She's also 100% reliable and always lets me know when she will be down to ride / if she can't make it. My boy is on full 7 day livery so it doesn't matter if one us can't make it down anyway - but even if she can't ride she'll pop down to give him an apple!

We've become friends in the past year and she now regularly comes out as my 'groom / helper' with me and my pony I compete on, to help out and for moral support!!

I think owners have to put in the time and effort to make a good loan work. When she 1st started loaning my horse, she was quite novice so I used to go doen whenevr she wanted me to to help out. I arranged some lessons with my friend for her and I hope I have always been helpful. I've always also been totally flexible on when she rides - and her little girl also rides. I'm in a position to do so as I have another pony, but I plan my riding around her now - and in the holidays (we're both teachers) am happy for her to ride every day if she wants.

I think the fact both of us have put the effort in to make things work have made our loan agreement work so well. I can't imagine not having her around anymore!
 
My sharer for T is a GODSEND.
He is hacked throughout the week, fed, mucked out, brought in, turned out etc on her days. She splits ALL the bills. I have not a bad word to say about her one bit!
 
Its because there are so many people now who expect everything to be handed to them on a plate and people to run around after them. And if its not their property then they don't bother either. I've had 4 sharers over the years, only 1 was any good, and she was only 15 when she started. She ended up buying the horse she was sharing off me 2 years later! The other 4 all gave up within between 1 and 3 months. Not because of the horses, one of which was the one the 15 y o bought and the other my saintly beautifully schooled competition mare, not because of the yard tasks - they were all on full livery and all they had to do was bring in and tack up. Not even because of the cost because one I charged £75 a month and the others were free! Just because once they started doing it, the novelty wore off, it was winter and they couldn't be bothered.

Such a nuisance, spending all that time with them, explaining how things work, watching them ride, give them tips, drawing up the agreement, etc. I would rather they wouldn't bother if they are going to give up after a month or two. One in fact wasn't telling me she wasn't coming up, so it meant my mare had no evening feeds on those nights (it was only 2 nights a week too).
 
I used to share. I shared one horse and the less said about it the better TBH. I then went and tried about 6 other horse and as nice as the horses were, the owners were a bloody nightmare. Got a better deal now anyway-got 3 or 4 horses that I can ride pretty uch whenever I like and I dont hve to pay a penny, they all appreciate the help-which I thought was the point of sharing anyway?
 
I have two for two of mine and they are fantastic!!!There are good ones, had to wean out the non reliable timewaster ones first tho!!!
 
Sharers get one chance with me, mess up and they are gone.... they can mess me about but NOT my horses, and I would never have someone who just turned up when they felt like it.
 
sorry guys I have only just got back

I can understand there are some good sharers out there, but I do feel a little bit taken for granted at the moment. I am going to be having a chat with her this weekend I think.

thanks for all your help and advice
 
Hi,
I'm really sorry for all those people who have been taken advantage of by their sharers. I'm yet another person though who is (and was) a good sharer.

I shared my previous mare for about 2.5 years, I looked after her like she was my own and I never EVER did anything I thought would harm her or upset anyone. I used to do any extra days thrown at me, including the week around christmas and newyears day/eve. I used to do my share of all the tack cleaning and kept the yard tidy (even sweeping the barn that everyone else refused to do). I was one of the few people the infamous "Mr C" liked because he said I was so hardworking and dedicated. This was difficult at times with my GCSEs but I never let them decrease the effort I put into any jobs I did.

I rode her carefully and followed the rules even though (as an impatient teenager) I was dying to jump/compete/school, I didn't because the horse wasn't up to it, we just went on fantastic hacks and I would talk to her for hours on end. If I wanted to jump etc I would go for a lesson on my friend's horse. I even took her daughter out for hacks on the days I didn't have the horse, just leading her about the countryside if I wasn't busy.

I eventually stopped sharing the horse as I got my own on full loan. However I still look after her whenever the lady is on holiday as she has said she doesn't trust anyone to look after her like I do. And the horse in question still comes to call for me although there are only 3 of us she will approach.

So, to sum it all up, not all sharers are bad, some of us are FAR better than some people who simply have enough money to own their own, so please, don't believe we are all the same
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(sorry for the essay everyone!)
 
It annoys me when I read posts like this, about sharers not pulling their weight etc...
Having a horse just isn't realistic right now for me mainly, cause of the money and I'd give my all to have someone like you in my area. Someone, I could share with and have the "full effect", so to speak, of ownership but, with a lot less cost.
I know plenty of people, myself included, who'd be happy to hack out your horse AND do all the yard work - shame oportunities are never in the right areas.

Speak to her and "politely" tell her to get her act together!
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I hope you find a perfect sharer, I'm sure you will... eventually
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Sharing is a tricky issue, I feel, and this post is going to make me sound like the original GOW, but... that's how I feel tonight!

I come at this from the perspective of the sharer. I worked with horses for several years before I injured myself and decided a different career was safer (!), so I know what's involved, year-round. I enjoy the responsibility and I've taken on various roles in the private yard in which I share because the owners can't or don't want to do them - I do all the clipping, plaiting, pulling, for example. I've been there for three years and it's only because 3 horses in work have been reduced to 1 that it looks like I might no longer be needed. I don't think I'm going to be in a hurry to look for another share.

If you're an owner, you need to decide whether you're psychologically capable of sharing your horse, for whatever reason (and I'm not sure I would be, so kudos to those of you that can) - if you're going to resent your sharer just for being (which is the impression I sometimes get from these posts, maybe erroneously), there's no point even advertising.

If you do have a sharer and it's working, appreciate them (and please say so) - to a large degree they are, after all, enabling you to continue to enjoy your expensive hobby, whether they're keeping your horse fit so you can compete or paying some of your bills so you don't have to sell - or why would you have one? And they also happily take on the risk that they may be dropped at a moment's notice when your circumstances change (although I appreciate that you take on all the other risks).

If you have one and it's not working, politely get rid of them. Please don't moan about them until any potentially good sharers have decided that all owners are megalomaniacs who will only *tolerate* someone at best and never welcome them.

This will mean that you need to be decisive and flexible, polish up your ability to judge character and be prepared for the fact that reliable people are quite thin on the ground these days - but no one ever said these things were easy. It might also involve you in some compromises - which ones are acceptable to you are personal to you, but you need to discuss clearly where your boundaries are, and this needs to be acceptable to both parties or there will be resentment on one side or the other.

God, this sounds really preachy! It really isn't meant to be. But I do feel that sharers are becoming an increasingly common route taken to make the owner's life easier, sometimes without much proper consideration of whether the person is truly suitable or the arrangement likely to be workable. Perhaps that's part of the general increase in riding as a leisure pursuit. Of course, that does also result in sharers popping up to fill the gap in the market who may not have much or any experience or awareness, but see riding as something that should be as accessible and convenient as going to the gym or clubbing.

Please feel free to disagree with any or all of the above!
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I have just entered into an amazing share - the lady that owners the horses is completley lush and I was honest and said that I will need to start everything from scratch and for the past month she has been very patient with me

its just staring to come to the point where everything is clicking and im not so useless around the horses

I would never not turn up if I was expected - You need someone that will treat them and love them like they are theirs. I am very privledge to have this oppurtunity and will be forever grateful for it even if it doesnt last long. The amount I have learnt in the past month is invaluable. and the girls are amazing too!

ahhhhh sob sob !
 
I was very ill a couple of years ago when I got my first pony for share . We paid £100 per month , it was on DIY livery so we mucked out , done feeds and water , turn out , rugged up and cleaned tack as well as exersized the pony 3 days a week to the owners satisfaction .

Why do sharers have such a bad rep ?!? I mean , the owners get somebody that gives them money towards the upkeep of your horse , that mucks out your horse , exersizes your horse . They should be a help not a hinderinse that is critised all the time ! Sharers never seem to be fully welcomed by everyone on the yard and get every move they make around a horse which ( if they are paying towards its upkeep) is partly theres scrutinised .

The person exersizing your horse doesnt *sound* very commited , you should talk to her !
 
I once arranged to go and try a horse who had been advertised for share, but couldn't ride the horse as the owner didn't have anywhere to try her, but "soon will."
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I mucked out 9 stables while I was there as she seemed to be struggling, then realised how stupid I was being!

Have done shares three times: two of those worked out well, so the odds are in favour
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On the other hand, F's owner has been looking for a sharer for B, and has had one long line of people who took the P... from not bothering to come regularly to ignoring requests as to the type of workload he needed.

Horses for courses, I think.
 
My sharer is the best thing to happen to me and Ed. She's always reliable and informs me in excellent time if she can't do something. She does mucking out and turning out on a weekend day of her choice, she's brilliant. And she looks after my boy who is not the easiest and genuinely loves him - what more could i ask for?!

Good sharers are out there, i promise!
 
I have just found a lovely sharer who doesn't care if its raining and she can't ride. She will still come down and helps with the other horses aswell. She always lets me know when she can't make it. I'm hoping she will eventually take him on full loan.
 
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